Today it was hard to focus on anything, more and more people are hearing the news and so more and more people are experiencing that feeling of anger and betrayal, making those same emotions still feel fresh in my mind.
It wasn’t impossible to focus, I did learn quite a bit today while studying with the older dungeon, I just wasn’t able to absorb information quite as well. It took a lot more effort on my part to learn the same amount of information. And I enjoy learning, but this anger and betrayal that I feel constantly is making me angry and frustrated, which really takes the fun out of it.
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The part that worries me the most is that I have an unrelenting urge to hurt Willow, to twist the knife and see her suffer. And I know that those thoughts aren’t mine, but that hardly matters when my thoughts are constantly being pushed in that direction. Clearing my thoughts doesn’t help because it’s not my thoughts to begin with. The only thing that does help is focusing all of my mental prowess on a singular repetitive task, but even then it isn’t perfect.
I have to do something about this, but I have no idea what I could possibly do. And this anger isn’t helping me think. Whatever, I’ll ask Par what he thinks when he gets back in town tomorrow. In the meantime I’m going to try to actually sleep, I hope it will distract me from this unnatural rage.
Anyway, Good Night Diary.