The Notorious Misadventures of an Alchemist and a Phoenix, Chapter 2

Why would a fabulously rich and highly trained Alchemist choose to teach when he hated the little spider monkeys?

Noah didn't have a choice. Well...... that wasn't completely true. He had a choice but it was between teaching or prison. it was a difficult choice

It started back when Noah had just hit his Intermediate skill level and had developed his recipe for weak healing tonic. The weak tonic was easier and cheaper to make than the classic with only a small side effect of turning the tongue bright red for a couple of hours.

Natural the recipe was stolen and a competitor soon sells his hard work for a sizable profit. Noah had punched the goblin sneak thief right in the face only for the fist to bounce off the ugly goblin's face like a feather hitting a rock thanks to his inferior strength stat.

This got him six months of prison time for assault without a licence. The bawlers guild didn't take lightly to anyone just using their fists to solve problems. Not without paying for a licence at least.

The prison wasn't so bad. Alchemists were very popular in the joint and the inmates treated Noah with care and respect.

Noah was even released early for bad behaviour. The guards and prison system couldn't compete with manic prisoners rioting and hopping on drugs and toilet wine made by talented Alchemist. It got so bad that the guards had to check the ceiling at night just in case some bandit or rogue had eaten Noah's work and was now climbing on the walls foaming at the mouth.

The first time that happen several guards fainted........... the second time it happened Noah was released to community service as a teacher.

So this was where Noah was at, a little room with a single desk and two chairs brewing coffee in a slapped-together radiator and water purifier. His job was the school's guidance counsellor, which suit him just fine as no one visited anymore. Not after what he did to the kids.

Noah's original job at the school was as a teacher. His high stats in wisdom made him ideal as a teacher. Being an ex-con stirred up problems when the parents refuted his hiring on the grounds of "won't somebody think of the children". It was then pointed out that his strength stat was so low he couldn't hurt anyone and some of the kids could beat him up. Somehow that was completely fine with the parents.

Noah was demoted to a guidance counsellor because he would teach the kids incorrectly on purpose. He would be damned if he would teach the new generation how to be better than him. Fuck that with a spoon.

Waiting for his coffee to brew, Noah pulled out some powder with the intent to mix it in his coffee for that extra little buzz.

His hands blurred with speed as his high dexterity helped him to mix. A soft creak pulled Noah's eyes away from his mixing to stare at his doors opening. The speed of the door told Noah how nervous the intruder was.

Noah knew who it was. There weren't many adults at the school and the students would have busted in like a minotaur in a porcelain shop.

"Come in Miss Lane"

The door open a little wider revealing a youngish woman hanging off the door like it was a shield. Noah wasn't popular.

Ms Lane explained to Noah in an almost crying voice that she needed to leave as her mother was in labour and she had to help deliver the child. Now Noah had to take over the lesson. This was a massive setback for Noah, he was planning to get high.

Ms Lane left leaving Noah to stare at his untouched powders. He sighed to himself. Stood up and walk to class...........only to come back immediately and swallow all of the powder and a large gulp of coffee.

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He would be out of his mind to teach these monsters without actually being out of his mind.

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All the children quickly settled down and planted their fat asses to their seats when Noah came into the lesson. A universal rule spanned the multiverse that school would be fun and games when a substitute teacher appeared. But there was an older rule that all thinking species knew deep in their souls, Don't mess with crazy.

Noah was certainly not crazy but his look alone inspired such thoughts. It didn't help the young man that he was wearing his plage suit and had bright bloodshot eyes.

Noah stood next to the teacher's desk. looking over the many brightly coloured flashing faces, he mused that adding spirit seeds to his powder was maybe the wrong choice.

"You" Noah pointed at one of the kids in the front lines "stop moving about"

The kid looked confused, he hadn't moved an inch. and yet he didn't dare to correct this bloodshot-eyed teacher.

"What's the lesson plan for today"

The teacher's pet quickly rose his hand "Sir, Ms Lane was talking about class progression" The child quickly shut his mouth as Noah awkwardly walked up to him

Noah bent over. Eye to eye, both child and teacher looked confused into each other gaze. The teacher's pet had never experienced something like this.

"Goblin boy you don't have to shout" whispered Noah

The teacher's pet mouth fell open in complete bewilderment. He hadn't shouted at all. "I'm not a goblin," said the child

Noah's bloodshot eyes bored into the kid's face for a full ten seconds causing the child to start sweating.

"Gods," said Noah "why are you so ugly then" he whispered

Before the child could realise just what Noah had said Noah quickly and abruptly walked back to the desk.

All the kids looked at each other in complete silence. "What the hell was going on" was the only question on their minds.

"Shut up" yelled Noah to the silence.

"cLASS PROgressION" Noah had now slipped into yelling and whispering

"At the beginning of each tier a new skill is offered, A monk has empowered strikes at beginner level"

"Every class has five tiers" explained Noah "YOu, Stop BLINking so hard" Noah pointed at a dwarf child at the back.

"Beginner, Intermediate, Expert, Master and Grand Master"

"Within each tier, there are numerous missions dedicated to the class. For example, a monk at beginner level would have to throw ten thousand empowered punches and ten thousand empowered kicks with a side order of one hundred hours of meditation before that new monk could pass on to Intermediate level"

Noah pulled out a small paper package and swallowed it whole "delicious"

"Each mission rewards the person with improved stats that are dedicated to your class-based stats" Noah stopped talking for twenty seconds as he fiddled with his buttons.

"The monk gets agility, constitution and depending on what type of monk they are strength or wisdom"

Noah then stubbed his toe on the leg of the table. He went down in the most awkward and slow way possible as half of his body tried to save himself by grabbing anything near him while the other half had given up and was going with the flow

The kids stood from their chairs to attention as their teacher slow mo fell down

"Shut up" again Noah chastised the non-existing noise.

Laying on the floor Noah didn't miss a beat and continued.

"Each class have their missions and skill and yet at any time, you can change your class to whatever you can get. Many people mix and match different classes to obtain complex skill combinations"

Noah sat up and walked out of the classroom only to re-enter "However a person who changes their class will have to repeat the missions if they ever go back to a previously held class"

"An expert warrior who decides to get a bit of wisdom and change their class to mage will have to start at the beginning of the first tier and work through the missions collecting the new mage stats to add on to his old warrior stats. but if that same person goes back to being a warrior after becoming a mage they start again at the beginning working through beginner missions without any new stats until they hit the previous highest point of the class"

"The most efficient way of using classes would be to either keep to one path or never go back to the same path"

Just then the bell rang letting the kids free from their new teacher. They were glad as the strange man had been talking extremely slowly. enough so that the small number of instructions about class progression had taken up the entire lesson. Noah just sat in the corner of the room resting his face against the cold stone walls

"That's nice....shut up" Noah whispered to an empty classroom

This strange event caused the kids to never forget the lesson. It was quite possibly Noah's best lesson. The kids even made a game from their experience with Noah.

The game was called "say no more". It was a mix of tag and interrupting your fellow student. Simply, you tag your friends while they are talking and shouted "SHUT UP" and then ran as quietly as possible.