The Notorious Misadventures of an Alchemist and a Phoenix Chapter 45
Noah found himself filled with rage, both system-enhanced and good-fashioned chemical-boosted anger to an extreme degree that his thought process had stalled. Noah found himself in a holding room surrounded by what he could only describe as mentally ill people. They were dressed head to toe in fluffy animal suits, each representing a mascot from the various studio projects and movies.
Noah rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming but his stinging eyes told the unfortunate reality that he was in.
Noah didn't know why he was there but recognised the aura of each human in an animal suit. It was the aura of the violent and desperate who would sooner beat you than have anyone think they were weak and in turn, get a beating, they were hard-core criminals who had found themselves under the ownership of the studio. Noah couldn't tell what each man looked like under the mascot mask but he could read the Intemindateion that rolled off them. They stood there hovering over the sitting Alchemist. Violent gestures came from each one. A crazy-looking rabbit with blugging plastic eyes and its long tongue hanging out was preemptive pummel punching his hand in the universal gesture of a beatdown. Noah looked left and then right not believing in his own eyes at what he was seeing, he caught a mascot T-Rex whipping his neck with a finger to signal death, if it weren't for the tiny arms the threat would have warranted caution but it only got a small chuckle from him. This was the wrong thing to do as all of the soft but violent mascots joined in to give Noah the most confusing beating he had ever received, soft and yet with a hint of power as Noah felt skill-empowered feet and fists connect with his stomach and face.
Through the fear and anger Noah could only think to himself that somehow, this was all the fault of the phoenix.
Of course, Noah was right. The phoenix had been caught and sang like a deformed angel. The stupid bird wanted a contract to star in his very own film and had ratted out Noah as soon as he was alone. It didn't matter to the studio that the song the phoenix sang was all lies, all they cared about was someone to take responsibility for the trashed studio and lost time.
The phoenix was having a grand old time. With a fat glass of martini in one wing and a pen ready to sign a contract in the other he was slurping his way to fame and fortune.
"And I get my own trailer with a fully stocked bar" demanded the phoenix.
"Of course, just sign here" replied a lawyer in a red suit.
"And my own assistant" asked the phoenix.
"Naturally, sign here as well" answered the lawyer.
"And I get a three-movie deal with added take off the back end," asked the phoenix
"Only if your segment on the series "Check My Crib" gets fifty per cent over the standard views.
The phoenix looked up and paused. He looked like he was thinking about the deal but the phoenix bird brain was only thinking about rubbing his great success in the face of everyone he came across.
The lawyer was eager to sign the phoenix to the deal because this was a legendary bird of fire who lived in the most fortified building in the many realms. If a camera crew could get into the Alchemist Bank's inner workings there was no short amount of interest that could be drumed up. They would be the first to show the world the amazing secrets of the famous Alchemist Bank and all they needed was the signature of one phoenix and the permission of one apprentice called Noah.
The legal mumbo jumbo would favor the owner of the Alchemist Bank but not before mudding the water and getting what they wanted. It was a dirty trick but fame was the dirtiest of professions, you never know what kind of muck you would have to wade through or how much baby oil you would need to squeeze.
The lawyer's attention was brought back to the contract when the sharp sound of pen scratching paper vibrated into his ears. With a smile and a nod to the phoenix, the lawyer rolled up the contract and continued with the second part of the plan.
Noah, by all good standards, had been worked over pretty hard. Black eyes, spilt lip, and a swallowed face that resembled a sheep, even his teeth felt sore enough to jump out of his gums to escape the pain. And yet, Noah's high intelligence and wisdom were telling him things that it was all just a show.
Noah knew what a true beating was about, he had received a couple when he was in prison before the inmates found out he was an outstanding Alchemist. The pain he was feeling was kids' stuff, nothing permanent and would be forgotten with any second-rate potion or a month of natural healing. It was a calculated smackdown to cause fear and pain so the next step would be easier. Noah couldn't say what the next step was but he knew there would be a good cop with a carrot and just like that a fancy-looking lawyer who liked the colour red too much introduced himself to Noah.
It wasn't much of an introduction, just a piece of paper slapped on a table and pushed towards Noah.
"You're in a lot of trouble, trouble that no one but me can help you with" The lawyer pulled out a pen and clicked the top.
"Destruction of property and terrorism are only the beginning of the charges. Pain and suffering were caused by your minion"
The lawyer readjusted his red tie smugly and safely in the experience that he had control but he stumbled a little when he spotted Noah reading the contract before he had even finished his speech.
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The lawyer could have sworn that Noah had chuckled but it was hard to tell with his face being misshapen.
"Wh.." the red lawyer began to say but was interrupted by Noah.
"PHIS COMPAC IS PULL OF SIP (THIS CONTAC IS FULL OF SHIT)" It took the red lawyer a few moments to release what Noah had said and it was his turn to chuckle.
"Not many actively read their contract let alone understand it but what choice do you have? Terrorism is an unforgiven act that will earn you a lifetime of torture and imprisonment" explained the lawyer.
"Kipapping ibiz alsom am crib" The lawyer had enough, he couldn't understand and passed a potion towards Noah.
Noah eyed the liquid, judged it to be safe and down the potion to heal his wounds. The split lip melded together, swallowed lumps on his face deflated and the black and blue bruises that lined his face disappeared like a reverse chameleon.
"That potion was just a tad of our goodwill, we want to work with you, we don't want you to suffer. The contract is for your protection but also ours" smiled the red-suited lawyer.
Noah slapped his lips together judging the aftertaste of the potion.
The red-suited lawyer didn't like the calm stature of the Alchmist apprentices. He especially didn't like the long pause after the potion drinking. Before the lawyer could push any harder the young Alchemist spoke for himself.
"Kidnapping is a crime. You kidnap me, imprison me, beat me and then offer me a contract that makes me your slave. Then you heal me with one of my own potions and expect me to thank you, to be grateful" explained Noah
The red-suited lawyer turned on the spot to hide his rubbing of the bridge of his nose. Furstration was seeping into his mind. It was always harder to control the narrative when your opponent had high intelligence and wisdom. The lawyer sighed. Give him a meathead battle junkie any day of the week, those were the ones who would sign over their mind, body and soul without understanding what they were signing and throw in their dear little mother as a tip.
"I know about the carrot and stick method, you probably told those ass monkeys to beat on me" continued Noah
"ENOUGH" yelled the lawyer "Send him back and see if the mascots can change his mind"
The door flung open and Noah was yanked back to jail but not before the young man could yell back "I know people have gone missing but if I don't return to the Alchemist Bank then rules and laws won't be able to save you. There won't be a limit to what the Alchemist Bank will pay to see you in ruin and pain.
The red-suited lawyer froze on the spot. That was a problem. When people didn't co-operate with signing unfair contracts with the studio then they were useless to the studio and being alive after a kidnapping and beating meant problems for the studio in the future. The answer was a nice pair of concrete shoes and a small trip to the swamp. After all, dead men tell no tells.....true dead men tell no tells but the lawyer and the studio had forgotten through their excitement at gaining access to the Alchemist Bank that the money that place earnt dwarfed the studio. With cash, all things are possible, including hiring killers to wipe out the studio and everyone involved.
How vindictive was the Alchemist Bank owner? Did she care if one apprentice went missing? How much would they spend to get revenge? The lawyer was sweating, he could see the future and it was bad for him. The studio had to be protected, movies and TV were relatively new here but most could see the huge amount of power and wealth it could create. A new golden egg-laying goose that had limitless profits and limitless irresponsibility. The higher-ups would never take responsibility for what happens today and with the power of the Alchemist Bank there was no escape. The studio would say they didn't know what was happening and it would fall on his neck.
The red-suited lawyer quickly gave the order that the young Apprentice Alchemist called Noah to only receive the lightest of beatings. It might have been a good idea to stem the violence completely but there was a reason that Lawyers are hated throughout the multiverse, it's because they are assholes.
In the meantime, Noah was sat on a bench with a fresh black eye and a guy with his arm slung over Noah's shoulder.
"No hard feelings?" came the muffled voice of a man in a weasel mascot custom.
Noah ducked under the arm and shimmied off to one side "Your smell hurts worse than my black eye" said Noah with as much venom as he thought he could get away with
A round of nervous laughter rippled around the room. Noah recognised the laughter to be one of wariness and worry, not laughter of mirth but the weird laughter of a boss who had just made a joke that wasn't funny but the employees knowing it would be easier on them to pretend it was funny than receive the scorn of their boss.
Thoughts rattled around Noah's mind as theories and plans adjusted and reformed. "They're scared," thought Noah
Noah's fresh black eye stung as the corners of his mouth turned up to show off a nasty smile.
"Tell me, CHUMS" The overemphasise of the word chum caused a couple of the mascots to bow their heads "What's really going on here"
It was a simple question but vague enough to be answered in many ways.
"It's simple, the big boss wants something from you" answered the weasel mascot.
"And what is it that they want" asked Noah
"Entertainment...." explained the weasel mascot with a wave of his oversized padded custom hand.
Noah hated answers without answers. The weasel mascot seemed to know what he said wasn't enough and continued to speak. "Entertainment is a big business but expensive and time-consuming, so the studio is always looking for cheap and quick projects that can snap up the audience's attention until the next big project...."
Noah stayed quiet as the mascot was on the very edge of saying something useful.
"The studio probably wants to piggyback off the Alchemist Bank fame to release a new series. The studio has made a mistake, they put all their eggs in one basket. The movies and TV series they are making won't be ready in time and their number one TV show "The Undead and Restless" stars have gone missing... several undead stars were taken when they went on a bar bender"
Noah now had the answer he was looking for. The studio published a soap opera every day with tons of adverts and product placements. The phoenix was always pestering Noah to buy new products out of the blue despite never using them. The amount of funds the studio was missing out would be insane.
It was madness how well a product sold when a drunken undead soap star was waving an upturned broken bottle at the cameraman threatening to stab the fellow.
"Drink stab cola, the sharpest pop there is"
But without the crazy undead pisshead swinging product right at the cameraman the corporation wasn't interested and wouldn't pay.
This was all about cash. At least Noah could understand. Cash is king but there is something divine about revenge. Noah rubbed his hands together which caused white steam from the heat of amazingly fast-moving hands, this caused the rest of the mascots to slide away from the psycho who had received a massive beating but was still evilly planning his attacker's fall. There was a lot of nonchalant whistling from the many suits of adorable giant mascots who hummed and sighed to themselves trying to fool the world that they hadn't laid a hand on a rich vindictive jerk.