Today I took drew on the full force of my hivemind to try and document everything I know. Every minor detail about every plant, every quirk of biology, a comprehensive guide on practicing flesh manipulation without causing unneeded suffering, and the relatively short history of our empire, among many other things. That last one was particularly comprehensive as I was able to draw from the minds of countless of our people, every event observed from the perspectives of hundreds of people, many of which I was not aware of until now.

I also spent my time teaching my apprentices, with my hivemind I was able to both at the same time. They took to the task with a sort of grim determination, forcing me to make full use of the mental connection I have formed with them. Forcing me to feel their desperation and hopelessness at my own potential death.

Already my body has deteriorated enough to show the bone-like plants underneath the surface in many places, including my left hand and half of my face. It's not exactly something I can hide anymore. On the plus side Azrezel seems to be very attracted to the look, which would be a lot more pleasant if I wasn't in the process of preparing for my own potential death.

I'm honestly more worried about the people I would be leaving behind than I am about myself. From everything I know about fate it will help preserve my consciousness should I die, it's done so once already and I witnessed an extreme example in Emericus, plus the creature that made it possible for me to have this power implied as much in his instructions. But there is no guarantee that I will ever be able to talk to any of the people I have grown to care about ever again. It is possible that I end up in this world again, several of my children have past lives in this world, but it isn't likely, most come from very different places.

So even if I die I will likely survive. But I am Tiddol's oldest friend, all of her other friends have died or have otherwise left her life. She is good at dealing with grief, she has dealt with a lot of it in her time as a diver, but I would still want to spare her that.

My father likely won't survive if I die. He tries to hide it but he relies on me emotionally. He was already suicidally depressed after having lost me and my mother once, and since then he hasn't been the most stable person. If I die he would likely snap.

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My apprentices would probably make it, but my death would hit them hard. They have already had their parents die once, and I have become a sort of parental figure for them.

Azrezel will probably try to reanimate my corpse, hoping for the same thing that happened to Emericus to happen to me. He might even succeed. It wouldn't be too much of a stretch, considering we have seen it once before. But if it fails it would probably destroy him. We're not exactly the most emotional of couples, but he definitely does love me in a way no one else does. I'll miss him, I really will.

I have no idea how Par would react to my death. I normally don't like to admit it, but he, and a lot of other people, have defined a lot of their world view around myself. The only thing I am confident in saying is that he will no longer be so joyful.

It's still not confirmed that I am going to die. I have no way to prove it, but maybe I can figure out a way to prove it. It is very possible that my soul is contained in my dungeon core. I can see the soul, but I don't really understand what I am looking at, but the dungeons do. Maybe I can pay for one of them too teach me how to figure that out? I'm normally a bit against working with the soul, and it won't change whether or not I am dying, but it might provide some reassurance to the people I care about if it turns out I am not dying, or some sense of finality if it turns out I am. A chance to say goodbye if nothing else.

I'm a lot calmer about this whole thing now than I was, Flore helps with that a lot, so does putting the sum total of my knowledge down on paper. I honestly just want this whole thing to be over with, if only so my friends and family stop worrying over me. Tiddol, especially, has been driving herself crazy trying to figure out an alchemical solution to my problem, and if she had enough time I'm sure she could do it, but at this rate I have maybe half a week before all of the spells that make up my body fully disintegrate. I can tell that it is more than just the fact that I am her friend that she is working this hard, my situation reminds her of Thes. She blames herself for his death, and for Mest's, she will likely blame herself for mine as well, however undeserved that blame may be.

Anyway, I should probably hurry if I want to ease their suffering, so good night diary.