Cautiously, making sure to always place myself between Induul and the exit, or Induul and Zayzi, I state, “Indy—uul, I can’t begin to understand how hard what you’re going through must be for you. I’m sure that somewhere inside, you don’t want to do things that you’d regret. I want to help you, but I’m going to need your help in order to do so. I need you to drop the line of thought that your symptoms had been pushing. Do you understand me? What they were suggesting is unforgivable. The kind of thing I’d exile or kill someone for committing. I—. Sorry, I’m not intending to scare you or control you. I want to help you. I know you can get through this, but I don’t know what tools you need to make it to the other side. Please help me learn what you need, what you really, really need, to beat this thing. Please?”
I can sense Induul plotting to dash past me as he hisses angrily in response to my attempt to connect with him. I can’t let him roam about freely now, not with his mind locked on seeking relief in the way it is. Trying another tack, I ask, “Can you tell me about your mother? Is Ka’thuul your mother? She’s our ally in the war, but that mostly simply seems to mean a non-aggression pact, and her maneuvering around, claiming some of the wealth we manage to liberate from Terrorzin’s hordes. Does she have abilities, allies, powers, resources, that can help withdrawal and addiction symptoms?”
Feeling Induul’s thoughts sway somewhat, his lust dying down somewhat at being forced to think of his own mother, I’d almost breathe a sigh of relief, but it’s not enough. Induul relents somewhat in order to admit, “I doubt she’s got any resources we don’t, it’s possible she has piping herb, but more likely she’d just lock me up, or feed me to one of her lieutenants. Her follower’s ‘loyalty’ is bought in meat and gems, displease her, and all you are is meat in her eyes.”
There’s a long pause where no words are exchanged as I try to figure out how to respond to that. Teuila glances nervously between the two of us, ready to intervene, but I try to guide her towards a calmer state telepathically. Zayzi seems uncaring about the danger they’re in, unfazed by Induul’s crazy-eyed glare. Sadly, Induul’s darker thoughts creep to the fore again.
Gnawing my lip, I offer, "Induul, I can see you're struggling with the withdrawal, but I'm concerned about the way you’re thinking about the people around you. We need to find a way to prevent you from acting on things you’ll regret later."
Induul smirks, his voice tinged with defiance, "Schism, I don't care to even try to control this line of thought. I won’t regret getting relief from the cravings. The pipe’s all I can think about right now except maybe a substitute, and honestly, I don't give a damn if I do something messed up."
Struggling to suppress a growl, I bite down harder on my lip as I retort, "Induul, we care about you, and we won’t stand by. We want to help you break free from the addiction to come out on the other side as unscathed as possible. You will regret acting on cravings. Trust me."
Crossing his arms, Induul scoffs, "Well see, that's your problem right there. Schism, I don't want your help. I don't want to break free. I just want some relief, some pipe, or some pipe, if you catch my drift."
Taking a deep breath, trying to maintain composure, I respond, "I get that you might feel that way now, but this addiction is messing with your head. It's taking away your inhibitions, inhibitions that are a good thing like your moral compass."
Induul rolls his eyes, his voice filled with sarcasm, "Oh, spare me the lecture, oh great valorous Schism. You don't understand what it's like. The pipe is all I have."
Heaving a sigh for a moment, I continue on to state more resolutely, "I may not understand fully, Induul, but I do know that you're worth more than this. We won't give up on you, even if you're giving up on yourself."
With a defiant tone, and hardened face, Induul snaps, "Save your breath, Schism. I won't change my mind. I'll do what I want. I’ll find relief, I swear it."
With a firm voice, shaking my head, I deny Induul, "We need to keep everyone, you included, safe. Even if it means intervening forcefully."
Smirking, a glint of rebellion in his eyes, Indy snickers, "Good luck with that. You won't stop me. You’re too afraid of tarnishing your high and mighty image."
At that, I actually burst out laughing, causing Induul to flinch and eye me with a strange curiosity. Me? Concerned with image? Hah! I forgot what I looked like for months at a time. I’ve gone through such few periods in my life where there were even other people around, that I’m more used to assuming what others might think of me, and assuming it’s the worst case scenario in any event. Plus, I literally just bullied some poor young woman to the point of tears this morning. I’m far from having a spotless image in anyone’s eyes.
Sighing, I rely on my usual tactic in order to keep the peace, violence, or threat of it, “Indy. I learned how to summon meteorites today. Not as large or as devastating as the full on meteor spell, but they pack a hell of a punch. I can also manifest elementals on a whim at this point, without even using my staff. I’d be more than happy to demonstrate what it’s like to be buried up to your neck in stone, if that’s what it takes to help you through this. Is that what it’s going to take?”
Thankfully, Induul balks. His mind races for a few moments, trying to calculate the odds that I’d actually conjure a stone elemental to drag him into the rock of some cavern wall or floor. I can tell he’s also trying to determine if he’s strong enough to break free of such a prison without leverage, or if he could safely shapeshift around his own head. Sighing, I continue shaking my head at Induul’s thoughts as they race for a while longer yet. Eventually, his thoughts center on me, and what he remembers about my power, durability, strength, and the rumors he’s heard along the halls today. Funnily enough, there’s a spark of enjoyment that Induul gets as he continuously imagines me to be scarier and scarier. Some tiny bit of dopamine or whatever neurochemical that happens to be responsible for pleasure in dragon brains comes in bits and pulses to Induul. It isn’t enough to replace the cravings, but it gives me hope.
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Gnawing on his own inner cheek, Induul requests, “You’re serious about wanting to help, right? You want me to get through this, without smoking pipe or laying it, yeah? Stick with me, stay up with me. Withdrawal gives me insomnia, can’t sleep, even if I could somehow sleep, the cravings would taint it, sour it, give me nightmares and make the cravings and lethargy worse the next day.”
Well crap. I’m certainly not going to deny Induul the help he needs, when he can specifically request something that’s reasonable. I don’t personally do very well on a lack of sleep myself though. My own emotional turbulences and mental health issues tend to amplify the longer I’m awake. Plus, I’d been hoping to comfort Iylynila, Prinrin, and Farzhis tonight, but I don’t want to risk dozing off with Induul unable to sleep as he stands nearby. Oh well, as much as I desire certain comforts, I’ll take this on for Induul.
Going sleepless is a small sacrifice, though it could have larger, unintended consequences. For example, if my tiredness gets someone else hurt or killed, I’d regret having chosen this route of addressing the challenge Induul faces in coping with his withdrawal. Hopefully we have some time between offensives. Doing one assault with two nights of sleeplessness won’t be utterly impossible.
After attacking one fortress, and recovering from that one while not having slept, doing any further assaults afterwards could be disastrous. I make mistakes, get sloppy, and am all around not great for combat after being awake for more than two days. In the beaver dam tunnel complex, that’s part of what cost Sylphie her life. Hell, I’d actually gotten a few hours of sleep here and there during times when I was knocked unconscious, or rendered thusly by one thing or another.
Hoping that I’m not committing to sacrificing someone else’s life for my choice, nodding in response, I offer up, “Yes, correct, and yeah I do. Sure, I’ll do that for you. I guess since you’re already here, we can teach you to make the sweet dumpling things. Is that okay Zayzi?”
A dragon of few words as ever, Xayla’s response is a simple, “Sure.”
Phew, with that, I blow a sigh of relief through pursed lips and puffed cheeks. Tension in the room seems to fade, as Induul’s mind remains fixated on the idea of me being frighteningly powerful. It’s odd, but I think the anxiety, or fear of me, is somehow enjoyable for Induul. There’s some sort of masochistic trait, or something similar, embedded somewhere in Induul, where fear equals pleasure in some small way. I guess it’s a harmless enough thing to provide some mild relief from the cravings.
Turning towards Teuila, I begin to rest my head against her shoulder, then lift my face to nuzzle her cheek momentarily. Before I even think of doing so, Xayla quickly orders, “No kissing.”
Blinking a bit in surprise, I guess I hadn’t expected Xayla’s order to extend between Teuila and myself. I’d just thought they meant to not kiss them. Blushing and shrugging, I apologize telepathically to Teuila who playfully pouts my way before flashing me a grin and a wink. I’m glad she’s so understanding. Trying to help her tame her ocean of emotions while keeping an eye on Induul, and making sweet-dough with Zayzi is a challenge, but it reminds me how close we are. The fact that Teuila lets me see this part of her mindscape, that she admits these things to me that she’s so scared to release, it’s a testament to how deep our connection really is.
I mean, Te is just amazing on so many levels, but the things she’s struggling with right now are deep scars upon her soul. They’re volcanic fissures at the very bottom of her ocean of emotions. Teuila deeply regrets hurting me, the few times she’s done something that she realized had hurt me, which I struggle to absolve her of. Addressing that seems easier than addressing the deaths of the kobolds, but even that isn’t going to be solved in a single evening.
Te and I? We both want to be inseparable, to never be apart. We’re in love, and we’re both as strong as we’ve ever been, so we have a chance right now, to believe that we’ve got time to work through these things. We’re choosing to grasp that chance, to believe we’ll have time together, that we’ll get through all this, and that there will be time after all the apocalypses are done with. This affords us the opportunity to be patient with ourselves, and with each other, when things are tough, as they are right now, emotionally.
Whispering to Teuila privately, psychically, I mutter, “I love you Teuila Shellcracker. Thank you for being patient with me, and kind with me, for all of our lives together, through both of them. Thank you for staying with me, for loving me, for protecting me, for saving me, for guiding me, for sharing with me, for being excited about me, for me, and with me. I need you to know how much I value you, how deeply in love with you I am and always will be.”
With her avatar blushing in our shared mindscape, Teuila fidgets under such an intense direct admission. Hearing her fidgeting appear in my mental narrative causes Te to grumble, “Stupid emotions, stuff, nice, perfect words and stuff. Wish I could give you the words you deserve Air, my Airhead, my Reggie. I l—. You know I do. I do. Forever and deep and everything too. I’m sorry. Sorry for the times I hurt you, and sorry for not being able to say things all the time, or like, almost at all,” she pauses to sniffle several times before finishing, “but really all that same stuff to you. You’ve always been those things, done those things too. Just, just keep being you, please, no matter what the crazy ladies in the mist say. Stupid sexy Sisters.”
I’m deeply touched by Teuila’s words right up until the end there. I can’t help chuckling, which becomes giggling across our mental wavelength with my right brow raised dubiously. I know Teuila’s talking about the Sisters Hidden in the Mist, but this—. Putting up all my walls for a second, I contemplate the phrasing. I think there’s something a bit significant about it, but I can’t recall quite what it is. Wait, Lu told me to stop thinking of her and Te as sisters, right? Ah, no wonder she had me drop this line of thinking, and asked me to forget the conversation ever happened. She’d been worried about stuff coming across like this. Makes sense that Lu wouldn’t want to accidentally make Te think she thought about her in that way. That could get awkward before being cleared up.
Resuming being open across my psychic wavelengths, my telepathic avatar flashes a smile towards Teuila. While Te and I are having our little mental moment, Zayzi seems to *almost* bond with Induul, over the cooking process, helping keep his mind occupied. The five of us, Lucky included, sit in the larder for several hours, just chatting inanely, though Teuila and Induul do most of the talking. It’s around midnight, perhaps one in the morning when Zayzi yawns and rubs their eyes sleepily. They wander off towards their dormitory with barely a parting statement about being sleepy.
Zayzi literally just states, “Sleepy,” before walking away.
Induul looses a wry chuckle before scratching the back of his head. Teuila is beginning to nod off on my shoulder repeatedly, but Indy shows no sign of being remotely near capable of falling asleep. That spells pretty bad news for me, but at least I can keep Teuila levitating nearby as she passes out. I’m probably going to have to have Induul shadow me for at least half a week to a week to ride out the worst of his cravings. I’m guessing he’s not going to sleep a wink that entire time. That, unfortunately, means I won’t either. I guess I’ll be sacrificing sleep to help keep Induul on a path he won’t regret.