I put down my tablet with a sigh, face-down so I wouldn't be tempted to look at it again, while I attempted to distract myself with the news.
Which was, in a manner, fortunate, because what was on the news was very distracting. I leaned forward and tapped the holo mounted on the wall opposite my spartan hotel bed to turn up the volume.
"In a statement issued earlier this morning, Director Blackett of the XPCA stated that despite the loss of one of its founding members, the Parahuman Task Force, or 'P-Force' has shown themselves to be an 'unmitigated success', and 'paves the way for future successes in human-Exhuman relations."
"The statement was issued during the opening ceremonies of the XPCA's newest facility, called New Eden, proclaimed to be the framework of cities in the future, ground was broken on construction just a couple of short months ago when Director Blackett assumed control of the agency after the unfortunate death of his predecessor, Malakai Albion, but already voluntarily-registering Exhumans have begun moving in, looking for a new life where they can coexist with Humans."
The story was not anything new to me, I'd actually been briefed that many icing jobs were now unavailable, as the Exhumans in question were choosing to surrender and move into New Eden, rather than keeping themselves underground. There had been a few incidents where surrendering Exhumans had been executed and their bounties claimed regardless, hence the briefing.
What interested me was the footage they had chosen to play to accompany the reporter's dry monologue. Stock footage, some of which I had seen, some new, of shots overlooking New Eden, interspersed with footage taken of the P-Force in action.
The reporter began on a new story, and I paused the holo with a tap, and then, feeling vaguely like a stalker, turned the cached feed back with a twisting motion.
Playing in reverse, I saw several scenes of Ashton and his friends at work, obviously footage taken from satellites or stationary cameras, of scenes of them in action. For a brief moment, I even saw myself flying away on his orders, while he rallied us after the second ambush in the convoy by the power-stealing Exhuman, Soran.
There was a dramatic sweeping shot of Tower, Jack, and the blue-haired girl in tow, as they marched through walls of illusory fire, but my eye caught something just at the end...or beginning, since this was backwards, of the shot.
My heart broke when I saw it was Ashton, unconscious, his lightning powers failed him. Nobody else would recognize him were they not there, but for the few moments he was on frame, I remembered the scene and saw it was him.
I scrolled through more uninteresting footage and then found another clip and played it forwards at slow speed. Ashton in a diner alone, facing down a group of twenty or so, captured by a camera with low resolution perched on the ceiling. In an instant, Jack was there, and in another instant, he, Ashton, and two of the crowd vanished. It was dramatic and impressive, and I could see why the XPCA would seek out and release the footage.
There wasn't much else to see. I scrolled back to a scene with him framed central in the camera, his eyes shining with intelligence as he processed the information in front of him, considering how best to handle the resources he had and the threats he faced. It was, in many ways, the most beautiful part of him, and something I had fallen in love with, tried to force out of him in our conflicts.
I blew up the image slightly and left it on the holo, falling back onto the bed and imaging it a window through which he looked at me.
I felt embarrassed and foolish, but that did not stop me from dimming the lights and feeling the heat as I pressed together my thighs. He looked on, analytical, distant, yet close.
Later, I washed my hands and turned off the holo in disgust, feeling dirty in more ways than one. I had forsaken him, and it should therefore purge myself of any impure thoughts. If I were to remain tainted...mentally compromised, as it were, I should have just remained with him. At least that would tame the aching in my heart, and elsewhere.
Dissatisfied, I fell back onto the bed again. The tablet laying face-down on the nightstand seemed to mock me, and then appear in my hands against my will.
For the dozenth time, I scrolled through the listings. Or, I should say, listing. Between the Icers moving on to more legitimate work, and the greatly diminished number of bounties posted because of the move to New Eden, there was scant hunter work at the moment. Just the one listing. Every time I pulled up the list, there it remained.
I knew why. Everybody knew why. It was a suicide mission, one not even the XPCA would throw their endless resources at, at least, not without tempting a hunter to kill themselves over an enormous fortune, first.
I put it back down, but only had moments to ponder the remaining empty hours of the day before picking it up again.
I was in no condition to try, even at the peak of my abilities, which I was certainly nowhere near at the moment, it would be certain death. Yesterday, I had dinner with Father again at his recommendation, and even he commented that I seemed distracted and distant.
Which was probably not difficult for him to observe, but must have been extensively obvious if he would deign to making such a remark of his own daughter in front of his business associates.
Were I to stroll into this bounty with a head such as that, I asked for having no head at all.
And yet…
The Exhuman was dangerous. Not just to whomever was foolish enough to go after them, but as a whole. The longer they were permitted to live, the more harm they potentially afflicted on those around them. With every time I refreshed the listing, with every replacement on the nightstand, I felt I was putting not just my tablet down, but human lives. In as many ways as this was no job for me, this was exactly the job I had to do.
I shook my head, feeling my hair bounce from side to side with the motion, and gently threw the tablet across the floor, out of my reach. A dead hunter saved no lives.
I turned off the lights. It was early, but I had nothing left to do but find sleep. In the darkness, I held my hand aloft, invisible to my eyes, but present.
These fingers which only minutes ago had been used for my own twisted self-gratification. This was not the body of a hunter, a protector, but of an sinner.
I reassured myself that this was merely a result of being jobless for a few weeks, at first out of necessity, and then caution, and now the exodus. It was too easy for me to judge my self-worth on how many jobs I'd done, how many credits worth of Exhuman filth I'd purged from the Earth, but I reminded myself that this time of relative peace was a blessing, it was what he was working towards, and if I were to become obsolete in the name of his dream, that was a sacrifice I would make gladly a thousand times.
And yet the thought that at least one dangerous Exhuman remained unravelled all the lies I told myself, as the ceiling became apparent to my adjusting eyes and seemed to loom ever closer.
I slept restlessly and late, irritated that I had overslept breakfast, and using the growling within me as motivation to punish myself at the gym. It was not a good plan, as an airborne, I had to take care not to gain or lose too much weight, or too much muscle. Muscle devoured oxygen, and while some strength was obviously an advantage in any fight, at the speeds I moved, more oxygen consumed meant more likelihood of a blackout.
Still, I would make the exception, I thought, as I pummelled the speed bag at a rhythm I could barely keep up. It was not like there were any bounties to be in shape for. Perhaps I needed a hobby.
I went at the bag until I couldn't lift my arms anymore, and then moved to the treadmill. Steep elevation, six miles per hour, the perfect speed between a jog and run, where it was impossibly awkward to keep one's feet moving comfortably in either cadence. Arms too tired to hold the railing, and my self-devised hell for the next three hours were set.
At the end of it, I almost wanted to vomit my nonexistent breakfast. Only eighteen miles, but they had been hell. I stepped off the treadmill after a brief walk, and felt my knees locking up as I involuntarily kept lurching forward, unaccustomed to the sensation of holding still. I would sleep well tonight, of that I was certain.
I showered and changed slowly, my limbs as noodles, feeling the gaze of my visor on me the whole time I was in the bathroom.
"Not today," I chided it, and struggled to get my shaking knees through a pair of jeans. I was starving, and in my current condition, it would be even longer before I could get anywhere with food available.
It wasn't meant to be a punishment if it were easy. But I did miss my jetpack.
Finally, past one, I sat down under an umbrella outside of a stucco'd building painted to look like adobe, and perused a menu of mexican food.
"Just one for today?" asked the pleasant woman as she had seated me. I could only smile and nod as she twisted the knife.
Mexican was fatty and delightful, and my favorite, when I could permit myself to indulge, and this had nothing to do with my punishment and everything to do with it being the closest establishment I could reach. Still, I maintained some dignity as I ordered a salad...and secretly hoped it would come in a large crunchy tostada bowl.
As I waited, I realized I did have a hobby. My hands--still shaking, even--had moved on their own to my mobile, and I was perusing a trashy news site I had stumbled on in a previous guilty binge, which seemed to mainly cater to those who are unhealthily obsessed with the lifestyles and ongoings of celebrities. I had, of course, no interest in such drivel.
My unhealthy obsession was with one particular celebrity, Ashton. Whom, even as I had the thought and pulled up the page containing all posts tagged with his name, I realized I was his ex, by definition, and that made me a creepy, stalking ex. That was even more troubling, and perhaps if there was a delicious flakey crunchy tortilla shell, I would forcibly exempt myself from partaking of it.
This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
Still, there was some news of merit. When last he was spotted, almost a week ago, he had disappeared into the mountains with the rest of the P-Force, but they had returned without him. Rumors abound that he had been abandoned by the rest of the team, which had apparently been sighted in action in New York not long ago, Ashton's absence not even addressed by the XPCA.
In all likelihood it was nothing. He was back at base, managing operations as a true lead, or acting in tandem to the team in a position unobservable to the careless eyes of spectators.
And yet, there was the slim possibility that there was more, and it was to that which the other commenters...and I...were drawn. Rumors indicated that Temperance had also vanished, and the two of them were in une liaison at the private mountain cabin they'd apparently both been left at. The thought of it made me a little sick, thinking of how the small girl's quiet desperation might temper against him, if he were as emotionally vulnerable as I felt.
The sudden appearance of the waitress with my food made me jump, and scurry to conceal my mobile before she could see what dreck I had pulled up on it. She gave me a knowing smile as she put the salad in front of me, covered in a pound of cheese and seated on a pile of rice and beans, in a crunchy shell.
I would partake in the cheese, rice, and beans, but the shell was forbidden. Penance for my continued presence on the horrible 'net site.
There was nothing else to note, unfortunately, though I browsed as I ate, just as one of many immodest, outlandish youths. He'd vanished a week ago, and that was all that was concrete. Not information worth my tostada, but this was a punishment, not a negotiation.
"All done?" the waitress asked, eyeing the shell I'd left behind, untouched, but practically licked clean. "Didn't like the tostada?"
"Please keep the change," I said, depositing a chit into her hand and having entirely enough of her knife-twisting for today. I realized as I stood that it was not a thing I was capable of at the moment, but did it anyway. It would be a long walk back to my hotel, but a longer walk to anywhere else. I wanted to go anywhere else, I knew there was nothing awaiting in my room but boredom and temptation, but in my current state, I had no real option.
Despite myself, temptation found me again, and I cleaned up with a tissue this time, the trip to the sink impossible as my knees were even weaker after the crime. The tissue joined the tablet on the floor.
I pulled up AEGIS' social profile on my mobile, one of two contacts I had under the heading 'friends', along with Lia. I had deleted Athan's the same night I had broken things off with him to prevent exactly this form of temptation, and was of two minds on having done so.
She was online now, it said, playing some insipid online game she had sunken apparently hundreds of hours into, in some group or organization filled with people I didn't recognize. Of course, in this game, AEGIS' name was apparently 'sexibot', so that wasn't anything I wanted to recognize either. I scanned the list of names, knowing Lia would be among them, but having no idea which of the farcical handles she could possibly be. 'BlueSuedeGroove', 'angstyGangsta'...surely not 'catastrofeces' or 'shart_attack'? I secretly hoped she had a more reserved handle, maybe one of the impersonal ones in the group, like 'Mod0' or 'zoetrope'.
I sat on AEGIS' profile resisting the temptation to message her and see if perhaps she had heard anything about Athan. I was not certain my pride would be able to take it if he ever caught wind that I was looking for him after breaking up with him. Still, I sat there for long moments, staring at the green circle indicating her availability.
> hey
I might have jumped if my body were in fit shape to do so. A message? From...her, of course.
> what u lookin at
AEGIS' flippant disregard for the English language was not what I expected from a computer. I elected to demonstrate to her how it was done with my response.
> I was merely browsing my online contacts and saw your name.
Plausible, and almost true.
> u were sitting on my profile for 5m
> Does the messenger typically notify you of others viewing your profile, or for what duration they do so?
It was an honest question. I had only used the messenger before to arrange meetings or send emergency updates. If there were a feature to see how long someone were staring at my profile, I knew nothing about how to access it.
> no
> but im not just anyone Wink [https://www.royalroadcdn.com/public/smilies/wink.png]
> I see. I apologize for the perceived stalking, then. Rest assured I meant no harm.
> just ask ur question already lol
I scratched my head. I had a brief moment of anxiety, wondering just how far into my mobile she could peek, and quickly closed down the gossip site just in case.
> I have no questions. I am merely finding myself with a lot more downtime than usual with the opening of New Eden, and the increased activity of the P-Force.
I wondered if should have spelled out 'Parahuman Task Force' but decided to write with the same level of effort as I would speak.
> lol
> karu
> u cant lie 2 me kk?
> ill give u 1 more chance to ask
> wont even tell lia i promise
I had typed out the starts to several replies but she kept sending short messages at an infuriating rate. Hadn't this woman ever heard of a conversation?
> I already informed you, I have no questions. I was simply playing with new features on my mobile I have never used before.
> lol
> lies
> if ur not going 2 say it
> i can Wink [https://www.royalroadcdn.com/public/smilies/wink.png]
> want 2 hear how athan is?
I hesitated. It was a trap. It screamed trap. Anything I put on the 'net was there forever, especially in the hands of AEGIS. I could see her already, shoving the conversation in Athan's face, him looking on with disgust, mostly at her atrocious grammar and spelling, but also at me and how utterly I'd failed at remaining independent from him.
I really had no choice in this. I had to turn her down.
> yes
> kk sec boss
I had no idea what that meant. Was 'boss' a new nickname for me? I assumed sec meant second, meaning wait a second? I didn't want to volunteer any other response and expose my lack of understanding more than I had to, so instead I teetered on-edge between wondering if she'd left the conversation or if I'd missed something and was supposed to do something. Eventually I saw the '...' of her typing and let out a breath I'd been holding for too long.
> sorry about that, typing and playing at the same time
> I could do it better, but trying to be more human, hope you understand
> also I hope the bad spelling annoyed you Wink [https://www.royalroadcdn.com/public/smilies/wink.png]
> It was atrocious and you should be ashamed.
> if that's how you feel, I can just not tell you about athan
> It was atrocious and you should be ashamed, but tell me anyway.
> fair enough
Through the little glimmering holo in my hands, I read about the last week from their point of view. Of Saga, and Tem, and Athan, and Lia. Of illusions and leavings and compels and despondency.
> he hardly speaks now
> he's the same guy but different
> I actually hoped youd call or come looking, were getting a little desperate how to deal with him
> also scary, nobody wants to lose him
> if you know what I mean
> Suicide watch?
> nothing that dramatic, we just liked him before and now hes not that anymore, its weird
> Should I come over? I'm not doing anything.
I hoped she'd say yes and give me an excuse.
> dont know, come if you want to, its a free country
She sent me a ping, which resolved to her current location. I stored the address, just in case.
> I gotta go, my turn to cook again
> don't know why they make me do it, nobody likes my cooking, and I cant taste anything
> guess they are just lazy, I never make them cook for me lol
> Okay. Thank you for looking me up and messaging me, and all of this.
> lol np
> I think youre a lot more bearable from this distance
> and
She paused for a while, not even giving a typing indicator. I waited to see her finish this intriguing thought.
> with being worried about losing athan
> I guess I am spending a lot of time thinking
> and even if I dont like you
> you are something in my life that he brought into it
> so I have to love you for being that
> idk if that makes any sense
I swallowed hard at the sudden outpouring of unexpected emotion from the robot girl. I knew she took issue with how I related to Athan. And then even more issue with how I'd related with him. Meanwhile I had no real strong feelings for her one way or the other, except that she was obviously something unnatural, something obviously dangerous, and both of those went against every hunter instinct in my body.
> I do not know if that makes sense or not, but I appreciate it regardless. I am glad that even if he is not doing well, he has you around at least. You always took good care of him.
> I try
> bbl, ttyl
And then she was gone, the little green indicator turning grey, offline.
The whole story and conversation around it had taken a little over an hour. Late afternoon now, and I was already laying on my bed, practically down for the count. I awkwardly bent my elbow to get my mobile onto the nightstand, and only had to drop it half a foot or so, where it bounced, but still stayed atop it. Perfect.
I was lucky AEGIS had indulged me, I realized. In retrospect, it was probably obvious that I'd be pining for news of Athan, doubly-so if he was with them at the time as apparently he had been, and I wasn't fooling anyone by playing coy. The fact that she'd let me off the hook and volunteer her information anyway...well…
I couldn't exactly respect her, she was still just 1's and 0's and the quantum superpositions thereof. My visor was smart, too, but I had no problem with throwing it in the closet.
But my visor was not compassionate, it didn't independently arrive at the decision to reach out to someone who might be in need, or drop hints that another friend might be in trouble. Compassion was virtuous, after all.
As I laid there, I thought of what she'd closed with.
I was something he brought into her life, and she had to love me for being that. What a strange notion. I certainly loved Athan, if I were still honest with myself, the amount of which remaining varied by the day, but I didn't love everything related to him just because it was.
Perhaps AEGIS was just a kinder person than I. Or a greater fool.
Or maybe...I thought, with a frown, she was afraid of losing him, and was desperate to cling to anything which he had once been. That was an even more troubling thought, and made his condition seem much worse than she had professed.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed, and though they refused, I walked on them. I picked up the tissue, evidence of my guilt, and my tablet, the path to virtuous death, and weighed both of them for the brief, painful walk to the trash can.
As I dropped the tissue in the trash, I wondered if I could survive if I continued this lifestyle. As I glanced at the single contract another time, I wondered if I could survive without it.