Two hours earlier, in the Redwing Palace, in one of the guest rooms…

Gonnnnngggggg… Donnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggg… Gonnnnnnnnngggggg… Donnnnnnnggggggg…

The bell tower's distant, heavy toll signals the afternoon. Stripe's eyelids twitch slightly, and she opens her golden eyes. She looks at the flames dancing on a log in the fireplace in front of her, though it's sideways. She then realizes it's not the fireplace, but her head, which is resting on Straf's thigh while she, herself, is lying on the couch. Next second, she realizes that his hand has stopped petting her ears.

「Good morning… Or should I say, good afternoon.」

Straf says as he looks down at her in her lap and pulls his hand away. He's sitting in a lazy slouch with arms slung over the backrest. Stripe sits up, rubbing her sleepy eyes and heavy eyelids.

「Grandma died.」

He declares with a smug smirk, and stands up.

「…Huh?… What? Whose grandma?…」

Stripe mumbles out, barely coherent as she looks at his grinning face.

「You'll see… Well, actually, you won't… But that's not important, let's go.」

He waves his hand for her to follow, and walks out into the hallway. Stripe sluggishly picks herself off the couch and follows him.

「Where are we going?…」

She asks, rubbing her face with her palms in an effort to wake herself up as she follows behind him.

「To see Lia, and that one prick…」

Straf replies as he reaches into his [Portable Storage]. He pulls a trench coat out and flaps it into straightening out. It makes no noise other than the material brushing against itself.

「What prick?… What's with that coat?…」

Stripe points at the trench coat when Straf slings it over his body, slipping his arms into the sleeves.

「An important design element…」

Pat pat pat.

He says, patting the coat's shoulder, before buttoning up the many buttons while the two continue down the hall.

「…It'll become pretty iconic. Mark my words.」

He shrugs his coated shoulders, grinning as he takes large, wide steps in a proud swagger…

…

A few minutes later…

Straf and Stripe arrive to Cycelia's room. He balls his hand up into a fist, knuckles turned towards it.

Knock knock-knock-knock. Knock knock.

He knocks in a melodic rhythm, then opens the door.

「Enter!- Straf?」

Sitting at her desk, Cycelia looks at the open door over her shoulder. A little surprised, she sets her thick tome down.

「Yes. Terrible news, Lia! Better sit down!…」

With his index finger extended, Straf exclaims bearing a large grin on his face.

「…I am sitting, Straf. What happened?」

Cycelia furrows her brows, glancing at Stripe behind him.

「…Have you heard about a place called Hohenplatz? A village by the border.」

He asks, taking a few steps closer with his fists on his trench-coated hips.

「No. What about it?」

She thinks for a second, then shakes her chestnut head, tilting it a little.

「Well, Lia… Soon the whole world will know about Hohenplatz! It no longer exists! It was destroyed in an unprovoked and perfidious attack by Telas Kingdom!」

Straf announces with a grin on his face, spreading his arms.

「What!? Why would they do that? That makes no sense!」

Krrrk.

Cycelia exclaims, shooting up to her feet. Her chair's legs loudly scrape against the floor.

「Alas, Lia… It happened. I need to announce this to the people and let them know that they've been attacked! They must know!」

Still grinning, he shrugs and points his hands towards the open door. She furrows her brows slightly.

「…How do you know this, Straf?」

She asks, staring at him with eyes gently narrowed.

「…I was informed by a horse messenger.」

His eyes glance aside for a second before returning to meet her emerald ones.

「Who?」

「That's not important, Lia. I have my sources…」

Straf replies, extending his index finger with his brows raised.

「…This cannot go unpunished! It will completely ruin my diplomatic efforts with Parnatau if the word gets out that we let another kingdom raid us unpunished!」

He spreads his arms wide with his head held high.

「…I need to discuss this with Sir Vinis. When would you want to address the citizens, Straf?」

She takes a few steps towards the door then stops beside Straf to ask, slightly turning back to face him.

「Hmmm… Somewhere around early morning tomorrow?…」

He rubs his chin while he looks aside, thinking. His eyes snap back to Cycelia's concerned face as he replies. She nods, then walks out into the hallway.

「Straf, is this related to what you've been talking about the other day with Greaves and the rest?」

Cycelia asks as Straf and Stripe walk out of her room, closing the door behind themselves.

「Yup. I will assemble the punitive force, Lia. Let that pri- Sir Vinis know.」

He nods and turns for the stairs down, while Cycelia turns for the stairs up. She stops just before taking a step.

「…Are you sure it wasn't bandits? Absolutely certain it was Telas Kingdom's doing? It still makes no sense to me, Straf. Practically all of our gems come from there.」

She asks, staring at Straf with a perplexed, concerned expression on her beautiful face.

「Yup. It seems like they want to bite the hand that feeds, Lia. Y'know, cut our access to strategic goods off.」

He nods with his fists on his hips, smirking.

「…I still can't believe it. You're right that we cannot leave this unpunished, Straf, but I don't want to act rash. Let's wait until Greaves and his friends return.」

Cycelia's eyes drift downwards for a few moments as she thinks deeply, before returning back to Straf. She nods, and her face turns into a lightly angered, tight-lipped grimace.

Snap.

「You've got it, Lia. I'll keep the men on hold until we have your permission. Nothing without your authorization.」

With a snap of his fingers, he smirks and points at her. She nods again, and takes a few steps away.

「…That coat suits you. It's stylish.」

She remarks over her shoulder and smiles softly through the worry on her face.

「I know. See you later, Lia.」

Straf spreads his hands, then sets out for the stairs down with Stripe as Cycelia heads the opposite way. He places his hands in his coat's pockets.

「…Aaand I've gracefully maneuvered out of the need to see that spiritually bald prick. Lucky.」

He remarks with a grin as Stripe walks beside him.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

「It really makes no sense. If your kingdom is a bulk buyer of their goods, why would they attack you? That's like cutting off your nose to spite your face.」

She looks at Straf's smug face with confused golden eyes.

「Well, that's cause they're stupid and greedy and evil. They're basically human-shaped, oversized goblins. The world is better off without them.」

He shrugs, grinning as they take a turn down at a crossing of hallways. Two maids stop in their tracks, looking at the two with wide-eyed stares while Straf stares back.

They bow politely and walk past Straf. His head shakes in confusion and his gaze tracks the two maids.

「What? What'd I do this time? Is it my coat? Did my reputation just decay back into neutral?」

He asks, briefly following the maids. They glance at him over their frilled shoulders and hasten their pace

「Hey! Tell me! Why did you stop hating my guts!?」

Straf shouts at the maids as they begin running away.

「Does this mean I can eat at the palace without being poisoned now!?」

He spreads his arms, but the maids quickly disappear beyond a corner without replying. He throws his hands up, then returns them back to his pockets.

「Whatever. I have hot dogs for months anyway…」

Straf shakes his head then turns back to the stairs with confused Stripe in tow…

…

Three hours later, outside a fortress on the periphery of the capital region, nearby the highway…

The First Rat Hunters are standing at attention in formation beside another group of soldiers in regulars' armor. One of the three officers leaves the soldiers and approaches Straf.

「All present and accounted for, sir.」

The mustached man nods, likewise standing at attention. Straf looks at the levy conscripts, nodding his head in approval, then approaches them with Stripe trailing behind.

「Alright, listen up! I'm going to hand you something, and it's very important that you don't fuck with it! Hold onto it, and don't do anything else besides that!」

He exclaims with his fists on his hips while looking over the men in a narrow-eyed gaze. They glance at each other, then refocus on Straf.

「Take these.」

Straf says as he pulls out three IEDs and holds them out for the first man in line. He pulls out another three, then hands it to the next one.

「Now! You will under no circumstances pull the fucking pin on these things, or you'll have the dubious honor of becoming the world's first suicide bomber!…」

He continues shouting to the conscripts as he hands them three IEDs each. They hold onto them in their arms as instructed, staring at the boxes with furrowed brows.

A few minutes pass, and Straf reaches the rear of the formation. He hands the last man another triplet of IEDs, then returns to the front of the group.

「Right! Now listen up! Today, our glorious kingdom has been viciously attacked by uncivilized savages from Telas Kingdom! They wiped an entire village off the map!…」

He shouts, clenching his fist in front of himself, crushing the thin air. The men begin whispering and mumbling amongst themselves.

「…If it were your village, would you let it go unpunished!?」

Straf spreads his arms, letting the question stew within the men while watching their faces turn sour. The front ranks exchange angered gazes amongst themselves.

「I don't think so! That's why we are going to strike back! We're going to kick them in the dick! We'll fuck them up! These things will help you with that!」

He points at the rectangular boxes in their arms. Their gazes briefly drop down to them before returning to Straf.

「Congratulations! By resisting the perilous urge to do the exact opposite of what I told you to, you've survived long enough to qualify for being the world's first grenadier company!」

Grinning, Straf throws his spread arms up, then places his fists on his hips.

「You can now think of yourselves as sort of a music band! I'm the conductor, the genre is violence, and your instruments are the IEDs!…」

He adds while pacing left and right in front of the men, hands held behind his back with a smug grin on his face.

「…And with the queen's permission, you're going to play so loud that the whole world will hear the music! I will now briefly go over the operation of the IEDs!」

He says as a purple vortex appears beside him. He pulls out a rectangle box from within it, and holds it up in his hand.

「I will now demonstrate how to use it! Watch closely, because I don't want you to forget the step two!…」

Straf shouts and threads his finger into the pin's ring.

「…First, you pull this pin over here!…」

He wiggles his finger for added visibility, then pulls the pin. Stripe's golden eyes widen, and her face twists into a tight-lipped grimace while staring at the IED in his hand.

「…Second, you throw! Ideally, right under the enemy's feet!」

Straf holds the box up, then flings it at the confused men standing in front of them. Stripe drops to the grass and covers her ears. He glances at her.

Thunk.

The IED lands a few paces away from the conscripts and bounces off the ground towards them. The confused ranks lean slightly to get a better look.

「Reelaax. It's an inert training version…」

Straf scoffs as he looks at Stripe's terrified face. Her golden eyes jump up to meet his gaze.

「…I hope.」

He says, and waits with his fists on his hips while staring at the box with a tight-lipped grimace. A prolonged, awkward silence begins. One of the conscripts in the back coughs.

「Right! If I accidentally threw the real one, you'd be dead right now, and it'd be very awkward! The operation of these things can't be simpler! An unwashed peasant could do it!…」

Straf nods as his grimace fades away, he throws his hands up, tilting his head. Stripe slowly gets back up to her feet, watching the box with wary eyes.

「…To sum up! Pull the pin, then throw as far as possible towards the enemy! Do not drop it at your feet, or you will feel very, very silly! Do not pull the pin otherwise!…」

He continues as he walks up to the formation and picks the inert IED up, then throws it back into his [Portable Storage].

「…And don't forget to pull the pin first when throwing, or you'll become the subject of a joke. Officer!」

Straf adds, then turns his gaze towards the mustached officer. He runs up and stands at attention.

「Yes, sir!?」

「You're dismissed for today. Have them practice throws with potatoes, or rocks… Whichever's cheapest.」

Straf shrugs and waves his hand for Stripe to follow. She avoids the soldiers and their IEDs in a wide arc…

…

In the evening, in the printer warehouse in the capital…

Vrrrrrrr… Pfoot! Vrrrrrr… Pfoot! Vrrrrr… Pfoot!

With his hands in his coat's pocket, Straf watches the printer's output spit out large posters. He signals Stripe with his hand, mimicking a lever push, and she turns the machine off.

As it audibly slows down and spits out the last poster, he scoops one off the floor and unfurls it to take a look at it, grinning.

The poster bears prominent, stylized text stating「The enemy!…」along its topmost quarter. Below the topmost text, there are two graphics split diagonally from one another. One is a depiction of smoldering ruins of Draconis, its palace in ruins. A woman is crying, covering her face on her knees while a small body is covered in a bloodied sheet, lying on the street beside her. On the other side of the diagonal split, on the background of Parnatau heraldry, hundreds and hundreds of soldiers are marching towards the viewer with evil grins and prolonged fangs protruding from their faces.

The diagonally split images are marked as「…Telas!」and「…Parnatau!」respectively. The entire graphic on the poster is highly stylized while retaining a somewhat realistic style. On the bottom half with no regard for the split, a text asks the viewer「How long until you fight back? Your village? Your capital? Your queen?」in a punchy, highly readable font that catches the eye. The rest of the text is suggesting that the reader should head to a local fortress and ask to be recruited for the kingdom's military.

「Nice…」

Straf chuckles to himself like a madman. Stripe walks up to his side and looks at the poster with him.

「Huh? What is that?…」

She asks, staring at the crying woman beside what appears to be a child.

「Your next job. You're going to hang these up all over the city by midnight.」「Wha-!?」

He nonchalantly declares and opens his [Portable Storage], throwing the poster inside. Her jaw drops as she looks at the huge pile of propaganda on the floor.

「Here's a glue bucket and a brush. Get to work.」

Straf holds a metal bucket full of viscous liquid in front of Stripe and a large, wide paintbrush, then nods at them both. She reluctantly takes them both, staring at them in disbelief. She blinks a few times at the posters before clenching her teeth in dismay as he heads for the door with his hands in his coat's pocket, whistling some whimsical tune…