I felt like never smiling again.

Day in, day out, it wasn't the thousands of pointless tasks, the constant surveillance and scrutiny, or even the mock battle he'd put me through which had been the worst part of becoming Blackett's newest personal play-thing.

It was all the goddamn smiling.

Serve tea promptly and silently, and with a smile.

Open the door promptly and silently, and with a smile.

Wait the table promptly and silently, and with a smile.

Clean the fucking attic promptly and silently. And you guessed it, with a goddamn smile.

I went to sleep early every night with my jaw hurting. One of the senior servants, Jack--or Jack of Swords, as nobody called him--was mentoring me as I did everything one could possibly ever have a servant do around a mansion, and he just stood and smiled with his eyes closed, constantly.

I had to wonder if he had some kind of birth defect where his face just didn't work right. How he kept such a close eye on me with both of them closed, and how he managed to smile sincerely even as he explained why and how I'd done such a shit job of dusting was impossible.

Although, after our mock battle, I figured out the first part. I was not the only Exhuman here. Jack was at least, and Blackett had three other servants than us two, Magician, Tower, and Temperance. I had no idea if all three of them were, and certainly wasn't going to sidle up to a stranger and say 'hey, I'm an Exhuman, are you?', so I was left to speculate.

Speculate promptly and silently, and with a smile.

I had been relieved at first when Blackett popped me in a regenerator. That meant whatever his twisted desires were, he didn't want me maimed for it, or at least yet. But it was over a week of this now, and I'd slowly passed through phases, thinking this was some kind of insane XPCA torture method, to a joke, to just acceptance of the world not making any damn sense at all. Finally, I found myself stomping down the stairs late at night, hoping to catch Blackett in his office and demand an explanation for why the hell it was worth all that death and killing to have me here cleaning his house instead of leaving me the hell alone in peace.

As I drew near his office, passing down a wood-panelled hallway, I saw one of the lights in the sconces lining the hall was out. Curious, and completely out of place for how anal Blackett was about the care of this place. I gave it another glance as I passed, and tripped over a snag in the rug, falling face-first to the floor with a crash.

Embarrassed, annoyed, I looked back and saw the rug running the length of the whole hall had been bunched up in one small spot, exactly where I'd tripped on it, almost invisible in the dark. Now, I knew it hadn't been like that when I'd been this way earlier. I swore and rolled back, trying to retake my feet, but as I got my hands and knees under me, something stepped on my back and pinned me to the ground.

I made a noise as all the air left my lungs, and gasped to refill them. My assailant carefully treaded on my back with light steps and then stepped off me, placing themselves between me and Blackett's door, a thin strip of light visible at the bottom now visible from my fresh vantage point.

"Uh, hi?" I wheezed. My attacker was a girl, dressed the same as myself and Jack, a plain black suit with brown leather shoes and a black tie and gloves. Obviously another of the household help, though she was anything but helpful right now.

"Go," she said simply.

She was short and small, with caramel skin and dark wavy hair, maybe Latina? I couldn't see her entirely too well in the semi-dark, but all I really needed to know was the fact she was between me and Blackett and was wearing a scowl like she'd just tread in shit.

I started to rise again, and she just stepped forward and swept one of my arms with a deft kick, knocking me back to my face on the ground again.

This was getting pretty annoying.

"If you want me to go, I have to get up first, idiot," I growled.

She let out a little scoffing laugh and didn't move. Like she totally expected me not to give up and go back.

I mean, she was right, but still.

I tried to get up again, this time propping myself on my elbows and keeping my hands free to catch any intercepting feet. Instead, she crouched and grabbed the rug running under me and down the hall, and placing her feet on either side of it, gave it a strong yank.

I had no idea what she was trying to achieve, but she did. My elbows were pulled out from under me and my face cracked into the hard floor, as the knot in the carpet relocated from behind me to where she pulled it.

This time I didn't hesitate, just rolled backwards and sprang to my feet. "Hey, fuck you," I shouted eloquently at the scowling girl. "I just wanted to talk to him."

"Go," she repeated, and gave the carpeting a small menacing shake. Was she an Exhuman too? Someone with power over...carpets? I had no idea. She hadn't done anything but completely humiliate me so far.

Well, screw her, I was an Exhuman too. Not wanting to burn down or blow up the house, I settled for popping a tiny EMP in the palm of one hand, which made the lights in the hall flicker eerily for a moment. In the flickering blackness, I pounced, dashing down the hallway under the strobing guise of darkness. I was two steps away from her when the carpet...where she'd placed it carefully after giving it the threatening flick, was somehow under my feet again, and I felt the now-familiar sensation of careening headfirst into the ground.

I had some momentum this time, which was arrested immediately and painfully by another foot into my back. I lay humiliated, defeated, and once again face-down in that fucking carpet.

"Now go?" she asked.

"Yeah. Now go," I muttered into the floor. The foot lifted off my back and she didn't try to stop me this time as I got to my feet, straightening out the carpet as I got off of it.

She walked me back towards the servants quarters, tightening the loose lightbar back into the sconce as we passed, draping the hallway in light again.

"Who are you?" I asked. It was halfway between the two questions I really wanted to ask of 'what is your name' and 'what the fuck are you?'.

She just sighed and scowled. A real talker, this one.

We wound up a flight of stairs to the servant's wing and she kicked hard on the door next to mine. A moment later, Jack appeared in his night apparel, same as mine, a loose short robe and a pair of loose breathable pants. He was smiling, despite the obvious interruption.

"Hello, Mage, Chariot," he said addressing the two of us. "Cavorting in the halls at night?"

"Keep a leash on him," Mage said.

"Sorry, you're Magician?" I asked turning towards her. Just a scowl. She and Jack should average out their faces, and they'd both be a lot more pleasant. "We haven't met, I'm...well...Chariot, I guess. I guess we'll be working together?"

She just scowled and kicked me into the doorframe.

"Leash," she said, stabbing Jack in the chest with an accusatory finger, and then turned to leave, heading down two doors and entering the first one in the hall, closing it silently behind her. I was not comfortable having that living only a few doors down from me.

"My, my, what a mess," Jack said looking at my face. Or, whatever it was he was doing with his eyes closed and a big grin on his face. I caught the sparkle of one beady eye barely gleaming at me.

"What the hell is her problem?" I asked.

"Though she may be of ill temperament, I assure you, Mage only acts in Blackett's best interests. I believe the real question is," he bent forward a little bit so that he was closer to and level with my face, "what the hell is your problem?"

"My problem? That should be self-evident. I've been fucking kidnapped, and I don't even know why. Now I'm in this freakshow, working for that crazy man every day--"

"Please refrain from disparaging Master Blackett," Jack said, cracking his knuckles with a smile on his face. "Or from utilizing profanity. I understand you have had a lack of upbringing so I am attempting to be lenient, but it really is uncouth."

"...sure. Whatever. Point being, I don't even know why I'm here, and I wanted Blackett to explain himself to me."

"Ah. Well, you see, you're a servant now. And servants are not permitted to make demands from their masters. I understand why Mage was so harsh with you now. Please refrain from attempting to accost the master in the future."

"And nobody seems to care that I was kidnapped or here against my will or anything?" I ventured.

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

It was like reading a damn sphynx.

"We trust the master implicitly. His decisions we follow without question. It is a good trait for a servant to posses, wouldn't you agree?"

"Is there some kind of Code-Xavier bullsh--" I caught myself as the tiny sliver of visible eye flashed dangerously. "Bull...stuff, going on? Not that you'd know if it was affecting you, I guess."

"There are no mind games at work. We all work to serve the glory of the master of our own volition, and you will in time as well, I'm sure. Speaking of time…"

He began to retreat back into his room and the door slowly edged closed.

"Wait. Sorry, please."

The door paused, the smiling face still hovering in the doorway.

"Is uh, is...is Mage like, um, like you and me?" I said, not sure how discrete I needed to be about being an Exhuman. I've lived in a world where all Exhumans were evil and needed to die on sight, and one where nobody cared a bit if I was. Being covert about it was new to me.

"She is," Jack said, with the same smile. "She is a servant of Master Blackett just as we are. Good night, Chariot."

The door clicked shut in my face.

"Asshole," I said loud enough for him to hear.

Without the door moving, he was standing right behind me. I felt his presence and the faint movement of air on the back of my neck as he appeared promptly and silently, and with a smile.

"Please refrain from such crudities, as I believe I already asked," he said. "And please refrain from disparaging me unnecessarily."

"Please refrain from deliberately misconstruing my questions," I said, without bothering to face him. I'd learned quickly in our one fight that if he wanted to be behind me, he'd be behind me. My facing had nothing to do with it.

"Fair enough," he smiled, and just like that was gone again.

Fuck he was creepy. I wasn't sure if I preferred the little Latina lolita beating the shit out of me with a rug or his constant smile and appearing wherever he wasn't. At least one of them I understood what was going on. She was angry and wrecked me using a carpet. That was pretty straightforward, if not humiliating.

I decided to call it a night before I got any more visibly embarrassing injuries and retreated down the hall to the second-furthest door. Six doors, all on one side, and I had to assume the first four were the others, and the one after mine was empty. If they were handed out by order we got here, that would mean...Mage, Temperance or Tower, Jack, the other of Temperance and Tower...and then me. That would make Mage the most senior servant here, if true. No wonder she was the guard dog for Blackett's office.

I kicked off the black slippers and hung up my black robe, just wearing my sleek silky black pants, and fell into bed, one of the few furnishings of the small room, along with a nightstand complete with the only lamp in the room, and a dresser with a mirror, holding a few dozen identical servant outfit pieces, painstakingly pressed and folded.

I lay on my back looking up at the slanted roof and single window and lightbar, feeling lost and alone. It was one thing to be put to this labor, but not knowing why was horrible. Smiling about it was horrible. Having coworkers like them was horrible. I didn't know why, maybe because Saga was the only one I'd ever really met...met and not immediately have to kill...but I just assumed I'd automatically get along well with other Exhumans. It seemed like we had enough problems in the world without making more for ourselves.

Of course, I guess the exact same thing could be said for humans.

I clapped twice and the light did nothing. Of course it wouldn't, but it made me smile and remember my friends as I reached over to turn off the light. At least the labor and good food meant I slept well.

So I was surprised when it felt like I was being roused from my sleep by a fully-dressed Jack after no time at all.

"Wakey, wakey," he said with a smile. It was too early for smiles. The sun wasn't even up.

"Mfjfu gofgjf om?"

"We are to assemble early this morning. Master Blackett is going away on business for a while and it is our duty to see him off, promptly and silently, and with a smile. If you are so inclined, you may sleep after he is gone, but you will not yawn, slouch, or even blink until then."

He leaned in close. Way too close. His face only inches from mine, his one beady eye glinting in the darkness. "Or else, you will be disciplined for disrespecting the master. Understood?"

"Yeah. Yeah," I said, sliding away from him. "I'll get dressed."

"Very good. Foyer in ten minutes, do not be late," he said with a smile.

And then he wasn't there anymore. I found myself backing away from just the dresser.

As much as I was just to blow the whole thing off and sleep, I found the temptation of sleep did not outweigh tempting fate. I might not like Jack, but he was my lifeline in this insane fucked-up world, and I didn't want him mad at me. Or...more mad. It was hard to tell what was going on behind that smile.

So I was dressed and ready and in the foyer in less than ten minutes. Jack was there, and tutted as he smoothed my shoulders, tucked in my shirt, straightened my tie, and generally fussed over me.

I saw all three of the others were there as well, including Mage, whom I'd only just had the pleasure of meeting, and a silver-haired girl and a huge black man, even taller than Jack, but also broad, and just a little fat.

Temperance and Tower. If the names were anything to go by, I'd put smart money on the huge guy being Tower. Not that I felt like much of a Chariot, but whatever.

We waited in silence for another few minutes, in which I attempted not to fall asleep, and it looked like Tower shared my same dilemma, but as soon as footsteps were heard echoing from Blackett's room, we all snapped crisply to attention in a rigid line.

The door opened, and there he was. Same black military uniform I'd seen him in both other times. Man must have really loved black to put it on all his servants after having to wear it all day himself. He walked past without a word until he reached me on the end of the line and halted, turned his head towards me.

"Chariot. How are you finding things here?"

I blinked at him for a moment. I wasn't expecting this at all.

"Um," I said, and felt Jack poke me in the throat to angle my face towards Blackett's instead of his shoes. He shot Jack an annoyed glance, which somehow made me actually like the guy for a moment. Anyone who found Jack annoying couldn't be all bad.

"It's...not bad. Honestly, I just don't know why I'm here. Um, sir. I don't know why you don't have just...regular servants instead of me."

He gave me a tiny smile. "I only have the best," he said. "This is only temporary, rest assured, a time to get your bearings and for me to test your loyalty. Your talents will be put to use soon enough."

"I don't...sir, I don't have any loyalty towards you."

Mage looked like she had to stifle a laugh. I guess she could do more than just scowl.

"I understand that. You will be given time to understand my vision. If, at the end of it, you still have none, you are of no use to me."

"And you'll kill me."

"That is not what I said. Loyalty bought with death is not loyalty at all."

"You'd let me go?"

"I did not say that either, but I do not have time to discuss your entire future at the moment. Jack, the car, if you please?"

Jack stepped forward with a smile and held the door for Blackett, and then the two of them stepped out into the snowy black morning and they were gone.

"Thought I was driving," said presumably-Tower.

"Must have...have changed his mind," answered presumably-Temperance. "I wonder why."

"Jack annoyed him," Mage said as she left, heading back towards our rooms already.

That left the three of us in the spacious foyer, standing awkwardly and silently.

"Um, hi," I said, with a feeble wave.

"Oh, he's the new boy. He's...adorable. Hi, new boy," said presumably-Temperance with a friendly smile to rival Jack's.

"I'm Tower," said the man. Nice, got that right.

"Temperance here, but you can call me Tempe, if you'd like. Or, um, Tem. Or Temmie. I do have a lot of nicknames."

"But not 'Rance?" I asked wryly.

"No, nobody has s-said that one before. S-s-should I add it to my list?" She laughed demurely. She had a definite stutte on her S's it seemed.

"Well, just tell me what you want me to call you, doesn't matter to me."

"Oh dear. Um, Tempe. Tempe?" she said asking Tower.

"I liked Tem," he said with a shrug.

"Tem then, I s-s-suppose. I'm s-sorry."

"How long is he going to be gone?" I asked, jerking a thumb at the door.

"He? You...mean Master Blackett?"

"Yeah, who else."

"I must in-in-insist that you use proper address when referring to the m-m-master!" Tem said. She sounded like she was trying to say it urgently, passionately, but it still almost came out like a question. This girl was even more soft-spoken than Saga...and I'm pretty sure Saga was missing some of her less-essential vocalizing organs from atrophy.

"Um, okay, sorry." I scratched my head. "Uh, so when is Master Blackett coming back?"

"A week," said Tower with a shrug.

"What do we do until then?"

"Well, Mage has the run of the place, but never does anything unless she has to, so next in line is Tem, who blows at leadership--"

"I do not...blow...at it!"

"She does. So next is Jack, and he pretty much just bosses us all around. He'll keep us busy. No vacation for us."

"And...are...are we all...Exhuman?" I asked, not sure how else to put it.

Tower grinned broadly at me. "Hell yes we are. Want to have a go?"

"No, not really. I'm just surprised. The XPCA is supposed to, like…"

"Kill people like us? They do. Blackett saves those of us he likes though."

"MASTER Blackett!"

"Sure, Tem. Anyway, yeah. We were all in your shoes once, brought in here, not knowing what's up. My time was just a few months ago. You'll get used to it."

"That's actually a huge relief," I said. "I met Blackett first, obviously--"

"MASTER Blackett!"

"--Master Blackett first, and...we had some issues, as Exhumans and XPCA do, and then Jack and Mage...and I thought…"

Tower laughed and clapped his huge hands on my shoulders in a way which I'd describe as playfully painful. "Yeah, those two are complete sticks in the mud. But we're not all that bad, right Tem?"

"Yes...I mean, yeah!" she said, totally convincingly.

"'Atta girl," Tower said, clapping her painfully as well. She looked up at me with a smile and tears in her eyes as we were both crushed by Tower's powerful enthusiasm.

"Well, if Jack is planning on running me ragged, I should get some more sleep while I can. You guys will be around?"

"We live here just...like you!" Tem said.

"Yeah, but I've been here a week and haven't met you guys yet."

"Well, it is a big house, and it is easier to keep up if we spread out. We can try to meet up at mealtimes at least, if you would like that."

"I think I would. Thanks you guys."

"No problem, little man!" Tower said and grabbed me in a one-armed hug. Easily more powerful than a two-armed hug by a normal person. Was his power just super-strength or what?

I extracted myself slowly and made my final goodbyes and collapsed back in bed, stopping only to explode out of the admittedly well-tailored and comfortable suit and back into my lounge pants and dove right back into bed.

I clapped twice, smiled, and then turned the lamp off.

And then winced at my still-sore smiling muscles, but hell, worth it.