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Straf happens.

Less than an hour later, in Ossen's sewers…

Crying, sobbing and sniffling echoes in the dark tunnels. Straf walks with Nona clinging onto his unbroken arm as she wails.

「…Can you cut it out already?」

Straf side-glances at her with his bored eyes. She makes an attempt, but only ends up sobbing for a few seconds before howling again.

「Huuuuuuuuu… But… But…」

Nona sobs, unable to form a coherent sentence.

「…Great.」

Straf sighs, and comes across a familiar side passage.

「…Nona? Sonnova bitch. I thought you were getting hanged today.」

Slink says, and his half-asleep guard partner jumps out of his seat in shock.

「I thought so toooo! Huuuuuuuuuu!…」

Nona manages to get a coherent reply out seconds before morphing back into a sobbing mess again.

「Well, come on in. The boss is going to be relieved. He's in a shit mood all day.」

Slink slinks aside, allowing access to the small room. Straf and Nona walk in, and arrive at the stairway down.

「Okay. Now you'll either have to let go, or you'll have to squeeze real tight into me. Now, I don't mind chancing death, but I figure you might want to avoid turning this pardon into a stay of execution for a whopping hour-」

Straf says, looking at the narrow, dark, twisting stairs. Nona lets go of his arm, slowly calming down.

「…Wise choice. If we'd trip, I don't think we'd just end up in a suggestive pose.」

He shrugs, and heads down first. Nona follows him closely behind, only quietly sobbing. Eventually, they make it all the way down into the wider tunnel, and continue onward.

Pat.

Nona once again wraps her arms around Straf's, tightly clinging onto him. With a side-glance, Straf raises his brow, and returns his eyes forward in silence.

「Y'know, ropes are kind of like magic tools. You put one on a quiet, shy girl, and her personality completely inverts into a perverted freak. They put one on you, and you did a complete one-eighty from a spunky tomboy into a lovey-dovey regular girl.」

Straf says after a moment.

「Shut up, I'm not lovey-dovey…」

Nona grumbles quietly, still clinging onto Straf's arm with her entire body.

「…And I am a regular girl. You just didn't notice.」

She then concedes, also hugging her head into his arm.

「It's painfully obvious now. Though… You don't have the rope on you anymore, and you're still like this. I hope it's not permanent, I liked your old personality better.」

Straf comments with a light smirk, as her amber eyes look at his for a quick surprised glance. She presses the side of her face against his arm again, and they continue in brief silence towards the corporate headquarters.

「…I'm sorry.」

Nona quietly breaks the silence with a reluctant apology.

「Huh?」

Straf grunts out, side-glancing at her with his bored eyes and furrowed brows.

「I said I'm sorry.」

「What for?」

He asks, squinting his eyes at her in confusion.

「…For back then.」

「What? Is the side effect of the rope talking in fucking riddles? What back then? What are you apologizing for, exactly?」

Straf stares at Nona in complete befuddlement, confusing her as well when she realizes she's genuinely not being just teased.

「What, you don't remember?… I pushed you… And called you a bastard… And said I should hit you…」

She gives Straf an itemized list of things to apologize for, and he looks up into the darkness with his brows furrowed.

「Oh. That.」

He says, nodding his head slowly.

「How do you not remember that? I thought I should have apologized sooner, but then I didn't see you again for a while… And then I got caught. To be frank, you shouldn't have said that about my father. Or my mother. But I still am sorry.」

Nona reiterates, and places her head back on Straf's arm.

「I don't remember, because it was a completely insignificant thing that flew out of my head. How often do you think people curse at me and physically threaten me? Once a week, at least.」

Straf says, and a brief pause begins. The glow of the corporate headquarters lights becomes faintly visible in the distance.

「…You know, it's funny… There was this man, this guard captain… He saved me at the last moment from something very bad-」

「Yeah, good timing, I heard.」

Straf shrugs, cutting Nona off.

「I see… That was a few days ago, and now you came at the last second and saved me again. What a coincidence, right?」

Nona smiles, though her smile is tainted with soberness.

「Yeah. I thought about waiting a little longer until he's like physically pulling the lever, but I didn't know how much it would have to be pulled for the hatches to open, so I decided to play it safe instead. Pretty cool entry, huh?」

Straf shrugs again, grinning at her.

「…Waiting? You mean you were there?」

Nona stops, forcing Straf to stop as well as she's wrapped around his arm like an anchor.

「Yeah- Well, I took my time getting there. And by the time I got there, that guy was still in the middle of his blabbing so I had to wait for the actual hanging part. I thought I was the one getting executed by being bored to fucking death.」

Straf explains, then shrugs his shoulders again. Her amber eyes blink a few times with a neutral expression on her face. She unwraps her arms from Straf and takes a step back. Nona then pulls her arm back, her hand balled up into a fist.

[Contextual Time Perception] activates, and Straf sees the jab coming for his ribs, but simply stares with bored eyes and a slanted mouth at the fist slowly making its way closer. Significantly slowed, she stares at his face with a tight-lipped pouty frown.

Tap!

「Ow.」

Straf states, as Nona's fist bounces off of his chest creating a quiet thumping noise.

「If you were there, why would you wait you prick!?」

Indignant, Nona asks, still pouting with her fist clenched.

「And ruin the suspense? If I had a bow, I could have shot the rope or something and then flashed my badge for an extra cliche. I'd wait for the exact second they pull the lever, and then bam! You end up below the gallows instead of dead.」

Straf says with a grin, and turns to continue to Thieves Incorporated. Nona quickly jogs up to follow closely behind.

「If you managed to pull something like that off, after I'd be done admiring your archery skills, I'd kill you the first thing. I'd strangle you dead for putting me through that.」

She says, leaning a little to the side as she follows Straf, still pouting slightly with gently furrowed brows. She straightens out and clasps her hands together behind her back, thinking about something in silence for a short moment.

「…But I have to thank you. I really thought it was over. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. The whole time I was in the dungeon, I was just lying to myself so I wouldn't have to live in fear for those last few days. I was…」

Nona thanks Straf in a somber tone, pausing to search for the appropriate words.

「…Really afraid of dying. When I saw you, I thought I was already dead, and that it wasn't real.」

She admits, speaking in a hushed, grateful voice.

「Yeah, dying fucking sucks. You're minding your own business, and then you're like 「Huh?」, and then you realize you're in a completely different place. And then you realize you're dead.」

Straf nonchalantly replies, shrugging his shoulders.

「…What?」

Nona says, grinning in amusement albeit slightly confused.

「I mean, for you it might have been different. It'd be like dropping into a basement or something, or you'd end up as a kid somewhere…」

Straf rubs his chin as he thinks about how death would work for people in normal circumstances. Nona starts chuckling.

「Ahahahah… Speaking from experience?」

She laughs softly, looking at Straf's face. Her grin is poorly concealed by her loose fist as he looks over his shoulder at her.

「Yeah, obviously.」

Straf shrugs his shoulders, and turns his head back towards the glow. His nonchalant and straight-faced response causes Nona to cackle even louder.

「Ahahahaha! Obviously! You're pretty experienced, huh? Nothing can keep you down, even death, huh?」

Nona jogs up to walk side by side with Straf, and repeatedly jabs him in the ribs with her elbow.

「Yeaaah, it takes a little adjusting, but I'm not going to be a whiny bitch about it. Just ride it out, I guess. I don't really know anyone else in my situation.」

Straf shrugs again and tilts his head a little as he explains. Nona keeps cackling at Straf's attitude, and starts slapping his shoulder from behind.

Pat. Pat. Pat. Pat. Pat.

「Ahahaha! You should have told me you're a lich! I bet you wanted to wait so you could raise me as a zombie and order me to do some sick stuff! Straf the pervolich! Ahaha!」

She continues cackling and slapping Straf's shoulder, causing him to roll his eyes.

「Hey, you came up with something sick in your head. If another baseless rumor starts, I'm blaming you.」

Straf says, looking at Nona over his shoulder. He shakes his head and slinks into the makeshift water ramp room.

「…Eh? Another?」

Nona freezes with a grin still on her face and her hand raised for another slap. Her amber eyes blink in confusion at the doorway, but she shakes the confusion off and follows Straf in.

「I'm back.」

Straf declares, and Fost finishes chugging his mug. He slams it down onto the table and looks at the doorway. Nona casually enters right behind Straf with a wide smile, waiting for some sort of reaction. Fost blinks a few times, and shakes his head.

「Aight, I really have had enough…」

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He slurs, and pushes his fancy mug away from himself.

「…Nona? I thought you were fucking dead!」 「What the fuck?」

「Wha?」

Fost lifts his eyes off the table up at the doorway again, when he hears the rest of the room react to the ghost of his guilty conscience.

「Nona!? Yer alive!? How!?」

Fost shouts as he jumps up to his feet, and almost falls over.

「Well, Straf happened.」

She says, holding back a grin as she walks up to Fost's table. The room's mood goes from dead to celebratory in an instant, and the sticky-fingers scramble to open bottles that Fost didn't drink through yet.

「Straf… 'Fcorse… 'Fcorse, ye…」

Fost mumbles and wobbles, then takes a step back to attempt to sit back down in his chair. He lowers himself, and almost falls over with the chair, gripping at the table desperately for balance.

Nona pulls a chair out and sits down, while Straf walks up closer and crosses his arms to take in the shift in the atmosphere.

「Hey! Cheers you fuckin' airhead!」

A man raises his tankard, shouting at Nona. She raises her palm at him in acknowledgment, smiling a little.

「Hey, Nona! How did you end up getting out!?」

Another man asks, and the people at his table powerfully nod their heads and turn their eyes to her.

「Ahh… Well, long story short, you can thank Straf the lich!」

「Don't call me that.」

Straf protests as Nona points her palm at Straf, chuckling with mischievous grin.

「Lish!?」

Fost re-animates, straightening out of his drunken slump.

「She's fucking with you. What's your blood alcohol content right now? Quarter?」

Straf asks with a fist on his hip.

「Aaahh… Foggetit, you could bea demon lord and I woul'n min' as long's you take care o' erryone…」

Fost waves his hand dismissively in front of his face, and limply slams it onto the table with the gravity. His slurring becomes worse, and he is now barely comprehensible.

「Cheas to Straf the lish!」

Fost lifts his mug at Straf, shouting towards the rest of the room, and everyone gathered lifts their drink containers up as well. Fost tries to chug from his fancy mug, but then furrows his brows and tilts it upside down, shaking it up and down. Only a few lone drops splatter on the table.

「Stop calling me that.」

Straf protests his new title once more, and Nona chuckles again. She smiles looking at the energetic people in the room drinking away.

「…Right, so-」

The moment Straf attempts to say something to Fost, Nona starts sobbing. Tears stream down her tanned cheeks as her sobs turn into loud crying.

「Tsk. Women here are either bipolar or dyslexiac…」

He clicks his tongue and shakes his head with a slanted mouth.

「Huuuuuuuu! I'm so glad I'm aliveeeeee! Huuuuuuuuuuuu!」

Nona wails, sobbing and sniffling as she wipes her tears.

「Oh, it's the happy crying. Alright then.」

Straf raises his brows and nods a little, then shrugs.

「…I can keep talking to everyone here, and do fun stuff, and comb Beard's beard when he's napping… I can just keep working here… I'm so glad… I'm so gladhuuuuuuuu…」

「Wait, what!? You mean it's not my blessing!?」

Beard rubs his beard in shock to Nona's sobbing revelation.

「…Uhhh, yeah, about that… You won't be working here anymore. You're going to the Ministry of Security.」

Straf chimes in, causing Nona's tearful amber eyes to snap to him.

「W- What?」

She asks, sniffling.

「Yeah. I need more workers. And let's face it, you're not a good thief. Who uses their real name when stealing shit? Are you serious? It only works for uh…」

Straf snaps his fingers and points at nearly passed-out Fost.

「…Fost, was it? Is that your real name, or?…」

Straf asks with his brows furrowed.

「's a name.」

Fost replies, staring at Straf half-asleep.

「Alright. Fair enough.」

Straf shrugs, and turns his gaze back to Nona.

「…You mean the Ministea of Security wasn't a made up thing to rescue me?」

Nona asks, slowly calming down again. She sniffles every now and then, blinking at Straf with reddened orange eyes.

「Ministry. And of course fucking not, I am the law. I'm in the government, and you're basically privileged semi-public employees-」

Slam!

Straf gets interrupted by a loud slam from Fost's table. Suddenly appearing perfectly sober, he stares at Straf with his eyes wide open, and his fist on the table.

「You mean you didn't steal the fucking scepter!? You just took it with their permission!?」

Fost asks, fuming.

「Yeah, I mean, as long as it works, right?」

Slam! Slam! Slam! Slam! Slam!

「Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! You mean I just handed you the guild on a silver platter because you have some connections!? You're from the government! You're not a thief! You don't belong here!」

Fost shouts, slamming his fist on the table over and over while cursing.

「Hey, buddy, I'm the biggest thief of them all and I steal from everyone, even now.」

Straf points at Fost, glaring at him with conceit in his eyes.

「Oh yeah!? How!?」

Fost leans in, nodding his head energetically for the emphasis.

「…If I tell you, the country's going to collapse. It's best if everyone's in the dark about it.」

「What?」

「Yeah. And the best part is, I can't stop stealing even if I wanted to at this point! The only way I can be stopped is if everyone goes and eats nuts and berries in a forest for a few years while living in a hut, but nobody is going to give up temporary modern luxuries like-」

Straf pauses, furrowing his brows heavily as he begins intensely rubbing his chin.

「Like, uh… Nona, what do you like to do?」

Straf places his hand on Nona's shoulder and bends over a little to her head level.

「Um… Steal.」

「Wait, what? Why? Do you need money that badly?」

Befuddled, Straf furrows his brows even further, reaching the human limits of how much brows can be furrowed.

「Nuh-uh. It's not about the money. I just like stealing.」

Nona shakes her head, and looks at Straf with an innocent smile. Straf stares at her for a moment with a slack-jawed expression of disbelief.

《Woooooow. Now a bona fide kleptomaniac, huh?》

Straf looks away, cringing. He quickly returns his gaze to her innocent amber eyes.

「But why? Are you some sort of gambling addict that needs to wager her life, or else you don't get any stimulation?」

Straf inquires further, assaulting the barrier of the human limits of brow furrowing.

「No, it's just… It just feels good. It feels right, you know? When I take something from someone that doesn't belong to me… Is it bad that I like to do some bad stuff?」

Nona asks, tilting her head while maintaining her innocent smile.

《Of course it's fucking bad! Is kleptomania your fucking fetish!?》

Straf thinks, staring at Nona with a deeply troubled expression. The barrier breaks, and he overcomes the human limit of how much brows can be furrowed.

「…Anyway, that works for me. There might be some people getting arrested and landing in the Ministry one day, and they might know something that we need to know. And they won't just tell us, so… You understand what I'm getting at?」

Straf asks, gesturing in a little circle with his hand as he nods.

「…No, not really. What would I do? Why do you need me there? Why can't I just keep working here?」

Nona asks, and Straf deeply sighs.

「Okay, look… Due to your… Unique background, and your penchant for doing bad stuff, I need someone with enough moral flexibility to be able to convince someone to tell us everything through any means necessary. Alright? Do you get it now?」

Straf asks with a frustrated smile.

「…Will I do bad stuff there?」

Nona asks, idly placing her hand on her chest.

「No- Well, maybe? If you want to? You could always try something new, right? Remember, you'll be fighting for a right cause, and there's no better cause to hurt people than the right one!」

「I'll do it!」

Nona nods with vigor, causing Straf to recoil back out of surprise.

「Okay. That was easier than I thought from your initial reaction. I thought you'd be like, noooo I'm a thief not a tort- Interrogatooor!」

He shrugs and mimics Nona, noting her eagerness.

「Well, it can't be helped, can it? You saved my life after all! I owe you a debt!」

She flashes a disarming smile at Straf, tilting her head. He snaps his fingers and points at her.

「That's the right way of thinking! Listen, I want you to go to the capital and look for a bank. You really can't miss it. Inside, there's going to be a grim guy sitting at a desk. Tell him I sent you, and tell him you're going to be the Ministry's new interrogator. Here's some travel money.」

Straf explains, and hands Nona three golden one-drake bills.

「Tell him I said he should make a torturrrr- Interrogation chamber out of the guards' barracks, or the dungeon, or some shit. I don't know. I'm sure he'll think of something. I'd stay longer and chat, but I've got places to be and I'll be pissed if I have to fucking walk there. I'm counting on you!」

Straf heads for the exit, pointing his finger at Nona.

「…Remember, you can't be morally or legally held accountable if you're on the right side!」

He says over his shoulder, and exits the room. Nona places her hand on her chest, and glances at Fost who is long passed-out on the table…