Turns out, I was so tired and emotionally depleted, I slept all day and most of the night. Somehow, despite the amount of thoughts chasing each other around my mind, I slept completely at peace, and had to wonder if maybe Saga had taken pity on me and given me that perfect dreamless sleep. I considered asking, but then I'd be thanking her again, and I got the impression she was pretty tired of me doing that already.

So I laid there, gradually waking up, realizing slowly that I kicked Wynn out of his bed all night, that I had one day less to prepare for the XPCA's imminent arrival, and that Karu and AEGIS both were probably thinking I was with the other all night.

I wondered how I was going to navigate the rest of my life if even sleeping was this much of a clusterfuck.

[Yeah, it's a pickle all right.]

"That's one way of putting it. A weird way, but a way, I guess."

[Yep. Pickley pickled pickle.]

"Are you okay?"

[Yeah, just bored. Watch your step.]

"What?" I said, stepping out of bed and treading on something which yelled at me.

"Ow! Ow, ow, ow." Lia said, holding her hand I just stepped on.

"Lia? Why are you on the floor? What are you doing out here? Why are you...naked again."

"Ow," she replied, nursing her hand and wrapping her cloak around her like a blanket while glaring at me like Satan himself had decided to wake up and tread on her today. She wasn't the best morning person at the best of times, and she looked even more like shit than usual, so I had to assume she drank last night.

"Okay, you put some clothes on, I'm going to head out," I said.

[She came looking for you after you never came back.]

"And she found me. Why'd she stay?"

[She misses you?]

I sighed, withering under her hurt, confused glare and the guilt of the situation.

"Okay, you put some clothes on, I'll be outside," I said. "Saga, please don't let her fall back asleep."

"I'm not going to fall back asleep," Lia said.

I sighed again and walked out into the early pre-sunrise air. One of my favorite times of day, before the sun even arrived, but the sky was still full of light. It was cold, but felt more brisk and refreshing than biting. At times like these, it felt like the whole world was still, nothing yet stirring or awake, like even nature itself was asking for five more minutes of sleep.

I was starving, but waited for Lia before I went off traipsing on my own to feed myself. I resented the waste of time, especially now that we had even more mouths to feed, but waited patiently for her to come out. Finally, she came trotting outside, apparently not hungover in any way.

"Yo," I said. "I'm hungry, let's find something to eat."

"I brought nutrient paste."

[YUM.]

"We really shouldn't be eating that unless we have to. It'll keep forever, and there's three of us eating now."

"Yesterday, Karu went hunting and got like, three birds. I think she just wanted to shoot something, but she's definitely a lot better at it than you are."

"Well, she is a pro hunter. I guess we can count on her for that at least."

"And I'm super sick of bear."

[You guys ate my bear?]

"He's made of meat."

[He was family!]

"He was going to eat Lia."

[She's made of meat.]

"Yeah, this conversation is done. You're going to traumatize Lia again. I guess we can have the nutrient paste," I said, hoping I wasn't just rationalizing on behalf of my rumbling stomach. "Also because I said I owed Saga."

[Aww, yess.]

"Gonna join us, Saga? I have a few on me."

[I think it might be a little weird watching you guys. I'll just chill here.]

"Watching?" Lia looked at me confused. I shrugged.

"Not going to eat, Saga? I thought that was half the reason you wanted to get free?"

[Yeah. Well, unfortunate side-effect of my powers again, not only do I not have to eat (or potty…), but I actually can't, I found out. Sucks, right?]

"What do you mean? Like you get sick?"

[No, there's just...nowhere for it to go. Apparently I really am just a lanky alien. My body uh, broke down my own digestive system.]

"That's super wierd," Lia said.

[How nice of you to be so sensitive. Please, tell me what you really think.]

"I'm sorry, Saga. I guess you could...still just like...chew on it?" I volunteered.

[Nah. Not while you guys are talking about conserving food and people starving. I'll just lay here and let you guys eat.]

"Fair warning, Lia, it gets pretty weird eating around her. Saga um, really enjoys the sensation of people eating food. It's kind of fun because her emotions bleed into you, but it's kind of weird because...well...her emotions aren't exactly normal eating emotions."

[You're gonna scare her off, kid. Let her eat the damn paste.]

"She's my sister, and I need to protect her from weirdos like you."

"Let's eat," Lia said, dropping three tubes between us on the ground. For some reason Lia was smiling a lot, maybe she was just hungry too.

"Okay, Saga. We've got...pasta with beef sauce, cheese enchilada verde, and...drunk pork tips."

"Yoink," said Lia, taking the third tube.

[Enchilada, if you don't mind? I don't think I've ever had mexican, they didn't serve it in the base canteen.]

"Wow, never had mexican food?" Lia said, floored. "I would probably eat mexican for every meal if I could.

"Says the girl who yoinked the pork?"

"It said drunk in the name. It spoke to me on a spiritual level."

"That is all kinds of disturbing. Do we need to have a talk?"

[Less wholesome sibling relations, more eating.]

"Shush, you," I said, but Lia was already opening her tube. She took a big reckless bite and then fell backwards, shuddering.

I could feel why. Even without any food in my mouth, I could taste the pork. I could feel the individual compressed chunks of the paste flaking apart in my mouth, spit infiltrating every crack and reconstituting the paste with a concentrated burst of flavor. Like it was in my own mouth. Or...Saga's mind. Or Lia's mouth? As our consciousnesses melded over this one sensation, it became hard to tell.

I didn't really like the beery taste, but it came through clear and strong, adding a prevailing bitter current that made my tongue curl. Underneath, succulent juicy pork, smokey and subdued, the taste lapping against my mind in crests every time Lia's tongue moved. I could feel Saga moan and rock with passion as the flavors enveloped her, even though she seemed to share my opinion on beer. I found it hard to reside in her consciousness without also finding myself flush, eyes rolling, toes curling, such was the overwhelming power of her enjoyment.

Lia swallowed quickly and I felt the large mostly-softened lump pass through her mouth, leaving only a briny, bitter aftertaste which coated my tongue like a thin film. I felt some disappointment from Saga, but Lia was just pouring out waves of surprise and relief.

[Holy shit,] said Saga.

"Holy shit," agreed Lia, from her back.

"Holy shit," I nodded.

"Sorry. Um, wow. I could feel both of you in my head. In my...mouth. Like you guys were tasting it and eating it too, and our enjoyment of it all got wrapped together."

Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.

"Yeah. I tried to warn you," I said. "I recommend smaller, slower bites."

[And maybe not the beer flavor again. Ick.]

"Well, I didn't pick it for you guys. Didn't know I wasn't the only one eating it. Saga, you're great, but you are super weird to have as a friend."

[Mexican now, please,] Saga pleaded, and I felt a yearning stir in us for the tube in my hand. Saga's emotions were still leaking all over the place, and it made me feel a little weird that she had the same gut-twisting empty-feeling yearning for that tube of food as I felt when I saw Karu out of her armor.

"Jesus, bro!" Lia said, and clasped her head, rolling on the ground. "Dude! Keep a lid on your thoughts, please!" She shuddered and I felt pure revulsion pouring from her, strong enough that I felt nauseated on the spot. I was confused until I realized that if I could pick up her feelings, she had certainly just gotten a blast of mine for Karu.

I subjected all three of us to a very strong measure of shame and embarrassment as my face burned crimson.

[P-please, eat. I need it, bad,] Saga whimpered. [Can't handle all these...feelings right now. Just...need it.] Thinking she sounded like a drug addict a little bit, I popped the end of the tube and steeled myself.

It was spicy and creamy in equal measures, slapping my tongue across its face with bold chilis and comforting it with a hug of molten cheese and doughy tortilla. The faintest hint of green onions permeated everything, just far enough forward to be felt, but only just. I had taken only a small bite, about the size of my thumbnail, and let it rest unmolested on my tongue where it slowly rehydrated and dissolved, rivers of flavor running through me.

Lia seemed like she was having a fit, shuddering softly and blinking rapidly, her eyes rolled up into her head. Saga was gasping from the heat of the chilis as much as she was panting at the sensation of flavor. It was all I could do to keep still and steady as the senses washed over me and assailed every dopamine and endorphin receptor in my brain.

After a few moments, the integrity of the blob on my tongue was compromised. Saliva had infiltrated too deeply and too far, and collapse was imminent. Dramatically, a split emerged down the middle, exposing a new blast of flavor, and the paste remained poised for only a moment longer, as tenacious strands of the goop held firm, but then broke, making the two parts fall apart and doubling the amount of paste on my tongue with a spicy splash.

It was too much for the two girls. Saga tensed and coiled and let out a gasp, while Lia's legs flew in the air and then froze, locked together at the knees while they shuddered. I wasn't sure when or how, but I found myself fallen halfway backwards, my elbows between me and the ground, the morsel of food still thankfully in my mouth.

Finally, the paste was more goop than dry compressed flake, and I swallowed it with an air of finality. Collectively, we all let out a communal, contented sigh.

"T-th-there, tha-that's how you...you eat," I gasped out, at Lia breathing heavily.

"Oh my...Gaaaawd," she moaned, burying her face in her arms. "It's like...it's like, I've never...eaten before."

"Yeah...you're getting that...from Saga."

[It was...was like fire? What is that. Oh my god.]

"Spicy foods, man."

[I l-like spicy foods. Oh god, I like them very much. I want...want more.]

Over the next twenty minutes or so, we somehow finished both tubes without anyone collapsing from bliss. We'd outlasted the dawn, and the sun looked down on us with disdain as Lia and I lay tangled on the ground, gasping and panting as the last bite of cheesy green enchilada flavor passed through my mouth.

"How can anyone ever want to fight or hurt anyone else, ever?" Lia asked at long last. "They just need to eat some food and realize how beautiful the world is."

"I don't know," I agreed, also too high to realize what a stupid sentiment it was.

[Fuuuuuckk, I love food,] Saga bleated. She was a huge wreck right now, sleepy and stoned and blissed-out beyond comprehension. Most of the thoughts and feelings we got from here were just errant vagueties with impressions of happiness and love. [I love you guys. I love Athan most-most.]

"I think we should leave before she starts focusing on me," I said. "I don't think you'd like what might come next."

Lia shuddered (the sensation made Saga groan unhappily) and agreed we should probably set off.

[Come back more!] Saga said drunkenly. I had forgotten at the time, but wondered how Wynn and Tate had found all of that.

"Wow, what a morning," Lia said stretching sleepily. "How is one supposed to get anything else done in a day after that?"

"Well, we'll have to. I dunno if you heard before, but the XPCA are coming."

I walked another few steps before I realized she was frozen in place behind me.

"Did I make a mistake? Are you in trouble because I'm here? Did I leave a trail for them to follow? I knew it was too dangerous to pose as an Exhuman...now they think there's two of us up here...they'd never ignore that. Dang it, Lia!" she said, winding herself up and banging her fists against her temples.

"Chill, stupid little sister. Karu ran afoul of the agency and they followed her trail. She thinks Luminary ratted us out." Lia's face went even darker at his mention, and implicitly the one helping him.

"Then it is my fault! Why else would B-B--" She took a deep breath. "--would Brick be up here?"

"I heard from you he hates me and thinks I'm a danger, so probably that. Look, please stop, it doesn't matter why they're coming, all we know is they are."

"I guess you're right," she said defeated, probably thinking that meant I still blamed her. "So what's the plan?"

"I don't really have one, and I don't know that there's one for us to make. I talked to the others and it doesn't seem like we can run or hide. That seems to leave fight and die by default."

"You wouldn't want to fight. Or die."

"Yeah."

"You're thinking of doing something stupid, aren't you?"

"No!" I said.

"Bro, you can't lie to me. There's no way you'd talk to a military smartypants like Karu or someone with XPCA insider knowledge like AEGIS or Saga and just be content with a plan of meeting them to fight."

"I...I don't know. I mean, you're right, but that's exactly what happened. I don't feel like there's anything else we can do. I feel like, best-case scenario is we kill literally everyone in the XPCA, and at that point, we're such blood-soaked murderers that I don't even know why we'd deserve to live. Anything less than best-case, we're dead."

"Maybe we could make a deal? Like...I don't know, turn over Saga or AEGIS. Or Karu, she's the one they wanted, right? Tell them you've been living peacefully out here."

"I would never do that. I can't believe you'd suggest that."

"I don't like it either! But you're my only stupid big brother. You can't just walk in there and die, it'd be better to sacrifice some of us if that saved even one of us."

"There's that word again," I said.

"What, sacrifice? Yeah, it's ugly, but tell me how some of us being dead is better than all of us?"

"Easy for you to say, you're the one plotting the sacrifices!" I turned and shouted at her, suddenly angry beyond all reason. "You're probably safe anyway because nobody in the XPCA even wants you. For all they know, you're just some stupid little girl who ran away from home. So yeah, of course you'd want to throw some people down, you're walking out of this no matter what!"

She looked at me icily for a moment and then slapped me hard across the face, hard enough to bring me to a knee.

"I can't believe you. I can't believe that's all you think of me. You think I don't love Saga and AEGIS like they're my sisters? Or...Karu, even? You and these girls are all the family I have now, and I want to hold onto them and protect them as much as you. But that doesn't mean I have to turn off my brain if it comes to choosing between killing some of them and all of them. If I could turn myself in and the XPCA would go away, you think I wouldn't do that?"

She paused. "Did you think I was asking if they came here because of me because I was just worried about who's fault it was?"

"Lia...I'm sorry…" My face burned with shame as much as it stung.

"You are sorry. You're such a do-gooder, you can't even realize that sometimes you have to do bad things to do good. Sometimes you have to sell government secrets to find your lost brother, or betray your agency to follow your heart, or bury a God-dogged exact fricking copy of yourself in a shallow grave to rot so that you can stand by your friends when they need you."

"I killed a woman," I muttered "to save people."

"And AEGIS and I were so proud. Karu too, I'm sure. Everyone is so worried that you're a major pushover when it comes to hurting anyone, and then you did that, and we were all so relieved. But now it feels like nothing changed at all, and you're just accepting defeat instead of getting ready to do what you can."

Proud? Of murder? My fifteen year-old sister? This world really was fucked.

"What should I do then?" I asked. In my head, the question sounded a lot like who do I kill.

"Ideally, the XPCA. They're the ones coming here looking for a fight."

"They're just soldiers doing their jobs."

"Damn it, Athan. You can't defend everyone who's in this fight. People are going to be killing other people, you can't be telling me they're all in the right."

"Maybe the XPCA leadership, then."

"I mean, if you're serious and not just wallowing in self-pity right now, we honestly could try to bump some of them off."

"Are you kidding?"

"Why not? We have precious time before they arrive, killing one or two of them could incite panic and disorder, and we have Karu as a resource, showing up out of nowhere and killing someone is her whole thing. I can probably pull some data on who would be best to take out." She began fiddling with her wrist holo.

"Lia, we can't just go around assassinating anyone we don't like."

"Would you listen to yourself? Yeah, you don't want to kill anyone, I got it. We're all very clear on that. Now imagine you had to choose between shooting…" she tapped a few more times and then twisted her wrist to show me a man's profile. "...shoot this guy, or shoot me. Who do you choose?"

"I wouldn't shoot either of you."

"Okay, fine. You shoot that guy, or me, or else he shoots me."

"Then I shoot him, I guess. Can I just shoot him in the knee or something?"

"What the hell, dude. I wish I was Exhuman instead of you, I'd be cleaning out the whole freaking XPCA, until they realized that messing with us was not worth it and left us all in peace. Any troop on the ground, any leader planning an attack, hell, families standing by their men as they go off killing people."

"Fuck, Lia. You sound like the Exhuman I killed. You think you can just teach everyone you're so dangerous they need to do what you want, but all that does is make them even more scared of you. Even if you do somehow win out, you spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder for when they get brave or stupid enough to come back."

"Well, she obviously wasn't right, but maybe she had a few right ideas. Unlike you, who has no ideas at all, just roll over and die." She bared her teeth and gave a guttural growl, grabbing me by the collar with both hands and pulling me back to my feet, my face a few inches from hers. It was less intimidating than it could have been because she was shorter than me, but still plenty scary.

"Listen, stupid big brother. Maybe you aren't willing to do what you need to, but I am going to fight to protect you with everything I've got. I might not be an Exhuman or pro hunter, but I can hold a gun and use it, and you bet your damn antelopes I'm going to. I would do anything to protect you, and you can't even be arsed to try to protect yourself."

She let me go with a shove back to my knees and looked down at me like I was manure.

"All the others are the same, I'm sure. We're all just disappointed you'd give up on us all like this."

"I'm not giving up!"

"Then what are you doing? Planning to fight without killing anyone?"

"I can't. My powers...they make it too easy."

She sighed.

"Athan," her face softened "I already lost you once, dude. You can't...I'm not...I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH, OKAY!?" she screamed at me, suddenly.

She looked about ready to cry. I sighed and stood, closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around her. She didn't return the hug, just stood there quaking with her arms rigid at her sides.

"Athan," she squeaked out from my chest, her voice breaking.

"'Sup?"

"Promise me you won't do anything stupid. That you'll do everything you can to protect yourself."

"I promise," I said, and gently patted her head, messing up her frizzy brown hair even more.