Darkness....bleak darkness that expanded into infinity. Deep and cold without comfort or hope. The darkness that all mortal beings were naturally afraid of. This was the beginning of existence........except for the gods of course, who were there before the darkness and if anyone tells you otherwise they are dirty little demon worshipers and have small willys.

The God of stories, Spiel, sat at his desk penning out a new tale. A new legend had come and their story needed to be told. However, the gods knew that every story started with themselves and so a big chunky paragraph of this new legend would be about the gods......like all the stories that came before and would come after. The gods were a little vain, a bit vain, massively vain. They were so far up their ass that they would swear on all creation, except demons because they were ugly and stupid, that their shit smelled of the sweatiest roses.

Spiel had just finished the usual paragraph about how great the gods were and how smelly the demons were, when the door to his study burst open. 

A multi-coloured light flooded through and hard trumpets blasted their tune announcing a god's arrival.

"TURN THAT LIGHT OFF" shouted Spiel "And turn down your awful theme music.

The light and trumpets were quickly cut with a soft and sad whizzing noise that sounded like a wet fart and the only thing left at the doorway was the god of war, who had the look of a child who had been told off because he was teasing the next doors dog.

Spiel looked up briefly from his pages to find the god of war just standing there. This was the domain of Spiel and anyone who wanted to enter had to be invited. That included gods.

"What do you want Artemis"

Artemis, the god of war went to take a step forward thinking that the words the god of stories was first going to say were "come in". Instead, he stumbled and hit an invisible barrier.

"You're a bit keen to come in, aren't you?" mocked Spiel

"Stop playing games and let me in" Artemis' face pushed against the barrier, twisting his facial features to look like something between a toad and a pancake "LET ME IN"

Without looking at Artemis, Spiel put pen to paper and continued his work "You're not coming in. The blood on your hands will contaminate my work"

Artemis plopped his hands on the barrier causing a sharp squeegee noise as his wet hands wiped down the barrier leaving a wet blood stain. "Come on, I have a truly epic story of murder and betray that ends with a four-army standoff"

Spiel sighed to himself "No you don't, I'm the god of stories. I record all the things that are worth telling, you have a made-up story from a deranged psychopath that so happened to win an inheritance war between his siblings who didn't even know they were fighting in the first place"

At this Artemis stopped trying to push his way in and stood stock still, back straight ready for a fight "Are you calling me a liar"

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Spiel pen stopped writing and he looked up from his work to peer directly at Artemis "I'm going to call you a lot of things if you don't leave"

"You dirty pen pusher, how dare you talk to me in that way. Do you know who you're dealing with?" Artemis had said the most stupid thing to a fellow god and yet it was elevated to new standers because he said it to the god of stories.

"Of course I know who I'm dealing with. I'm the one who recorded your raise to godhood, you moron" 

Pinned to the floor by the sheer audacity of what was just said, Artemis pulled up his metal armored sleeves, crumpling them like a mortal would crumple cloth.

"You're the moron" Artemis almost yelled with just a hint of his voice shaking from stress. "Your stupid storytelling can't do shit, unlike me that has the experience of thousands of battles. Your crappy pens and paper has no use apart from telling my war stories"

Artemis stood with his arms crossed almost facing away from Spiel sulking like a kid who had been told that their dad couldn't beat up his dad.

The floor rumbled under the power of Spiel's fierce gaze. It had been ages since the last god had tried to ridicule his domain. The last god who had done that didn't come to the pantheon anymore.

Spiel licked his lips and pulled a fresh piece of paper towards himself. Spiel was about to give a taste of why it wasn't wise to mess with the god of stories.

"As the god of stories was putting his finishing touch to yet another epic tail his domain was attacked by an unintelligent, ignorant, dense, brainless moron" Spiel's pen marched along the paper.

Artemis, the war god, turned back towards Spiel. His face twisted with confusion. "What are you talking about now"

Spiel continued his writing while announcing it "though the smoke a crossed-eyed lesser god of war pushed his fat head and massive gut in the vicinity of the impassable domain"

This immediately got Artemis' attention. "Are you talking about me" His hand subconsciously rubbed his well-toned abs. "you're full of demon dick to say I'm a lesser god of war"

Spiel chucked in his mind. It was odd to him that Artemis was more upset about being called a lesser god than anything else. His pen momentarily paused and he looked up to peer directly at Artemis "Are you the god of stories or am I? What I write will be immortalized as the truth and you can bet there will be others who believe what I write"

No one gonna believe the horse piss coming out of your mouth" Artemis' form had started to ripple and subtle change as his anger prepared him for battle.

This made Spiel chuckle out loud "I can't say for sure that everyone will believe but some will. After all, that's why you are here"

Artemis paused as he thought about what was just said. His battle form faded leaving only the original body of Artemis. This one statement hit him hard as it was obvious to him by his wishes for his adventures and battles to be recorded that someone will believe the tale written by the god of stories.

Before Artemis could say anything, Spiel resumed with his pen "Who could know why the lesser god had tried to invade another's domain, yet even though he used his whole might not even a ripple was caused to the domain. Using his whole body the god of war pushed his dirty gigantic disc nipples to try and crush the unassailable barrier"

Artemis instantly covered his nipples "I DON'T HAVE GIGANTIC DISK NIPPLES"

A smirk rolled onto Spiel's lips. He now knew the buttons he would push to get rid of Artemis.

"The super lesser god of war, face turned red like a clown's red nose with the effort and power he was using. His hips started to shake under the effort, such as a horny goat searching for something to fuck would"

Artemis's mouth fell open ready to fight back only for his battle instinct to take over and cause a soft squeak instead.

Spiel could see that Artemis was slowly shuffling away trying to escape.

"With his flabby bingo wings shaking and....." Spiel didn't need to continue as Artemis had left. That was the power of words. The pen could very well be more potent than the sword.

Spiel peered at his new written document. It was just a doodle of a cat hanging from a tree. He hadn't written anything. Crumpling up the paper he continued his unfinished work. This after all was his job, and a new legend had to be told and this one was about an Alchemist