A few minutes later…

Vrrrrrrroooooooommmmmmmmm!…

Straf drives off-road onto the empty, large field. A handful of horse-drawn wagons trail behind the kubelwagen, following it slowly. The army across the field stops and begins reforming, marching out of columns into proper formations.

Vrrrrrrmmm… Vrrrttrrtrrtrtt…

Driving roughly into the center of the field, he slows down and turns the key. The engine slows down and grinds to a stop. He raises his hand, and points at a spot some distance away, directing the cargo wagons there. The men in palanquins seem to have noticed, and they appear to be directing the carriers to carry them towards Straf. He hops out of the car, windmilling his coat-covered shoulders and briefly stretching. Stripe and Lily stand up to prepare to leave as well.

「Ah, hold on. Just stay here, I'll handle it.」

He holds his hand up towards them, stopping them. Lily tilts her confused golden head, and Stripe narrows her eyes. Nona remains where she is, too confused to even make an effort to get out.

「Huh? So we just sit here?」

Stripe asks, spreading her hands as she sits back down with Lily.

「Exactly. It won't take long… If those assholes hurry up.」

Straf nods as he replies, then turns his slanted mouth to the slowly approaching palanquins, and a handful of guards accompanying them.

While the palanquins slowly make their way towards them, Straf approaches the covered wagons, only to wince, turn away, and make his way forward to await the diplomats.

He stands with his fists on his coat-covered hips, biding his time. He looks up, and his mouth slants at the gray, overcast sky above. He taps his foot on the grass, waiting and waiting.

Eventually, after what seems to be an eternity, the palanquins finally arrive. The scrawny, nearly skeletal men set them down with great care, and immediately collapse to catch their breaths. The robed men inside step out and approach Straf with two guards at their flanks, while the rest remains in the back by the palanquins and their carriers.

「…Are you Straf Katastrof Vindict of Redwing Kingdom?」

The man in the center of the three asks. The guards stop a few paces away, hands on their swords and sheaths, staring warily at Straf.

「Yup. Are you here for the ultimatum?」

Straf nods, smirking at them.

「Correct. We are the king's officials. I am Namir, I handle matters of diplomacy…」

The centermost man nods, placing his hand with many golden rings upon his chest.

「…This is Absid, he handles matters of treasury and production…」

Namir presents the man standing on his right, who bows his head slightly while watching Straf with a wary gaze bordering on a glare.

「…And this is Sa-id. He handles war.」

Namir then points his hand to the black-bearded man on his left. He does not bow, nor even gently nod his head. He remains perfectly straight, and stares at Straf with a grim and serious face.

「Pretty odd to send high-up people to handle a simple matter like this…」

Straf replies, rubbing his chin with his brow raised.

「No, we are not high-up at all. The king's court does not work like yours. We are simply one of the many officials, and we have been dispatched to handle this.」

Stroking his short, graying beard, Namir shakes his head.

「…So why the army? You're not planning to invade us, are you?」

Straf asks, pointing his hand over their heads at the large mass of military men in the distance. Namir briefly glances over his shoulder.

「No. We have been simply sent to collect what is owed… By force, if necessary.」

He shakes his head, then shrugs his robed shoulder.

「You would have known by size alone if it were our invasion force. Better question is why you brought an army.」

Sa-id chimes in. His face remains cold and impassive.

「…These are simply our guards. We have no hostile intent, but at the same time, we will not allow the ultimatum to be scoffed at. The king's word is absolute, our gold will return to us.」

Namir raises his left hand as he replies, gently silencing Sa-id.

《A little too late for that, buddy.》

Straf scoffs, grinning.

「…That's my guards too. I have high-value cargo, you see.」

He replies, shrugging his shoulders and spreading his hands, before pointing his thumb at the covered carts behind him.

「High-value cargo?… Gold?」

Absid raises his brow and strokes his black goatee.

「Yeah. Thing is, we don't have the gold to pay up…」

Straf nonchalantly throws his hands up, then places them in his coat's pockets.

「What?」「Then-?」「What is the meaning of this, then?」

The heads of all three perk up in surprise, both at Straf's reply and his tone. Slowly, their faces turn to veiled anger.

「…Like I said, I brought high-value cargo, and I thought you might want to do a little trade deal instead.」

He explains as he nods his head at the cargo. Namir looks at Absid, and the two exchange quick glances.

「…A trade deal? What're the goods?」

Absid asks, stroking his beard and chin with a lightly tilted head.

「Why don't you see for yourselves? I'm sure you'll like it!」

Straf points his hand at the carts, grinning. They exchange glances, then all three shrug.

「…Very well, but it better be something at least partially matching our demands.」

Namir replies, and signals the guards to stay put as they follow Straf.

「Here it is!…」

Bzz… Zzzz… Bzzzz-zzzzz…

Straf declares as he approaches one of the carts swarmed by flies. The three diplomats furrow their brows heavily and pinch their noses.

Fffffwappp!…

「…The cargo!」

He exclaims, pulling away the stained cloth covering the cart, and grins at the diplomats.

「This is?…」

Absid utters out, blinking at the contents with eyes full of disbelief.

「…Manure?」

Namir asks, turning his gaze to Straf's grinning face while his gold-ringed fingers pinch his aquiline nose.

「Yup! One-hundred percent organic and natural! If there's one thing that I'm fully confident we'll be able to consistently give you, it's pure bullshit!」

Bzzzzz… Zzzzz…

Straf nods, and slaps the cart. Flies swarm around the pile of manure like a hazy tornado that forms and deforms at random. The diplomats, all pinching their noses, look at each other with their jaws dropped in shocked disbelief. They turn their eyes back to Straf, and the veil on their anger is slowly lifting.

「…Is this a joke?」

Namir asks with a scowl forming on his face as he lowers his hand from his nose, visibly making an attempt to hold his breath for as long as he can.

「Nope! We can give you as much bullshit as you ask for, I can even throw in some extra for free!… In return, I want you to stop bothering us about the gold…」

Straf shrugs his hand and leans onto the cart.

「…Geh! Fuckin' reeks!」

He immediately leans away after taking a single whiff of the cargo.

「…This means war, then.」

Sa-id sighs out as he turns around and heads back to his palanquin. The two diplomats briefly watch him walk away.

「You have made a great mistake, trying to make a fool of King Parnatau, Straf Katastrof Vindict…」

Namir says as Absid walks away without saying a word. He then turns around and joins him on his way back, shaking his head.

「Hey, hold on! If you're not satisfied with the amount, I'm sure we can quickly get some more!… It works like a magnet!…」

Straf follows Namir a few steps, spreading his arms with a grin on his face, shouting towards their backs as they ignore him.

「…You don't even know how much you'll regret turning down this deal! Seriously, you can do all sorts of stuff with it!… Just don't play with it!」

He continues shouting as they return to their palanquins. Straf then places his fists on his hips, chuckling with a huge smug grin on his face.

「Hhhhuuuuup!…」

The scrawny palanquin carriers lift the beam on their shoulders, and slowly step away towards Parnatau Kingdom's army under the escort of guards.

「Alright, you guys can go back to the rest and… I don't know, make yourself spruce tea away from these fuckin' carts…」

Bzzzzz… Zzzzz… Bzzzzzzz…

Straf turns to one of the cargo cart drivers, then glances at the uncovered cart. Flies continue swirling around its cargo.

「…You're real fuckin' tough guys, being able to sit out this smell and all. How do you manage?」

He adds, narrowing his eye at the man.

「…We just kind of grew numb to it along the way.」

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

The driver shrugs, after a brief glance towards the rest of the drivers. They shrug and nod their heads in agreement as well.

「…Good grief. Alright, go catch some fresh air.」

Straf waves them off, and turns back to the car. The drivers whip their horses with the reins, and slowly roll back towards the dirt road.

「Hup!…」

He utters out as he jumps back into the driver's seat and wiggles a little to get himself properly seated.

「…You carried cow shit all the way here just to show it to them!?」

Stripe asks with her mouth open in shock, pointing her clawed finger at the departing palanquins.

「Bull, too.」

Stripe nonchalantly adds, and turns the key.

Vrrrrrrrroommmmmmmm!… Vrrrrtrrtrrt…

The kubelwagen shakes violently before easing off into gentle vibrations as the engine sparks back into life.

「Straf, if there's going to be war, should I gut those wretches for not showing you appropriate respect?-」

Lily peeks over Straf's seat from behind, pointing her clawed finger at the diplomats as well.

「No, Lily, I specifically want them to go back and spread the word that they refused my fantastic trade deal…」

He shakes his head in response, smirking at the palanquins and their bone-thin carriers.

「…How do you know about it all, anyway? It's not like I was close enough for you to hear it-」

Straf asks, then looks at Stripe's cloth hat upon her head. She stares back at him with her arms crossed and mouth scrunched to the side.

「I was telling them what's going on.」

She says, then turns her golden gaze away. Straf shrugs, then fiddles with the gear stick.

Vrrrrooooooommmmmm!…

Spinning its wheels in the dirt for a few seconds, the car speeds off towards the road, quickly overtaking the slow, horse-drawn carts loaded with manure…

…

Roughly half an hour later, on a hill overlooking the open field, in the late afternoon…

Straf is standing side by side with Lily, Nona, and Stripe, overlooking the deployed friendly troops at the hill's foot, as well as the now-hostile Parnatau army on the other side of the field. A collection of mustached officers hang about nearby, discussing something amongst themselves, watching the soon-to-be battlefield. Amongst them is Ursa, a head taller than the rest, standing proud with his hands held behind his back, nodding along with a few remarks by the officers.

The formations advance towards the center, marching in a steady, step side by side. Parnatau Kingdom's army approaches them, fanning out, at least thrice as big as far as numbers are concerned. The tactical officers below bark out orders and watch the incoming enemy, all still too far away for projectiles.

「…Can I go do stuff yet?」

Stripe asks, pointing her clawed hand at the advancing troops with her mouth heavily aslant.

「No. You're here so you don't get lonely at the palace…」「I don't get lonely!」

Straf bluntly replies, then turns his eyes to the field, ignoring Stripe's protesting shout.

「…Well then… I guess it's time to even the odds a little?」

Straf remarks, then opens his [Portable Storage]. He sticks his arm into the swirling purple vortex, digging through it for a few seconds while the girls watch.

「Check this out.」

He says with a grin as he pulls out the white, sleek magic gun out.

「Geh…」「What's this?…」「Hm?」

Stripe winces at the sight of Straf's invention, while Lily and Nona tilt their heads and blink their curious eyes at him.

「…It's that useless thing that shoots magic beams.」

Stripe comments, pointing at the magic gun.

「Hey! It's not useless!…」

Indignant, Straf's head perks up, and he angrily furrows his brows at Straf.

「…It's a new version. I fixed it up, made it really efficient. It basically cranks out all of the power within the gem all at once and leaves no debris.」

He quietly clarifies with a light pout, and puts his hand into his [Portable Storage] again.

In the background, the battle begins. So far, there is no obvious victor, but the centermost units of Parnatau Kingdom appear to be pushed back.

「It looks exactly the same to me.」

Stripe remarks with an unimpressed, tight-lipped grimace on her face, and her fists on her hips.

「That's because you don't know shit! It's cool! It's a sleek magic spacegun! There's no bolt action anymore, I stole- Borrowed a peabody breech design from the guy named after a drink!…」

Straf barks back at Stripe, causing her to lean away. He pushes away a lever, inserts a battery-sized gem into the breech at the top, then pulls the lever to shut the breech.

「…It's cool and fixed! Watch!」

He exclaims, shouldering the magic rifle while Stripe watches on with an unimpressed expression and crossed arms…

…

At the same time, on the hill across the field.

An ornately armored man on a horse watches over the battlefield, surrounded by peers wearing similar equipment, likewise on horseback. They listen attentively and nod along as he points his finger and slides it along the battlefield, leaning slightly towards a man at his side. He then points his finger at the centermost unit.

「…When they feign retreat back to roughly the quarter, I want the heavy cavalry to hit their pursuers from the flanks. Have the infantry finish them off, then-」

FWWWSHP!

A short-bearded man nods along to the commander's words, but before he can finish his sentence, a bright, sparkling blue beam comes stretching from across the other hill and hits him in the head, completely obscuring it in its volume. The commander is thrown backwards, and the beam dissipates as the horses whine and panic.

Thud!

「Gah!」

One of the men recoils in wide-eyed shock, when he realizes the commander's head is gone along with his neck, and everything below up to the breastplate is charred black. The breastplate itself is lightly melted, glowing white, and slowly transitioning back to orange. The panicked men exchange terrified gazes as they try to rein the equally frightened horses in…

…

On the other side of the hill, behind Redwing Kingdom's forces…

Straf lowers the magic gun with a smug grin, and loads the next gem into the breech. Lily has a matching grin on her face, Stripe is blinking at the distant hill in wide-eyed shock, and Nona is simply confused. She tilts her hatted head slightly with gently raised brows.

「See? I told you it's better!… Want to try it?」

「Eh!?」

Straf asks, holding out the magic gun for Stripe. She blinks at him for a few moments, then at the sleek, prolonged white shape in his hand.

「You said you wanted to do stuff, right? Want to give it a try? Since you're all about assassinations and whatnot, I thought you might want to.」

He adds, shrugging his shoulders. After a moment of hesitation, Stripe takes the magic rifle into her hands. Straf closes in.

「Here… You align these, point them at the target, then pull the trigger. That means here. Got it?…」

Straf quickly explains the operation of the rifle, pointing out its iron sights, then the trigger.

「Uh… I think?」

Stripe replies with furrowed brows as she shoulders the magic gun.

「Okay, then go ahead and hit someone who looks important.」

Straf shrugs, then takes a step back and looks at the battlefield with his fists on his hips. Stripe briefly searches for someone fitting the description, and decides to target a banner carrier.

FWWWWWWWMmmmmm!…

She pulls the trigger, and a blue beam shoots over the formation of enemy troops, impacting the dirt behind the banner carrier. He, and the rest of the unit duck in panic, then scatter wildly.

「…Good job, you suck at this.」

Straf scoffs, then takes the rifle away with a snide smirk on his face.

「That's not my fault! That was my first time doing something like this!」

Indignant, Stripe shouts back, clenching her fists in frustration.

「Can I try?」

Lily walks up as Straf reloads the rifle, tilting her golden head. She blinks her crimson, vertically-slit puppy eyes at him.

「Uhhhhh…」

Very slowly, a single brow raises on Straf's face, and he glances over at the battlefield. With the enemy unit abruptly scattered, the kingdom's officers are quickly taking advantage.

「…You get one in the chamber and three reloads. No more. I wanted to even the odds, not completely disintegrate them here.」

Clink…

Straf shrugs and hands the little girl the magic rifle, along with three gems of varying colors. They clink together softly as they land in her small, pale palm.

「Heh…」

Lily grins as she shoulders the rifle, baring her fangs. She very quickly spots an officer on a hill trying to put the chaos under order.

FFFWWWWWWMmmmmmmm!…

A blue, sparkling beam shoots across the field and meets him straight on the side of his head. It disappears, vaporized into smoke and steam, and his headless corpse drops from his horse.

Clack…

Still grinning, Lily slips another gem into the breech, then locks it and shoulders the rifle again.

FFFFFFFFWWWMmmmmm!…

Another beam shoots out of the magic rifle, and vaporizes the torso of a cavalry commander, along with the stomach of the rider behind him. The commander falls dead instantly, and the mortally wounded rider drops to the ground, alive for a few moments longer before the hooves stomp over his body.

Clack…

「…Hahahahaha! You will learn to fear vampires again, you writhing worms! You went on for too long in blissful ignorance!」

FFFFFWWWWMMMMmmmm!….

Lily shouts, and vaporizes another officer with perfect accuracy, not skipping a beat. Straf watches on with his brows furrowed, and a tight-lipped grimace on his face.

FFFFFFFFFWWWWWWWWMMMMMM!…

「Eat this, dimwitted maggot!」

With a grin on her face, Lily scorches another unexpecting man's head. She flips the lever back and forth, then shoulders it again.

Click.

「Eh?」

She tilts her golden head when on the pull of the trigger, the rifle simply lets out a soft click.

「That's the sound it makes to let you know you had too much fun, Lily. Good job…」

Straf remarks, quickly snatching the rifle away from the little vampire.

「…A little too good of a job.」

He adds, furrowing his brows at the enemy forces in disarray, struggling to maintain cohesion against a significantly smaller army…