Of course the goofballs around me start with the most inappropriate question, “Well, uh, woah. Are you and Lady Kinzul going to do Clutching and Conjugation?”
I raise an eyebrow very dubiously towards the voice, intimating, “Are you really asking me if I’m going to sex up my wife?” I mean, not for the reasons they probably think. The crowd probably thinks that the obvious answer is yes. They should however realize I’ve been seen floating around Mount Solace with no clothing, and no biological parts. Therefore, the obvious answer is no.
Rolling my eyes and shaking my head incredulously, I await the next question, which ends up being, “Why did you scare her so bad? She didn’t even manage to hit you.”
Huffing a sigh, I explain, “Do you remember what she requested of me? She requested I stop saving people. She requested I literally go die. She implied that anyone I brought back by offering mercy, was worthless, and should simply die instead.”
I further explain why those requests required more than a simple talking-down-to, “That sort of heartlessness is a danger to everyone around her. Sure, she might not have had the personality to actually start tearing into other innocent, weaker people, but she tried against me. She tried against me, and began charging her breath weapon, while we were surrounded by all of you innocent bystanders. I’d have been fine, and she might have slain some of you. Do you not see how effed that is?”
There are some murmurs, so I figure I’d better come to Leezahna’s defense while I can, “That isn’t to say I think she’s evil or deserves to die. I hate that I resort to violence and threat of violence so much, but I don’t know how else to get through to some people when they’re convinced of something deeply to their core. Sometimes, the only way to shake free destructive beliefs are to destroy, or set someone in a state where they feel destroyed, or the terror of imminent destruction.”
Shaking my head, I lament, “I hate it. I absolutely, utterly hate it. I feel horrible, like an absolute monster. And, y’know what? If any of you that witnessed this today, thought I was a horrid piece of fecal matter, I wouldn’t blame you. What I did was atrocious. I sullied my soul in that interaction. And y’know what’s worse? I’d do it again, and likely will do it again many times before this war is over, for the safety of all of you.”
Deli nods appreciatively at me, several Draconiacs cast worried glances at me, and several kobolds shy away towards the rear of the gathering. Yeah, I kinda figured. Who wants that? Who wants the Hero of the Order to make a judgment call that determines you’re such a danger to others, that you deserve to be threatened to within an inch of your life, and sanity. Who wants to be reminded that I’m also holding back a demon, for their benefit, that would simply lash out and kill them if I’d determined them to be awful or dangerous or whatever.
A younger voice asks, “Schism? Is it true you love all of us, and want to protect us?”
Nodding a bit somberly, I reply, “Yes, most definitely. The safety, health, and happiness of all of you, all those that live under the protection of Mount Solace, are among my top priorities. It hurts to feel like I need to threaten someone to get that point across. I do love you all, even Leezahna like I said.”
A figure that the voice must have belonged to walks into the open space that’d been cleared around me and Leezahna during our confrontation. He whimpers through a mix of emotions, “Then, then why didn’t you save them? Do you even care that they’re gone? Do you even know their na—“
Standing and facing the young lad, I hazard a guess, “Jorro and Lihjro. I was incapacitated when it had happened, trapped in the mind of an enemy. I was out of my mind with grief and resentment at the time, but even still, I felt like a failure for letting them down. Your parents?”
Sniffling, the lad nods hesitantly. He seems unsure what to do, he wasn’t expecting me to know their names. I spread my arms wide, and he hesitates, glancing around, realizing that everyone can see him beginning to cry. He rushes forward to bury his face in my chest to hide his tears, and I try to comfort him, patting him on the back of his head and giving his shoulders a light squeeze.
Drawing a shuddering breath, with a voice laden with sadness, I ask, “What’s your name then? Do you have other family? How can I help make the world hurt less? What can I do for you?”
The young lad, Yerhjro apparently, shakes his head rapidly in response to my question about having other family while he answers, “Y-koff, Yerhjro. N-no, I don’t. I don’t know what to do, or where to go, or who or how to be. I didn’t even get to say goodbye, there were no bodies. They adopted me, most secret clutches are adopted out to help prevent Terrorzin from killing any specific mother, but he got mine all the same. I miss my dads, I want them back. Bring them back. Please.”
Sighing incredibly sadly, I nod, knowing that I failed Yerhjro on so many levels. I offer up, “I failed you there too. Lady Kinzul was trapped, and had tried to melt her way out, but her prison was unbreakable, so it got flooded with her acid. I should have saved their bodies, moved them, done something, anything, but I was wracked with guilt at their death, at my failure. By the time I had realized what would happen, what did happen, it was too late. I was slow, and stupid. The acid was set loose when the prison disappeared. I’m so sorry Yerhjro. I’ll never, ever be able to make it up to you. I won’t stop trying though.”
I feel the weight of worlds on my shoulders yet again. Everything has far-reaching consequences. Every success and every failure could change the path of someone else’s life. I have no idea how to even start reparations for this. Thankfully, someone I wouldn’t exactly have pegged for the motherly type steps in, rescuing us both in a sense.
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Deli asks, “Kid of Yer, how do you feel about smelting and forgeworks?”
Sniffling, rubbing his face on his forearms, Yerhjro looks confused over towards Deli as he responds, “They’re pretty cool I guess.”
Grinning, Deli nods as she cocks her head towards the exit of the aerie, stating, “Oh they’re more than pretty cool son, how about you let me show you just how cool they really are. Sound good?”
Yerhjro nods emphatically, and glances between Deli and me for a moment. I flash him a smile and an understanding nod, while Deli flashes me her own winning smile, and a wink. I’m pretty certain she just informally adopted a son, as I see her usher Yerhjro out of the aerie, down towards the feasting hall. She’s got an enormous heart. I knew I liked her already, but wow. I owe her dearly.
Some murmurs pass through the crowds to the effect of, “Did Schism just find that orphan kid a mom?”, “That was Schism’s blacksmith friend, right?”, “Is that what Hero’s are supposed to do?”, and even, “Huh, seven for sure, maybe an eight.”
I fight myself to keep from snorting laughter out loud at that last one, and only let it loose in my mindscape. Another question coming my way is, “Schism? Is all that stuff about unlimited resources really true? Does that mean we get to start eating gems again?”
The crowd’s excitement and murmuring reaches almost a fever pitch as I hasten to respond, “Sort of, yes the resources thing is true, unless someone breaks our enchantment. Part of the reason I treated Leezahna so harshly, is because I require her assistance to finalize a part of the enchantment to make it so that even if it’s broken, I can just put it back up. Right now, it’s one of a kind. If it’s destroyed, all of my projects will have been in vain.”
Breathing deeply, I sigh sadly once again as I continue, “I honestly believed that Leezahna would have destroyed it out of spite, to keep me from coming out looking heroic, before I bullied her the way I did. It doesn’t excuse my actions. I’m still a monster, and any one of you that posed a threat to the sustainable happiness of the others, I would find some way to get through to you, or exile you, or my wrath would end you. I’m sorry. I wish those parts of me weren’t true, but I don’t know how to otherwise succeed.”
My face droops in sadness as I finish, “We’re up against world-ending forces on three or more fronts. There’s no room for risky dissenters. I hate feeling like I’m imposing my will on others, because that’s essentially what tyrants do. I don’t know how to get the results quickly enough to keep moving forward in the face of overwhelming odds though. If any of you can come up with any ideas that let me stop being this way, I promise I’ll listen, and try them if they’re remotely viable without hurting others.”
A hush falls over the crowd, and it’s broken only by the occasional whispered conjecture between close groups brainstorming. After a few moments of this hush, there are several false starts at addressing me that trail off before they finish a sentence. My chest feels heavy as I breathe deep, sad, sighing breaths.
No one seems able to come up with anything in the moment. Closing my eyes, I shake my head, mostly in shame, for being who I am, and acting how I do. Driven by love? Sure. Still a tyrant? Essentially, yeah. I essentially order people to love and tolerate each other, except in the cases of intolerance, injustice, or dangerously selfish behaviors. It sounds so oxymoronic.
I mean, I’m not a philosopher, or politician, or a leader or a hero. I’m a cryptozoologist, remember? Hah, been a while since I’ve dug that one up. Seriously though, I’m not qualified to direct people how to live their lives, but I’m enforcing peace and safety for others, by demonstrating my might against those that I personally deem to be risks to the social contract I want everyone to uphold. A social contract, that I break by the very nature of wielding my might against others. I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to protect those who can’t protect themselves, without lashing out at the bullies, the selfish, the spiteful, and so on.
A question I didn’t expect to come from a crowd that’d seen me do what I’ve done, is aimed my way, “Do you— do you need help? A hug? Anything?” In response to that, there are a few, “Oh hey, yeah!”s, and a few other similar statements from the crowd.
I can’t help donning a sad smile and nodding as I answer, “Hugs? Always. Help? The best help that any of you could give me, is proof that you’re leading happy, safe lives, and looking out for each other.”
A burly, yet handsome kobold steps forth from the crowd, apparently the owner of the voice who’d posed the question. He approaches me with his arms wide, and I work to shrink myself closer to his height in order to accept the embrace. A few others leave the crowd to set a hand on one of my shoulders, or wait their turn to hug me, and I can’t express enough how good it feels that I’m not despised by the people I’m trying to protect.
Thinking about something, I ask the crowd, “I guess there’s one other bit of help. Can anyone tell me a bit more about the Damnations in case I have to face the other six of the idiots today? Nonnam went down too easy. That’s not me bragging, that’s me saying something is up. I want to know if someone could fake being them, or something.”
I know something that’s about to happen. It’ll come up when I hear the information that I already know. I’d be having a panic attack, in front of a crowd normally. Instead, thanks to that little node I added to my digital brain with Kinzul’s help, I can push panic attacks aside temporarily. They do build up in intensity the longer I put them off, and will eventually break free of the little box that I can shove them into, but it might be enough to save my life during a fight at some point.
Sure enough, one of the first things called out by the crowd is, “Well, they’ve got red eyes, all seven of them, supposedly glowy red with no hint of a soul, no pupils or anything.”
Another voice adds, “There’s, um, Sibil, Grimsranton, Ferciul, Nonnam, Laombigla, Dazomeus, Ephlomseestiph. Some rumors say they can rip out your dragonforce, your soul, as soon as they can see you, any time you’re within sight range, others say they have to touch you first.”
Yet more voices chip in to add, “If they have Latents, they’ve never needed to show them off, because there’s rarely witnesses or survivors. Once they have your dragonforce, some say that your body keeps going, soulless, secretly under their command. Others say you just drop dead instantly.”
Another individual adds, “The Damnations have thirteen lieutenants mostly commanded by Laombigla, called the Evil Claws. I think their names are Deviltail, Rufflered, Curly Beard, Harlequin, Frostwalker, Bad dog, Lovelace, Laughing Drakk, Porkbelly, Devilhound, Butterfly, Rubicante, and the Callipygian. All supposedly have powerful Latents. Um, you can probably guess what some of them are based on their names, maybe. It’s not like they’ve been seen much in a really long time though.”