“Ehm, is this that game you were on about?” Issac asked from behind, John hasn’t specifically told him not to enter his room on account of that being considered common courtesy to him.

John didn’t even bother to turn back, instead, he continued walking with the rest of his party, “Yeah.” His reply felt as cold as winter.

“In any case, I did some thinking, I just came to let you know I’m, y’know – leaving.”

“Alright.” John stood up and followed Issac towards the door, after all, he needed to lock the door after he left.

“Look, I’m really sorry about everything, I don’t know why I expected you to want to see a fan of yours.” He chuckled towards the end.

“Whatever.”

Issac took one step outside the door and without turning to face John he said with a cold, distant look: “Don’t worry about anything, I’ll make things right.” Before heading out.

“The hell does he mean by that?” wondered John as he locked up and headed towards his computer.

"JohnWillStab: Back!"

"♕: Sup."

"JohnWillStab: I had some weird guy staying over at my house, he just left…"

"♕: I’m amazed you can say that without recognizing the implications of that statement…"

"JohnWillStab: ?"

"XxFoxlyxX: Remember the tentacle thing?"

"JohnWillStab: Are you guys on about por*#s again?!"

"♕: It was funny at first, now I’m concerned…"

"Bonifacius: Please, are none of you considering the idea it was John’s friend?"

"♕: John’s what, now?"

"JohnWillStab: Very funny >:/"

♕ bows.

"♕: What can I say, I do my best."

"Bromy: I never expected John to be into men."

"JohnWillStab: WHEN WAS THAT EVEN A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION!?"

John suddenly realised what the rest of his party was talking about and only now saw how deep a hole he dug himself.

"♕: If you had a woman over, we’d assume the same… though I can’t see that happening…"

"Bromy: Now, now – I’m sure he could drug a local woman and drag her to his house."

"XxFoxlyxX: I’m sure he could just get a girl drunk, no need to resort to drugs."

"JohnWillStab: HAVE SOME FAITH IN ME!"

"Bonifacius: John would do no such thing!"

"JohnWillStab: EXACTLY! THANK YOU!"

"Bonifacius: He needs no substance to aid him in the act of kidnapping!"

"JohnWillStab: TT_TT"

After a solid 20 more minutes of walking, and the occasional insult directed at John or his ability to abduct locals:

"Bonifacius: We are near the zone we seek!"

"JohnWillStab: FINALLY!"

JohnWillStab rushed ahead to see the site for their base, slowly the trees and grass were replaced with rocks... and sand... he saw only a giant wasteland of spikes, cliffs, rocks and canyons.

The sight before John contrasted his imagined building site so much that he assumed they went to the wrong place.

It was only when John kept looking at the rest of the party walking towards a relatively flat area that he accepted the fact that they were going to live in this place, the zone that looked like the bastard child of the Sahara desert and a hedgehog.

Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

"JohnWillStab: This place… looks uninviting…"

"Bonifacius: True, tis partially why it remains unclaimed."

A loud sound tore through the heavens, John looked up only to see what looked like a giant mountain of slime, black with what looked like mini slime-explosions or bubbles of gas bursting all over its surface, at the top was a skull of some sort of giant creature.

"JohnWillStab: What the f#*k is that?!"

"Bromy: Plague golem, they’re passive – so as long as it doesn’t accidentally touch you, you’ll be fine."

The creature clung to the many tall rocks and moved in a snake-like motion, though perhaps "flowed" would be a more accurate description of its movements. Soon it poured down one of the canyons where it continued its journey spreading plague and disease to any animals that were unfortunate enough to spawn in its path.

A solid minute of complete silence occurred.

"Bonifacius: Well, everybody ready to get started?"

A general agreement was displayed in chat except for John who was still staring out at where the plague golem stood.

"JohnWillStab: Is it really safe to settle here?"

"Bromy: There is no need to worry, corpse."

"JohnWillStab: Aright… T~T"

"Bromy: Because none of us stand a chance against that thing."

Bonifacius dropped a small hill of building resourced onto the ground, sheets of glass, bits of iron, bolts and nails – even wood and stone.

Once the items were placed on the ground the chat became silent once more, as the realisation that nobody knew what to do with them dawned onto the party.

"Bromy: So which one of you has the architect profession?"

"Bonifacius: …"

"JohnWillStab: …"

"XxFoxlyxX: …"

"♕: …"

"Bromy: So none of you… Well, guess we need to hire one."

"Bonifacius: For now, we need to set up some fortifications."

"JohnWillStab: Alright…"

"♕: Hold up – I think I can figure something out."

"JohnWillStab: What do you mean?"

"♕: Let’s just say I can call in a favour…"

♕ started looking through a text-file on her computer, it had the usernames and abilities of every person she offered a deal before, it also contained the estimated time they’d be online.

After seeing the player labelled “Bournell” had a “high building skill” she decided he would be the perfect pick, so she sent him a private message – upon explaining the job she agreed to teleport him.

"♕: Hold on, I’ll teleport him – since the justice bois are out of work." she couldn't help but grin as she said that.

Seconds later an ogre appeared in front of the party, he was hunched forward and wearing massive, baggy clothes – he was covered in wrinkles, his eyes so narrow it looked like he was keeping them closed, or making a somewhat offensive china-man impression. A long beard hung from his baled head.

Around his waist was a toolbelt with hammers, chisels and pouches attached.

His face was the definition of kind and patient, if you were a game designer and you were to make a character that is the very personification of the words “kind” and “caring” you’d be hoping to create a look half as close as Bournell’s character is.

"Bournell: Hello, everyone."

"Bonifacius: Greetings, old man!"

"Bournell: Who the f#*k are you calling an old man you c*#t faced a*#hole?!"

Everyone was taken aback by this, this man looked like everybody’s grandpa but he spoke like the average FPS player.

"Bonifacius: O-okay… sorry…"

"Bournell: Now then, you dips#*ts want me to build you a base, you better pray to whatever you hold sacred you have a f#*king blueprint or I will shove my foot so far up you’re a#* I’ll kick your teeth out."

"JohnWillStab: I mean… no… we don’t – but we just got here!"

Slowly, very slowly, Bournell approached John, once he reached him he placed a hand on his shoulder and said: 

"Bournell: Do you mean to tell me you didn’t survey this land yet?"

"JohnWillStab: Sur-what?"

With a loud crack, John’s right arm was no longer attached to his shoulder, it was now held by Bournell who attached it to his toolbelt much to John’s horror.

As John’s character fell to the ground covering the rocky earth below in blood Bromy started the healing process.

"JohnWillStab: MY ARM!"

"Bournell: You’ll get it once you prove to me you deserve it! You pale inbred looking f#*k, if you don’t stop whining and get your s#*t together I’ll shove your own arm so far down your f#*king throat I’ll be able to break your f#*king legs with it!"

"JohnWillStab: Alright… TT_TT"

"Bonifacius: There is no need to act in such a manner!"

"Bournell: I offered my services to every single guild that at some point reached the rank of number 1 on this or any other server! I can’t expect a band of inbred f#*k-tards like you lot to reach the top 100, but at least don’t embarrass me or my craft!"

"Bonifacius: I… see… TT_TT"

"Bournell: Now, I want you s#*t-eating maggots to get into a line and GOD SAVE WHOEVER STANDS A CENTEMETR – no, a PIXLE off!"

Quickly the party arranged into a line, at the front stood Bonifacius, behind him was John, foxly and ♕, last was Bromy who was busy looking through some papers.

"Bournell: Hey, bucket hat guy, could I have the address?"

"Bromy: What address?"

"Bournell: The address of the person who said you can ignore me."

"Bromy: Yeah, I’m glad you can re-live your PTSD from Vietnam, gramps, but I’m not interested in your drill Sargent roleplay."

"Bournell: You’ve got some nerve..."

"Bromy: You type fast form someone with Parkinson's, I'm impressed!"

A gust of wind came in as the two were having a stare-off, the only thing missing was a tumbleweed rolling through.

Seconds later both of them erupted into laughter.

"Bournell: I like you, you stupid ba#*ard!"

"Bromy: Same here, I guess I’ll consider you one of my patients now."

"Bournell: That’s good to know. Construction sites are magnets for incidents!"

JohnWillStab was looking at the two getting along, to John, this looked like a man shoving his arm inside of a lion’s mouth only for them to become best-buddies seconds later.

“I get it – the guys must be some sort of masochist! I need to get back on good terms with him!” he decided before stepping out of line which instantly caught Bournell’s attention.

“WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY, EXACTLY!?”

"Bournell: You got something to say?"

"JohnWillStab: H-HEY THERE BALDY!"

Seconds later a crunch echoes in the valleys around them as more blood poured onto the ground, Bournell was walking away from John, visibly pissed. John was now missing two arms, both attached to Bournell’s hip.

Bromy got to healing John’s wounds, though the arms won’t grow back until both are either destroyed or returned to him.

"Bournell: Right, let’s get to planning out your base!"