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Chapter 478

'I'm married. I have a home to go back to, and a wife waiting for me there. I have no interest in having an affair. Deborah, I forgive you for what you did in the past. There are no hard feelings between us. I've moved on, and I hope you will, too. We can be friends, but nothing more. Do you understand?' Deborah's face had turned so white, he could see the blue veins around her eyes.

'Move on?' She smiled sadly. 'How can I move on? I'm the one who's supposed to marry you. I'm the one who's supposed to be Mrs McCarthy! You promised you'd marry me the day you got your military discharge!'

She was shouting now, hysterical. 'I'm willing to be the other woman. I'm willing to bear the shame of getting called a homewrecker. All I want is to stay with you! Why can't you even grant me that?'

Her outburst produced no effect.

Austyn was unperturbed.

'I did promise to marry you, but that was before you cheated on me. Commitment is a two-way street, Deborah. I would hold up my end of the bargain if you would hold up yours. But you didn't.' Deborah flinched at the matter-of-factness of his tone.

She would have much preferred if he yelled at her.

At least that showed he still cared.

But he was talking about her betrayal in the same voice he used for the weather.

Deborah didn't get the chance to say more.

The driver's side door was pulled open.

Kai handed over a small bottle with a purple label.

The pharmacist told him the brand was the most effective emergency contraceptive on the market.

'Miss Connelly, the doc says one tablet should be enough. You can take it any time, but the sooner, the better."

Deborah didn't move.

She didn't appear to have heard him.

Kai's hand hung mid-air.

Austyn took the bottle from him. 'Drive.'

Kai sensed the tense air inside the car and decided to keep his mouth shut.

***

They arrived at Stamford General.

Kai had called ahead.

Jesse was with a patient, but he'd arranged for a gynaecologist to be available.

Austyn pushed open the door on his side.

'Austyn.'

"Yes?' He turned back to look at Deborah.

She was looking at Kai. 'Could you give us a moment alone, please? I need to talk to Austyn.'

'Um, sure.' Kai got out, closed the door and moved away.

Deborah didn't speak for a long while.

Austyn checked his Timex Marlin.

Kira must have finished dinner by now.

He wondered what she was doing at the moment.

Was she disappointed when he said he couldn't make it home for dinner?

'We can't go back, can we?' Deborah stared down at her lap.

'No, we can't.' Austyn saw the blue inhaler in her hand.

He made a mental note to refill her prescription later.

'We'll still be friends,' he said. 'I'm not going to let anyone hurt you.'

Including his father.

'You can stay at the apartment for as long as you like. But you need to understand that I won't be with you. I'm a married man. I need to go home to my wife.'

7 Dant Think: Was Ever in Love With You

I Don't Think I Was Ever In Love With You

Deborah closed her eyes.

Austyn had never been the kind to mince words.

His rejection was definite, unambiguous.

She leaned weakly against the headrest. 'You've always been such a good man. Even when you shoot me down, you refuse to leave me in the lurch.' It was final.

Her lips were stretched into a rueful smile. 'I must have been blind to choose Liam over you.'

An ambulance siren wailed some distance away.

Austyn heard hurried footsteps and urgent shouts.

But inside the Hummer, all was quiet.

Austyn studied his ex-fiancée's pallid face.

Deborah, like his mother, was not blessed with a strong constitution.

Fate dealt her several crushing blows in quick succession-her father's death, followed soon by her mother's, then the bout of depression and the suicidal attempts.

She'd had asthma since childhood and also suffered from anaemia.

Deborah Connelly was a beautiful, fragile flower who needed constant care and affection, both of which he'd failed to provide.

'It's not your fault,' Austyn said. 'It's me.'

She looked at him in uncomprehending silence.

'I wasn't much of a boyfriend when you were with me. We met maybe once a month, and that was when things were going well. If I got called away on an overseas mission, we wouldn't see each other for at least six months.' Austyn spoke frankly. 'Now that I think about it, I can't really blame you for turning to Liam. I was your fiancé, but in name only.

Deborah's eyes widened.

There was a faraway look in his eyes as he thought of something.

He smiled. 'I didn't see it this way before, but my wife clued me in. I told her about you and me. She said she felt sorry for you. You and I lived under the same roof

but rarely got to see each other. I was an absent boyfriend. When I told her I'd never been on a proper date with you, she called me a jerk.'

Stung by the smile on his face, Deborah hung her head. 'I don't blame you. You were in the army back then. You were busy...'

'But that doesn't change the fact that I didn't take our relationship seriously."

Austyn looked straight at her. 'If I really loved you, I would have made every effort to spend time with you.'

Deborah shuddered.

The implication of his words filled her heart with dread.

She didn't want to hear him talk anymore.

'We should go-

'Deborah, I don't think I was in love with you.'

Deborah screwed her eyes shut.

Her lips trembled.

When he turned down her offer to be his mistress, she thought that was a death sentence.

She was wrong.

That wasn't; this was.This belongs to - ©.

'I don't...' She didn't want to believe him. 'You can't... How can you say that?'

'Were you ever in love with me?' Austyn asked.

'Of course I was!' she shouted. 'I still am!'

'What does it feel like?'

'It-'Deborah paused, at a loss for words.

'You said

you

love me. What is that like?'

Austyn sounded genuinely curious.

If she loved him, how could she sleep with another man?

Was Deborah lying to him, or to herself?

Austyn didn't know the answer to that question.

All he knew for sure was, he'd never truly loved Deborah.

"Don't There Was

He was twenty-one years old back then, and Deborah was his first girlfriend.

Dating simply never crossed his mind while he was in high school.