Should I lie to Leezahna to keep her in line? Would it be fair of me to tell her I would know if she miscounts or distributes unfairly? No. I don’t think I’ll do that. I don’t need to add more terror and trauma to her plate. Violence, or anger, or threat of it, or implication of its possible threat, aren’t all of the solutions available to me. Despite how often I feel like I end up having to resort to it, it is actually the last resort I ever want to use.
Wearing a sad half-smile, I explain, “I need a quartermaster. I need someone who can catalogue and distribute the materials from the warrens fairly. I need to know where those materials are going, and in what quantities. There’s an opportunity for you here. I would not know immediately if you secretly show favor, or if you attempt to skim more than your fair share.”
Sighing, making sure that that doesn’t come across as an invitation to do so, I further explain, “I don’t want to add more terror to your plate, but I want you to think hard on any choice you might make along those lines, and what it would mean for you if it eventually came to light that you broke my trust in such a way. I’m trusting you Leezahna. I’m offering you *my* forgiveness when I know I haven’t earned yours yet, because I’m still a source of fear for you. Maybe I always will be. Maybe that’s how it has to be. I don’t know.”
I flash Ixey a raised brow, and she nods at me, so I finish, ‘So Leezahna D—,” I pause, hesitating, realizing I don’t want to use her family name as a bargaining chip, or even for her to put value in it, before finishing, “can I count on you to be my quartermaster? To make sure that everyone benefits from our work, equally? To value the trust and responsibility you’ve been offered?”
Sniffling, Leezahna nods and stands as straight as she’s able, reaching impeccable posture, likely due to her haughty upbringing. She responds, “Yes. Yes Schism, thank you. I’m sorry for, for breaking your trust. I swear, it won’t happen again. Not on purpose. On my life.” Realizing she basically put her life on the line, Leeza’s eyes shoot wide as she tries to backpedal momentarily, “I—, glp. I mean, it’s a, it’s a phrase. Crap. P—. P—. Please forgive me. Thank you for this opportunity.”
It’s almost comedic to see her backpedal so suddenly, but it also provides a distraction from a worrying bit of phrasing. She won’t break my trust on purpose. Does that mean she broke it on purpose this time, or just that she’s worried that if she screws up, that I might consider it a breach of trust? Should I assuage her fears that—. Yes. I need to operate as if I trust and love everyone. I can’t allow the cynical side of me to believe that assuaging her fears will lead to her abusing my trust by trying to make things look like accidents or mistakes.
Drawing a deep breath, sighing, and squeezing tight my puffy, itchy eyes, I respond, “You absolutely have my forgiveness. We all make mistakes from time to time Leezahna. Hell, you know very well that I make plenty. I’m not going to hurt, kill, or exile you over an accident or mistake. You’re going to be okay. I’m glad to have your help on our projects. I’ll let people know that I’ve officially requested you to operate in the capacity of a quartermaster, so that there aren’t any more, hrm, misunderstandings, about what using my name means. For now, let the volunteers handle everything they’ve been handling, I just want you to keep track of numbers for me, until you and I both have a handle on how much we’re dealing with. Okay? We can talk about distribution efforts in a few days.”
Thankfully the young-adult dragon lass in human-form nods swiftly, emphatically. Flashing Ixey a raised brow in thinkspace, she nods excitedly, realizing I mean to get her bonded to Lil as soon as possible. Ixeyla gives Leeza’s shoulder a bit of a rough playful punch, before she leans in to whisper something. Ixey follows me towards the dugout, while Leezahna stands, staring slightly aghast at the still-accumulated baskets of gems that she has almost no idea what to do with. I guess it’s a bit mean to let her stew in that after having just tried to offer her forgiveness.
Motioning to a pair of Draconiacs, I wait for them to become free. They seem to be discussing the needs for lumber supports in some of the upper caverns, around some of the areas beneath various dragon hoards of some of the lesser known ancient dragons who reside within Mount Solace. Elder dragons who aren’t part of the Order of the Onyx Dawn, simply residents of Solace. I explain my own needs for a small bit of lumber, and thankfully it won’t be an issue, but that wasn’t really why I called them over. Explaining the situation with Leezahna, they almost laugh, though they both seem a bit nervous at the prospect of laughing out loud in my presence. Way to go Reggie, a tyrant ruling through fear and it only took you less than a day of being married to Kinzul.
I try not to roll my eyes at myself and my intrusive thoughts. I don’t have the energy right now to spare addressing my self-loathing, and impostor syndrome. Breathing deeply, and sighing, I take a moment to center myself before trying to alleviate the fears of the two Draconiacs. They allow themselves a slight chuckle when I return to the topic of the Leezahna situation. Thankfully they’ll handle passing on the word of what exactly I’m entrusting Leeza with for the moment, that she doesn’t have any further authority than just keeping track of numbers. I’m glad that they’ve acquiesced to making sure everyone knows to provide her with the information she requests, if she needs any help keeping track of the quantities of outgoing material. I don’t want to unfairly burden her with a twenty-four hours a-day job.
Anyway, I express my gratitude to the two as they work towards helping, or sending help to, Leezahna to sort, and remove the near truckload of gems that had been delivered to her doorstep. Leezahna, for her part, seems to adjust quickly to the idea of gathering writing material to keep track of the numbers. The cold fury that normally underscores her gaze is overwritten with trepidation, but her own determination keeps her from succumbing to the fear of me. She’s a proud woman, I’ll give her that much.
Ixey of course goes topless before I can even bother explaining the situation to her or any of the gathered members of the Onyx Dawn. I take a slow, deep breath in through my mouth, and pass it out through my nose with my eyes closed, so that I can’t roll my eyes at her. Snagging gems from my personal stores, I purchase glue from Burshis’s shop as the binding agent, as I show off the capabilities of the shop to the assembled Onyx Dawn members. I work quickly with the lists available for printouts as I offer instructions on how to proceed in printing out their own lists, and handing out most of the phones.
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Thankfully, everyone treats the phones as the precious objects that they are at the moment. These are induplicable. Unless someone else has met their secret achievements to unlock a deeper level of their specialized shop, there are no more smartphones or cell phones available from the shop system, as far as I’m aware. The Onyx Dawn members busy themselves with finding their own shop catalogues, somewhat excitedly. Shiz motions me aside momentarily, and I’m glad to join him for whatever he needs, despite Ixeyla nearby waiting with anticipation of her bond with Lil that I’ll be setting up.
Starting out, Shiz chuckles as he states, “I don’t know how in the Platinum’s cracked talons you’ve got bolts of silk growing from walls Schism, and I’m not sure I want to know. I’m almost sad to think these’ll be disappearing into the aether, though I grabbed some of the stranger, odder things as well, in case you should not want to sell these away to magic. I had to get a bit of help from some of the folks around here to figure out where and what you wanted me to do, since I’d only been down here the one time to see to the safety of your Order’s ‘The Copper.’”
I barely refrain from facepalming at my obvious blunder. Poor Shiz. I go and ask a favor from him, that of course he wouldn’t know where to go to accomplish it, and yet he took care of it with no complaints. I’m so glad he took my offer of mercy. I’ll have to make it up to him later for my own stupidity. Though he seems mostly to not care about my blunder, I’d still like to make it up to him. I’m glad he’s amused with everything going on, and the rather eventful, yet peaceful, life within Solace, that seems to dance ever onwards despite the war being waged outside, by the Onyx Dawn, with the rest of dragonkind.
Why am I not surprised that when I return my attention to the gathered individuals, that Zayzi has shown up, seen their sister shirtless, and immediately taken off their own shirt, assuming a need to do the same? I lightly thunk my head against the dugout wall several times while out of sight of most of the others save Shiz. The pair of lanky Red twins are just hanging out topless with members of the Order of the Onyx Dawn, with seemingly not a care in the world. Lady Kinzul is even addressing Zayzi, but doesn’t seem to be getting through to them any better than I do. If anything, Zayzi is clamming up more because it’s Kinzul doing the addressing.
Further, why am I not surprised when Leezahna timidly approaches? I gnaw the inside of my cheek to keep myself from expressing any exasperation at the string of interruptions to my plans. Leezahna doesn’t need me appearing in some way that could be interpreted as pissed off at her even accidentally at the moment. Raising an eyebrow Leeza’s way, I wait for her to address me.
Gathering her nerves, Leeza holds out several sheets of paper before asking, “Is this the sort of thing you want Schism? I’ve never been a, I mean, I doubt anyone in my family’s ever been a, a quartermaster. Sorry, that, I didn’t mean it in a, a—. I just want to take care of my responsibilities properly. Please? I, I mean, tell me if this is okay?”
Taking the proffered sheets of paper, I glance them over. Holy effing wow her penmanship is beautiful. No wonder her writings sell for so much to the shop structure. It’s like gazing upon a masterful work of art, even just looking at this simple list of gems with numbers. Moreover, the lass has done the smart thing, and calculated approximate volume by shape and size, for each of the—. Wow. That’s a lot of complex math that she’s got on these back sheets. Her summary page is all I’d need, but I cannot say I’m not impressed with her intellect. Friggin’ hell I’m glad I didn’t kill or exile her. Not that I was ever really going to, but still.
Still, how do I praise her without it going to her head? I guess I’ll just do my best as I answer, “Leezahna, these are more than admirable, they’re perfect. This is well-done, a wonderful job, and I’m proud to call you my quartermaster. Please keep it up. I only need to see your summary sheets like this one most of the time, but I’d appreciate if you did keep your work somewhere available so that we can double-check things in case anything seems awry in the future. Not that I’m expecting *your* work to go awry. I mean in case someone else misplaces or walks off with something, so that your numbers don’t end up adding up.”
Pausing a beat, letting my praise sink in, without letting her stew on my comment about future possibilities, I add, “Curator, Nala, can help teach you to properly bind materials, if you don’t already know how, and if you don’t want to deal with purchasing binders and three hole punching all of the papers and so-on. Thank you Leeza, please keep up the great work. I hope you’re enjoying your new home. If the responsibilities I’ve tasked you with seem to take up too much of your time, let me know, and I’ll see if I can get you an assistant. Try it out for a few days first though.”
It’s quite an odd sight to see beaming pride warring simultaneously with sheer terror and unbridled fury on someone’s visage. I’m not sure I want the possibility of ever hearing Leeza’s thoughts, or her overhearing mine, so I doubt I’d ever offer her a link into the psychic network. Then again, I do want her to feel safe, to feel like she could reach out at any time in case she needs something. Hm. I’ll sleep on it. Maybe. There’s still an obvious distaste for me underlying everything she does, but she’s taking the opportunity to grow and become an admirable individual quite handily.
I’m a bit ashamed to admit that I had a preconceived notion that people with attitudes like hers were probably irredeemable, and likely incapable of this sort of change and growth. I’m pretty prejudiced against entitled, upper-crust people, apparently. I can almost imagine how the conversation she had with her mother went down.
In whatever den currently makes up their home, Leeza would have been speaking to her mother. She’d have been talking about how awful I was to her, and what I’d said to her, maybe quoting me exactly, maybe embellishing, or misremembering some things due to her fear. Her mother would have rebutted with something like, “Our name *is* a weapon. One with sharp blade and heavy haft, that can and should be used to get what we deserve, and want, from anyone.” Or something along those lines at least. I can imagine the almost tender look Leezahna would give in response, realizing that the mother that she loves so dearly would be looked down on by me. She’d know that I’d be angered at someone so self-important, and she’d be worried for her mother’s safety if she should continue to remain so entitled.
Even though I’m seeing it happen, I’m still impressed that Leezahna supposedly had a conversation likely similar to this one that I’ve conjectured, with her mother, and decided that she believed in what I’d said to her. I stripped her bare to the world, and her friends abandoned her, and her family insists that the world should work the way she’d been raised to believe. Yet here she is, adapting to independence in order to work up the courage to speak to her mother as an equal at some point. I bet I have Ixey to thank for a lot of Leeza’s desire to grow and meet my expectations. Hell, I can see Leeza mouthing a thanks to Ixey out of the corner of my eye as well. Thanks indeed Ixeyla.