Snorting half a laugh at Lu’s assertion that she didn’t go on Lil’s date, I shake my head incredulously as my smile reaches my ears. If ending up in the same bed, and being fondled by one of the daters, doesn’t count as going on the date with someone, I don’t know what does. Still, I don’t want to make her uncomfortable if she doesn’t want to think of it that way, so I’ll drop it. I sigh wistfully for a moment as I gaze into Luni’s eyes. I’ve missed her so much over the last few months. I haven’t given her nearly as much time as I’d wanted to once we reunited.
Smirking as she reads my thoughts, Luni grumps, “Haven’t given me nearly as much as I wanted either buster. Nyeh. Still, your telekinesis must be getting really powerful, huh?”
Raising an eyebrow, I’m about to query why Lu thinks that, when she responds, “Did you even remember you have Te floating behind you?”
I can’t help snorting a full laugh while shaking my head further in disbelief at Luni. Despite me having set my telekinesis into a bit of an automatic slide, of course I knew Te was still there. I just didn’t want to wake her. She’s tuckered out. Plus, like me, she’ll be assaulting a keep in about twenty five to thirty hours or so. There’s a bit of a stupid grin plastered on my face as I continue to shake my head at Lu while chuckling. I flick my head in the direction of Kinzul’s den, and Luni smiles brightly before glomming onto my left arm and nuzzling my shoulder.
As we’re headed to Kinzul’s den, I receive telepathically, “Hey Shism, um, Reggie, could you put your walls up for a second?”
Iylynila sounds rough, so I acquiesce to her request and respond, “Sure Illy, what’s up?”
There’s a long sigh across our telepathic bond, and the silly grin Lu inspired leaves my face. That’s the kind of sigh when you’re about to have a talk you don’t want to have to have. Unfortunately, my read of the situation is correct.
Illy confirms my suspicion, “Yeah, if I sound rough, I feel rougher. There’s just, there’s just so much. There’s so much going on, and, and it doesn’t even make sense. Prinny’s my oldest, best friend, you know that. She’s mother’s best friend too, hell, she’s probably the best friend of half the people that know her. Y’know, she married The Blue when mother announced we’d be reforming the Dormir, and that I’d be one of the members with Farzhis. My Dormies are the new crew in a sense, despite some of us being as old as almost any other Solace resident. I’m just—. I don’t even know.”
Before I can try to console Iylynila, she continues, “Well, no, I sort of do. That’s the problem. One of them. We’re at war, and I’m spun up tighter than a spring around you. Edgy, antsy, needy. It’s no good. We’re already down one Dormie with Indy having to kick his habit right as everything kicks off. Possibly two if Farzhis is as wrecked by her father’s passing as she seemed. Schism, the Vivant, the freakin’ Vivant, head crew of the Order nearly died today, well, yesterday I guess. Prinny most close amongst them. Not just the Vivant, but Mother, Sun, and Muse. I—.”
I loose a long sigh of my own, seeing where this might be headed that she wanted to do it private telepathically with me. I remain silent though so that Illy can continue her train of thought unhindered by the weight of my emotions. Lu gazes at me with a sad half-frown as I pause our approach to Kinzul’s den. She knows Illy asked me to put my walls up, so she can probably guess as much as I’ve put together too.
Almost falteringly, Illy further states, “I’m sure you can guess why I’ve been up all night, and why I’m glad I can talk to you in private right now, before everything. It’s, it’s really not you. I’m head over heels for you, really I am. Between you marrying Mother, and us being at war, and me having silly flights of fancy from my romance books, it’s just really the wrong time for there to be an ‘us.’ Y’know? Don’t think I don’t still love your stupid goofy gremliny crimson-smurf-ass ass. I do. I really do. I just, I think it’s probably best if we both keep our walls up around each other until we’re at a better place in the war, maybe the end of it. If—. If one of us doesn’t make it, I—.”
My eyes wet with tears as I hear Illy choke on her words as she sobs telepathically, and physically only a room away. As I’m choking on my own emotions right now, it takes me too long to formulate a comforting reply, so Iylynila adds, “I don’t want either of us going with a regret, but I’d rather both of us make it through this, than trying to chase whatever it was we have. Had, I guess. If we make it through this, I expect your gremlin crimson-smurf-ass ass to chase me down and remind me why I let my guard down around you in the first place. Please. So, so just win this thing for us. Alright? Win it all, and come home safe.”
Before I can respond at all, Illy puts up a full barrier telepathically. I can still send messages to her, but the signal is clear, we’re done talking, and she doesn’t want me to psychically intrude into her thoughts any more. I squeeze my eyes tightly several times as I blink away tears, and flex a jaw that I hadn’t realized I was clenching. Letting down my walls, except for Illy’s as she’d requested, I slump against Luni, unsure if I’ll be able to get any sleep after all.
Thankfully, aloud, Illy grumbles in a hoarse-whisper, “I can hear you two shuffling out there, get in here you goons, but be quiet about it.”
When I enter the room, I see Kinzul in a miniature version of her dragon form, one wing holding close Prinny and Farzhi both in their dragon forms. Prinny is similarly gripping her daughter-in-law close with her own wing protectively. Illy’s sitting nearby, reclined at an uncomfortable-looking angle on a sofa, with her left hand over her brow, rubbing her temples.
Unsure how close Illy wants to allow me to be right now, I set Teuila telekinetically down next to her on the sofa, curled in on herself as she’d been in my TK grip. Lu and I take a different sofa, and I blush as she murmurs contentedly in my arms while laying atop me. I don’t want it to look like I’m trying to rub my affectionate nature in Illy’s face. Maybe I should just go looking for Induul after all.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
Aloud, Luni mumbles grumbling, “Don’t you dare. S’my turn for snuggles.”
It earns her more of my blushing, but at least I can tell that Illy heard it, so she knows I’m at least—. Well, I guess she doesn’t know, but she should be able to assume that I’m doing this because I love Lu, not because I want to hurt her. Also because I am so freaking tired.
As I feel the incredible sensation of the gentle rhythmic rise and fall of Lu’s breast against my chest signifying that she’s already fallen asleep atop me, I hear Illy whisper, “Schism, you still awake?”
Opening one eye towards her, I nod while raising that same eyebrow. She gets the signal, and begins to quietly relate, “Just, erm, just wanted to remind you, that, that y’know. I care. I still want to get back to our verbal sparring and sneaking time in cozy places and, and all that. Just, just after. I, hell, frickin’ hell. Prinny’s hubby passing was an awful reminder that all of my blood ‘n’ brood are gone, the last one slain in battle on the wrong side. Obviously Mother excepting. I was just starting to clear my head about all that sort of thanks in part to your weird mushroom-brain linking.”
At that, I flash a furtive smile towards Illy, glad that the side effect of the mind-linking was helpful to her. She smiles back warmly, with eyes shining and wet. A tear leaves down her left cheek, signaling the start of a cascade, but she quickly blinks back the rest and rubs her eyes dry. She leaves her hand perched on her brow again, and rubs her temples. I feel my own eyes wet with the jumble of emotions I’m trying to sort through about all of this, but I can tell Illy isn’t done speaking, so I simply blink away the shadows of my sadness for the nonce. I’d facepalm at myself for waxing poetic, but Lu’s in the way, very much overtly resting in a position such that I couldn’t slip away without waking her if I’d gotten the notion.
I crack half a smile at the thought that Luni decided to go for extreme affection to guarantee she got me for longer than a few minutes. The half that’s hidden under her face, so as not to appear smiling at Illy’s lamentation. After a pause, and a sigh, she continues, “Farzhis and I aren’t great friends or anything, but I still always cared about her. She’s one of my Dormies and all. Plus, I don’t know what you did, but she’s been going through something, changing recently. It’s like overnight a switch was flipped and she was a whole new dragon. Mostly. She’s trying to be at least. Or was. I don’t know how this will affect that. This whole thing between her and Indy is messed up, and maybe I should have done something about it before the war really started. It’s too late now. F@&*.”
Despite her voice being as low and quiet as can be, the expletive manages to mildly startle me. I’ve avoided them for so much of my lives, even trying to not think them, that I forget that other people use them more regularly out loud. After swearing, Illy drops her hand from her brow and I get a clear look at how the tiredness and sadness have worn down her visage. She’s still a picture of beauty, but she looks rough, weary.
Seeing my gaze take her in, Iylynila turns her own gaze away quickly, lest our eyes should lock. I almost let myself loose half a chuckle at the slight overreaction, almost. I understand she’s trying to keep herself from having to deal with being smitten during the war. Hell, I have to do the same thing with Errissa technically. Those alluring silver shimmering orbs of hers—. Huff, oy vey. See what I mean? Yeah me, I see what I mean, y’doofus. Sometimes buddy, sometimes I swear you can just be such a boneheaded goober. Erm, yeah, true. Why am I telling myself this right now? To that I have no answer.
Luni begins to drool into my clavicle as her lips clamp down on my collarbone, leading to me meeping quietly in surprise. Marshmallow dreams, of course she’d have them the first time we really get to cuddle asleep comfortably together, just us, in ages. I want to let myself just enjoy the oddly intimate affection, but I’m still trying to be here and awake for Illy.
My once-and-future paramour, gosh that sounds so pretentious, finally asks, “What about you Schism? Your day’s been the same wild ride mine has, a bit more from what I hear. How are you handling it all? Where is your brain that you can just curl up with one of your too-cute girlfriends? I could feel the hurt and confusion in you before I put my walls up, so come on, be honest. I—,“ she pauses before hesitantly finishing, “still care, like I said.”
How do I sum it all up? Trying to lay it out for Illy succinctly, I quietly begin, “You’re right. I hurt for those that have loved and lost, or lost loved ones already. I hurt because I worried about almost this exact thing happening between us, when I asked repeatedly if you were sure. I’m not blaming you about that. I just want you to know that it wasn’t entirely unexpected, so you haven’t blindsided me or anything like that. I still love you and I can heed your wishes easily enough. I’m fairly confident I’m coming out the other side of this war, somehow, so you’d better do the same. I’m not sure why I’m so confident, seeing what we’re up against. Maybe it’s this strange semi-immortality of having been a soul, then a lifeform, then dying and being resurrected on another world. Maybe I’ll get lucky and be reborn here again before it’s over and help finish the job, if I do die. Or I’ll be reborn on Can’Z’aas, and see my family again.”
At that, my eyes swell puffily, and a migraine-like pressure builds above them as the tears begin to fall. I mutter, “Lao, Agwai, Sugar, Spice, the Mana twins, the cat tribe, even Dream’s girlfriend Jazharn, I miss them all so much. I don’t know for sure if I’ll ever make it back to them. I have some leads, and some hope, that somehow my nature as a brute-force sorcerer will let me learn the right magics to make my way home. One really big spell, powerful as hell, takes a ton of runes to master, and then has strangely specific requirements. It could maybe do the trick. But yeah, losing people today hurt. Innocent kobold kinsmen of Loud that I never knew. Heccinkethmorn, Shapuackurt, Lilmbrayur, three volunteers that I only overheard the names of. The previous The Blue.”
Pausing, I try to let it sink in that I am affected by what’s going on. Sighing, I continue, hoping to clarify, “Nearly losing Prinny scared me out of my mind to the point that I had to break magical rules and bend reality and artifacts and forms and minds to my will to accomplish what I did. Whatever happens though, I don’t get to grieve until it’s all over. It’s not fair, but I have to just keep moving forward. Cuddling up with one of my gals is one of the only things keeping me sane through that push. If I’m the supposed knife-edge of the Order, Te and Lu and Lil are the handle that keeps me pointing the right direction safely, sanely. Even my son Hunter, Lucky, to some degree.”
Speaking of Lucky—.