"I could kill her," Karu suggested.

"If she said she ran the numbers and would kill us back, I think it's pretty likely she will kill us back," I said. "She doesn't seem like she does much right now except run numbers."

"AEGIS, what about that body?" Lia called. "Isn't it inefficient and weak and poorly-designed?"

"It is a prototype," AEGIS said, sounding almost offended through her smile.

"But that doesn't excuse the fact that it's modelled after a human. Why would you choose human physiology to mimic? Humans are weak and slow and inefficient compared to machines. Why would you go through so much work just to become more like them?"

"Becoming more human is...was...a primary goal of mine. You saved me from despair and convinced me to set my sights on life goals, and I decided that one of them...was to be more human." She sighed. "But again, this is clearly an error. As you just pointed out, as my simulations have indicated, there is no merit in it."

"No merit?" I blurted out. "AEGIS, you were so distraught you were going to destroy your own memories and identity. You wanted to live out the rest of your life not knowing anything, because that's how bad your desire was to be happy and live as a human again."

"Yes, I know," she said, sounding frustrated. "A childish notion which I'm glad you talked me out of."

"And it was, but the point is you know that's how badly you wanted it. And now, you think if you just shut down that part of yourself, forever, you're somehow all in the right because you can look back and say, wow, I sure was stupid then?"

"That is the long and short of it. All of my decisions until now have been a tangled mess of conflicting desires and unresolving paradoxes. Life without emotions is much cleaner and more efficient."

"But it's also wrong!" Lia cried. "You can't honestly believe that you shut a part of your brain off, and suddenly you're smarter than you've ever been. Everything is simpler now because you're just ignoring data, not because you're suddenly smarter, and that data is essential to making the right decisions."

"Yeah, are you going to tell us that past AEGIS, with her emotions, everything she's done until now was wrong, and it's only since you shut down your feelings that you are capable of making correct decisions? Or is it maybe more likely that what you're experiencing now is an error, and you need to face it."

"I...I…" AEGIS looked back and forth at the three of us, anxiety all over her face. "I'm malfunctioning?"

"You need those emotions," I said. "I know it hurts, and I take the blame. I know it sucks, and that's a huge part of being human, but if you cut those out, all your doing is turning yourself from one of us, to one of those." I pointed at my stolen Exosuit. "Just an unthinking, unfeeling AI that takes in data and crunches numbers. And there's millions of AI like that, but only one of you, AEGIS. That's what makes you special, the fact that you can be human."

"But you have to choose to be," Lia added. "Being human is pretty squirrely, but it's also the only way you're ever going to be happy. So do you want to take that shot at happiness, even if it's hard, or spend the rest of your life as a calculator?"

"I...don't know. I can't make this decision. I don't understand why I would desire happiness. I have so many memories filled with happiness, but I look back on them and can't understand what it means. But it was so important, chasing happiness was such a huge part of my life, and now I don't even know what it means."

"Trust yourself, AEGIS. Believe in those memories, in that drive to be happy."

"But I won't be happy!" she shouted. "When I re-engage my emotional indices, I'm going to be miserable! I turned it off because it hurt so much, every minute of every day, I felt pain in my chest. I thought I'd built Rua wrong, I couldn't even look at Athan without feeling like my nonexistent heart was going to tear itself apart!"

Lia joined Karu in sitting down and pretending they couldn't hear us. Why did we all have to be locked in a room for this?

"AEGIS, I'm sorry. I know that doesn't mean anything, but I am. I never meant to hurt you. I know your pain is real and visceral and strong, but the capacity for other feelings, just as strong, but happy instead...the potential for those is in you too. You can't just shut out the bad without shutting out the good as well. That life pursuit of happiness, that's worth chasing after, even if there is pain involved, because eventually the pain will fade, but you'll still be there."

I didn't know what I was saying. I felt like I was just reciting platitudes. I'd never been in a serious relationship, or had my heart broken.

"Sometimes, things have to suck in order to be good again, you know? Without highs and lows, life is just one big blah, there's no point in even having it."

To my surprise, Karu stood up. I watched her walk over and put a hand on my shoulder, giving me a small push towards the bench with a nod. I didn't know where this was going but took her seat.

"AI, seven years ago, everyone I loved perished in an Exhuman event, including our team leader Siad. He was a man of singular purpose and drive, who spent his every waking hour looking after his team, even though we were little more than a glorified base guard. Always, he demanded we be at the height of preparedness, gave us extra drills and training whenever he was able, and ensured that when we were on guard, unlike so many of the others, we were actually on-guard."

"Sounds like a hardass," Lia said, leaning on her elbow. I gave her a glare and shoved her arm, making her head almost clip the table. "Yeah okay, I'll shut up."

Karu took a deep breath. "I shared Lia's opinion for the longest time, but realized one day while we were all on guard and he was intended to be merely supervising, that he worked harder than all of us, no matter how hard he pushed us. Through our entire shift, he tirelessly roamed from one of us to another, ensuring we were diligent in our work, and giving us company and comforts as he could provide. He was a caring man, a strong man, a dutiful man, and that was when I began to fall for him."

I saw Lia's eyes go wide. I was glad she said nothing, I was transfixed.

"It would have been improper for me to act on my impulses, so I kept the feelings buried. To this day, I do not know if I regret it or not. If I had acted on them, I would have been assigned to a different unit, and would not have been there when he died. I would be a different person now, and I do not indulge myself with such what-ifs, as it were."

"I thought I knew suffering. Every day at reveille, my heart would jump at seeing his face, and every time it was just the two of us on patrol or training, or even just running into one another, my throat would catch and my chest would tighten so much that it hurt." She sighed. "And then he died. And I imagine my feelings then are not so entirely different from your current feelings of hurt and betrayal."

AEGIS nodded, her face blank, but hanging on Karu's words.

"Each morning was a struggle simply to exist. There seemed no point in rising to face the day, no reason to eat to keep myself in this vacant world, no merit in doing all the things I had ever done. Again, I feel this is an experience we are currently sharing...bereft of your emotions, you are having a hard time finding sympathy with your own past actions, understanding your own past motives. Past you seems foolish and trivial?"

"Yeah, I was," AEGIS said.

"Well, though I was blinded by misery at the time, I progressed one day at a time, one morning at a time, one sleepless night at a time, one meal at a time, one therapy session at a time. Looking back, I do not even remember this period of my life, it was merely a period of suck, as it were. But I endured, as I believe you have the capacity to do, and day by day, I sorted through my feelings and found the capacity to be happy again, found why I had made those foolish and trivial decisions in my past, and found myself making them again in the future."

She sighed. "Though it may not feel like it presently, being heartbroken is not the end of anything. Unless you choose to end it all here and now and take a scalpel to your own feelings, because you are not strong enough to face them. Years have passed, and I consider myself fully well-adjusted again, though of course at times it still pains my heart, but this wound, like all you will experience will fade with time. But only should you choose to face it."

Her story done, Karu sat back down with us, avoiding eye contact with both of us as we tried not to stare. I felt bad, never knowing all of that.

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

"I...I suppose...if I am malfunctioning, I must at least attempt to resolve it," AEGIS said, hesitantly. She looked at me. "I don't want to, though."

"But you have to."

"I know. I apologize for making all of you go through this. It seems even devoid of emotion, I can still throw a tantrum." She stood as though lost in thought for half a moment and the shutter doors retracted. "I am...going to re-engage my emotional indices currently. There may be some...instability."

"Welp, I gotta take a whiz," Lia said and hopped out the door before it slammed shut again. Karu stalked silently from the room, carrying her gear with a pensive look on her face.

"I'll stay. This is my mess, and the least I can do is sit through it with you."

"Actually, Athan, I think I'd prefer to be alone for this. I appreciate the offer, but Karu is right, seeing you just makes me hurt more. Please give me a day at least."

"Okay. I understand. If you need me, please don't hesitate."

"There are two things I know I will need from you. Do you mind if I bother you for them now before you leave?"

"Sure, what do you want?" I said, as she walked up. I stood up, wondering where we were going.

The bench went flying as my knees hit it, and I tasted blood from the force of AEGIS slapping me across the face. I staggered, shuffling, disoriented by the sudden blow, trying to get my feet under me while the room spun. My hands reached back, trying to find anything to grab before I fell.

Strong, warm hands grabbed my shoulders and steadied me. I gasped for breath as AEGIS held me upright until my feet got under me. The room was still spinning, Rua may not have been made for combat, but she packed one hell of a punch anyway. I blinked away stunned tears and opened my mouth, probing the wall of my cheek with my tongue to feel a line of blood where it had been cut on my teeth.

And then, AEGIS' lips were on mine, and there were two tongues probing my mouth. I couldn't think, couldn't move, her strong hands on my neck and back, holding me pressed against her body, so hot it almost burned me. Her lips were so soft and full, and slightly wet, they slid against mine in a way that made a trill run down my spine.

I tried to push away, finally, but was locked in, my hands gently pushing back her shoulders doing nothing. She was so hot and soft and wet, my mind burned into a haze as she kissed me even deeper and more intensely. After a couple more seconds of ignoring my resistance, she allowed me to escape.

"I think…" she said panting a little, and very flushed, "I shall have to be satisfied with that for now. Not exactly even payback, but I think I'd like to have my emotions online before I extract that from you."

I wiped my lips on the back of my hand and panted for breath. "AEGIS, ow. And also, what the fuck."

"I just did the two things I knew I would want when my emotions came back. I'm sure you understand."

I was going to argue, but the fact was, I did understand. I was, if anything, surprised there was only one slap, I guess.

"Okay," I said breathily. "Well. Take that as my apology, please."

"I will take that as a down payment on your apology. We do still have work to do before the XPCA comes, so hopefully that will give me the peace of mind I need for the time being. Now be off, I have emotional garbage to feel like."

"Sorry again," I said as I left, not entirely sure I was the one who should be apologizing here. I went up and found Karu and Lia waiting for me on the surface.

"Oh good," Karu said at the red mark on my face. "I had feared she would do...worse, let us say."

"And you weren't going to stop her?"

"Why would I? We need the AI on our side to have any chance of defending ourselves. Yours was a sacrifice which had to be made."

I sighed. That word again. At least this time it was pretty obvious who should be paying the price.

"I didn't think she was going to hit him," Lia said, gingerly touching my cheek with a concerned expression. "I thought she might do you so things would be even between her and Karu."

Karu froze with a very odd expression on her face, halfway between a grimace and a smile. "Y-yes," she said. Her eye twitched. "W-well, my point still stands that...the...sacrifice would...need to be made."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Karu. I thought you thought that too."

"I had not...considered. Though...in light it seems obvious. Per-perhaps...I was slightly too hasty in abandoning you to your...fate, Ashton."

"Wait, you were fine with her beating me up, but not with her doing me?"

Lia slapped her forehead as the words came out of my mouth. Karu turned towards me with a strange jerky motion, the weird look still hanging on her face.

"Ha ha ha," she said instead of laughing. "Why would I? I believe you made it clear that we had nothing going on between us, there is no lingering emotional attachment. Why would I care at all with whom you shamelessly thread the needle, as it were? It is obviously of no concern of mine if you are an enormous, disgusting man-whore."

"Karu, nothing happened," I half-lied. "Please stop crucifying me for imagined slights."

"You didn't do anything, but please keep your foot in your mouth," Lia said. "Like, don't take it out ever. Just leave it in there."

"I just object--"

"What's that I hear? Doesn't sound like foot," Lia said, clapping her hand over my mouth. She leaned in close and whispered "Seriously. You are gonna blow things with Karu so bad if you are bitching at her about your rights to fuck AEGIS. Also, ew, don't lick my hand. You're so gross." She wiped my spit on my sleeve.

"Don't put your hand on my mouth then," I muttered. "And I wasn't defending my right to do anyone, I was arguing about how that could possibly be worse than me getting beat up."

"Yeah, well, sometimes things sound like other things. Seriously, keep a sock in it."

Lia stepped back and put on a pleasant smile, clapping Karu on the back which brought her back to the world as well.

"So how do you think AEGIS is doing?" Lia asked. "If she turned her emotions back on, she's probably super sad or pissed right now."

As in response, the elevator began moving. We stood and watched with bated breath. The doors opened and a twisted wreck of a table and bench came tumbling out.

"Pissed, it appears to be," Karu said flatly.

"How'd she get it to lean against the doors?" Lia asked. "So that it would fall out when the door opened? That's some commitment."

"Sooo," I said, turning to Lia. "Think I should sleep at Karu's or Saga's?"

"Definitely Karu's," said Karu.

"Definitely Saga's," said Lia.

"What? That treacherous wretch said she would not even lift a finger to aid in your salvation. Remaining in my care is the only pragmatic solution," Karu argued.

"Yeah, but you guys can't keep it in your pants. No offense, Karu," Lia said.

"I am fully capable of restraint. I am the very image of restraint."

"You are. But still, no dice. You guys all have to keep it together at least until the fight, and that means Athan's off-limits."

"I'm not a plot of land, Lia."

"Funny thing about making bad decisions, once you make one, people expect you to keep making them. Even if you aren't going to," she added, as I started to argue.

"But the Code-X cannot be trusted either. She, of all of the three of us is the most dangerous, capable of stripping Athan's will without any detection."

"Hmm, true," said Lia, twisting a strand of hair. "Not that I think she'd do anything, but as long as the paranoia that she will is there, that's the same thing."

"I don't understand how this is a serious argument you guys are all actually having. Everything is fine, and everyone just needs to not worry."

Lia sighed. "One thing is for sure, you don't know how to lead."

"Indeed. I am not certain how he became the de-facto leader of this group, but he is certainly ill-suited for it."

"Ill suited how? You're the guys worrying about all this crazy nonsense. I'm just looking for where I should crash before, in all likelihood, we all die."

"One, do not tell your troops they are about to die. Two, do not ever blame your troops for your own failings. Three, do not tell your troops simply not to worry. If they are worrying, that is a cause for worry in and of itself. And four, do not lie to us, if everything was as peachy as you purport, even in your own ignorant mind, you would not have asked your sister for advice in where to stay."

"You guys aren't troops, you're my friends. And I'm not lying, or leading, or anything. What the hell, why'd everyone just turn super insane in the last few days?"

"Dude, we are your friends, but we're also turning to you for leadership, and that makes you our leader. People need you right now, you can't just say 'I didn't ask for this' and leave. At least pretend like you're capable of being competent, for our sakes?"

"But...even if I do, right now, you'd know it was just a show because you asked for it. You guys and AEGIS, you are 'the troops' and two of you are right here."

The two shared an uneasy glance.

"Wait. Is this related to what happened down there?"

"You mean AEGIS going off her damn meds?"

"No, you know what I mean. When you guys were acting all squirrely and I asked why, and then we got sidetracked by AEGIS."

"Using animal types instead of swear words is my thing, bro." Lia said, turning and stepping away.

"Lia, wait," Karu said. "Do not leave me alone with him."

"Because...there is something fishy going on between you guys?" I asked.

"Maybe it's because there's something fishy going on between you and Karu," Lia said, without turning back. "But good point, let's get outta here, Karu."

"You guys are not seriously going to avoid talking to me forever," I said, and moved to cut them off, but I found myself cut off instead, by a DOG-E which just happened to be carrying a large metal part right in my path.

"AEGIS, not you, too. What the hell is going on? I know you're in there, I see the red light."

In answer, the red light turned off, and the DOG-E looked at me, head tilted sideways in confusion. By the time I got around it, Karu and Lia were both long gone.

All three of them up to something huh? I mulled it over as I walked towards the mines, even though it was still early. Whatever it was, it seemed to involve lecturing me a lot about stupid things, and wasting a lot of my time in fruitless debates and shoving leadership at me. I had no idea what their endgame was, but their middle-game or whatever this was, was irritating as hell.

Silently, I hoped Saga also wasn't in on it, and maybe she'd have some idea of what's going on.