I'd had my senses on 'human' mode for almost a week now, but the capacity to turn them up in case of an emergency was still there. To keep myself from using them constantly, I'd given them the same treatment as my built-in 'net hookup. While they were on, I felt continuous unease.
But it wasn't that which was making my stomach do flips in my chest right now, even though I had my hearing cranked as high as it could possibly go. Athan had cut his comms, but only a few feet away, Tem's comms were still broadcasting.
I could only hear his half of the conversation, and even with my senses turned all the way up, the comms were only sensitive enough to pick up most of his words.
I sat, paralyzed, unable to turn away as their conversation spiraled up in intensity. Feelings, yelling, Athan's voice sounded so choked with emotion as he argued with her, told her she was wrong about herself, how, in not so few words, he loved her.
I had to do something. I had to...I had drones in an XPCA facility in the same state. I could just...call his mobile, ruin the mood. I had to do something, and I had to do it now.
But I couldn't. I only sat there and listened in numb horror as the one-sided half-understood conversation became more intense and intimate.
Why couldn't I do a thing? Why was I allowing this to happen?
Maybe because...I could almost pretend he was talking to me.
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There was a thump, and then everything he said was much closer to the comms, much clearer. It was like the two of them were right next to me, him pouring out his feelings to her while I could only sit and watch, as paralyzed and mute as Tem.
"I'm sorry for everything," he said.
No.
"I've been selfish and unfair."
No.
"You've always been there for me, in your own way."
No. Please no.
"But you're wrong about me."
God, please no. Please no. Stop now, Athan. Please.
"And even more, you're wrong about yourself."
Athan, I am begging you, from the bottom of my heart. Don't say another word. Don't do this. Don't make me listen to this. Please, please, please.
"So...would you..."
Chicken out. Stop now. Give up, and just walk away. Anything, please. Athan, God, anyone, please.
"...go out with me?"
"Of...of course!" She said, only barely audible.
And my heart stopped in my chest.
A moment and hours later, Lia was shaking me back to awakeness. She was crying. She'd plugged the emergency boot driver I'd given her into my cables.
I'd crashed. My emotional response was beyond the operational parameters of what this body could process, what I could process, what any human could process. Even booting up with my emotional indices throttled down in debug mode, I could still feel the enormity of the hole in me gnawing at me.
I looked at Lia. She was speaking to me, crying, holding me, banging her small fists impotently on me, flailing, unable to sit still or be calm. But I couldn't focus on her words enough to hear them. All of me was far away from here right now, in tiny pieces, in an Exhuman's hands.