THE NOTORIOUS MISADVENTURES OF AN ALCHEMIST AND A PHOENIX CHAPTER 39
The duo walked along a deep dark tunnel, it wasn't a magical special tunnel that would lead you to long-forgotten civilisations but instead a must-have in any city, the sewers.
Noah needed a way back home and was hoping that the Phoenix could be the muscle he needed to get back home, for some reason the Phoenix wasn't willing to tell, he wasn't feeling himself and was having problems controlling flames bigger than a candle.
Despite being mysterious about why he wasn't feeling top-notch, the Phoenix devised a different idea. The Alchemist Bank had a vast waste of precious liquids that flowed into the sewers, which meant that they could follow the liquids back to his shop. This was such a good idea that Noah was immediately suspicious. Of course, the idea came from another source and the phoenix had stolen it for his own.
As they walked the spacious tunnels Noah's intelligence was whispering subtle truths. His hand brushed across the walls and instead of the moss that grew down in the squalor the walls were clean, unusually clean, it felt like a polished mirror. It wasn't just the walls but every inch of the place. This was supposed to be the smelliest place in the city, a floating dookie should be commonplace here but even those were missing. It all pointed to something terribly wrong or unusually right. Noah wasn't quite sure, he wasn't an architect or an expert in poop.
The Phoenix led the way. Years of being an asshole caused a need for an escape plan. The sewers were a home away from home for the Phoenix. He couldn't count the times he had to make a quick escape. Unfortunately, the bird brain didn't realise that he could fly away or that it didn't matter if he ran because he was the most identifying creature in the city. The Phoenix could escape using the swears but he was the only Phoenix on this planet and everyone knew his whereabouts. Thankfully this had worked out for him this one time. He knew the sewers like the bottom of an elixir jar after draining it.
Strangely enough, the Phoenix didn't have the same swagger. You have to understand that on any occasion when the Phoenix knew more than Noah, there was no hesitation to rub his face in it, but there was none of that. Being forced to eat a mountain of ice cream that tasted like burnt tyres had tamed the Phoenix into behaving. The number one question was how long was he going to behave.
"MOTHER"
Noah almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a new and unexpected voice.
"Mother, is that you" echoed the mysterious voice
Noah's perception caught a gleam at where the voice was coming from. At first, he didn't understand what he was seeing. The area in front of him was shimmering like heat through the air. Noah's wisdom hinted that heat like that couldn't survive down here in the wet sewers but his eyes weren't lying.
"Yes, Yes, Mummy is here" answered the Phoenix
Noah looked at the Phoenix and did a double take to the shimmering air "Did the Phoenix lay an egg and have a baby" thought Noah.
"You're a mother? I didn't even know you were a female" asked Noah
The Phoenix just did his bird shrug that annoyed Noah "I don't know either"
"Don't know what?" asked Noah confusingly
"I don't know if I'm a girl" replied the Phoenix
"You don't even know what gender you are?" asked Noah
"No one told me" answered the Phoenix
"Can't you just tell?" asked Noah
"With what?" asked the Phoenix as he started to pat himself down in the crotch area
A strange little tidbit on birds was that they either had manhood that would make an elephant blush or they didn't have one at all.
"Mother, this is a highly inappropriate conversation to take in front of strangers" came the voice
The Phoenix waved his/her wing in the air to brush off the concern "This isn't a stranger, this is Noah.....he is your uncle"
"Oh, look at me and my manners. I haven't even prepared tea for uncle" The shimmering air twisted and turned to reveal the Phoenix child.
Noah hadn't expected the Phoenix's child to be the long-forgotten cleaning slime. Noah had last seen it when it was no bigger than a ball but now it covered the tunnel from top to bottom leaving no room for even passing wind.
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The cleaning slime had been dumped into the sewers by the Phoenix's uncaring hands and yet the despicable start to life was the very thing the cleaning slime needed to bloom. There were massive amounts of food that no other creature wanted, free run to go wherever the slime wanted and a consistent flow of super regeneration liquids that constantly overflowed Noah's shop and washed into the sewers. The cleaning slime had all the ingredients to grow big and strong. The Phoenix found the slime a couple of days later and was equally surprised at a talking slime, especially one that was so polite and smart.
The giant cleaning slime was fussing around collecting bits and pieces for a tea party and was ready to serve in minutes. Noah, the Phoenix and the giant slime huddled around the top of a barrel that was used as a table holding makeshift teacups made from a can, cracked glass vases and a wooden bowl.
"This tea was specially spliced by me to bring out the aromas" The cleaning slime brought the vase to its face and appeared to take a massive whiff.
Noah was about to do the same but spotted the Phoenix quickly and deftly tossing the tea into the sewers.
"OH mother has finished her tea, let me get you a refill" spoke the cleaning slime.
Before the Phoenix could say anything, a long slime tentacle spat out and grabbed the tea can that the Phoenix was using. With a swiftness that would impress an advanced-tier thief, the slime scooped up the sewer water and placed the can back to the Phoenix.
There was no tea down in the sewers, there was nothing that any normal being would want to drink down here but the cleaning slime wasn't normal. It grew big and strong eating the filth off the walls and the water that would cause super mega creeping diarrhoea to anything alive. And so, the cleaning slime offered the only refreshment he had to the Phoenix.
Noah's hand almost dropped the bowl that was close to his face. freezing in place Noah looked to his side and watched the Phoenix tiredly lean forward in defeat as the tin can was placed in front of him.
Noah was smarter than the Phoenix and while the slime was busy preparing a fresh cuppa, Noah dumped half the liquid back where it came from. An empty cup needed to be filled, and a full cup needed to be drank but half a cup was a mystery, what was it, half full or half empty?
It was just then a saviour of the phoenix turned up. A fat rat with a human ear fused to its back. It scattered around a corner hissed at the slime and ran away.
"What good luck, lunch is here. They make such a good crunch. Let me go and prepare it" The cleaning slime chased after the rat completely forgetting how big it was and where Noah and the Phoenix were sitting. Both of them were squashed against the wall as the slime pushed past them to give chase. Having your face plastered against a stone wall was a new experience for Noah and one he would try to avoid if he could. As the cleaning slime wobbled around the corner Noah and the Phoenix were released and fell to the floor in a gooey mess. It certainly was an odd feeling getting slimed but also becoming the cleanest you ever been.
Both Noah and the Phoenix wobblingly got to their feet and leaned on each other for support.
"Let's get the cluster slug out of here before your child offers us some fruit cake" sputtered Noah through a glob of slime
"To be honest the fruit cake isn't that bad looking once you pick out the whiskers and corn" explained the Phoenix.
There was a long pause as both parties thought about what was said and as one uttered "Gross" under their breath
Escaping the cleaning slime was simple. The brave hero of a rat had scampered, hopped, and bounced his way out of harm giving the duo enough time to make it to their exit.
The Phoenix went first because the metal lid that separated the street and sewer was too heavy for Noah to lift. Just like a soldier popping his head up from a stinky swamp to check if the area was clear, the Phoenix's beady little eyes were the only visible thing of the bird. When the coast was clear, the Phoenix burst out of the sewers causing the metal manhole cover to fly off into the air and run for the Alchemal Banks front door leaving Noah to dodge the deadly metal disk.
The loud noise of a manhood cover hitting the stone road caused Noah to panic and run for the front door. Noah felt many eyes on his back just like a horror story.
The phoenix was knocking on the front door, he had tried to bust in like useall but thick slabs of wood pined the door closed. As more people magically turned up for a taste of fresh meat Noah also started to panic and rap on his door. Both of them were shoulder barraging the door as the surrounding gangs laughed heartily like a villain from a B List movie.
Hearing the group laughing at him, the Phoenix lost his cool. With the only weapon at hand, the Phoenix lifted a trash can and threatened to throw it at the group. This got a fresh rumble of hearty laughs from the gangs. This caused the Phoenix to threaten everyone with just a single trash can. With great effort, the Phoenix danced on its claws trying his best to do as much damage. Being quite clumsy, the phoenix twisted and turned and threw the trash bin as hard as he could.
The eyes of the gang members changed from amazement at the Phoenix's actions, then to shock as the trash can missed them, then to utter fear as the trash can collided with the Alchemist Bank window.
The riots that stretched throughout the city had damaged nearly every home and shop. The gangs had raided what they wanted and to hell with everybody but there was an exception. Those who had enough power were safe from the gangs, those who had repetitions of revenge and pain were also safe and those who had golems naturally were left alone.
The laughing gangs that were slowly surrounding Noah and the Phoenix were now stone-faced and slowly shimmering backwards with their hands held up like they were under arrest. They had all seen the golems under the Alchemist's Bank and what they would do if under attack. No one wanted to mess with a golem, let alone three of them. This was why despite the city being torn apart the Alchemist Bank was left alone. But not now.
The gang members stood still at one point thinking that their fears weren't going to come true, and as their courage came back it was instantly dashed on the rocks of reality when the front door of the Alchemist Bank was ripped off its hinges and out came a pair of golems ready to cause pain, shame and destruction.