《Right… I could just kick them apart, but… That would kind of hurt my arms regardless.》

Straf thinks as he looks at the bandits closing in. He furrows his brows as he considers his options.

《Man… I can’t just turn tail and run after talking all that shit. That’d be lame.》

He groans. The bandits draw closer and closer, almost within their weapons’ reach.

《Ahhh, this sucks. If only I still had a bunch of disposable bodies with swords around-》

「Ah.」

Straf’s head perks up. Almost certainly a lightbulb would appear over his head, if it were invented here. He reaches out in front and above himself, and opens his [Portable Storage]. The bandits stop in their tracks, staring in awe and terror at Straf casually opening the purple vortex.

「That’s!-」

「Boss’s…」

The bandits exclaim and mumble amongst themselves. The sight of the whirl causes their eyes to become nervous and filled with uncertainty.

「Ahh!! Look! Look!」

While the bandits are looking at each other, trying to figure out what to do next, one of them glances at Straf. He points his finger at him, shaking his hand while screaming.

「Ahh!」 「What the fuck!?」 「How is this possible!? Isn’t it for food, weapons and gold!?」

The bandits scream and take a few steps back when Straf allows a skeleton to drop onto its skeletal feet out of the horizontal [Portable Storage]. They grip onto each other for courage and point their weapons at it, while its empty eye sockets gaze at nothing in particular blankly.

「Calm down! Everyone calm down! It’s just one skeleton!-」

One of the bandits attempts to take lead and encourage his fellow bandits. Straf pulls out another skeleton out of his inventory.

「…It’s just skeletons! Come on, we can take them!-」

Straf casts another skeleton onto the battlefield. The men gulp nervously. One of the skeletons stirs, turning its empty, glowing eye sockets towards the bandits. It starts shambling towards them, causing other skeletons to join in as well.

「J- Just fight them! Just fight them! They’re weak!」

The ad-hoc leader commands, taking a defensive stance as the skeletons waddle closer with their damaged swords raised above their heads, and their skeletal jaws hanging loosely.

Clack clack clack clack clack!

「Nec- Necromancer! Necromancer!!」 「Necromancer! Skeletons!」

The men desert their undeclared leader, and immediately break into a disorderly rout while screaming in panic. The temporary leader is left standing alone in the face of the undead, as Straf by only touching the skeletons with his fingertips nonchalantly pulls another one out, as if emptying a large box of toy soldiers onto the floor.

「Hey! Hey!! Don’t leave me here!-」

He screams at the fleeing bandits, before realizing one of the skeletons is bearing down on him. He quickly shifts his sword in the way to block the blow, and stumbles backwards. Without giving him a second of respite, another skeleton swings its damaged, ancient blade at his vitals with an awkward swing.

He blocks the attack, but the force of the impact throws his sword out of his grip, rendering him empty-handed and sending him stumbling backward out of balance. He trips on uneven terrain as another skeleton rattles up closer with drunken steps.

「Wait! Wait!!-」

He sticks his hand out at the skeleton, then at Straf, shouting in perhaps an attempt to beg for mercy. The skeleton ignores him, and Straf simply shrugs in response.

Swish.

「Arrrgh!!-」

The man screams in pain as the skeleton cuts his hand off, right in the middle of his forearm. He clutches onto his maimed arm, rolling around in the dirt. His screams are briefly intensified, then cut short when other two skeletons come stumbling back to deliver their own blows.

Straf shrugs at the sight of the vicious undead hacking the man apart on the ground, leaving only a mangled corpse. He pulls another skeleton out, and pushes it towards the bulk of the bandits fighting the villagers. The remaining skeletons turn their heads towards the battle, and start walking directly there in a straight line, stumbling every few steps.

「Stats.」

Straf looks at the XP bar on the screen that appears in front of him, then quickly waves it away. He watches the skeletons shamble towards the bandits fighting the villagers, causing them to panic as well, and giving the villagers some much-needed respite.

「Hmm… The upside is… It’s basically automatic. The downside is, I don’t get any XP for this. Whatever.」

He shrugs his shoulders, and starts walking towards the villagers while the battle is still raging, now on three sides.

「Skeletons! What the fuck are they doing here!?」

One of the bandits calls out, pointing at the skeletons shambling towards them. The whole group immediately peels back away from the villagers, strengthening its defenses against the incoming undead.

Clack clack clack clack!

One of the skeletons hastily stumbles in and swings its sword at a bandit, almost falling over.

Clang!

He blocks the attack, but then one of the peasants immediately seizes the advantage.

「Augh!-」

The bandit cries out as he is stabbed with a scythe-spear in his side. Bleeding profusely, he stumbles back behind his fellow bandits, looks at his red hand, walks a few steps more in a random direction, then falls flat onto his face.

「Get them! Kill them now! We’ll deal with the bones later!」

One of the peasants shouts out, and with a large battle-cry, they break their defensive formation to begin an unrelenting assault against the bandits…

…

「Boss! Boss! Boss!!」

A bandit comes running, screaming towards the Stem of Thorns leader.

「What? Don’t tell they’re losing to fucking peasants-」

He turns away from his higher-up colleagues with a sour expression on his face.

「It’s not that!-」

The bandit leans onto his knees, trying to hastily catch his breath.

「Then what is it?」

The leader spreads his hands as he asks.

「Necromancer! That guy is a necromancer!」

The bandit points towards the center of the village, screaming still in panic.

「What!? Who!?」

The bandit leader’s eyes narrow, he looks at his subordinate in disbelief, and his colleagues nervously glance at each other.

「That guy that just came! The one with the broken arm! He started summoning skeletons, boss! Like from the thing you use to carry stuff around for us!」

The man frantically explains, and the higher ranks glance at each other.

「…What the fuck? Let’s go.」

The leader draws his sword and walks towards the center of the village in a rushed step, with his bandit colleagues and the terrified subordinate in tow…

…

「Oooookay. Back in you go.」

Straf says as he roughly shoves the skeleton into his [Portable Storage], sending it stumbling into the vortex while mid-swing.

「That’s all of them, yeah? Is there anyone getting hacked up by a skeleton right now? No?」

Straf asks the concerned villagers, who despite not being aggressively postured, are clearly not comfortable with his use of the skeletons. They look at him with nervous eyes, and someone occasionally coughs in the awkward silence.

「You sneaky bastard! Heard you’re a necromancer!」

The leader of the Stem of Thorns returns to the village with sword in hand. He looks at the mangled bodies of his men scattered around, and the terrified peasants.

「Uh, no, I’m not.」

Straf clarifies, attempting to extend his index finger out, but failing much to his annoyance.

「Oh? So you’re saying my man here lied to me?」

The bandit leader grabs the survivor by his shoulder and pulls him closer, ominously glancing at him. A brief silence begins.

「…If I say yes, will he get in trouble?」

Straf asks, grinning.

「Stop dodgin’ the question you fucker. Something killed my men, and I figure it wasn’t that sad band of yokels that did it. Answer me this… Can you open a gateway to another place?」

The irate bandit leader asks, staring at Straf like a hawk.

「You mean like this?」

Straf asks, and opens his [Portable Storage]. A skeleton pops out, and swings at the thin air in front of the vortex, before hanging its head down. The peasants yelp in fear.

「Tsk. Son of a bitch… So it was true. You can do this.」

The leader clicks his tongue in great displeasure at the sight of the vortex. The skeleton lifts its head at the remaining bandits, and begins charging at them with wobbly steps.

Clack clack clack clack clack!

Clang! Smash-Crraaccccklackclackclack!

The skeleton’s blade is expertly parried by the bandit leader, and with a heavy blow, its shattered bones scatter on the ground.

「Hey, don’t break my skeletons, you prick! I was planning to put a butler suit on one of them!」

Straf points his hand at the resting bones in indignance.

「You broke my band, you necromancer asshole…」

The bandit growls in anger, grinding his teeth and staring daggers at Straf.

「Your neck is next. Unlike your bandit band, I’m sure each of my skeletons have a quirky personality beneath their layer of bloodthirst. I bet I could ask each and single one of your unnamed bandit mooks for their favorite colors, and they’d take 5 minutes to answer.」

Straf points his broken hand at his neck, before pointing it once again at the bones on the floor.

「You think you know shit about anything you fucker!? It took me so long to build up my inner circle! Even after I found this fucking ring, it took months to gather this many men!」

The bandit leader shouts at Straf, sweeping his hand across his dead men on the ground, and showing off a dark metal ring on his finger.

「The skeletons’ favorite color is red, by the way. Like blood.」

Straf ignores the bandit’s screams, and nonchalantly adds an unverified claim.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

「Shut the fuck up! I’m going to gut you, the fucking yokels, and their fucking kids for this! Unbelievable! Fucking unbelievable!」

The bandit band’s leader screams more, pointing at the terrified peasants looking on from the side, clutching onto their improvised weapons.

「Ah, heh.」

Straf stares at the bandit with bored eyes, before something suddenly amuses him, forcing out a chuckle, and a wide grin onto his face.

「What!? What’s so fucking funny, asshole, huh!? Share it with me and my pals!」

The broken band’s leader notices the smirk on Straf’s face, and begins screaming in anger at him with his arms spread wide.

「It’s not really that funny. I just forgot you’re not a mage.」

Straf shrugs his shoulders, still grinning. The lower rank bandit’s eyes widen, and he appears to gain almost precognitive insight that something bad is about to happen. He turns around and starts fleeing towards the treeline, away from the village.

「Tsk… Fucking coward, fuck him too…」

The bandit leader looks at his fleeing subordinate, and shakes his head while mumbling under his breath.

「What of it!? You think you being a necromancer changes anything!? I killed mages before!」

He shouts a question at Straf, raising his arms again.

「For literally the last time, I’m not a necromancer. And I just remembered… I now have access to the closest thing aside from actually killing you with a console command.」

Straf grins, and the bandit furrows his brows, incapable of comprehending a single word of his explanation.

「…What the fuck are you talking about?」

The bandit asks, walking a few steps towards Straf.

「This.」

Straf utters out, and one blue orb for each of the bandits appears around him.

「What the fuck is-?」

Fwwwwwwsssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh!!

The bandit leader asks, but before he can finish, a blinding beam of light impacts him and all of his high-rank bandit colleagues. With a sickening sound resembling water splashing on an overheated frying pan, all of the bandits are vaporized into plasma, leaving only charred fragments of limbs steaming on the grass. The peasants yelp in terror again at the incomprehensible display of ruthless power.

「Yeah, this is so much easier without mages around…」

Straf walks up to the charred, maimed remains with a grin on his face. It twists into an awkward grimace when he realizes the nearby forest directly behind the bandits is ablaze as well.

「Uhh… Whoops?」

Straf partially turns to the peasants, and spreads his arms…

…

Fwoooosh…

The burning building becomes engulfed in solid ice, putting out the flames in a cloud of steam.

「There. That’s your building, I’ll try the forest next, I guess…」

Straf shrugs, turning away from the building he just froze. He walks to the village perimeter and faces the blazing forest. Pale blue orbs surround Straf again, causing some peasants to cower. A thin blue ray hits the burning trees, causing them to also explode into a boulder of ice with each ray.

Within moments, the fires are extinguished, and only massive ice rocks remain. The peasants look in awe at the forest, the frozen building, and at Straf himself, who looks completely unimpressed by his own feats.

「Great mage, what is your name?-」

An elderly man steps forward, propping himself up on a walking stick.

「Do not call me that. I am not a grand mage, arch mage, grand magus or any other agus or grand.」

Straf glares at the short old man, and points his broken hand at his face.

「I- Er- Um… My apologies… What do we call you, then?」

The old man, somewhat taken aback by Straf’s response, scratches the side of his lowered bald head as he apologizes to the not-grand grand mage.

「I am Straf Katastrof Vindict…」

「I see, I am Sieg-」

「…The finance minister of the kingdom.」

Straf adds, interrupting the elderly man’s introduction.

「Ahem. I see. I am Siegfried, the elder of this humble village. I wish to thank you in the name of every single person here, Lord Vindict.」

As he thanks Straf, the village elder bows the most his back permits him, which amounts to only a few degrees.

「I am not a lord, either.」

Straf explains with a bored gaze.

「N- No? Is finance minister not a noble title?…」

The old man blinks, tilting his head inquisitively while he looks up at Straf, then over his shoulder at the villagers, who spread their hands and shrug their shoulders.

「No. We’re a democracy now, haven’t you heard?」

Straf shrugs, and briefly points his hand at the dimunitive man again.

「…What’s a… A democracy, if I may ask, err… Sir Vindict?」

The elder stumbles through his words, visibly searching for the right one to be perfectly inoffensive.

「In the simplest terms, it’s the illusion of choice. Just call me Straf.」

Straf explains, gesturing with his broken hand. He turns away from the elder, and walks up to the bandits’ charred remains while the old man barely keeps up, rushing after Straf on his walking stick.

「I’m not sure I understand sir- Er… Straf? Is that something like a theocracy of the eastern kingdoms?」

「Don’t worry if you don’t understand, that makes you the perfect voter… Can you get that ring for me?」

Straf dismissively, limply waves his hand in the air, then points at a dark metal ring on the dismembered, still steaming arm on the ground. A piece of charcoal-black humerus sticks out in a grisly sight.

「I can try… Ughnnnngh…」

The old man reaches towards the floor, grunting heavily. He gives up very quickly, rubbing his back while wincing.

「Ahh… I’m sorry, I can’t. I’ll get someone who can.」

He lowers his head repeatedly while apologizing, then turns to the villagers discussing the events. He waves his hand for some of them to come closer, and a few young, curious children run up.

「No, no… Not you, go back to your parents-」

「Perfect.」

「…Eh?」

The elder waves the children away, but Straf interrupts him.

「Hey, kid, get me that ring, will you?」

Straf points at the dismembered hand again, speaking at one of the small children.

「…Is that a hand?」

One of the curious kids asks from behind Straf.

「Yeah, what do you think?」

He replies, looking under his armpit at the curious little girl leaning from behind him.

「Here it is mister!」

The boy holds the ring up as high as he can, and Straf focuses his eyes on it.

『Ring of Storage』

[Utility] [Magical]

『Ring of Storage』allows the wearer to open a gateway to another dimension, which is capable of storing objects smaller than the wearer. The dimension beyond the gate is hostile to all forms of life.

The gateway can only be opened twice every 24 hours, for a maximum of 10 minutes each time.

「…That is so fucking worthless.」

Straf touches the ring with his fingertip, and pushes it into his [Portable Storage] that opens right next to the child’s fingers. The ring slips out of his grasp, and falls into the vortex.

「Maybe Lily will like it… Or Lia… But how did this guy get his hands on this?」

Straf thinks out loud as he closes his [Portable Storage]. He brings his hand up to his chin, and groans in annoyance.

「Hey, kid, rub my chin.」

Straf looks down at the boy who handed him the ring, and presents him his chiseled chin.

「…Huh?」

He blinks, unsure what to do.

「Come on, just take your hand and rub my chin. I need to think.」

Straf tilts his head encouragingly, and the child takes his palm and starts awkwardly rubbing Straf’s chin.

「No, not like that. With your thumb and finger.」

Straf pulls his face away, and explains further. The boy tries his best to follow the instruction, rubbing Straf’s chin up and down with his thumb and index finger.

「No, not in that direction. Side to side. And do it more inquisitively.」

Straf explains even further, and the child finally rubs his chin the correct way.

「Alright… How did this guy get his hands on this ring? He said he found it… Is there some guy handing this shit out to cause chaos? Is this the work of some sort of cabal that wants to bring the kingdom down?」

Suddenly, Straf’s head perks up. The child stands on his tiptoes to continue rubbing Straf’s chin regardless.

「Ah. I forgot to question that pawn store owner the guy who broke my hand mentioned…」

Straf blinks, furrowing his brows in realization.

「…Who are you talking to, mister?」

The curious girl asks.

「Shut up. None of your business.」

Straf barks back at her.

「…Can I stop now? My arm hurts…」

The boy pleads, still standing on his tip toes…

…

A few moments ago, somewhere…

Hooded old men sit around a large stone table. The last empty stone throne fills as another hooded figure sits down.

「Are we all here now? Good… I’m sure you have already heard, the kingdom has ordered the troops to move to the region previously owned by the House Ostris, presumably to dislodge-」

「Ah!- Achoo!」

As the bearded man explains, someone’s sudden sneeze interrupts him. An awkward silence occurs, broken up by quick sniffles.

「…Can I continue?」

He asks, spreading his hands and looking at his fellow old men.

「Yes… Sorry.」

The hooded sneezer nods, and wipes his nose with his finger…