The casket seemed too large, like it held the remains of a big strong adult who'd had a meaningful life, who'd made choices and had experiences and had time on this earth to put himself on any path he'd desired. And that path happened to lead to this grave.

But it didn't. It held a child. This casket, me and the others standing in line, full military honors, dozens of soldiers standing behind us, rapt at attention for a person they never knew, we were all here for the soul that once lived in that small body.

I'd missed the end of the fight, blacked out from pain or exhaustion or my own body just turning against me. Jack was barely up, could hardly even stand, and yet he had gotten Tower and Steffie where they had needed to be and won us the day.

Steffie was on my left, in a wheelchair, wearing a black dress, crying openly. Tem was on my right, wearing her black servant suit like we all were, leaning against me and crying as well.

I didn't even care they were crying. I was too numb to feel any awkwardness or even to have the emotional capacity to consider anyone else's feelings right now. Aside from facts flipping themselves over in my mind and a black wave of guilt so all-encompassing I felt like it was pouring from every part of me, I felt nothing. Could feel nothing.

Towards the end of the fight, my powers had simply stopped working. I didn't know why, and after coming to again, they'd come back up as strong and sure as ever. But at a critical time, I hadn't been able to do anything but lay there and whisper into a comms, and as a result, Dipshit had free run of the battlefield, chased around by Karu and Tower and Tem, but able to move proactively, forcing the three of them to react to him.

I'd tried to coordinate their attacks to keep him busy as much as possible, but Karu just didn't have the right ordinance equipped for the fight, Tower was almost useless against Jack's powers, and Tem couldn't protect all three of the downed bodies at the same time. She'd focused on protecting me, when I wanted her to protect Mage, but she just apologized and kept right on.

And now she was bawling her soul out into my side.

In the moments he stole away, the Exhuman had gone to Mage to steal her powers. Several times, he touched her head for fractions of a second, and the medics warned me that her vitals were plummeting. I begged Tem to leave me, save her, ordered her to, pleaded with her over comms.

She refused. And now there was a coffin in front of us with a dead thirteen-year old Exhuman inside of it.

Dead, on her first and only mission Her first and only time as strike lead. Her first and only time being an Exhuman and a good guy at the same time. She died a hero, serving her country, posthumously given several medals, and a military funeral with full honors.

We all inarguably owed her our lives. Whatever the exact nature of her powers, she'd saved us all three times over before the fight began. More than a military hero, she was a hero to her friends. Even if none of us had really even liked Mage, even if she didn't like us, she'd done more for each of us than any of the others who were still standing here.

The US flag had been removed from the casket, folded with rigid efficiency into a triangle, and given to Jack. Blackett wasn't here, and of us, Jack had known her the longest. He held it loosely in shaking hands, barely a trace of a smile on his face.

Tem's shuddering against me intensified. I wanted to blame her for everything, wanted to just hate her and dump all this guilt and grief into her and be rid of it, but that's not how any of this worked. She didn't follow my orders, she protected me instead of Mage, she let Mage die.

But every time I had that thought, I thought also, so did I. I'd been calling the shots and giving the orders and taking it upon myself to sacrifice myself and my own well being to protect the others the entire op, and as a result, when Mage needed me most, when I needed my powers the most, I couldn't use them any longer. I'd burnt myself out, destroyed my own body, and even blacked out. It was my orders that had led to Tem having to make that choice, not Tem's choice which had killed Mage.

Me. A killer again. More blood on my hands. Another murdered girl.

And through it all, another thought tore at my brain. If she could see the future, then why, why hadn't she been able to predict this, to prevent this? Was her power limited in some way, or was this...was this death...was it a necessary sacrifice she willingly made to prevent an even worse catastrophe?

I didn't know, and I never would. All of her secrets were being buried before our eyes.

People began to file away. The soldiers marched away with practiced perfection. The groundskeepers began lowering the casket.

And I just stood there, unable to move, turning over every fact, everything I'd seen, trying to figure out why. Why this child was taken instead of me. What I could have done differently. How had I failed her.

I eventually noticed everyone was gone. Tem was crouched on the ground nearby, still with tears rolling over her cheeks and falling into her two tufts of silver hair, but staring at my feet, and another woman I didn't recognize stood patiently behind us, dressed in all black with a wide-brimmed hat with a veil of black lace.

Just the three of us and the dead girl.

I sensed more than saw the elegant woman in black approach, and I realized it was Karu. I'd never seen her dressed up before.

"How are you?" she asked, her eyes soft, but her brow heavy with concern.

I couldn't take my eyes off the casket. "She's dead, Karu. I did that."

Karu sighed. "I knew you would say that before I asked. Ashton, you can't--"

"I could have done things differently. I should have known better. I should have known he would ambush the caravan after we split up. I knew he'd come after the wounded, I could have had the medics put both in one place to make them easier to protect. I should have sent you off to get better ordinance once I knew you couldn't protect them. Hell, we should have left as soon as we got hands on Steffie!"

I was yelling. I didn't even know why. I wasn't mad at Karu.

"You can't blame yourself for every soldier," Karu said softly.

"There isn't every soldier. There's one dead girl."

"She willingly joined a combat strike. She knew the dangers."

"So we just blame here then? It's her fault she died?"

"Ultimately...yes, I'm sorry. It is the foremost role of every soldier to keep themselves alive. You may sacrifice for your allies, but if you sacrifice too much, you will have nothing left to contribute. She exposed herself to too much danger, and you had to carry her away. It's not your fault she stumbled. Just mourn that she fell."

I looked down at my hands. My right hand was still uselessly shaky. I'd been in the regenerator, but there was extensive nerve damage and my body needed time to recover some of that on its own, they'd explained that it was more of a learning and rehabilitation issue than anything physically wrong with me. I'd felt some loss of motor control when they regrew my leg, but...that was just a leg.

"She died because I did that, not the other way around, Karu. I sacrificed too much of myself that I had nothing left to contribute. How you could even think to blame her…"

I heard footsteps on the grass behind me and turned. Cosette was there, somber, and in full military uniform, looking entirely to code today.

"Chariot. Karu. Tem. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," I said. I wondered if I stuttered, and then realized Tem had said the same in unison. She looked embarrassed and fixated on my feet.

Cosette looked at both of us sadly. "I know...this probably isn't what you want to hear, but...you've been promoted, Chariot, to strike lead. We also have your uniforms and equipment ready…" she sighed. "I don't know what we're going to do with Mage's. It's not like there's any other children in the XPCA to give it to."

"I'll take it," I said.

Karu looked at me sideways. "May I inquire why?"

"I don't ever want to forget what I did here," I said.

Cosette frowned at me. "This doesn't sound healthy."

"Healthy?" I echoed. "She's dead. How can you be worried about how healthy I am?"

"Because you're alive, Chariot. I am sad and I am sorry about Mage too. I am frustrated and I am hurt, and I wonder what I could have done better. But I'm wondering what I could do better so that next time I can do better. Next time, it might be your life on the line, or Tem's, or Tower's, and if I avoid those mistakes again, maybe then, instead of a casualty, we'll have an easy op by the numbers. Mage died, and that's awful and I hate it, but you're still alive and that's important too."

"It doesn't feel very important right now," I said bitterly.

I found myself on my back, wind knocked out of me. Cosette released the arm she'd twisted to throw me down there.

"Get your head out of your ass, Chariot," she said. "Mage died, but she also saved your life. If you're just going to throw that away, then yeah, maybe you should have died instead of her. But if you respect her at all, then respect the damn decent thing she did for you by saving your life and fucking live it."

She reached into a pocket and pulled out a pin shaped like a narrow triangle, half silver, half black, still sealed inside a thick transparent bag. Mage had been buried with an identical one.

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"Happy fucking promotion," she said, and threw it at me, before turning and leaving.

"I didn't deserve that," I said from my back.

"Perhaps it is not the most flattering position to take to insinuate that your life is without value to a woman whose job it is to support you and to bring you home safe, and who has very recently failed to do so. Or to insinuate to those who love you that your life is valueless at all," Karu said. She sounded about as mad as Cosette.

"I fucked up, Karu. I ruined the op and killed that girl."

"Then improve!" she snapped, looking nothing like the elegant lady she was dressed as. "Dedicate yourself to justice...and righteousness...pray to God for forgiveness every day for those you let die! Do not let another single soul in your presence fall victim again! If you repent for your sins, then repent. But do not fucking deign to dare to say that you have erred and now your life should be forfeit. Do not fucking dare."

She was shaking.

"Karu...I'm sorry--"

She stopped me with a gesture and tilted her head back to fight back tears with rage still crossing her face. "I have words to exchange with you. This...this is not what I had come to say. I will...will wait at the gate for you. Just give me a minute alone, if you will."

And then, like Cosette, she turned and left.

I laid on my back for what felt like several minutes before I heard another voice. Soft and frail, and broken.

"I...I understand you."

I closed my eyes.

"I feel...I feel worthless every day. Ah. I'm s-s-sorry, you don't want to hear me talk about myself right...right now, probably. S-sorry."

I shook my head. "It's fine, Tem," I said.

"I never...never want to talk to anyone because I'm afraid...afraid I'm just bothering them. Please let me know if I'm bothering...just bothering you I can s-stop."

"I said it's fine."

"Oh okay." She waited another minute before continuing. "I...um, like I s-s-said, I think I understand you. I blame myself for lots of things too. They're usually my fault, too. I wish I could be like Karu...wish I could just...just get s-stronger and protect everyone...but I can't. I already know I'll never be like her. S-s-she's s-strong, and you...and you...you love her. And I'm just...I'm just a burden."

I heard her shift and adjust her suit.

"I feel like nothing ever...like nothing ever goes right if I touch it. I feel like people have a harder time…harder time just because I'm around. Like, I make everything...just make everything go s-slower, and people are mad at me for it."

"Who's mad at you, Tem?"

"Well, nobody s-s-says it to me, s-so I don't bring it up. It's really nothing."

"But who is it? I don't think anyone on the team hates you."

"Oh, ah, yes, I think you're right. I'm s-sorry."

I grit my teeth. Even when we agreed. And then just like that she turned it all around. Couldn't stand up for herself, even here, even when I knew the answer.

It's you. You're mad at me. If she could just say those words, I wouldn't be mad at her anymore. But she couldn't, she would never be able to. Like she said, she wasn't strong like Karu, but it wasn't because anyone was holding her down, it was because she just utterly refused to pick herself up.

"S-sorry," she said.

"For what?"

"For...for bothering you and wasting your...wasting your time. I think...think Karu's probably waiting for you s-s-still. I'll let you go to her."

I heard her stand and walk away.

And then it was just me and Mage, both laying on the hard ground.

"Why'd you do it, Mage? And why didn't you let me help?" I whispered.

Mage didn't answer. Never would.

Karu looked much less angry when I saw her at the stone arch of the cemetery. I was about to speak when she cut me off.

"My father heard of your promotion and the medals you earned on this mission for your heroism and quick-thinking."

Not enough of either to matter, though.

"He...he has…" she fingered a bit of black lace from her veil. "He has decided there were oversights in his decision to disown me."

"I'm very happy for you," I said, feeling anything but.

"Yes. As...as am I. But, um."

I wasn't sure I had ever heard Karu 'but um' something. I scrutinized her face. She was blushing and clearly struggling with something. I felt like this was bizarro-universe Karu, who was everything but confident and eloquent and direct with her speech.

"Please do not...do not stare. I am embarrassed enough as it is," she said, covering half her face with a hand. "My father, he um, wishes to meet with you, to...judge the mettle of your character for himself, as it were. Wishes to see if he...made a mistake...in throwing me out with you."

She shifted uneasily scratching the side of one of her black stocking-clad legs with the side of her black flats. I guess she'd said what she wanted to then? I wasn't sure I understood the consternation.

"Uh, sure. Fine by me, I guess. When?"

'Oh, um, tonight for dinner, if that would be acceptable."

"Works for me. Do I...need to bring anything, or anything?"

"Ah, um. If you could...wear your uniform, that would be appreciated."

"Sure," I said.

And the conversation withered away.

"Well...I shall...be by to pick you up then. Au revoir!" she said with a wave, and then blanched. "Is there...the possibility you could forget I said that?"

"Au revoir? Doesn't that just mean bye?"

"Yes. I simply...that was a silly thing to say. I don't know what's wrong with me presently. I'm sorry, Ashton." She gave a deep confusing bow and then climbed into the side of a car and it drove off leaving me too exhausted to be puzzled.

I caught the last ride back to Raven's Nest. Along with the uniforms, paperwork and pay, we'd been given our own housing in the on-site barracks. Located in one of the underground floors, I got the impression nobody lived there unless they truly had to, it was claustrophobic, dark, and metal, but it was still a place which was all our own.

Jack was there, laying in a bed with his eyes closed and his shoes off, a small smile on his lips. I waved, but he didn't respond. It was impossible to tell if he was sleeping. I laid down in my own bunk and stared at the ceiling and spent the rest of the time before dinner thinking.

With a little less than an hour left, I decided I should change into my uniform and got up. Jack was gone, but Tem was sitting crouched like she had been next to the coffin, just staring in my general direction. She was probably going through some stuff, so I left the little creeper alone and dressed in the lockers/showers next door, pinning the single insignia to my collar, having to look up regulations on my new wrist holo for the exact position and alignment.

It looked like a standard uniform, one of the mid-tier officer uniforms, I noticed, not a grunt's. It had the high collar with the zipper on the side which went down one side of the body and then diagonally across...almost the same as Saga's prison uniform, I noticed. But it was black with silver trim, and breathed and moved easily.

I wasn't really an Exhuman who benefitted too much from having too many pieces of gear, but there was a pistol, hip holster, and rounds. In a set of pockets, I found what I remembered Lia called 'shock rocks', little caltrops you could scatter in an area, and they would create a web of electricity between themselves until they ran out of juice, incapacitating any who entered. If I'd had these just two days ago…

In another set of pockets were some strange metal bars which looked like a pen with a button on one end and were really heavy for their size.

"There's our world-famous XPCA exotic weaponry," Cosette said from behind me, making me jump. She was lurking in the doorway. I was just happy she didn't seem mad at me.

"What are they?" I asked.

"Give it a try. Won't hurt anyone."

I clicked the button on the end and it depressed and didn't come back out. The shaft of the device rapidly cooled, and I had to drop it before it burned me. My brain flashed back to the sensation of frost creeping into my flesh, holding the frozen wire cable with a hand which was already dead.

"Shoot some indiscriminate lightning around, now," she said, and it took me a minute to remember where I was.

I shook myself off and tried to remember when I was with Lia and decided to invent a new attack, the Infinite Deathblow or whatever. I felt my cheeks burn just remembering that, but it was what Cosette asked me for. Indiscriminate, uncontrolled lightning from my hands. I pushed the power through my arms and let it flow out in a constant arc.

To my surprise, instead of just noodling downwards into the ground, the bolts arced directly into the device.

Intrigued, I kept blasting it with a steady chain of lightning, feeling like a Jacob's ladder as an unbroken arc danced between my fingertips and the device. I took a few steps back, and then a few more, and then I was all the way on the other side of the room, my lightning still ignoring the ground and seeking out the device, no matter which way I threw it out. After a bit more, the device just died and my lightning went right back to being limp noodles.

"It's like a superconductor grenade," she said, walking up to me now that the lightshow had stopped. "Only lasts about a minute before it burns itself out, but until then, if lightning is going to strike, it's gonna strike there. I don't know how handy it is compared to shock rocks, but I figured, if we have the tech, you should have the toy."

"Thanks, Cosette," I said. "And about earlier--"

She stopped me and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. "I'm sorry for snapping at you," she said. "I'm sad and mad about Mage too, don't think you have a monopoly on acting like a douche right now." She let me go and then patted me on the head, which was awkward considering I was a head taller than her. "If you need anything, anything at all, call up your big sis, okay? I put my number in your holo already, along with the rest of the team's. And Karu's public hail. Okay?"

I pulled up the comms on the holo and froze. Under 'Cosette <3' and between 'Karu' and 'Tem' was 'Mage'.

She glanced over my shoulder nervously after seeing my face. "I...I'm sorry," she said, "I can get rid of that, here," she started to manhandle my arm, but I pulled away.

"It's fine, look, maybe it's unhealthy for me to hold onto her uniform, but I can at least keep this, right?"

"I...I guess so," she said, looking crushed. "I am sorry."

"It's fine," I said, closing the holo down. "Look, I need to go, but thank you for everything."

"Where are you going?" she asked, half concerned.

"I think...uh...I'm meeting Karu's parents for some reason."

"Oh." Cosette said. "Oh. I had no idea you two were that far along." Bemusement overtook concern in her voice.

"That...far?" I asked, confused.

"Meeting a girl's parents? That's usually kind of a big deal, isn't it?"

"Oh," I said, and then replayed the conversation with Karu in my head with the context that we were dating. As her behavior became a lot more reasonable-seeming, my anxiety began to skyrocket. "Oh what the...oh my God, I look like a zombie. How did I not realize what she meant!"

"Umm, here, I have a comb. And uh, you need to shave. Do you have a breath mint?"

Cosette helped me scramble for the last few minutes before Karu's car picked me up and waved good-luck as I was driven towards downtown. The driver let me out at a hugely expensive-looking restaurant with only valet parking. I finally had some credits on me, but wasn't sure if I was supposed to tip her.

"Thank you, Eryn," Karu said to the driver, now in a slinky white dress which accentuated her curves as much as it showed off her back. It contrasted vividly with her tan skin and blonde hair, and I reminded myself that I was meeting the parents. I had to be a perfect gentleman, and gentlemen did not ogle.

Eryn smiled back at Karu, and the two of them embraced briefly, before I heard the sound of someone clearing their throat.

"Karen, please do not fraternize with the help," said the man, and the two broke off at once, Eryn snapping to attention while Karu slumped and turned away from him. "And stand up straight, child."

Unmistakable by his matching blonde hair and good looks and imperious domination of the indomitable Karu was a face I'd seen smiling back at me from many a political ad.

Karu's father, Senator Idris Irenside. He greeted me with a warm smile and a strong handshake.