Posted by DJINN at 16:26 on April 6, 2130. 2 views, 0 comments.

Sorry-not-sorry for not posting recently. Not that both of my readers care if I don't. Real life just gets busy sometimes, and then I don't have time to post, and when I finally do sit down, I don't have anything to say. Something did happen to me today, and it's THE MOST EXCITING NEWS EVER, so here I am to document it.

As my loyal readers know, as the title of my blog and moniker indicate, I make wishes come true. Some more literally than others, but always. It's like, my superpower, and it almost always works.

Well, today at school (and this isn't the exciting news, just an anecdote) one of my classmates said 'I wish this whole stupid test would be cancelled', and just like that, bam, instantly, Mr. Leacock keels over. Heart attack on the spot. Test cancelled, and we get a substitute in geometry for the rest of the year. Hell. Yes.

So if you still doubt I have superpowers, blow it out your caboose, the evidence is irrefutable. Don't even bother commenting, I've heard it all. And you trolls calling me an Exhuman can go die -- Exhumans kill people, and I'm a Djinn -- look it up, it means genie, and I traced my heritage back to some Arabic guy on Ancestry-net, where Djinn came from, CASE CLOSED, so don't even.

So anyway, the exciting news.

I met the most amazing girl today. Just randomly bumped into her while doing my Vaga Boyo impression in the hallway (which was spot-on AND hilarious, btw) and even she laughed, so we hit it off right away. I didn't talk to her of course, 'cause that'd be creepy, but I realized we have two classes together and now I just need to get the teacher to move me next to her somehow so we can hit it off. It's gonna be LEGENDARY.

Anyway this girl, I didn't catch her name, but she's got like, the whole Shakespearean beauty thing going on. She's tall like an oak tree, and fair like the wind, and her hair is like the sun, and most importantly NOT A FATTY. Djinn don't date no fatties (and before you comment, yes, I date LOTS of girls, and they're all hot, but not from around here). When I saw her laughing at my impression, I knew there was a connection there, it hit me right in the like...the gutal area. I felt like my stomach was flipping over and my mouth got all dry. It was crazy.

Anyway, more to come later. I have a stupid English assignment to write in a journal every day for a month, and so I might be posting on here more regularly for that. Depends if I have to turn it all in at the end, I can't have Mrs. Rosenberg reading my SECRETS.

Posted by DJINN at 16:09 on April 9, 2130. 1 views, 0 comments.

Shit I forgot to post every day for English, and had to lie through my teeth to Mrs. Rosenberg that I was. Felt bad, so here I am posting again. The assignment says to write a hundred and fifty words, but who the heck can write that much every day? That's like, an insane number of words. I wonder if she's ever tried, she'd probably die of old age before she got there.

I saw the girl again. My muse, my angel, my dream. She was putting on lip gloss before class while chatting to some random sl*t. It could have been me she was talking to, but no, of course not. F**k this Earth. (I was thinking of getting a sticker that said that and putting it on my backpack, but thought I might get in trouble -- might do it anyway, REBEL).

Anyway, she was putting on lip gloss. How sophisticated. How debonair. How enchante. That's French, btw, and is sophisticated as hell. I almost talked to her but my friend Evans showed up at just the worst time and started talking dumb sh*t at me and embarrassing me so I gave up. But we're getting closer now. I think I even have a plan.

Posted by DJINN at 18:33 on April 7, 2130. 2 views, 0 comments.

Even Evans doesn't know about my alter-ego as Djinn, granter of eternal dreams, until I told him today. He said he didn't believe me, and to prove it, I had him wish for anything.

The dumbass wishes for a hundred bucks. Like what the actual f**k, you can wish for anything, and he wishes for a hundred. Not even a billion. I'd wish for a billion bucks and retire at age fifteen. Dumb idiot.

But it didn't work, and he laughed at me even though his wish was stupid. I don't get it, it's worked too many times to be a coincidence, and lots of the other wishes have been stupid too, so I can't just blame that all on Evans. I mean, I can, since he wished and it didn't work, obviously, and it's worked before. But it should work, I just don't know why sometimes it doesn't.

Gonna have to try something more creative. I need this stuff to work if I'm ever going to win her heart. Literally the only thing I have going for me.

Posted by DJINN at 21:04 on April 8, 2130. 1 views, 0 comments.

Urgghhh, my heart hurts so bad. I hate love.

Posted by DJINN at 15:31 on April 9, 2130. 2 views, 0 comments.

Her name's Vanessa apparently. Ms. Feld called on her today. I looked it up and apparently that name means 'butterfly', which is stupid, because she's a billion times hotter than some bug.

I almost talked to her again, but I think we've got a really good thing going with just seeing each other randomly, and I don't want to mess that up. Like, I'm seeing her all the time now, and if we spent all that time with her just hating me because I'm a gross creeper, I'd just go hang myself right now. It's really better to just never talk, probably. Keeps the relationship more interesting that way. You never know what she's not gonna say.

Yeah that was a really clever twist of phrase, you can x-link that to your own blog if you'd like. I give permission.

Gonna hang out with Evans' brothers this weekend to do more Djinn work. It's gonna work this time, I can feel it. My ancient Arabian heritage is, like, swelling up inside me like a sandstorm. It's gonna come out, and I'm gonna have unlimited power, and then she'll see.

Posted by DJINN at 15:47 on April 10, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

Sh*t, I reread my post from yesterday and it wasn't that clever a twist. I need an editor or something.

Posted by DJINN at 20:07 on April 11, 2130. 2 views, 0 comments.

Nothing happened today, just like every other stupid day. How do people write a hundred and fifty words a day? Mrs. Rosenburg is out of her senile mind. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh my god, that was only 34 words? This is impossible. I'll make it up later, eff dis junk. I got things to do.

Posted by DJINN at 19:50 on April 12, 2130. 3 views, 1 comments.

Almost weekend.

Posted by DJINN at 11:11 on April 13, 2130. 2 views, 0 comments.

Tonight we're gonna test the Djinn powers for realsies. I've got a whole setup going with the 'scientific method' that for some reason, some other students still don't understand, because they're stupid. Evans has three siblings, and I'm going to test each one of them differently. There's a lot of variables to figure out, so I wrote them down in a big list during a boring part of Mr. Cathala's speech on economics in the civil war. By which I mean, his whole class.

Not to get all Disney princess in this, but my first thought was, Evans is a good guy, but he's a dumba** and doesn't do things right when I need to. Two of his brothers are younger and they might still believe, and I think that's what I need. Like in Peter Pan when they have to believe in fairies.

I also thought maybe it might have to do with who's wishing, so if this doesn't work out, I'll just have to ask the girl who almost killed Mr. Leacock to try again (SOMETHING ELSE OBVIOUSLY). But it might also be what they wish for, so I've got some things for them to try, some of them I KNOW should work 'cause I've seen them work before. Although I had Evans try to wish for rain and it didn't.

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

Last, I had the idea that maybe it's only their first wish, or if they wish without knowing they're wishing somehow. Every time it's worked, it's just been someone nearby me going 'I wish blah-blah-blah', but a wish instead of saying blah obviously. And then boom, it worked. So maybe it's failing because I'm telling Evans to wish for something. So before we even get started on his youngest brother, I told Evans to set up this whole scenario where they're gonna talk about stuff and he's gonna try to get him to say something like that.

It'll work. One-hundred percent it'll work, or I will change my moniker from 'Djinn' to 'LiarMcLieFace', which I won't do, because it'll work.

Posted by DJINN at 21:04 on April 13, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

OH MY F**KING GOD

Posted by DJINN at 21:06 on April 13, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

WHAT THE F**K

Posted by DJINN at 21:13 on April 13, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

I AM NOT EVEN BEING DRAMATIC RIGHT NOW, HOLY SH*T

Posted by DJINN at 21:45 on April 13, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

I need time to process this. What the F**K. Oh my JESUS CHRIST.

Posted by DJINN at 9:09 on April 14, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

Okay so. First off, Evans hates me now, even though it wasn't my fault. He was a dumb idiot for handling everything so badly, but I'm still freaking out here.

Good news, it worked. I am not changing my moniker, I am completely and f**king totally a Djinn, just like in Aladdin (before you comment that was a genie, they're the same thing). It seriously worked, like ho lee sh*t, I am not even kidding.

But also it was a huge freaking disaster. I hope it wears off or something, because otherwise, f**k me. Or maybe now that I know how it works...I can get it wished back? I don't know how I'd possibly do that though.

Evans, the dumb idiot, decided to talk to his brother about what he'd do if he had a wish. This was after we tested things on his other two siblings already and nothing worked. And then his brother said the STUPIDEST thing at the end of it, talking about what he wanted, and he said 'I wish I was invisible', and pow, just like that, he was gone.

And then Evans freaks out and starts screaming at me and hitting me, and his brother is freaking out, and his mom comes in and she's wondering why we're all screaming and then trips over her boy she can't see, and he's crying and she's freaking out now and calls the cops because she doesn't understand what Evans and I are yelling about, and BASICALLY NOBODY LISTENED TO ME AT ALL. It was so dumb and frustrating, and she said I had to get the hell out of her house, even though I was trying to stay to explain that I was the only one who could fix anything.

So the police show up after I'm on the curb just waiting for Mom to get me, and they find out what's going on and they just run. Like one was kinda fat and he just bolted like he was olympic Santa Claus. And they're freaking out and I'm moving further down the block so I don't get in trouble, when a few minutes later, there's black vans pulling up, and I see these people in suits and labcoats, and it says PSI on their trucks and I go, like, full Keith Ogran.

Because that's how my face looked. What he did in That Summer Comedy. Just screaming. Cuz they were dragging Evans' brother out of the house in these big f**king restraints like he was a movie monster, even though you couldn't see him. They thought he was an Exhuman, and I just ran.

And I got in so much trouble for running too, Mom said she spent an hour looking for me, so now because of Evans screwing up, I've got extra chores this weekend, on top of his brother being called an Exhuman. And I'm just freaking out and not sure what to say or do or tell anyone because I don't want them thinking I'm an Exhuman too, I don't want to be dragged away in huge restraints into a black truck.

Because I'm NOT an Exhuman. I'm a Djinn, and we proved it. It was all that idiot's fault for getting his brother to wish for something so stupid. We could have all had a billion dollars by now but instead, he's carted away and I'm worried I'm next.

My heart is beating so fast thinking about it. It's so unfair, especially now that I know I can make it work.

Posted by DJINN at 15:45 on April 15, 2130. 2 views, 0 comments.

I don't understand this world. I'm glad I didn't put that sticker on my backpack. Mom made me go to school today like nothing was wrong even though I was freaking out inside, and Evans wasn't in today. I didn't ask anyone about it, but I'm so scared he's like, talking to the PSI people right now and telling them it was me.

I guess I looked nervous because SHE came right up to me and talked to me and asked me if I was okay. Vanessa. After so long, I can't even believe it. I didn't know what to say, so I wound up just like...lying a lot. I wasn't trying to lie, she just kept saying things and I agreed with her instead of telling her otherwise. Like she asked if something happened and I said yeah, and she asked if it was bad, and I said yeah, and she asked if it was a family thing, and I said yeah.

And then here's the part I really don't get, and I don't get any of the other parts either.

SHE asked ME if I wanted to hang out sometime and get away from my family. Like WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K. The girl of my dreams just basically asked me out. And of course I wasn't really able to think, but I was saying yeah to everything else she said, so I said yeah. So we're hanging out tomorrow downtown. Her, and me, and downtown SF. I can't believe it.

These last three days have been the weirdest days of my life, I don't know what to think or make of them or anything. I'm just confused and scared and...and I don't even know. But what I DO know is that the universe is throwing me a bone by having Vanessa ask me out. It's like the whole world is saying 'you didn't do anything wrong', and as you know, people of Arabian descent are very susceptible to good karma (because of our historic ties to nomads, who were considered lucky), so I will accept this as the universe telling me it's okay.

I just have to make sure everything is absolutely perfect for our date. I have to plan and primp SO HARD.

Posted by DJINN at 16:21 on April 15, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

Literally dying.

Posted by DJINN at 17:03 on April 15, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

OMG how do people ever do this.

Posted by DJINN at 17:35 on April 15, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

If any of you readers have ever been on a date, tell me what to do.

Posted by DJINN at 17:55 on April 15, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

Sh*t, what if she asks about Evans? Maybe they knew each other? I'm going to come up with a story just in case.

Posted by DJINN at 18:02 on April 15, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

I'm gonna tell her that Evans' brother was an Exhuman and attacked me and I only barely survived, and that's why I was so down. She'll probably believe that.

Posted by DJINN at 18:03 on April 15, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

There were cop cars and everything. I should have taken a picture. Damn it.

Posted by DJINN at 18:06 on April 15, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

Daaaaaaaaang, I can't say that, I told her it was family stuff and that's the only reason she asked me out.

Posted by DJINN at 18:13 on April 15, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

It's a good thing I've been planning this date since the first minute I saw her. I just have to work the Djinn magic in and make it a date she'll remember forever, and then she'll fall in love and we can put all of this behind us.

Posted by DJINN at 18:20 on April 15, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

I hope Evans' brother is okay. I hear they like, cut up Exhumans there. But they wouldn't do that to someone invisible, right? Like, what would be the point, you can't see anything anyway?

Posted by DJINN at 21:32 on April 15, 2130. 0 views, 0 comments.

F**k it. I have a final plan. I'll post it tomorrow before the big day. My heart is beating so hard, d*mn it all.

Posted by DJINN at 16:01 on April 16, 2130. 1 views, 0 comments.

Okay. It's after school now, I have a foolproof plan that I've spent a lot of hours coming up with. I couldn't sleep very well last night, because I kept thinking the PSI people were gonna come for me, and then I kept having ideas about the date, and then Mom kept coming in and yelling at me for having the light on and being out of bed. Like, I'm sorry, but the light is the least important thing in the whole world right now, Mom.

I know (because I am very observant) that Vanessa isn't from around here. This gives me a big advantage as I can take her around all the tourist spots in SF and impress her with my knowledge. I think this will lead to a pretty good date.

But we aren't aiming for a pretty good date, we're aiming for completely heart-meltingly UNFORGETTABLE. I just want her to love me. So here's the brilliant plan I have, and even though it went kinda wrong with Evans' brother, this time it will work out better. I know because I can sense the cosmic karma telling me so.

I'm going to take her to Chinatown and show her around as part of the tour. There's a tiny park there nobody really knows about, and it's got one of those (EDIT: PAGODA, not GAZEBO) things there. I'm going to make up this story about how there's an ancient Hindu spirit that lives there and the locals all come and make wishes in secret, and the wishes always come true. This will be at the end of the date, after she's all thoroughly impressed and romanced up, so obviously, she'll wish for something about the two of us being together, especially if I push her a little bit in that direction.

In order to make it work though, I can't tell her to make a wish, or what to wish for. I almost certainly am sure that's what makes it work. And then when it does, she'll be surprised and her wishes will come true, and for the rest of her life, she can live with me and wish for anything she can dream of. It'll be absolutely PERFECT and all I need to do is pull off this one plan.

So wish (hah!) me luck in the comments. I have a few hours and like twenty cans of deodorant before I pick her up. I wish Mom had something sexier than the tiny auto-car but what can you do? I hope the stupid thing doesn't ruin my whole plan.

But I've got a really good feeling about tonight. It's gonna be amazing. I know I talk a lot about feelings and being in tune with cosmic harmony and junk, but I REALLY feel it this time. I feel like...like, I dunno, like I'm destined for something amazing, and it all starts now.

Stick around guys, I'm gonna post everything that happens next real soon.

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