The Notorious Misadventures of an Alchemist and a Phoenix, Chapter 11

Partially nude, sitting at a kitchen table, Noah sighed to himself. Right in front of him, a thin woman with raven hair was cooking breakfast with her back to him humming a tune. This was thanks to the title he had received from the gods and he cursed them for it.

Most people would be delighted to have a young beauty prepare food for them but unfortunately for Noah, this was not the case for him. The raven hair women turn on the spot to pass the dish she had just made to Noah and then puked all over the dish and sloppily placed it in front of Noah.

The raven hair thin woman was a poison-puking zombie with half of her face missing. She pirouetted away like some fairy tale character causing her to break her ankle of flop on the floor.

Noah looked away from the lump of broken mess in front of him to be confronted by a different mess in the name of the phoenix stuffing his face full of fired mushrooms covered in the unique sauce called zombie puke.

Thanks to the title "Endearment of the undead" the zombies saw him as a friend but not only a friend but their deepest comrade. That was when the undead stopped attacking him and instead kidnapped him, carried him over many miles, ransacked a massive castle, and kicked the vampire family that was living there out on their asses.

This was where he was now. Noah looked out of the window to spot an army of undead circling the castle and protecting Noah. Each undead was dancing on their toes to get a view of their best friend, completely fangirling out when Noah looked over at them. This was why he was naked. The bastard undead had torn at his clothes to get a memento. Now and again he could have sworn he had seen an undead with his crow mask waving a piece of his leather at him like a dainty damsel.

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Noah had tried to leave but when you have an army of undead who didn't tire, didn't need to eat and didn't fear death, leaving by force was impossible. Every time he tried, a wave of hands picked him up and placed him down on a chair like a naughty child.

The vampire family tried to get back and destroy the new occupier but when they met Noah they joined the zombies as fangirls only to be quickly dispatched by a hoard of jealous zombies who weren't going to share their prize with bloodsuckers.

Being trapped in a castle unable to leave was tiring but there were benefits to having devoted fans. The undead scoured the land and turned up gold gems and all kinds of rare and useful things lost to the vast poisonous jungles. Nowhere was forbidden to the undead, if there was treasure at the bottom of a swamp then that's where they went.

Noah was very possibly the wealthiest person and yet with all of this wealth he couldn't spend a single coin/gem. This was fine by Noah as this gave him an unseen opportunity that the brain-dead zombies didn't see coming.

Noah used the kitchen to make a special present for the undead. Thanks to the Alchemist's grandmaster skill "Alchemic Creation". It was an equivalent exchange but instead of using materials it used mana as the base but it took ungodly amounts of mana. So much that even Noah's bountiful mana wasn't enough to produce anything more than a fingernail worth. Still, with the help of mana potions, Noah found a way

Explosives, nasty ones at that. with just the right amount of material and a little knowledge, Noah had made something a few steps away from a war crime.

The plan wasn't to try and destroy the undead army as there were too many but fake his death with a massive explosion. Noah rubbed his hands like a cheap villain. If things went right Noah would be able to escape with a ton of loot.