I’m left gazing at the spot on the floor where not even ash remains. My Friend Dawn, your only lingering memory may be the one I’ve caught for myself. Maybe that will still keep you in the minds of those you’ve affected. I can only hope I have done you at least that slight honor. A curse that erases you from existence, from history itself, and every mind, it’s, it’s just unfathomable, and yet it took you all the same.

Since I still have memories of you, does that mean the Aasimovian ancestors were spared? Did the curse truly complete and cast itself over the world the way it was intended to by our manxome foe, the Bright Lord? The Celestial Emperor wanted the Aasimovian ancestors gone, why though? More like Celestial Dickwad anyway. I’ll keep calling him our manxome foe in honor of my mentor, Jarrah Bettergrove.

Just, just how does someone go on? Dawn, what should I do now that you’re gone? We’ve only known you for about a month and a half, but you were our constant companion during most of that time. I know you made me make promises, but, but I can barely comprehend existing right now.

What’s that Bud? No, no I don’t want you to get Requiem, the Silent Song, to change her name back to Dirge, to sing a dirge for her loss. If anything, I would like my constant mental partner, you, Lullaby, Requiem of the Windless Wilds, to sing me a lullaby that puts me into a sleep I never wake up from.

Hm? Sorry Bud, I was being slightly sarcastic. I don’t want you to actually do that either. I know. I know I said I’d do things after we’ve saved Dawn, but, but we didn’t save her. I failed. I, I need time to process, maybe to grieve. I can hardly think straight. What? I, I’m pretty sure the answer is no Bud. That plane shifting spell couldn’t—. What? Slow down. Look, Dawn’s soul was utterly destroyed. Okay, yes, other than maybe three particles that I might have managed to save by sending them hurtling into the void, maybe.

Bud, just, just slow down, please, just shut up a minute! I’m sorry. No, I’m not mad at you. I know you’re helping in your own way. I’m sorry about blowing up at you just now. I partially want to say I just want to be alone with my thoughts, but that would be a lie. You know how bad it gets when I’m alone with them.

Yeah, I know you’ve been reading about me. No, I can’t use that skill here, not without giving up something too precious to give up. I know, if we were on Can’Z’aas, I’d go back in time, over and over and over, trying to find a spot in the timeline where I could alter the course of events, or clue myself in to the cure for Dawn’s curse earlier, something anything. Yes, just like when I first got the time skill, just before Teuila was getting vaporized by Vesuviform.

Ugh, that day Bud, that day was horrific. Reading about how many times I failed her, how many times I watched the love of my life derez right in front of me. I’d really prefer not to be reminded of that particular day right now, not when my heart is so heavy over losing Dawn. Worse, over failing Dawn after she put so much faith in me.

Hm? I know, I know at the end she just begged me to stay near, and yeah, she probably would forgive me for this failure. She was pretty great. Still no idea how she was so sneaky, but, huff, it doesn’t matter. Yes, yes I made sure she had some magic items for protection, and not even those remain. Unless she stashed them somewhere, knowing her time was coming.

Hm? That’s gross Bud, it wasn’t like that between us. Because she was an aro ace who didn’t want that kind of thing, that’s why. I respected that. An aro ace is someone who doesn’t seek romance, or biological reproduction, nor the activities associated with it. It’s kind of a spectrum Bud. Some aro aces are okay with some affection and activities, some aren’t. There’s a lot to it, even if the terminology probably doesn’t exist here on Rayileklia. I guess it’s one of the few things I’m glad of my Fakeworld memories for. The last affectionate night? She had probably seen her timer, knew it was coming the next day, and just wanted us close one final time.

It’s mostly horrific that her innate affinity was some sort of natural inclination towards deadlines or time limits. Huh? Well, let’s put it this way. If you knew the exact second that I was absolutely one hundred percent destined to die, because of my corrupted mana residue buildup, how would you react?

I agree. I’d need some time to think about that too. What if when the numbers finally clarified, there was very little time left? What if the numbers were of your own demise? Yeah. Yeah, I’d try to be there for you Bud. Let’s hope that you’re immortal is all, I guess. My point was more to explain some of why Dawn might have felt that way. You don’t experience the world in the way biological sapient entities do, and that’s okay. The thing is, no one really experiences the world exactly the same way as any other being. We each have our own lives, personalities, memories, reactions to stimuli and whatnot. Yeah, there you go, now you’re getting it.

Ugh, anyone ever tell you you’re really good at distracting someone Bud? You’re welcome? Hah. No, seriously though. I’d be trapped in a dark spiral of horrific self doubt and sadness. I’m absolutely serious. Did you read about the part after Lord Agni, when I returned home? Yeah, I’m pretty sure it was the overload of corrupted mana residue buildup, now that I know I’m a changeling, and that such a thing happens to our true inner selves when we use magic at all, especially before learning to use, and using our changeling gift.

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Even still, I’ve always been extremely emotional, and prone to being overly dramatic. Yeah, yes that’s exactly my point though. I’d be like that, right now. I’d find some reason to keep blaming myself further and further into a black hole of despair, and just throw myself into some work, with absolutely no rest, until I basically died, or actually did die.

Examples? I dunno, maybe I’d go back to the Sisters’ weird far-casted bubble room and read all the books in every bubble until I just keeled over. I know there are too many to read Bud, that’s the point. I wouldn’t be acting logically. Or maybe I’d ignore Jarrah’s warnings, and try to speed-craft multiple runes at the same time to master more, repeatedly. Yes, I’m sure I’d gush fountains of blood again. It started to feel like a daily occurrence in the Hidden at the Heart of the Wilds.

Hm? Yep, or that too. If I let you join that symbiosis thing with me, I’d be ignoring Jarrah’s warnings about what it might do to my very existence. He probably meant soul, but maybe something else. Still, thank you for the offer. Yeah, I’m a bit addicted to power, or feeling powerful in some ways I guess. I’ve always said it was so that I could protect the ones I love, and I meant it. Saving my own bacon meant preventing their sadness at having to grieve the loss of me. No, I still probably won’t give up spellcasting, not even if we find a cure for the mana residue buildup. Huff, my deep breath and sad sigh are the only sounds in this cold, lonely place right now.

I just, well. I’m probably going to be less responsive to you for a while Bud. I’m grateful for the chat, and the distraction, and glad you’re in my head, but, but I just lost a friend who was counting on me. I lost her in the worst way, by failing her. I’m going to need some time to be sad about it. Hellspit, how is Teuila going to feel? She left the Sisters of the Mist compound to go foraging and get water for us. Yeah, I agree, Teuila is great, her smile is precious, her hair is a gorgeous red flop of an undercut, swept to one side or the other.

Bud, that’s inappropriate. Well, just because. Look, we just don’t talk about people’s measurements. Of course we don’t compare them. Yes, I know Teuila is almost all muscle, and Alanea was soft, curvy, and-- Bud hold on. Yes, Teuila did call her a shortstack, but Te was being a bit inappropriate there. I did so give her a hard time too. I gave her a disapproving look. I can’t exactly give you a disapproving look, so yes, I’m sort of yelling at you, figuratively.

Huff. Bud, seriously, this is wearing me out. I need to sit and weep for a while. If you’re going to talk at me, can you please think of things that don’t require me to respond? Thank you Bud. Yes, it’s a bit funny that your name is Lullaby, despite you being a weapon. We’ll work at changing that later. I swear, you’re important to me, and I want to help you with your desires and needs. I just need to cry this out.

Lullaby’s emotional wave communication begins to drone towards the background of my thoughts until I finally feel alone in my own head again for the moment. It now hits me just how horribly I’ve failed. How I was utterly doomed to fail from the start. The moment I met Dawn outside of Autumn Brook at the cozy tree with Teuila, Dawn was on a path of destiny that led to her utter annihilation at my side.

I should have dispelled any notion Dawn had of me being powerful, even when she showed up at Kozzurth’s corpse after I’d cut the gluttonous dragon’s head off from the inside. Maybe she would have at least enjoyed her last month in Autumn Brook. Did Harriett remember Dawn? She’d called Dawn a ghost from The Brook’s past. Most people had forgotten about the young woman who left town to seemingly never return. I mean, it was several generations, quite a few decades ago when she left originally.

We’re nearing a full circle of our journey too. Noirdivinhoz, the temple that seems vaguely connected to the temple of time on Can’Z’aas is a few day’s journey southwest around this edge of the mountain range, then from there, it’s only a couple of day’s journey to The Brook. Oh no! I, I don’t have time to wallow in despair if the curse actually went through. All the Aasimovians are in danger.

Harriet’s smart though, right? If she sees all the ancestors wrought to dust, she’d figure something out. She’d send word to the other cities, or something, right? That would mean I can spare time to be sad. But what if, that thing. Admonish the adventurers. That’s what she said she did, to someone inside, in secret. Dawn let on that it might be a glowing eyed individual, possibly.

With all we’ve learned so far, the glowing eyed entity that hounded me on Can’Z’aas could very well be some sort of avatar of the celestial dickweasel. We also know that ol’ manxy has forces subverting nearby countries as he prepares to nail them under thumb. Aasimovia was only safe due to their reanimated ancestors, many of whom chose to take up arms and armors.

Teuila and I are pretty certain they don’t really react to any external stimuli, since they’re just literally soulless automatons, basically preserved meat puppets without any orders. Even still, it was enough to keep any troops from being willing to invade Aasimovia. That’s what Dawn’s curse was truly about, not whatever the stupid high cultist’s vendetta against Dawn was. The Bright Lord probably didn’t give a rat’s arse about the pustulent priest, or his petty grievances. It was just a convenient person to empower to do a thing he would have spent decades building up to do anyway.

I wonder how old Dippy, our blue kobold buddy is. How many years has he been around? Could I send a message into Rayileklia’s past, to him? Could I have him kill that jerkwad cultist before he ever meets Dawn? Somehow, I doubt it. I don’t think Dippy’s like a century old or more. I’d probably fracture the timeline if I tried, since, without the curse, Dawn would never have lived long enough for us to meet her, so I’d have no idea that at some point in my Rayileklian journey, that I would need to send a message back in time to prevent her from getting cursed.

Then again, whichever timeline was solidifying as the primary timeline on Can’Z’aas seemed to work out paradoxes on its own for the most part. Or that could be because of my eventual choice to hand the reins of the timeline over to Luni. Who knows how many times I iterated on running through my life on Can’Z’aas to set things up the way they’d gone down in the end? I didn’t leave logs for myself of all the attempts, at least not in this particular branch of the timeline. So many things had to happen in such specific ways for us to have even the slightest chance that our family could survive the coming apocalypse.