Today Talus dumped me. She didn’t even do it in person, instead writing a letter. I never even got to say goodbye, let alone

I don’t know actually. I don’t know what I would have done had she broken up with me in person, though I probably wouldn’t just sulk like I did today. It makes me worried that she was right in what she wrote in the letter, which I have attached to my diary.

I don’t know what to do from here, I’m just kind of lost. It doesn’t feel real, like this is some kind of dream and I’m going to wake up soon. I think I’m going to go to sleep now, maybe I will wake up and all of this was just a bad dream?

To Erica

There is no easy way to say this is there. I’m leaving and I’m not coming back.

I don’t think I ever truly loved you, it was infatuation if nothing else. You saved my life, how could I not be infatuated with you? So I confessed to you, and I was ecstatic when you accepted. But you were always a bit cold to me, preferring to work on your projects instead of hanging out with me. Ultimately that wasn’t too much of an issue though, I loved watching you pursue what you loved, and watching you jump in joy when you made a breakthrough made my heart melt.

And then you killed that noble in cold blood. And no one questioned it, at least not to your face. I’m not saying my hands are clean, but I’ve only killed people in the heat of battle while you make a play of being some kind of pacifist.

That pulled me out of an infatuated stupor for a while, but ultimately I accepted it and moved on. ‘It’s not that big of a deal’ I told myself ‘besides, he was kind of a jerk anyway’.

Then there was the time I asked what you would do if your parents were still alive. Your answer shocked and appalled me, and even when you did manage to explain why exactly you thought that way it still didn’t sit right with me. Knowing myself I wouldn’t have forgiven you without you doing something to make up with me, but you didn’t I forgave you anyway.

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Then a little more than two weeks ago, when the two of us had to subdue some people that were getting particularly violent you killed them, almost all of them. When you could have easily used vines to constrain them you instead decided to end their lives for what was simply a small infraction. You made it out to be an accident, like you didn’t know what you were doing. But I know first hand exactly how much control you have over your plants, and you can’t tell me a healer of your skill wouldn’t know exactly what it took to kill someone. Besides, there was no mistaking the look in your eyes.

And again, no one questioned it. Quite the contrary, people here worship you, people here pray to shrines dedicated to you.

Then I realized that you twist the minds of those around you somehow, to the point that they would live and die for you. If you need proof look at Whisperer, the first one to worship you, he died with a smile on his face knowing he saved your life. That blow would have been easy for you to recover from, and yet Whisperer died for you anyway. I don’t even think you realize that you have this effect on the people around you.

And ultimately I decided that I would be able to accept that, if I could prove that you genuinely loved me. So I read your diary, and I can’t say that you ever really loved me from that. You were attracted to me, yes, but the impression I got was that your emotions towards me didn’t extend much further than that. If anything you seemed annoyed at me from time to time, when I would pull you away from your projects to spend time with me. Sometimes you went weeks without even mentioning me. So I decided that have to leave.

Normally I would tell you to your face, but you terrify me. I have no idea how you would react to me leaving you. You are so much more powerful than me, and I have seen you turn violent.

I take back my earlier statement, I do love you, but I don’t think you love me. So I’m going back home. I’m strong enough now that I can stand on my own two feet, my family can’t marry me off to the highest bidder anymore. That is thanks to you, I can’t deny that.

I will miss you, but it makes me sad that I will miss you a lot more than you will miss me.

Sincerely

Talus