There was a silence for a while then Kioku asked “So, you want me to help you break into prison?” asked Kioku.

“N-not really. You just sounded like you know of things that I don’t fully grasp. About love. I…I thought I knew what love was. But it seems that I was wrong. I used to think the happiness I felt from the praises of others was love. But it was just slavery. I was happy to be liked by others. I wanted to impress others, the people I respect. And because of that I’ve been so neglectful and cruel to others. Not even noticing the horrible fate the criminals are awaiting” said Hellen.

“Hmm. Yes. Trying to be liked by others. It’s a horrible desire. It simply means other people are in control of your happiness. Really, it’s not happiness at all, just the ego going mad.” said Kioku.

“But…I’m unsure. I really want to stop them. From killing Hori and subjugating other people. But if I go on this path, I might lose everything. My family, my job, my friends. So, before I make any mistakes, I wanted to find someone. Someone who would stop me. Who could come up with an alternative to solve this issue without any violence. Because as far as my heart could see, only breaking into prisons is the way to release these people from imprisonment.” said Hellen.

“So, you still don’t trust me?” asked Fushchin.

“What did you do after you made your promise to me? Fiddle around, argue with people, just to gloat your ego?” asked Hellen.

“I am trying. Come on, we have five years. Things will eventually work out if you’re patient” said Fushcihin.

“The blind beats the blind. The deaf judges the deaf. That is the essence of morality. Humanity tries to cut the world around themselves with words. This is a good person, this a bad person. This is right, this is wrong. This person is a hero, this person is a criminal. But these labels are just an illusion, the creation of their ego. They fail to recognize the delusion of their words and beliefs. Life isn't’t so clear cut and dual as they wish it to be. You need to throw away your mind, thoughts and beliefs and need to look at reality with pure eyes.” said Kioku.

“I am trying to. I know I failed in the past. I used to think just like Klancy, maybe even similar to Salim. Always judging others on their behavior, trying to act like I’m better. So please, just tell me if I’m wrong. Why it’s wrong to do what I’m about to do.” said Hellen with anger.

There was silence. Kioku looked at Hellen’s eyes carefully.

“Why do you care so much about others?” asked Kioku.

“Huh?” gasped Hellen.

“Why? You know you will be forever labeled as a mad criminal if you try to break open a prison? Is the person you’re trying to save that important? Important enough that you have to sacrifice yourself like this?” asked Kioku.

Hellen’s eyes became teary.

“I…I am doing what I thought was right.” yelled Hellen.

“There is no right or wrong. Right and wrong are simply the discrimination of the mind.” said Kioku.

Hellen bit her lips and looked away.

“Have you been possessed by the idea of doing the right thing? So much so you would discriminate against yourself? Torturing yourself, hating yourself and punishing yourself for not doing what you consider the right thing?” asked Kioku scoldingly.

Hellen’s eyes widened.

“I…I thought I had the strength to do what was right.” said Hellen.

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“Yes, you may have strength. But not using your strength to help others, is that a crime? To live for yourself, to love yourself, is that a crime, the so called wrong thing?” asked Kioku.

“I…don’t know. I don’t want to sit around doing nothing! Who knows what is happening to Hori inside that hellhole. Who knows how many nights Mew has cried and will cry knowing what will happen to her beloved” said Hellen in a desperate tone, tears started to appear in her eyes.

“Thinking of others so much. Wanting to clean the tears on the cheeks of other people. Yet you are crying yourself. Have you noticed? Or have you been drugged by your own heroism, for this long?” asked Kioku.

“I…I thought helping Hori and Mew would help me. I did it. I was the one who hurt them in the first place. I selfishly revealed the truth. I couldn’t stop Hori from being taken away. It’s my fault.” said Hellen.

“So, you’ve decided to punish yourself, by throwing yourself towards the world’s hate, fighting an endless battle, just because you couldn’t forgive yourself.” said Kioku.

Hellen gritted her teeth and hit the bed under her.

“I have to do something! Is it that wrong to think of others?” asked Hellen.

“Why does it have to be you who burdens the responsibility of the world? Are you that heroic or are you that ego driven?” asked Kioku.

“What?” gasped Hellen.

“It feels so good. To fight the forces of evil. To burden the guilt of every crime in the world. But this is just the illusion of the ego. You’re responsible only for your own actions and only your happiness. You can’t make others happy no matter what you do. They will be responsible for their own happiness.” said Kioku.

Hellen looked down.

“So please. Before you do anything reckless, think about yourself, what makes you truly happy, truly free, truly blissful.” said Kioku.

Hellen pondered quietly for a while and asked “What makes you happy? I…I don’t know what makes myself happy. I suppose it would be love. But it’s like you said. I was sad and angry. I hated how powerless I am. I don’t think I am happy. I don’t think my love is strong enough to pull me through all this.”

She sounded so sorrowful and weak, it made Fushichin quiver in sadness.

“It is not that your love is weak. It’s your desire and hate that is strong. We all have expectations in our mind. When reality doesn’t fit our dreams, we rage, we lash out. Nobody seems content with reality. Nobody accepts and loves reality as is. Even you, who claims to be righteous, thinking of the wellness of others, couldn’t accept and love yourself. How do you expect to save the world when you couldn’t even save yourself? Does life need to revolve around you? Does life need to fulfill all your ambitions and desires?” asked Kioku.

“No, of course not. But-” said Hellen but Kioku frowned and asked “But what? People always come up with buts. Reality is the way it is because it had to be this way. Why can’t you accept that? Even now, you’re acting, trying to be all nice and calm. Truth of the matter is, you want to whine and complain, right? Why do the people I love have to be imprisoned, executed? Why are the so called justice system content with imprisoning, tormenting, executing others? If there is any god in this forsaken world, why did it allow all this to happen? You hate this life that we live, don’t you?”

Hellen bit her lips, she frowned with tears in her eyes.

“So what? Why do I have to feel happy when there is so much cruelty, so much suffering?” grunted Hellen.

“If you don’t feel happy yourself, you will never be able to help anyone. We share to the world what we have. How can you share happiness and love when you don’t have it in the first place? You think you can trick others with substitutes? You think your violent rescue missions are enough to save others?” asked Kioku.

Hellen looked down with a depressed look.

“Of course, I want people to be free from prison. 3 million people inside prisons is a ridiculous number for a so-called free country. And this is excluding the people who got already executed. But…you need to look deeper than that. If you can’t take care of these people after you break them out, if you can’t heal their violence, anger, hatred and sorrow, what good would breaking them out do? If you’re imprisoned by hate, anger and ego, it doesn’t matter if you live inside a prison or live in a mansion, you will remain as a slave.” said Kioku calmly.

“Yes. I…should have thought more about that.” said Hellen.

“So, remember Hellen, the first step to help others, is to help yourself. The first step to loving others is to love yourself” said Kioku with a smirk.

“Yes. I…I’m not gonna blame myself for what happened. I wanna live a happy and peaceful life from now.” said Hellen with a bright smile.

“That’s the spirit. And always remember, happiness can always be achieved here, right now! You need not desire a world with no prisons. You need not fear the cruelty of criminals and police. You need a happiness that cannot be destroyed by the outside world.” said Kioku with a wide smile.

“A happiness not even death can take away, huh” said Fushichin as he pondered out the window.

“Yes.” said Kioku.

Volume 2 END