CHAPTER 36: MIND BLOWN

I’ve never maintained tethers for this long for the forced evolution for either Teuila or Lil, let alone both of them simultaneously. I can only hope beyond hope that it’s not having any ill effects on them. It certainly feels rough on me, though that might just be from not having slept.

The way I see it, there’s two ways for me to go about this. I could head back to the jail, prison area first, to try to get my family to escape, but that would mean dropping the tether on Lil, so that Lil can fit through the halls and swimming tunnels. Worse, I might lead many, many MCF beavers to my loved ones if I head to the jail first, including that jerk, or those jerks, with a copy of Gae Buidhe.

The other option is to try to find the leader first. Try to find them without threatening, engaging, or killing them, until I get the signal, which could take hours. If I’m spotted in that time, I don’t have the kind of stamina to survive for hours while not attacking. Well, mind’s eye stats page stamina I’ve got a ton of now, but I mean the metaphorical willpower and energy to continue acting for long periods. I’m already flagging from jogging and swimming back down into the dam.

How do heroes in stories do this kind of thing? Especially alone! Especially when their loved ones are separated from them, in danger! As I feel my panic rising, I double over in an empty cubby, panting, from both exhaustion and terror. What if I can’t do this? What if I make the wrong choice, and doom either the beavers, or my family, or both? How could Lu put her faith in me after all the times I’ve screwed up so badly. All the times I felt resigned and just thrown my life at the problem? I was always assuming I was sacrificing myself, like once every other situation basically. I realize that though my vision is narrow, it’s hard to blink due to how wide open my eyes are from sheer terror.

Okay, okay, okay okay okay. Calm down Reggie, breathe. You have to do this. There is no other option. Failure is not an option. I don’t think I do well under pressure, because that’s definitely not helping. I just, I just need a little break, that’s all. I need to have a good little cry, and then go be brave. As I let myself fall to my knees, then roll to my side, going fetal, I let myself sob and cry. I thought I was finally free to help my family rebuild their happiness, safe, away from harm. It’s not fair. It’s not fair.

As I continue to cry, my eyelids droop, feeling heavy, laden with sleepiness. I yawn through sobs, and curse my predicament. I can’t afford to sleep, I have no idea how long things are going to take. Groggily, infuriated at my own cowardice, or whatever I’m feeling, I stand, and pound the wall in frustration. I guess I’ll give turning my brain off a go.

I let the tedium of exploring empty halls just blend together in my mind, so that I can stop thinking entirely. I have no idea how long that lasted, but it’s finally time to re-engage my brain. There’s basically a platoon of beavers scouring the halls ahead of me. They appear to be searching for the renegades, the sane faction, thankfully to no avail. They haven’t spotted any of the secret exits, or water locks that have been set up, or we’d probably all be done for by now.

As I extend my tattoo tendrils to grab the nearest beaver, several bow, several drop their weapons, and jaws, and several flee. A few however try to slap the others back to attention. Unluckily for me, whatever fear or reverence they have for me due to this tattoo, the authority of the other beaverfolk seems to win out.

I don’t know if I have time to deal with every combat situation I’m going to get into, let alone deal with them non lethally. As I somersault, cartwheel, and dash my way through the various beavers, tying them up, I feel exhausted, spent. I’m running low on vines and bindings already. How am I supposed to keep them from killing me, without killing them? All while still doing everything I need to, on a time crunch? Especially if I run out of rope.

I’m about to curse it, to say to heck with it all, and start killing indiscriminately, when I realize I’ve already made it back to the great hall. How long have I been wandering around here for, fighting, barely paying attention to my surroundings? I can barely think straight at all with how tired I am. What was the right conclusion here again? Do I head northish, and try to at least find their leader before I find my family? Am I in the middle of combat while trying to ponder this out? I look around, beginning to notice that I’ve been beating beavers senseless with my fist, shield, and tendrils.

My right arm hangs low as I hunch forward, panting. I raise only my eyes to gaze at the other hostile creatures around me, which seems to spook them. I’m pretty sure I look psychotic, even if I’ve been avoiding killing anyone. I don’t even have the energy to think about what the right answer is anymore. I’m so exhausted that all I can do is stumble northward, beaning anyone in the face that gets close. My limbs feel so heavy that my movement slows considerably. The beavers are starting to land blows with their spears and slingstones. I barely notice, not just because the armor is wonderfully protective, but because my senses are dulling the longer I go without sleep.

I spy a side room, with something that looks like a large seat, or maybe an altar, and a single figure in it. Annoyed at dealing with massive waves of beavers all this time, I erect a barricade behind me as I enter the side room. My head pounds with pain, I must have a massive headache from running so long on so little energy. The pain has to be extremely intense to be making it through my dulled senses. My eyelids droop so hard that I can’t open them anymore. I feel myself passing out for the briefest of instants, though as I do, I swear the lone figure in the room looks familiar, even in silhouette. That can’t be Teuila though, right? What’s she doing here, out of Valkyrie form?

I fight as hard as I can to reopen my eyes. Once my eyes are open, I stare, flabbergasted, as my Teuila approaches me, as her usual, naked, ottery self. Something isn’t right, I still feel the energy tether that grips my heart, extending outwards and away. I rub my eyes, blinking as hard as I can, but the figure that approaches is definitely my fiery-copper-furred Teuila. Even in the low glow from the luminescent lichen along the walls, there’s no mistaking her. Agh, my head is pounding so hard.

“Te, Te you shouldn’t be here, you’re supposed to be with Lu. Kaff, kaff.” I find myself coughing from exertion as I reach towards Teuila.

Finally she stands before me, and explains what’s going on, “Reggie, oh Reggie something bad happened, something went wrong with Luni. She started changing, and, and she just wasn’t herself anymore, I couldn’t hurt her, so I had to get away.” Teuila’s right hand cups my chin and cheek. I can only squint at her as she calls out something I’d terribly feared not so long ago. Our Luni, changing due to whatever powers she’s hiding. I can hardly believe it, but somehow Teuila is here, and Luni isn’t. Not to mention Teuila isn’t evolved, but the tether still exists, so somehow Luni had to have usurped it, or something. Do I dare break it? Would that hurt Luni? I can’t risk it, even if she’s going through something.

My head pounds harder and harder as Teuila leans close. She whispers, “Whatever you do, don’t think about day one.” My eyes flash wide as my vision narrows to a pinprick, I’m sent hurtling into my own nightmares, panting, gasping for breath. Teuila? But why? Why would Teuila ever?

Everything opens into facsimiles of fanged maws, even various parts of Teuila’s body appear to split open as if to consume me. Her maw appears thusly open, but also tentacled, at least, in the flash-frozen image in my mind. Since my tunnel vision is so obscured right now, I lose balance. I find myself stumbling into her grasp.

I gulp for air, gasping. I try to squint and blink as hard as I can to reset my vision as my pulse races. I’m greeted with only more horror, as it looks like Teuila’s face is opening into an even wider tentacled maw. Now I must be hallucinating based on my fears about the deep end of my pond, next I’ll probably be seeing monstrously enormous giant spiders. Or lava rolling free as I bathe. I backpedal, stumbling out of Teuila’s grasp. She lunges for me, but in my panicked state, I stumble randomly, drunkenly, back to the entrance of this room.

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I’m blocked by my own construction, but thankfully the solution for that is simple. I claim the wall in front of me that I can barely see. I fall forwards, due to leaning on it, then hurriedly replace it behind me. I’ve trapped Teuila in that room for now, so I just break down, sobbing onto the floor, the terror causes me to dry heave repeatedly as the tears stream down my face. I choke and cough and sob and heave. My breathing is completely screwed, and I’m probably near the point of blacking out from lack of oxygen. I can tell I’m being hit with slingstones, and prodded with spears, but nothing hurts as bad as Teulia betraying me like that.

I’m tempted to let them finish me off. I don’t want to live in a world where Teuila is some kind of monster who would prey on my most dire fears. Let alone some kind of monster that appeared to be about to eat my head. No, I can’t do that. Lil and Luni are still alive, I have no idea what happens if one of us dies, I need to stop throwing my life away recklessly. The rest of my family still needs me. I don’t think I can save these beaverfolk, or their dam now, as I feel so utterly lost and defeated. I can however get my family to safety, those that are left.

I roar as I rise, extending my tendrils to their fullest. I grip one of the largest beavers with my tattoo, and whirl like a hurricane. I feel the beaver in my tendril’s grasp begin to fade, and I barely let it go in time to not slay it. I only release it after it has knocked back, or out, pretty much everyone else around. Beating a hostile jerk with another hostile jerk, serves them right. I sniffle, and rub my arm across my face, wiping away tears.

I’m tempted to start flooding this place myself, just destroying the walls and ceiling until I meet water. No, that won’t do. I can’t see, and I can barely breathe, or walk straight, but I know the way back to the great hall from here. From there, I can follow my markings back to the rest of my family. I’m sorry Mataalii, it looks like I won’t be saving you either.

Slowly the panic subsides, but despondency continues to try to settle in. I march as stoically as I can muster, with tears streaming down my cheeks, blurring my vision. I catch a glimpse of a very ornate, very deadly spear as its tip passes close to my face. My shield barely inches up enough to deflect Gae Buidhe away in time. I’m not sure if I’m hallucinating it, or if I’ve run into the jerk wielding Gae Buidhe again, but as I turn to lash out at whomever it was, they’re already dashing away down the hallway. If I follow, I could lose track of where I am, I might not find my family if I let myself get distracted. It’s like they’re trying to egg me on, and herd me into a trap, or at least lead me astray. Maybe they are, all they’ve got to do is nick me once, and the more chances they get to surprise me or ambush me, the easier that will be.

How long have I been stumbling along? Did I already make it back to the great hall? No, I’m past the great hall, I’m nearly back at the prison. My headache is nowhere near as intense as it was when I was alone with Teuila a while ago. Maybe I’ve been sleepwalking, getting some much needed rest? I doubt it though. I spy char and soot along the walls up ahead, Lil has been active. I begin unequipping everything save my wraps and tattoo as I approach the room that holds my family.

I’m greeted with a slight puff of flame as I try to scooch through the crevice that’s barely my size, between the boulder and the entryway. Lil stops partway, excitedly exclaiming, “Reggie’s back!” Lil’s wings flap happily as they bowl me over. I can’t respond in kind though, I can only sob, unable to form words to tell my family the horror of what happened.

There’s tenseness in the air as Lao, Ag, and Lil are asking each other what’s going on, and asking me what’s wrong. I can’t bring myself to answer, I feel about as empty as Mataalii looks, where he sits in a corner, staring blankly. Sensing something awful must have happened, Laomati, Agwai, and Lil, and even the Mana twins, crowd around me to embrace me.

I realize that I’ve been sitting in their embrace for quite some time, as they occasionally say soothing comforts, or ask what is wrong. Finally I think I have the strength to tell them, they’re going to have to find out why Teuila wasn’t with us when we end up escaping later. “Teuila, she, she became some kind of monster. She, she purposely brought up, brought up, my, my, the.” I stammer, unable to even say Day One as panic grips my heart. My head lolls to one side as my vision blurs, my pulse pounds in my ears, and the ever-present ringing drowns out everything again for a short while.

“This, well it simply couldn’t be, if it was, she must have had good reason. Teuila threatens even us with violence about speaking on said topic.” Lao or Ag are explaining to me, trying to rationalize, I’m not even sure which of them, as my brain feels like it has gone haywire.

“Something happened. I met up with Lu, she was okay, but different, more powerful, more confident. We escaped, and went towards the pyramid. Lu was supposed to find Teuila and go into the pyramid to help end this.” I gulp back every emotion that I can, shoving everything down so that I can get this across, before we have to flee. Lil is trying to interrupt with excitement and questions, but I shake my head and hold up my hand. “I was sent back here to end this, but we have to do it simultaneously with what happens in the pyramid. I know it seems like a longshot, but Lu found a way to do it, with a magic item. So I let Lu and Lu, that’s Luni and Luna, the bear, go off alone together. Well, Luni, the bear, and some air, it’s complicated. They seemed fine, they were supposed to find Teuila. I came back, looking for the leader, to end this. But instead I found Teuila hiding in a room alone. She was unequipped, and was in otter evolution, not Valkyrie evolution. She, she, she said Luni changed, that Luni did something to her.” The family gasps as I continue explaining.

“I had such a headache, my brain felt like it was exploding, so I wasn’t sure I was understanding at first. Then Teuila got close, and she, she, she brought up things that send me into panic, things that she knows sends me into panic. While panicked, I think I was hallucinating. It looked like her face opened up into a tentacled maw, like she was going to eat my head.” The family looks aghast.

“Nope!” Lil exclaims, almost happily. My face screws up into the most perplexed expression.

“W.. What? I’m not lying, I’d never lie to you!” I’m a little upset that Lil doubts me after what I just went through.

“It’s not that, pal, whatever was in that room, it wanted to hurt you, bad. Look at Te’s stats though. She’s definitely still a Valkyrie. It looks like her and Luni are together too, based on how some things were jumping at the same time. Plus, I can kinda feel Teuila’s happiness, since we’re both tethered. Te’s only that happy when she’s in the air, leaping around or flying, or in your arms.” As Lil continues to explain, my world shatters into a million pieces. How can I trust anything, if I hallucinated that whole thing?

“But, but, but how, but what? Am I, what’s the term, schizoaffective? Ugh, what does it matter how messed up in the head I am, we still have to get out of here before noon on the second day. They’re going to flood the tunnels to end this, if I can’t do it. And obviously, I can’t. I’ve failed you all, I’m sorry. We won’t be able to get Mataalii back to normal, but we can at least get him out of here.” The twins look crestfallen as I state the last bit. A several-way, simultaneous conversation breaks out, such that it’s hard to hear and respond to all the questions. It’s even harder to accept the comforts.

Eventually I’m finally able to catch everyone up on as much as I’ve learned since leaving the room, or at least what I think I’ve learned, since I can’t trust anything anymore. “So, that’s as much as we can deal with right now. It feels like my emotions are broken, along with my heart. I don’t know what’s real anymore, but I know I want you all out of this dam.”

Lil argues, trying to get me to change my mind about my course of action, “But, but Reggie, whatever that was, that brain blower, mind blower, mind asploder, brain blaster, that, that, that thing! Whatever that thing was, the thing that tricked you, I gotta be there for you buddy! You can’t go through that again, especially not alone!” My heart breaks a little more as I have to refuse my best buddy. If that thing caused my brain to explode, then my heart must be exploding with love and gratitude for Lil.

“I’m sorry Lil, without you, I worry that the others won’t make it out. Even though I have to drop your tether, you’re still really strong, I know I can count on you to protect them. You know to make sure to claim that spear if it gets near any of you. Lao and Ag trust you to keep them and the twins safe too, right?” I don’t mention Mataalii, but I know Agwai and Lao will work together to get Mat out of here safely.

“Of course, my sweets.” “Yes dear child.” Lao and Ag respond respectively.

“But, but it’s not fair, that sounds awful, just, so awful! I want to fry whoever did such a thing to you! I want to hurt them so bad! Mega, mega mega mega bad!” I can barely keep my composure, as Lil starts to lose theirs, for me.

“I know, I know Lil. I love you buddy. Please, please keep them safe for me though, okay?” I have to blink back tears as they blur my vision again. First, I make sure I’ve dropped Lil’s tether, then I resolve to leave, to get back to the business at hand. Before I devolve into a blubbering mess again, as my emotions bubble up from where I have them bottled. I’m not doing a good job at keeping them bottled, not at all. It’s like that thing blew my heart to pieces, my heart and my mind. Lil called it a Mind Blower? Well, definitely, mind blown.