The Notorious Misadventures of an Alchemist and a Phoenix, Chapter 18

"A side note in the amazing adventure of Sir Hamlet Oinksalot, written by the GOD OF STORYS"

The famous tree pig is a mystery. By all accounts, the tree pig is simply a domesticated pink pig but somehow it has become the bane of all woodland creatures, that includes humans. As a simple pig, the creature's trotters are not well suited for trees. Not being able to grasp onto branches or grip the bark with claws, the tree pig often falls out of the tree. The two great mysteries are that the tree pig will always fall onto someone. Somehow, the pig is tougher than your average boulder and the fall, or rather the sudden stop does little if any damage to it. Many a person has heard the surprised squeal of a falling tree pig only to witness their colleague getting their lights knocked out by said pig.

If you travel in the woods today you might get a big surprise.

The second mystery is no one has ever seen a tree pig climb a tree. One second they are on the floor trying to escape their victim's wraith and then with a second of eye contact broken they are back in the tree ready to claim a new victim with their clumsy actions.

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Noah had taken the plunge and had continued through the cemetery. He had already been spotted by some undead who had taken great interest in him and started to shamble over to him in an almost slow-mo version of the crazy undead fans in the poison lands. Thankfully they were so very slow that Noah could just walk away. The whole atmosphere spoke of deadly incarnations and creepy serial killer vibes, the lands felt stagnated with two to three inches of heavy fog drifting on the ground. It didn't help Noah's nerves that the Pied Piper clan music that controlled the undead sounded like a slow sad funeral march blasting throughout the grounds. The fear Noah felt was dwarfed when he came to the entrance of the infamous catacombs of Siant Perrier. Massive stained marble walls that dripped black oils surrounded the entrance of a peerless dark abyss that lead to the bowels of who knows where. There were any number of gods both holy and mean ready to smite whoever they wanted but there were just as many demons and devils ready to pull out your soul through your nose and use it to wipe their shoes with it, this felt like one of those times.

"Hurry up, I'm not staying here forever," said the phoenix in a huff while kicking any loose stones

Stolen story; please report.

Noah jumped in fright, if any passing demon was around they could have snatched Noah's soul without going through his nose. Noah didn't rise to the phoenix baiting but he didn't turn to face the shit-stirrer. Instead, he took his first step into the Catacombs, and then two steps out.

Noah might have never gone down the winding dirty steps if not for the firm shoving of the impatient phoenix. Noah could be proud to say he didn't scream when he was forced down into the pits of the earth but the walls told a different story. Clean scuff marks where Noah had grasped onto anything he could and scraped the dirt off the wall.

After the first few moments, Noah's intelligence and wisdom kicked in and freed him of his fear. Nothing down here was going to hurt him, he was perfectly safe. This was the mantra his brain was singing to itself.

The soft glow that radiated from the phoenix wasn't enough for Noah to see by, sitting in the dark wasn't an option and yet it was almost preferable to see what was actually there. Whoever said "truth was stranger than fiction" had glimpsed at the multiverse and came to the conclusion that it was completely weird and at least fiction had to make sense.

Noah held his breath and brought out a luminous lantern and with a quick shake, the lantern was brought to life and filled the dark catacombs with bright colourful lights. The held breath was released as the walls were illuminated and showed nothing but solid walls and dirt.

Moving through the catacombs wasn't easy, nothing interfered with Noah and he could make his way freely but it was also claustrophobic. Thankfully Noah's fear was tempered with reason and a steady unhealthy amount of pushing from the phoenix.

The chamber that held the magical haunting song's power source was empty of any undead. A vast open area that could fit an emperor's ballroom held little but a single pedestal that opened up to the power source. Putting the luminous lantern on the floor Noah replaced the energy core.

The soft moaning flow of music changed suddenly. No longer was the music being powered by a low-energy battery but by a fully charged power source. The beat changed, the tempo increased, and the flow of the music changed. The magical music was now an upbeat disco, and this startled both Noah and the phoenix, but only the phoenix with his bird brain instinct had a meltdown that translated in him grabbing the luminous lantern and tossing the light source at the ceiling where the music was coming from.

Noah's jaw dropped at the stupidity of the phoenix but before a word could be said a platoon of undead marched into the room and fanned out to cover the space. A mass of shambling undead was a terrifying thing to see but a powerhouse of fast-moving undying undead that was thrusting their hips and jabbing their hands in the air while a multiple coloured light source shinned on them all was one of those "truths was stranger than fiction", things.

The disco music and fast-moving undead twirling under the broken luminous lantern light caused all the fear to leave Noah only to be replaced with disbelief. What was happening right in front of Noah could only be described as an undead dance-off.

"Holy hell fire, these guys can move," said the phoenix while his head bobbed with the music.

Noah had seen breakdancing before but it failed in comparison to when breakdancing was performed by the undead that could literally ignore their joints and swing them around like windmills.

Life is truly stranger than fiction or at least, undead life is stranger than fiction.