It seems Kinzul and I are headed the same way anyway as I intend to check in on Lil. My wife comments, "Yes, Sun needs to be apprised, and I would like to take him aside before we attend to the strategists-eight. I've ill done enough to teach him to be the general I need him to be. I've neglected our wonderful son. I'm sorry my love. There is never enough time."

Don’t I know it. I clench my eyes shut tightly for a moment, fighting back the flashing stream of raw emotions at all the things I’ve had to pass up, or choose over other missed opportunities. The worst of all was not having enough time to find out how to save Dawn. How much I rushed everything else during that period, and still failed. I—. I topple to my knees, catching Farzhis and myself in my telekinetic grips, startling her.

Clenching my eyes shut even more tightly, I pull my lips into a tight grimace to keep from sobbing aloud. Sighing, all I can do is agree with our beloved lady. There is never enough time. Even for Reggie Shellcracker, nearly a master of time itself. Nearly. My non existent guts twist and cramp as my emotions war within me. Lu. Te. I haven’t—. Oh Lucky, my sweet son. I barely bite back my emotions to keep from wailing aloud in regret.

There isn’t enough time to be with everyone, let alone protect everyone, or save everyone. I can’t nurture everyone, or show everyone my undying affection and deeply intimate care for them and their safety. I feel Farzhis’s heart rate climb rapidly in anxiety, fear at being unable to read my thoughts as I appear unstable, not being the rock that she needs right now. Or perhaps simply worry for me.

I have to prioritize becoming powerful enough, adaptable enough, to always win, and always come home safely. I have to win this all, end this war, these wars. Their safety matters most. First and foremost, I need to save them all. Huff. That isn’t up to you alone Reggie. I—! I know. I know. Hero complex, or god complex, or whatever. But you heard them, even the Vivant thinks that by the end, I’ll be the lone asset deployed, the knife-edge of the Order. How much more on-my-shoulders can things possibly be stated to be than that?

I, I’m not trying to diminish anyone else’s roles. Heavens knows I couldn’t do this without Kinzul, the Worldstorm, my Inner Circle, Nala, Illy, Prinny, Vylon, Vyela, just, just the entire Order. Hell, even the Spellknight twins are taking on a huge responsibility for me that might be the difference between life and death for one of us. I just—. Just need to get out of your own head Reggie. Be there. Be in the present. She needs you. They need you. Take it one step at a time. Don’t get trapped looking at the end goal, forgetting the progress you’ll make, and have to make, along the way.

Thanks. Um, me. I glance around physically and in my mindscape. This is happening more and more frequently. I swear I’m not playing up some split psyche bit. I think. It doesn’t seem to be a future-me either. How is there this odd, rational-yet-compassionate side of me looking out for me more and more? Don’t worry about it Reggie. It’s all you. You’re just applying some of the advice you’d give to others for yourself. I—. Sure. I guess. Look, when you learn a coping mechanism actually works, you’ll lean on it more and more. Makes sense, right? Um, sure, I guess. What do you think this is? Well, yeah, a coping mechanism I guess.

I’m a bit weirded out that it seems to be wrapped up in such a simple bow. A neat and tidy answer. Nothing is ever as neat and tidy as it appears at first glance Reggie, you don’t have to take it for granted, but you don’t need to spend more time analyzing this. Be in the present. Please. For them, and for yourself. Sighing, I release muscles I didn’t know I was clenching as I blink and actually notice my surroundings.

Te and Lu are gazing at me concernedly, while Farzhis appears to be caught between fleeing or clinging to me more tightly. I flash an apologetic expression to each of them, and gaze down at Lucky, who uses his magical scarf to pat me consolingly on the shoulder. Even though I gave it to him, *that* might take some getting used to. Having more dextrous limbs with gripping digits and so on makes it easier to see Lucky as a person rather than a hound.

I’m suddenly hit by a wave of lethargy, and my muscles sag wearily. Stabbing pain from a migraine grows in my right occipital lobe. It lances from my right eye to my right temple, causing me to huff exhaustedly. Nearly toppling over from the pain, I’m forced to set Farzhis down momentarily, but I hold her close as I kneel where she sits upon the floor.

Blushing heatedly for my weakness, my display, just everything, I try to apologize, “I, well, I was lost in thought over there never being enough time. Over needing to get more powerful. I’m already leaps and bounds more powerful than when I’d started our Rayileklian journey, hell, I’m leaps and bounds more powerful than just a couple of days ago, and I still can’t kill a Damnation. They probably won’t fall for being knocked into the Worldstorm a third time, they might even stop flying above it entirely.”

As I pause for a breath, Farzee stands out of my embrace, and taps Te almost shyly. Teuila happily lifts Farzee into her arms, and perhaps a bit inappropriately lifts Farzee enough that Te can snuggle and nuzzle her breasts, but Farzee doesn’t complain. I glance at Teuila, worried about her having to protect the Vivant and the Dormir tomorrow as she assaults the Nedkuxian Conclave.

The Dormir are down one with Indy, possibly two with Farzee in her state. I’m worried for Farzee’s emotional state, and I wouldn’t ask her to be ready by tomorrow. Yet somehow, I feel like she will be ready tomorrow anyway, or at least will go out regardless. Possibly to prove something to herself, or to me. I worry if she’d be trying to prove to me that she’s working on herself, that she might slip up and get hurt. I don’t want her taking on risks if her emotions might weigh her down in battle to the point where—. I get it, we get it. Sighing belatedly, I try to tear my attention away from the pretty lady who clings sadly to Teuila.

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

The Vivant are equally in danger for the assault. Most of them haven’t recovered. Prinrin better not think I didn’t catch her limping. I swear to all that’s holy, if she places herself in front of everyone else’s attacks again, I’d—. You’d what? Huff. I’d love her just the same and worry just the same. She’s brave, selfless, kind, loving, empathetic, intuitive, quick in so many ways. I assume that’s how she can transpose herself in front of so many attacks too. Being a runt, being small and quick. She speaks a hundred miles an hour and can probably move just as quickly.

I should worry about my own assault though. It’s the first time ever that it’ll be me, Lil, Lu, and Lucky. I mean, sure, there’s a lot of configurations of five people in groupings of our inner circle that haven’t been done before, but I mean—. It’s just that this is the Triple L Squad plus me. I feel like the odd one out. I’m not jealous, but I know they’ve had months to bond and become a tighter crew in ways that didn’t involve me. I might even get in the way of their synergies. Though, I’m tempted to offer to ask Kinzul if Luni perhaps doesn’t have to come. Muse might be more—.

Lu interrupts my thought processes, “No. I can’t keep running from fighting. Not now, not anymore. Lucky’s great at protecting me, so I’ll be okay. Promise. Lil, huff, he wishes he was on your level. He regrets so much, and is so worried that things are all going to end up on you like it always seems to. He’s still hurting from what happened when you reunited, and is pushing himself harder and harder to try to be able to make it up to you, by trying to get strong enough that it won’t be you alone.”

Oh Lil, oh Lu. I gaze down at our son, and he bowls me over in meatspace and thinkspace. I loose half a laugh and wear a sad quarter smile as the big lug laps my face with his enormous tongue. Shoving him off of me, I roughhouse with him momentarily, and kiss his skull repeatedly. He tries to use his new limbs to push Luni and me closer together, but their weight limit is far too low to actually move us, but we do get the hint. Luni steps closer and kneels next to me so that the two of us can hug Lucky together.

I hear Teuila whispering comforts to Farzee, and I’m a bit happy in ways. I’m proud of Te, and grateful to her. Standing, I levitate myself and Luni up to ease our rise. Farzee turns her gaze towards me, almost pleadingly, and I relent.

As Te hands Farzee over to me once more, I apologize to her, “Sorry about the tumble Farzhis love. You know a fair bit about my brain at this point, but I’ll try to keep it on more positive topics. I want to be able to be the friend you need or want me to be right now. Are you okay? I mean, as okay as you can be.”

Nodding, Farzhis mumbles, “Yeah, Schism. I’m, um, I’m okay I guess. Will be eventually anyway. Thanks is all. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

She trails off, mumbling thanks repeatedly, over and over, and I gulp down my feelings in response. I mutter a welcome to Farzee, hoping to interrupt her looped thanks that is almost a plea. She wants me to be where she’ll be battling at, and I get it. The Damnations could show up to either of our offensives. I just have to trust that Teuila, who has immunities and powers comparable to mine, can either finish one off or hold them back long enough for the others to escape.

I’m almost certain Te can hold her own against the Damnations at this point. She’s quite literally nearly a goddess. She has weapons, and equipment from myth and lore of the gods of one pantheon at the bare minimum, and one of those specifically says it grants the powers of one of those gods.

I glance at Te, trying to put all my pride and love into the look, to emphasize how much I care, and how much I rely on her, and trust her. I have so much faith in Teuila. I don’t know if I can impart that faith into Farzee in time for tomorrow’s battle. I could ask to swap with Te, taking on the Nedkuxian conclave with the Dormir and the Vivant, but I’m almost certain I’d break Lil’s and Lu’s hearts. Possibly even Lucky’s. Sighing, I can’t help but picture tomorrow’s battles. Te will be as absolutely ferocious as she’s ever been, trying to take on and take down everything so that the injured Vivant, or the short-staffed Dormir don’t have to risk themselves.

Whispering to Farzee, I try to impart the faith I have in Te, “Teuila’s got you. She’ll have your back. She’s stronger than me. She loves you just as much. It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay. I’m so sorry you’re hurting so much, but if you’re really up for it, if you’re really going out tomorrow, as I suspect you are, Teuila will protect you. I’m here for you Farzee. Did you want to see Veril?”

Farzee nods in response, and coughs as she tries to compose herself. Lu, Te, Lucky and I bring Farzee towards the Dormir dorms, before starting everything else we’ll have to do today. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I still feel awful when Veril spots me, and has a panic attack overtake him.

Veril crumples in on himself and grabs the back of his head as he curls up. He’s whimpering, “I didn’t know,” over and over again. I feel so bad for being the center of his trauma trigger.

Surprisingly, Farzee clambers down from my arms, and she goes to stand near Veril while whispering, “It’s okay Broke. We’ll be okay. Tell me when you’re ready.”

After a while, Veril looks up at Farzee with a tear-streaked face in confusion. He glances over at me, with worry and sorrow in his eyes, feeling bad that he had panic upon seeing me. I don’t know how to absolve him of that. I whisper comforts towards him telepathically, but trauma and panic don’t just go away. They’ll rear their heads eventually. They might lessen over time, but I don’t know if they’ll ever stop completely. I don’t believe they will. Even still, I’m proud of Farzee.

As hurt as she is, Farzee recognizes a friend in need, and she’s becoming the person she wants to be. Even if she still believes she’s selfish, and perhaps she might be right, she’s acting near selflessly. One can’t ask for more from anybody, let alone everybody one meets. I lean over and kiss Farzee’s forehead, whispering, “I’m proud of you sweetling. If you still want to come with, we’re headed to the strategists-eight. Veril, you’re welcome as well, if you want.”

I’d almost say I don’t expect everybody to agree to come, but they all do. Despite everything, despite the trauma, the panic, the grief, the sadness, every mixed emotion between each and every one of us, we’re all still moving forward. Everybody is moving forward, together.