"So, I was going to celebrate chapter one-hundred with something cool, y'know - get some fireworks, a smoke machine, bring some slav juice, but when I checked what chapter I was on, I was five chapters late! ...now six!" Explained MrBadWithNames.
"Recently I got a comment on an older chapter, and when I went over to give it a look, I saw a poll with a bunch of votes! So that's cool..."
"So I'm going to have a look at the first twenty-five polls."
"So without any further disappointment - let's get this over with!"
< Poll One >
"DO YOU PLAY/HAVE PLAYED MMOS"
"Yes!" - 57.58%
"No!" - 3.03%
"NOT ENOUGH TO SAY I REALLY PLAYED THEM!" - 39.39%
"Ah, me from four months ago... back when I felt joy!"
"Anyway, about half of you play MMOs, that's more than I expected."
"Three percent probably dropped the story by now."
"And thirty-nine is self-conscious about their play-time, it's ok - we're all judging you for not having the world-first title on every wow boss."
"...I mean I didn't get one of those titles either, shit, maybe my dad did, he was kind of into the game..."
[Deleted WoW rant lasting like... 200-300 words.]
< Poll Two >
"WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER?"
"JohnWillStab" - 21.43%
"Bonifacius" - 42.86%
"Foxly" - 0% :(
"Crown" - 28.57%
"Other (Specify in comments)" - 7.14%
"Well, I see why JohnWillStab has the mo-"
"Holy shit, people really like Bonifacius!"
"I always assumed someone who'd be a punching-bag by trade would either be super nice or a masochist, thank god I went with the first option."
"Crown coming in at twenty-eight percent, yeah, I can see that..."
"Foxly coming in at... zero? Man, I love bullying Foxly for being a background character... which is what he is, but oof..."
"And seven percent said other, so let's just scroll down..."
MrBadWithNames scrolled down to the comment section of the page.
"Mhmm, hmmm..."
"Mmmhmmm "Thank's for the chapter", "thanks for reading"... Mm hmmm..."
"Y-yeah, hm, it looks to me like there is no sign of this mysterious comment person, so I'm going to assume whoever selected that is telling me that their favourite character in Binary Progression is nobody."
< Poll Three >
"WILL CROWN USE THE LOCKED DOORS TO GET SOME SLAVES?"
"Yeah, that's a crown thing to do..." - 71.43%
"No, even though it is a crown thing to do..." - 28.57%
"Aw, that's nice."
"I think we all kind of assumed she would... since she was on the cover..."
< Poll Four >
"WOULD YOU RIDE ABOARD THE TROLL SHIP?"
"Yes!" - 71.43%
"No!" - 28.57%
"Alright, seventy percent of you know what fun and adventure are, and about thirty percent of you are cowards!"
< Poll Five>
"DO YOU KNOW HOW TO MANUALLY FIND THE SQUARE ROOT OF A NUMBER."
"Yes!" - 36.36%
"No!" - 63.64%
"Alright, thirty percent of you are filthy liers! I refuse to believe anybody knows how to manually find the square root of a number!"
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
"...or I'm fucking stupid, both are probable... but one is a lot more convenient for me to believe!"
< Poll Six >
"WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ALEXANDER'S GAME? (QUESTION BROUGHT TO YOU BY ALEXANDER)"
"It's great!" - 37.5%
"It's great!" - 62.5%
"Oh, damn, that's just so funny, you see - because both poll answers are the same! haha, so funny and original."
< Poll Seven >
"WHICH ONE OF BROMY'S EXPERIMENTS DID YOU LIKE THE MOST?"
"Weird fish pet things." - 30%
"Weird radio-servants." - 10%
"NPC-headed fish." - 20%
"THEY ARE ALL ABOMINATIONS, AND NEED TO BE PURGED WITH FLAMES." - 40%
"Forty percent of you lack the spirit of a scientist!"
"The rest of you would probably be eaten by the other three options."
< Poll Eight >
"WHAT DO YOU THINK CAPTAIN MORGASS FOUND UNDER THE SEA?"
"Atlantis" - 23.08%
"A race of even fishier people" - 69.23%
"Normal players, cept they can breathe underwater" - 7.69%
"Who knows~"
"..."
"It's fish people."
"We know it's fish people."
"To those who selected Atlantis, shoot for the stars! Maybe you'll find it one day!"
< Poll Nine>
"DO YOU LIKE ISSAC?"
"Yes!" - 66.67%
"No!" - 33.33%
"It's because of the beard, isn't it?!"
"Don't worry, he'll return - he's not a forgotten character just yet!"
"...actually, only like... two characters are propper 'forgotten' for now, I just like making everyone forget about the different characters before bringing them back, y'know."
< Poll Ten>
"SHOULD I FOCUS ON IMPROVING MY DESCRIPTIONS OR ACTIONS SCENES, OR CHARACTERS?"
"Stop being lazy and do all of them :/" - 45.45%
"Stop being lazy and do all of them :/" - 54.55%
"Oh, damn, that's just so funny, you see - because both poll answers are the same! haha, so funny and original."
< Poll Eleven >
"LIKE THE NEW COVER?"
"Yes!" - 100%
"No!" - 0%
"They are both shite!" - 0%
"Yeah, that's what I fucking thought..." He looks at all of you menacingly.
"In all honesty, I have no fucking clue what cover I was talking about at the time... I had like for in the last for months..."
< Poll Twelve >
"WOULD YOU JOIN A GUILD IF IT SUITED YOU?"
"Yes, I don't want to play multiplayer games alone." - 75%
"No, I prefer playing solo." - 25%
"Pfft, look at the quarter of the poll taken up by edge-lords, am I right? haha?"
"..."
"Yeah, I don't have any friends to play with either... I getcha..."
"Alas, both I and the two people who voted for solo play are bound by fate to be alone, but we can be alone, together..."
< Poll Thirteen >
"DO YOU THINK THE NPCS ARE SENTIENT?"
"Yes." - 33.33%
"No." - 16.67%
"Yes, though there's no way that would happen irl." - 50%
"Alright, hold on!"
"What the fuck was I thinking including the third option!?"
"YEAH, NO SHIT IT WOULDN'T HAPPEN IRL BECAUSE THAT'D BE SOMETHING COOL!"
"Which then raises the question... are the thirty percent saying it could happen?"
"Like some wizard shoved his meaty wand into his computers disc-drive and magic wizard-jizz made NPCs sentient?"
< Poll Fourteen >
"YOU SUDDENLY START TO SMELL/FEEL THINGS IN YOUR GAME OF CHOICE, WHAT DO YOU DO?"
"Keep playing." - 85.71%
"Nope outta' there!" - 14.29%
"Fourteen percent of you ARE COWARDS!"
"If I could get wasted, for free off virtual booze that doesn't taste like the taste of hellfire diluted with some kind of juice, I fucking would..."
< Poll Fifteen>
"ARE THE PLAYERS OBLIGATED TO HELP THE NPCS?"
"No, they have nothing to do with them!" - 0%
"Yes, as a position of power they are obligated to act." - 28.57%
"No, but it'd be nice if they did!" - 71.43%
"I definitely agree with the seventy percent, I guess you'd be obligated to not be a cunt to the NPCs... but I wouldn't say helping them is a must."
"As for the twenty-eight percent of you... you are entitled to an incorrect opinion."
"Like people who eat partially raw steak, or dislike pickles on their burgers."
< Poll Sixteen>
"DO YOU AGREE WITH JOHNWILLSTAB'S IDEA OF LEAVING THE GUILD?"
"Yes!" - 20%
"No." - 80%
"If I was important enough, I bet of all decisions I've made in the story, this is the one that would make people send me cum-stained death threats in the mail."
"I mean, it wasn't a permanent change, I was just, y'know making JohnWillStab less fucking useless."
"Because he was more of a JonhWillAnnoyAtBest"
< Poll Seventeen>
"DO YOU LIKE KWISPII?"
"Yes!" - 100%
"No." - 0%
"Hell yeah! The Slavic wise-man is way better than the tiny Chinese philosopher guys with the little fish looking moustaches."
< Poll Eighteen>
"WOULD YOU WISH TO TRAIN THE WAYS OF BEAR?"
"Yes!" - 60%
"No." - 40%
"FORTY PERCENT OF YOU ARE COWARDS!"
"The other sixty are people of culture!"
"I was going to say men of culture... but I don't think there is a way to check the demographic of who reads this..."
"I'd like to imagine my viewers are all women in their eighties, not sure of what a computer game, much less an MMO is."
"Shout-out to you Margarete!"
< Poll Nineteen >
"HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THINGS GETTING MORE REAL?"
"YOU SHOULD KEEP THINGS GROUNDED IN REALITY. (OPPOSITION OF PSEUDO-SCIENCE)" - 0%
"WELL... THERE'S NO GOING BACK TO REALITY NOW, ANYWAY, IS THERE? (ACCEPTANCE OF PSEUDO-SCIENCE)" - 40%
"I LIKE IT AS LONG AS IT'S WELL THOUGHT-OUT AND NOT INVENTED ON THE SPOT. (SUPPORT OF PSEUDO-SCIENCE)" - 60%
"IT DEPENDS ON HOW YOU HANDLE IT, BUT I'M NOT 100% AGAINST. (~MEH~ ABOUT PSEUDO-SCIENCE)" - 0%
"I'd like to imagine, forty percent of you are like - "IT'S COMPLETE SHIT, BUT I'M TOO NICE TO SAY IT" and I appreciate that."
< Poll Twenty>
"WILL CROWN RETURN FOR THE NPC IN THE LIBRARY? PLACE YOUR BETS!"
"Of course!" - 14.29%
"PROBABLY... MAYBE... MAYBE IF IT'S CONVENIENT." - 71.43%
"NO WAY!" - 14.29%
"Well, fourteen percent of you were wrong! Haha!"
< Poll Twenty-One >
"HOW MUCH MONEY WOULD YOU CHARGE TO KILL A SENTIENT NPC?"
"For free!" - 0%
"1-5 $" - 0%
"20-50 $" - 57.14%
"One-time deal of 1,000,000 $" - 0%
"I wouldn't kill a sentient NPC, no matter the cost." - 42.86%
"I fucking love how half of you were like, "Killing a sentient being is horrible, and I would never do it, no matter the amount of money you offer me!" and then half of you are like "Eh, fiddy bucks and you have a hitman." I fucking love you people!"
< Poll Twenty-Two >
"WHICH SADIST DO YOU PREFER?"
"Olivionion" - 100%
"RuRet" - 0%
"Probably RuRet, but we haven't seen a lot of him..." - 0%
"I see... I kinda wonder, is it because RuRet is like... violent in real life? Or is it because everyone just came to like Olivionion?"
< Poll Twenty-Three >
"DO YOU LIKE JOHNWILLSTAB'S NEW OUTFIT?"
"YES (THE NEW ONE IS BETTER)" - 20%
"NO (BUT THE NEW ONE IS STILL BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE)" - 20%
"YES (BUT I LIKE THE OLD ONE MORE)" - 40%
"NO (BUT THE LAST ONE SUCKED TOO)" - 20%
"Hmm, alright, first of all, low-key really appreciate the honesty with the last one,"
"L-like, you could have gone with option two, and say "Nah not really a fan of it, but it's an improvement on some level" but you bravely stood out and said, "Fuck you and your next of kin, MrBadWithNames!" "
"In all seriousness, I'm glad to have some constructive criticism, so thank you anonymous outfit-hater."
< Poll Twenty-Four >
"WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE FESTIVAL FOOD MENTIONED?"
"Festival buns" - 50%
"Flame sticks" - 33.33%
"Sweet and savoury boxseed" - 0%
"Icedfruit" - 16.67%
"I see we've moved onto more serious topics..."
"Well, I ripped the festival buns from Chronic Reincarnator, I doubt any of you have seen that story, if you have... I'm sorry"
"I think the zero for boxseed is well deserved... it sounds like rice crispies... but with savoury goop instead of marshmallows.."
"Mind you, I despise marshmallows, though I'm also not a fan of dry, cakey things like the festival buns."
< Poll Twenty-Five >
"FOREST CUT-THROAT"
"Rip" - 100%
"Who TF was that" - 0%
"Rip indeed."
"And here I wanted to ship him with crown, looks like the frog-sociopath will remain alone forever."
"Well, for the sake of both of our minds, I will end the 105/106 chapter special, I hope you enjoyed!"
"And as always..."
"Thanks for reading :D"