This. This is an offer of, of tremendous importance to consider. I could give up my very mortal existence. I could be moved to the safety of whatever comes next in the hereafter. What if it isn’t safety though? Our manxome foe still isn’t necessarily defeated even if Dawn’s curse is prevented. Suppose he succeeds at some later date, after my meat suit’s spark expires? Could he reach into the afterlife to pluck souls from it? Would he be powerful enough to do that after collecting a certain number of souls? I think TQ basically said something like, enough powerful-enough souls could jump start, or create entire worlds. Could it also end them? How many souls could our foe amass if he began to snuff out the candle of world after world, using some souls to power his travel between realms, a few more yet as fuel for destruction, and savoring all the rest. Would there even be an end to his possible reign of terror across the multiverse?

Jarrah’s crazed eyes continue to widen at my conjecture. He rushes off, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Lullaby sends waves of confusion at me. He knows what was said, and what I’ve been thinking about it, but he’s confused why I would even consider it. Don’t I want every last moment with Teuila, Dawn, and maybe even him? He knows I do. He knows I do. It hurts so much. But this might be the safest, the right choice for everyone else.

Reggie Shellcracker, throwing yourself on every proverbial fire you come across. Huff. Yep, that’s me. Self absorbed, self sacrificial, self important, vain, egotistical, wrathful Reggie Shellcracker. Hell, who’s to say with all my sins, that I even deserve this last month or two of life? Ow. Did you, did you just slap me Bud? I mean, okay, not you, but did you just have a giant tree slap me? I’d say that’s not cool, or funny, but it kind of is, both.

Hah. Haha. Hahahah. I can be such an idiot sometimes can’t I Bud? Yeah, yeah you’re right. No, no I don’t— I mean, sure. Slow down a sec will you? It’s hard enough to parse you normally Bud, calm down. I’m not trying to leave anyone. I truly enjoy having you in my head. Look, even if I decided that yes, I was pretty sure I wanted to take this path, I’d talk it out with you and Teuila and Dawn first. Maybe even Alanea if she was ever willing to see or speak with me again. I hope I haven’t scarred her for life. Just, please let me consider it? You know how important stopping Dawn’s curse is. If the manxome foe wins, there will be no Fae for you to bond with to journey with you.

Hm? Yeah, yes it was. Yeah, it was a little short sighted to be upset at losing a couple months with me compared to possibly losing the rest of time for eternity with anyone else. It’s still sweet of you though. Also, huh. I just realized that I’m actually-factually Fae, not just because of my soul shenanigans by the Miracle Oak Fae. I mean. Alanea already told me I’m truly, a fully blooded changeling. Gosh I wish I could ask her more about us.

Err, this blush isn’t because of. Grr, stop teasing for a sec, would you Bud? I meant our species. Do we all spawn with memories? What are birth and life and death like for normal changelings? Do changelings on Rayileklia go through a mammalian birthing process, or what? How different am I due to being Can’Z’aasian digital critterkin-adjacent? What is love or falling in love normally like? Do most changelings get over-infatuated when seeing another changeling’s true self? Do most of them even let each other see their true selves the ‘right way’? How was Alanea able to see mine before I showed it to her the ‘right way’?

Ack, Bud, seriously, that kinda teasing is, it’s just, no. I mean, you know what my body is like. What do you mean? I mean, I guess I could transform for that. Wait, my changeling gift? I don’t know, I’ve never tried, but that’s just weird and creepy. Why would I use it to grow those things? Seriously Bud. I’m truly, absolutely not thinking about things that way. Even if I wasn’t on a literal deadline, it wouldn’t cross my mind to do that to be like that. You what?

Holy moly that’s. Bud, jeeze. Yeesh, wow I’m blushing so hard. No, no I don’t think I could do that, even if she wanted to. What? Okay well yes, I possibly -could- generate the biology, maybe, but I mean, ugh. You know, you’re as bad as Luni or Teuila sometimes. Don’t get smug about it Bud. Gods. Just no. I mean, leaving Alanea with a child for her and Teuila and you and everyone to remember me by? That’s messed up dude. Yick. Yuck. Eugh. What? No, not her, obviously. She’s gorgeous as hell.

Huff. Just because you don’t see the problem doesn’t mean there isn’t one. We’re from totally different worlds, in every sense of the phrase. I meant you and me Bud, not me and her, but it also applies to her as well I guess, though a little less about the species to sentient weapon difference, heh. Wow, is there any way to get you off of this thought train? Oh come on that’s not even funny, you’re a sharp stick, you don’t have the parts. Gross Bud. But, well, heh, alright, it was kind of funny. Ya big jerk. Yes, occasional, very rarely, occasional lighthearted insults are still indicative of endearment. Yes we’re fine. Sorry.

Could you imagine if Luni was in my head, and didn’t hear your side of the telepathic waves? If anyone from Can’Z’aas could read my subvocal narrative mental logs about all this? I’d look even crazier than I normally do. Probably. Yes, yes you’re a bad influence on me. Yes of course I’m still joking. See? It’s kind of hard to keep the sarcasm and stuff straight, isn’t it? Alright, we can both strive to be a bit better about that.

Ugh, my eyes, this book is giving me a migraine, and my right eardrum seems to have burst. It hurts like hell. Crap. Bud, do you know how many runes I’ve drawn so far? What? Really? That many? I don’t feel tired like I normally would. You’re absolutely positive, and not teasing me? Oh. Within a few up or down is still accurate enough for what I mean Bud. Thanks. Over six hundred fifty, and my muscles are only just barely starting to feel that normal five hundred limit. I’m sure within a few more, I’ll hit it, but still. It’s definitely progress. I might be able to master like, two or three runes every day and a half to two days or something. Eventually.

Hm? Well, whenever I finish decoding this soul spell enchantment book thing, if it’s one of the spelliforms with the enhanced codified runic architecture, it should have only thirty three runes. The leading rune should reference a table, and all the other runes should basically be lookup addresses on that table. Really? Well, crap. That’s bad news for us. Only super advanced magic users have been able to do the codified runic architecture stuff, so most spells haven’t been codified in that way? You’re absolutely positive? Ugh. Let’s just hope to hell that this one is codified.

Because Dawn’s time is almost up, that’s why. Remember? Yeah. Okay, fine, more specifically, because I take about a day per rune to master it. Dawn has at max a month at this point, so even a thirty three rune codified spell will be pushing my luck to master it before she’s taken from us. I’ll have to work in overdrive to make absolutely certain I’m learning more than one per day once this stupid book finally decodes. And that’s if it even decodes fast enough. That fifty six I couldn’t tell if it was hours or days. Even without sleep, it’s going to take me like three straight days of reading in whatever conditions, either here or in the carriage. Then Dawn will only have twenty some odd days left at best, if her curse doesn’t pick up speed again.

Yeah, I know it’s cutting it close. That’s why we’re still going to try to find the Sisters of the Mist after this stop in the Heart. You what? Really? Holy crap. That’s great news! Yes, please, please, absolutely lead us there when we leave. Thank you. Thank you Bud. I cannot express how much this means to me.

Wait, how long has Jarrah been standing there staring at me? He what? He just ran off to get some pencil and paper and ran right back a second later? Has he been basically just jotting down everything my brain has been going through? More or less? Alright.

I cough for attention as I raise an eyebrow. Jarrah meets my gaze, so I ask, “Have any opinions on anything Jarrah?”

Jarrah sneers and snidely remarks, “Many, on many things. About your issues, fewer. I was wrong to offer you the, the opportunity I offered. I’m sorry. I suggest you drop all thoughts regarding it entirely. There are. Ah. More costs than I’d previously disclosed, or frankly known, due to your unique condition. I doubt you’d want either of them to sacrifice themselves to bring forth the spark and maintain it til your task was done.”

I gulp, almost positive what Jarrah is referring to. One of the people I care about, or who cares about me. Their life force could either jump start the spark, or protect it until the task was finished, then both would be snuffed out. He’s right. I won’t even bring up the opportunity to any of my loved ones. Screw that. What Bud? No, not even you. Remember, you wouldn’t be sacrificing yourself to save me, just to prolong a spark that might possibly survive a bit longer than me, if my malady were to take me before we would be able to otherwise rescue Dawn from her curse.

Hellspit. I— Jarrah interrupts my thoughts as he offers, “The fact that you show such, hrm. Empathy, even for your only recently bonded weapon. I’m sorry I had even brought such a grim offer to you, to place such weight upon your plate for you to consider. I’ve done some calculations with a quick question to Alanea just now. I’m fairly certain you will outlive the curse on your friend Dawn, so long as you do not take any further grave injuries twixt now and then. Even so, you’ve a remarkable natural resilience. The dragonforce may not need to patch you up, now that you know of its existence.”

I half frown. I’m grateful for Jarrah’s explanation, but, wow. Just so much information recently. What els— Jarrah continues, interrupting my brain again, “You have vexed, and continue to vex me, but you have elucidated to me a hidden plan that our foe has had in place for a very long time. I can begin to make preparations to resist his forces and advancements with this forewarning. In case you should fail. I am grateful to you for this opportunity. I’m sorry that my tutelage amounted to naught. Such a thing vexes me greatly.”

Jarrah turns away to stalk about his chamber, muttering, “In none of nine realities has there ever, grumble grumble. Jotun? Niffle? Hel? Huff. No, no, no! Could we make a stand with the help of Ysgaard If it was even within reach? Hm, doubtful. Schvartalf? Hm. Perhaps cousins in the Neath. Does our foe even know of their existence? We must presume yes. Hrm. Grr, growl mumble grumble.”

I’m fairly certain I’m actually hearing him say the word grumble, repeatedly. The strain on my eyes and wrists from reading and runecrafting is becoming too much to bear. Jarrah waves dismissively before I even ask, so I begin to take my leave of him. Suddenly my danger wraps’ senses indicate he’s streaking towards me incredibly quickly. I slip my finger into the armor in my belt pouch to instantly don it, and raise my shield his direction.

Jarrah stands nearby gazing upon me like I’m an idiot, and reaches a hand for my shoulder. He states, “I was dismissive just now. I’ve treated you like every other whelp, and the vexation that you are. You are on the road to die for our shared cause, and I regret my mistreatment of you at least in this last moment. Please return on the morrow. If I’m able to find even a single other shred of hope for you, it will be waiting. If not, we shall have tea one last time before I and the Heart bid you adieu.”

I nod at him. I’m grateful for having had him as my mentor, despite his harshness, and my lack of progress. I at least now know of, and have taken heed of several important dire warnings. I perform a stiff, slight bow, and take my leave of him, calling back, “Thank you, Jarrah, mentor. I appreciate everything. I appreciate you.”

Hm, oh hey, that’s, that’s unexpected. Dawn, Te, Flint, and Alanea. Whoops, Alanea has spotted me, and she’s trying to bolt, but Flint and Teuila have hands firmly on her shoulders. That’s mean and awkward. If my presence harms or scares her, she shouldn’t be forced to endure it.

I frown at those assembled as I state just that, “Guys, if Alanea doesn’t want to see me, you shouldn’t trap her here. That’s horrid. Alanea, I’m sorry for my friends, and, well, your friend. I’m terribly sorry for, well, whatever of the many things about me that causes you to want to flee from our last few possible mee-“

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

Flint and Teuila release Alanea who leaps at me, tears in her eyes. My heart stops momentarily as she wraps her arms around me, and I’m left confused, stunned. I lightly pat her back as she sobs into my clavicle. I fight my own sadness, blinking back tears as I raise an eyebrow to Dawn, Teuila, and Flint.

Flint coughs and explains, “I’m ashamed you think so little of me. I suppose I in some essence deserve it though. Alanea requested we prevent her flight. So that she.” Flint gulps and turns away, a hint of sadness playing across his face.

Teuila adds, “Airhead, I know I can tease people a lot, but I wouldn’t do that. Not to one of our friends, not to anyone. Big A asked me to too. She knew her first reaction would be to bolt.”

I gulp as I try to stammer an apology, “I, I, I’m sorry. Ev. Everyone. For everything. So. Sor. Sorry.”

Alanea blows her nose on me, and I grimace while trying not to laugh. The assembled each approximates more or less the same reaction. A grimace with a hint of hidden nervous chuckling.

I ask, somewhat playfully, “Alanea? Could we possibly, um, maybe not do this on the stairs? Whatever this is, or whatever it’s going to be. I’m a bit apprehensive of stairs at the moment. A few bad experiences in the last couple days. Heh.”

There’s a round of slight chuckling, and even Alanea laughs through a choked sob as she nods, before blowing her nose on me again. Bud don’t even make that joke. I know exactly what you’re thinking. Ugh you pervert. Sharing bodily fluids isn’t even. Bluh. I know you’re being funny, or at least think you are, but, well, stuff is kind of tense right now man. I’m hurting, and it looks like everyone else is too. I’m not ready to play along with teasing right now. Okay? Sorry. I do appreciate the attempt at humor Bud.

The five, or six of us if you count Lullaby, begin to descend in awkward silence. I gulp, unsure how to proceed, since Alanea is basically hanging off of me. I don’t know where we stand, or why we even stand wherever that is. I’m full of aches, and pains, and an encroaching migraine behind my eyes. I’m just, so, so spiritually and emotionally tired. I can’t do this any more. I almost wish I could just give myself over to the life spark that would pilot my meat suit so that I didn’t have to bear the agony of watching despair slowly overtake those that I love, as my death draws nearer. I obviously won’t do that though, especially since it would cost one of their lives.

Hey, Bud? You know how the room was able to fast forward my panic attacks? Yeah, that one, yes those panic attacks. What else would I be talking about? Wait, why are you being coy? I can’t tell if you’re teasing me or not. Anyway. It felt like way, way, way way way more than a single panic attack each time. Ultra-condensed. Do you think? Oh. Well, that’s helpful I guess. It was too much to hope for them being cured. Yeah, it makes sense. My next few panic attacks should be brief, almost instant. Stuff like that. Hey, maybe it will happen to be all the panic attacks I would have suffered from now til I die, hah. Since, y’know. That’s pretty soon.

Alanea squeezes my arm lightly and rubs her nose on my shoulder again. Her nose is becoming this adorable slightly reddened gumdrop upon her face. Hellspit. Why am I even torturing her, and them, like this? Bud, if I left tonight, could you guide me to the Sisters of the Mist? How long would the journey take? More specifically, how long if I were walking kind of slowly while reading a book?

Hm. I’m pretty sure we have enough time for that. Maybe I should do it. Ow. Did, did you just have this giant tree slap me again? I’d, I’d come back to save Dawn, obviously, if she had to be present for the spell to cancel the curse. The curse, and her soul, is like, spread over the whole world at this point though. So I can probably just pick any point, and hopefully blasting whatever soul magic this is at it will save her. Ow. Okay, okay, I get it. You don’t want me to leave them. Jeeze Bud. I don’t need another concussion right now. Yes I’m being slightly teasing.

It, well, it just hurts so much to see them like this Bud, and it’s all my fault. I’m the one that’s dying because of all the stupid choices I’ve made in my life, and now they’re sad because of it. Don’t you dare. I saw that one forming. What is it this time? Yes I made stupid choices, a lot of them, including playing with corrupted mana by the truckload. What? Well. I mean. I guess not. Maybe? I know Lao said she believed they wouldn’t have made it. Come on. I’m sure someone, somewhere, somehow, would step up as a hero, and do the things, probably even better than I did, without making so many stupid, horrible choices.

What do you mean unique, once in a lifetime? Everyone is unique, and they’re the only them in their lifetime. Well, except me actually. I’ve had a lot of me existing simultaneously several times. No I’m not trying to make fun of you just to invalidate your point. Come on, maybe if I concentrate for eight minutes, I could show you th— don’t even think abo— Ow. Okay. Okay. Fine. I give. I’m me, and I’m the only me that’s me, and we made it this far, and that’s just life. These are the circumstances, and, in your opinion, it’s not my fault that I’m dying. It’s still my dying that’s making them all sad and somber. Maybe Dawn’s too, which we still have hope to be able to avoid.

We’ve been over this. Know of any evil elder dragons within a month’s journey, maybe two or three months’ journey if I’m like, really lucky? Or anywhere at all? Exactly. I’ve accepted it Bud. There is no hope for me. Ugh, pal, I have a migraine. I don’t suppose you could like, root roll me the rest of the way wherever the gang wants to go, huh? Hey don’t hit me, it was an honest question. I’m in a lot of pain. Sorry, I’m not trying to abuse your powers or take advantage of you. No, don’t do it if it would cost you that much silly.

Heh, but, also, maybe stop wasting your literal juice having this big tree hit m— Ow! You goon! Haha. But seriously Bud, I have an eye-piercing, head-splitting migraine. You’ll lay off? Thanks. Might be a little late though. I’m feeling kinda woozy, kinda faint. Head. Head hur-. Head hurts so much. I begin to slump forward, but Alanea’s death grip on me keeps me from falling too hard. Until she topples over and we both go rolling down the last few stairs, landing with her atop me, straddling me, her face squashed against mine.

My heart skips several beats, then painfully stops all together. Alanea first blushes heatedly before her face goes ashen. We both glance downward from where our eyes are staring into each other’s. Neither of us makes a move to extricate ourselves, or to take advantage of the position that we, or our lips are locked in. We’re both mortified beyond belief. Any chance of any possible romance in any reality where I don’t die seems to be stripped away as we remain here, fearfully locked in place. We both know Teuila is about to tease us, but neither of us can move.

Teuila catches up and calls out, “Hey, if you two wanted some private ki—“ Dawn elbows her, interrupting her. Dawn points out the sad, mortified expression on both of our faces.

Teuila blushes and scratches the back of her head as she apologizes, “Hey, I. Sorry. Teasing’s just, kinda. It’s sorta my thing, but. Sorry. But. Seriously? Are you two okay? Like. Do you need some time to work this out?”

I can’t move, and my heart still hasn’t resumed normal rhythm, but Alanea nods ever so slightly, drawing our lips up and down a fraction. She gulps as she struggles to scrabble away. My heart finally restarts as Dawn leads Teuila and Flint outside. I gulp as well, staring towards Alanea from my position on the floor.

She’s resumed crying waterfalls. I don’t know how to apologize enough for whatever part of this hurt her. I clench my eyes tight as they stream tears down along my temples jawbone, and ears. What do I even do to make this right?

Alanea pats the floor next to her against the wall, so I struggle over, and sit up next to her. She leans her head on my shoulder, and rubs her nose on me again.

I begin to apologize, “Alanea, I’m so s—“

Alanea interrupts, crying out, “I saw! Well, everything! I, I. How you feel. About that stuff. Well, I, I didn’t, I didn’t want you to think th--.”

She hiccups, and resumes bawling as she’s wracked by sobs. What’s she even talking about? Everything what? I can kind of guess about what she means by, “That stuff.” What’s the rest of it about though? Why’s she so sad?

She coughs, fighting to be able to speak, “You. Well, you’re different. Somehow it’s, well, like. Well, err, the inner you has, it has all your memories. Well, it’s as if every thought you ever had was written down in a journal. All your feelings, fears, hopes, so much love for so many people. But, well, but none of it in, in that way. I, I mean, kissing, sure, there was lots of that. But, but, but, wait, wait please, well, I, I, I wasn’t trying to look. I swear to Leafdom dearling, I, I, I mean Reggie.”

I start to unintentionally chuckle. Hahah. My Can’Z’aasian nature strikes again. Internal memory logs are a part of the true me. I shake my head in disbelief, trying not to laugh as I slowly smile. I try to figure out a way to answer that alleviates her guilt.

I start rambling, “I’m, um, kind of glad to hear you could see all that. That’s me, that’s well and truly me. On my home world? It’s just natural that our memories are logged. Friends, family, party members, and I’m pretty sure romantic partners and lovers, can see one another’s logs. If that’s all this is about, it’s fine. I’m happy you saw. You’re a friend, dearling. It’s fine. I know it means a bit more here, but between us, it can just be a nickname, or whatever you want. You can tell me not to use it.”

Alanea shakes her head, still sniffling, struggling to get some point across, “I, well, glp. Well, I, I didn’t, that’s not even. You obviously, not that I have a problem with it. Well, it’s pretty common amongst Fae, changelings especially. Well, you just have so many people that you miss, that you really, truly love, and are so sad about. Well, just, just all of you. I, I got to know a lifetime of you. It wasn’t fair of me. Well, I. I’m worried that our true selves maybe did something to you. I, well I felt smitten. I’m, I’m worried that your strange empathetic otherworldly nature made your inner self pick up on that, and copy it into your being, making you feel that without your consent. I’d, well, I’d never, not in a million years.”

I blink rapidly. Wait. Did I double misread the situation back into being right in the first place? My face contorts as my migraine rages. My left brow won’t lower from its quizzical position, but I attempt to flex as much of my face as I can. Where do we stand? What if I’m the one whose weird inner self thing did something to her?

I ask as much, “Alanea? What if, well, what if it was my weird, unique, Can’Z’aasian inner self that did something to your inner self and you? I don’t want to have done that either. If we’re both worried that both of us had done it, then either maybe neither of us did, and we’re both okay, or maybe one or the other or both of us did, and we should just shake hands and walk our separate ways. Whatever you want, I’ll respect. I appreciate this honesty, our talks, that amazing experience, everything. Most of all, I appreciate you.”

She blinks rapidly, apparently having not considered the possibility. Huff, no Bud, now is not my chance. I’m not going to do some romantic subplot where any of that sort of stuff happens. I’m not going to take advantage of her confusion. We both had a unique experience, and it messed us up pretty fierce. It was unlike anything either of us expected. Hm? Yes I know I could maybe ask her more about changelings, but I don’t have time. I need to go rest off this migraine, and get back to the soul book. Hah, I know. Luni says the same thing, that I’m no fun. Why am I no fun this time though? Are you living vicariously through me or something? Hey. Hey why’d you go so quiet all of a sudden?

Huh. Sorry if I embarrassed you Bud. It’s okay, I understand experiencing the world through someone else’s senses. I well and truly absolutely do. I was blind for a few months, and I had to see through Lil and Luni’s eyes to be able to have any sense of sight at all. It’s alright. You okay? Okay, good. No worries Bud.

I accidentally mumble aloud, “Pretty sure Lullaby really wants to kiss Alanea, through me. Not that I don’t want to myself.”

I facepalm. Alanea has returned to a beet red state. Huff. Been a while since I’ve had that particular foible bite me in the rear. I rattle my aching head, and struggle to stand. My stomach is sickly, and tied in knots. Everything hurts, and I feel emotionally horrible.

I apologize, “Sorry, that was supposed to be internal. It was inappropriate, when we’re both struggling to figure out how to deal with our unique changeling stuff. I wish I had more time with you, to learn more about changelings, about myself, about us. I’m glad I met you Alanea. There’s that much more joy splashed across the logs written on my true inner s—“

Alanea’s body is in my arms, her arms around me, and our faces pressed tightly together. We’re not exactly kissing, but it’s extremely intimate all the same as she interrupts me. She squeezes me tightly, and gulps while the heat of her blushing cheeks warms even my thermally resistant face.

Alanea, through sniffles and hiccups, manages to say, “Maybe, hic, snf, well, maybe in some other lifetime. We could have, well. Well maybe. I, we. Anyway. Well, at least I’m glad I met you, and your whole wonderful world Reggie Shellcracker. Your amazing matrons, all your siblings and cats and cousins. Well, just, just the very whole of you, every last bit of your tragic, frightening, loving, amazing journey. If, well, if you find a cure. Please, well, maybe, please come see me again some day? We, well, if we win, well, I’d, if you. A, a family, on any world, would be nice.”

I feel her heart flutter in her chest as mine is doing the same. I barely manage the slightest nod as my heart skips beats, and stops once more. She kisses my cheek, and then races away up the stairs. I’m left brushing my cheek with the fingertips of my left hand, staring at the spot where she’d just been with tears in my eyes. I don’t know how I should feel, or how I want to feel about her. About a possible us. The multiple meanings of family that she dropped at the end. Her willingness to include the possibility of being on one or more worlds. I’d drop to my arse to exemplify how floored I am, but I can’t handle any more injuries at the moment.

I stagger out of the Enochian Enclave, certain this time that I will absolutely never see Alanea Whifflewillow ever again. Unless perhaps I somehow find a cure, and survive long enough to return some day.

My guts continue to flip, flop, and tie themselves in knots. I can’t hold in my anxiety any longer, and end up vomiting alongside the berry bushes. I’m truly sorry for that. Thank you Lullaby. Thanks for cleaning up after me as usual. I hope you know how much I appreciate you.