I was exhausted as I always was after these sessions, yet I knew the significance of my work. For so long, I had considered myself just a weapon, the 'sword of God'. I shook my head and chuckled at myself even to remember it. I had been a weapon, my body had been a tool, my mind, a vessel to steer it, and none of them anything but. Long had I told myself that I was merely focusing on honing my capabilities...but in truth...I was neglecting them.

To be constantly ready to jump off, to fight, and to die, required a certain mindset. A short-sighted one, focused on being fit to serve. Not to be a complete person, nor even a particularly functional one.

It was the incident with Justice and the death of Athan which brought this ugly truth to my eyes. I was forced to confront the reality of what world existed without him in it, and found my answers lacking. For too long, I struggled to find meaning, and realized in the end, after too long, and too many dead-ends, that I was pursuing the wrong goal all along.

Meaning was not something one could turn out one's pockets and possess. Meaning was not a goal in life, or even a philosophy to attribute one's life towards. Meaning was, in many ways, as I'd read so long ago under my sheets after the lectures of my father's tutors...meaningless. At least, to my mind.

Which was not so bleak as that discovery may first appear. It meant only that life was as we saw it, that things had value as we ascribed them, and goals should be pursued, not because of the worth of achieving some arbitrary milestone, but rather in the good of achieving it.

This was why I was exhausted, and shuffling through papers in a storage room beside my office. There were only a few folders here, but they were crammed with papers and issues, both. My organization found something to be desired, and not for the first time, I pondered if I could find a secretary who might be trusted.

But that was, as always, a problem for another time. I found what I needed, closed the file, and returned to my patient.

"Here it is," I said to the silver-haired girl, who was sitting up with such rigid intensity I could have used her to level an I-beam. "You submitted this to me just eight months ago, when we started. Does it look familiar?"

Melanie took the paper and frowned a little as she read it.

"This is all about Athan," she said.

"I got the feeling he was all you thought about when I first reached out to you."

"I s-s-suppose."

Immediately following Athan's death, she'd become nearly mute, and AEGIS, Moon, and I had worried she'd stop eating again, maybe even turn suicidal. But she kept herself up somehow, got up every day and faced the world, and with a little outreach from us, had returned to almost-normal, though a bit more withdrawn.

She'd grown so much since then, in nearly every way. She was taller now, older now, a bit more filled-in, to the point of very nearly having visible fat on her body. Gone were the stubby twisted knots of hair that half-concealed her face, and instead she was growing it out. At my advisement, she'd picked a picture of what she thought a normal girl looked like, and was working towards that style. As she approached it, she somewhat began to resemble having self-confidence.

She sighed, putting the paper down and looking up at me. "It's s-strange, looking back at myself like this. Are you s-s-sure this is a good idea?"

"If it makes you uncomfortable, then of course not. You know that I don't want to ever make you feel like you are being forced or commanded. I am here to help you, and that is all."

She seemed to think about that for a long time, brushing back strands of her hair behind ears I wasn't sure the world had ever seen a year ago.

"This letter...it s-seems...hopeless," she said, looking down at it. "All I wrote was that...well...did you read this?"

"I did not. You wrote it to your future self, not to me."

"Here," she offered it to me.

I shook my head. "Tell me what it says."

"All I do is talk about how I can't trust people. I depended on Director Blackett, and he let me down. Then, Kaori's father. And Athan. I s-sound s-s-so…" she frowned at the paper and then looked up at me, almost like she was asking permission. "Very angry. Empty, almost."

"And do you feel that way now?"

"Nuh-uh. Maybe it's because life is much easier now. Without the P-Force, without having to go fight Exhumans all the time and be worried about dying...I guess...normal living just doesn't demand you entrust your life to s-someone."

I smiled at her. "And yet, before the P-Force, you were in school, you were a maid, weren't you? Neither of those were life-threatening either, were they?"

She mulled it over. "I s-suppose not. But it s-seems s-s-so s-stupid that I'd think that way."

"Well, I would not have said so at the time, but I happen to agree with you," I grinned. "That is the point of this exercise, so that you can look back at your past with clearer vision, and see how far you have come. You told me yesterday that you were concerned that you were not making progress, or fast enough, and that your were wasting my time. And yours, though you would not say that."

"Well...my time...isn't exactly valuable."

"Regardless, do you still feel that way, seeing now how you felt in the past? Do you feel as though you are wasting your time?"

She shook her head methodically. "No, I...I guess not. I'm s-sorry, I didn't mean to waste your time like this. I know you--"

I held up a hand and she halted. "You can apologize if you would like, but not for 'wasting' my time. This is my service, and I offered it to you. No time spent here is wasted, as I have said before."

"I know. I'm s-sorry. Thank you."

"Now, with that said, we are about out of time for today. Unfortunately, I am beginning something of an undertaking this week, and may not be available for our next session. But I will see you in two weeks, without fail. If that suffices?"

"It does, thanks, Karu. Karen."

"You are most welcome."

We both rose, and she gave me a brief hug. It was not exactly my idea of a farewell, but Melaine needed socialization, and that was just another step. She would be attempting school again soon, and jumping at every touch would only serve to isolate her. I smiled as we parted, and as she struggled for a moment trying to decide if the door was supposed to be left closed or ajar.

Once she was gone, I took a few minutes to close my eyes and rest. The session had gone well, as well as any other, I supposed. I was only human, too, having my own doubts about whether we were progressing or not at times, yet to see her reactions today had confirmed it for me as much as in her. It felt satisfying, in a more comprehensive way than normally finishing a mission.

Who knew the of structuring a life could be more rewarding than the deletion of one?

I did not have time to kick up my heels for long, however, no matter how tired I felt, and how the creaks and cracks of my old injuries demanded it. I had a nagging doubt in my mind, and people without whom I had spent too long.

The good news was, I had a long drive ahead of me, and I did so love to drive.

The radio kept me company as the wind whipped through my hair, the roads clear and open in the early afternoon, when the decent folks were hard at work. It was voting season, and the political ads were out in force. Listening to them was always something of a vice of mine, a small crumb of the world my father had tried to force upon me at which I still nibbled, despite having no interest in politics.

But this year...every year, following the special election after Justice had descended, where public trust had surged in support of the crippled XPCA and against the president and ruling body, it had been an absolutely delightful madhouse. Something about a truly incompetent executive body tended to bring out the crazies, when every Dick and Sally looked up to him and thought 'I could do better.'

Exhumans were, as ever, the big issue, but the conversation around them was genuine, unlike before. They had always been a 'safe' topic, same as education and taxes; more schools: good, more taxes: bad, more Exhuman spending: good.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

To hear them talk now, the old way of thinking seemed laughable.

"Tham Nguyen is just like you. She lost her brother, mother, and sister on Blackfire Day. But she has taken the pain of our struggles and channels that energy towards a stronger America; an America that wouldn't exist without Exhumans. A vote for Tham Nguyen is a vote for human rights. Vote Tham Nguyen for state senator, 2254."

I had to smirk inwardly at the wording of the ad. A vote for human rights, as though it were just assumed that such a thing applied to Exhumans. Even being two years and several months since Blackfire Day, the law had yet to catch up, though it was coming along.

It helped that the number of Exhumans had dropped precipitously. It was speculated that somewhere between forty and seventy percent of all US-based Exhumans had perished in the fight. Shortly after, Oasis threw open their doors and there was a minor exodus of more seeking refuge within, submitting voluntarily to the dream to escape the world...Exhumans and humans both, choosing a pretend-life over this real one, where they could continue to live with loved ones who were only imaginings.

But the greatest challenge to their number seemed to be that no new Exhumans were being produced. AEGIS had told me in the vaguest of terms what they had seen and found on the other side of the angle-gate, what technologies and horrors had awaited them, but she wished to keep things secretive and vague, and forbid me from speaking of it to anyone. Given that we were discussing the genesis of Exhumanity, and the ability to produce more monsters as Justice, I understood and agreed.

So details were sparse, but I understood that something on the other side of that gate had changed, and with it, Exhumanity's future. With the shrunken and dwindling population, humanity suddenly found supporting Exhumans much more tasteful. To say nothing of how no new Exhumans meant no fear of becoming one, or in facing a Ramanathan window.

I arrived at my destination and smiled internally at seeing it so unchanged. Compared to my one, brief, prior visit, all I could see changed was an increased amount of mess stacked in the windows. I parked and took a moment to compose myself and rest my eyes before exiting the car and walking under the store's still-vivid sign, not yet faded by the withering Southern California sun.

"Welcome!" a thunderous voice boomed at me, even before the door could swing shut. "Karu!"

"Tower," I greeted him with a smile and nod. "Or should I say Darius?" I joked, leaning over the counter to poke him in the name badge.

"Only my real friends get to call me Tower," he grinned. "So definitely that. It's been forever, girl! Where have you been hiding yourself. You didn't return my call about drinks last weekend."

"Oh, just busy," I said, rubbing my eyes. Doing so did little to make the place any clearer. "I have my hands full with Melanie, Rito, and a dozen other affected Exhumans. But it is, perhaps a first for me, honest work, and rewarding."

"Good. How are they?"

"You know that I cannot answer with more than vaugeities. They are doing well, typically. I find myself surprised at how few of their problems are genuinely rooted in their Exhuman natures. Melanie faces developmental problems, many of them have traumas, issues that any normal therapist would help in facing."

"But not Rito."

My smile turned grim. "No, not as such. Even after Saga put her mind back together, she is still somewhat unhinged. I believe I am getting through to her but...she has a long way to go, I am afraid." I shook my head, realizing I may have said too much. "How are Jack and Steffie?"

"They're real good," he grinned. "Enjoying retirement, I think."

"You are still visiting them weekly?"

"Yeah, I think they're beginning to find me annoying," he laughed, booming. "I had to stop offering to help because I think they found it offensive. I mean, they're both in wheelchairs, but that's not what I mean."

"Jack is, without a doubt, the least immobile disabled individual I have ever met."

"Oh, Steffie's no slouch either. She knows how to run your feet over, she's nasty," he laughed, and I laughed with him.

"What is all this--oh. Hello, Karen." A head popped out of the back, followed by the rest of Whitney, who had gotten a large smudge of grease down her nose somehow. "I thought Tower was laughing at internet videos again." She rolled her eyes.

"No, I'm just buttering up the customers, see?"

"I do see," she said, with a wry smile, before ducking around him and giving me an awkward hug. "Good to see you. How are your injuries treating you?"

"Bad," I laughed, shaking out my leg. "I find myself on pins and needles if ever I sit for too long. I have taken to pacing like Lia during some of my longer therapy sessions."

She didn't reply, just gave me a wan smile at Lia's mention.

"So what can I do for you, Karen? Don't tell me you're finally going to let me have a crack at that visor?"

"I would not dare. I am actually here to talk with Tower. Have you seen Kaori recently?"

His smile dropped. "No. We don't talk much. I don't think she talks to anyone from the old days, not since she took over IkaCo." He paused for a moment, staring at the heaps of circuits without seeing them, before resuming with a start. "Not that there's anything wrong with that! She's done a bang-up job, from what I hear. Did you see the news on her latest thing?"

"Yes, Oasis declared her and her company the functioning liaison between them and the rest of the world. I had long suspected, once they stopped selling exotics and instead dove headfirst into...well...everything else, it felt like. But it surprised me little to hear that much of it was still being created at Oasis by Exhumans."

"Their stuff is really good," Whitney commented. "I just got a new core from them for my testbench, and I can't make heads or tails of it. Definitely feels like they have a technopath."

"Wait, that shit's expensive," Tower stared at her. "How'd you afford it?"

She shrugged. "Filled a lot of orders."

"Those orders didn't walk through this door. I've been standing here the whole time."

"Yeah, did 'em online."

He craned his neck as he towered over her, staring incredulously. "Then what the heck did you hire me for?"

She shrugged and grinned impishly.

"So I am to understand that neither of you can contact Kaori, then?" I asked.

Whitney shook her head, but Tower just got thoughtful. "Well. I can. I don't, because...I know her. But before she left, she gave me a number, and said...if I needed anything..."

"Would it be a breach of trust to call? I do not mean to impose."

He scratched his chin as he looked at me. "Nah, I think she'll understand. I guess...I just wanna ask...what did you want to talk to her about, anyway? Kinda weird for you to show up out of the blue like this. Ominous that you're poking around. You don't have a visor and wrist-rockets out in the car, do you?"

I laughed. "Well. I would be lying if I said I traveled without them. But not as such, no. I was looking up Kaori because I strongly suspect I will need to schedule a visit to Oasis. But you are correct that she is not my primary motivation for being here, no."

"Then what is?" she asked.

Tower's face went dark. "Wait...you're not gonna join the broken in Oasis, are you?"

"No, no."

"Gonna visit AEGIS?"

"...yes. But again, not my primary motivation. I am actually looking for Saga."

"Oh," they both said, and went quiet.

"I take that to mean neither of you have heard from her, either?"

Whitney shook her head. "Not since Blackfire."

"At first I thought she was taking some time to herself, but for her not resurface after this long…" I swallowed a lump in my throat. "As the hunter, I feel some obligation to ensure she is not doing anything untoward. You know how she can be."

Tower leaned over and gave my hand a crushing squeeze, his palm easily twice the size of mine.

"Retired hunter. Don't forget. And I'm sure she's not up to anything too bad. The world is pretty chill right now, and if she were making trouble, I doubt that'd be the case."

"I hope you are right," I sighed. "But all the same, I would like to know. And if there is something...fishy...going on, I am not certain I could detect it myself."

"Makes sense to look up AEGIS then," Whitney nodded. "Say hi to her from me if you make it out there. Tell her to get a phone or back on the 'net. I miss her."

"And I'll call Kaori, let her know what's up," Tower said.

Their exchange was brief, and I suspected she did not respond with the same exuberance and enthusiasm he did. But when he hung up, he was still beaming, and informed me that I would have a personal flight prepped and ready in the next couple of hours.

We spent most of that time talking and laughing, catching up on what mundane things our lives had become, and talking a great amount about people, though never about those who were no longer with us.

Though we laughed, it was like a great void we were all constantly skirting about. Athan, Lia, and Cosette. When the conversation naturally bumped up against them, it just paused, as though it were taking a moment of silence, and then one of us forced it up anew, in a new direction, towards banality.

I wondered what he would think of it all, of us shutting our eyes to reality and pretending as though everything were fine. He was never one to accept a convenient lie when the truth was there to be reached. Was behaving in this manner disrespect to his memory? Or was not speaking of him at all?

I knew not. But it frosted the edges of our otherwise warm conversation.

It felt like mere minutes before I had to leave to catch my flight, our protracted farewells encrusted with promises not to go months without speaking as we had, and I was urged to come right back and report any findings I uncovered. I was hugged again by Whitney, which was awkward, and then by Tower, which was bone-crushing.

And then, I found myself in a seat by the window, looking out over the tarmac from within the VTOL headed for asia. A layover in Japan, and then to Oasis, without ever seeing or hearing from Kaori.

I'd pushed hard for her to be one of my inaugural patients, beside Melanie. She was rife with trauma, I knew. But the most I had gotten out of her was an illusive wisp of a smile, and a confirmation that 'It's true. Friends always do just hurt, in the end', before she declined my offer and cut us all out. I understood, but hoped that, as time grew beyond the deaths, she might become more open, but it was not to be.

I sighed, and watched as the coastline was wiped away by the endless expanse of blue. I would need to get up and stretch several times, but for the moment, I could simply close my eyes and rest.

But tired as I was, I was still restless, thinking about her out there somewhere, doing God-knows what. To hear so little from her...my instincts screamed at me that either she was trouble, or was in trouble.

And as much as I was loathe to curse my friends, I prayed it was the latter. If she wished it, Saga could bring this peace crashing down on us all.