A few moments ago, on a forest road near the Redwing Kingdom's capital…

A horndog on a chain growls menacingly, slavering through its bared teeth. The black-masked man holding its chain is leaning backwards, restraining it with most of his weight as it pants and chokes against its collar in an attempt to jump at and tear apart the two frightened peasants ahead. With their daggers and shortswords out, the rest of the masked men behind the horndog and his handler chuckle.

「I told you, we don't have any money! If we did, we would have taken a wagon to the city!」

The peasant desperately explains, clutching onto the woman's hand. The horndog manages to purchase a step forward, slightly pulling the man along.

「Bullshit! I know you've got something! Me horndoggie's ready to find it!… Better hand it over or I'll let 'im loose!…」

Clankkk!

He tugs at the chain. The horndog chokes and pants again. Standing inclined on its hind legs, its front paws scratch away at the empty air.

「We don't have anything! Not even a single copper!」

The woman shouts back from behind the man, peeking over his shoulder with frightened eyes.

「Eeeh? I don't like liars! You think I'm some sort of a stupid fuck that's gonna believe a tale like that!? No coin whatsoever!? So what were ye gonna live for in the city, huh!?」

He lowers the horndog down to its front legs. It claws at the stones beneath its paws, choking but attempting to press forward nonetheless.

「We were off to visit her family! They were going to host us and give us money for a return trip! Please, just leave us be!」

The man replies for the woman, desperately trying to plead with the highwaymen. The horndog handler manages to catch a glimpse of the woman's low cleavage under her traveling cloak.

「…Alright. You can pay with your wifey then, heheheh!」

He nods, then glances over his shoulder at his men, cackling.

「Hehehe! Good idea boss!…」「Yeah! Go collect some mushrooms for an hour or two! Hahah!…」「Me first after the boss!」

The rest of the highwaymen become rowdier and join him in the hyena-like laughter. While the bandits laugh, the man in front of them steps fully in front of his wife, shielding her.

「…You'll have to go through me first!」

The peasant declares with a tight-lipped grimace, staring at the slavering horndog. The bandits' heads collectively perk up at his response.

「You hear 'im!? Hehehe!…」

The horndog handler laughs, glancing at his men again.

「Heeheeeehehe!…」「You sure you want that!?…」「Look at this idiot! Ahahah!…」

The bandits close in. One of them menacingly twirls his dagger around its axis while holding its point on his finger.

「…I ain't got a problem going through you-」

CRACK-CRACK!… Clank.

Before the bandit can finish his growling sentence, something makes a loud snapping sound on impact with both the horndog's and his handler's head. The chain drops loose onto the road.

「Shit! What the fuck!?」「What just happened!?」「What the fuck!? Is he dead!? The horndog too!?」

They both fall limp like ragdolls while blood gushes freely onto the highway from their heads. After brief swiveling of heads in panic, both the peasants and the bandits stand frozen in shock. They mutter amongst themselves, utterly confused. The peasant takes the initiative and steps forward, letting go of his wife's hand. He stops just ahead of the blood pooling on the stones.

「…This is divine punishment from Mercia herself! A quick and graceful death! It's more than those two deeeserve!」

The peasant shouts, pointing and wagging his finger at the sky with his eyes bulging out. Frightened, the bandits take a step back and glance at each other. The woman turns her eyes away.

「Unless you turn away from banditry, you're next! My prayers have been answered! Mercia is watching! Now what will you do!?…」

The man points at the group of bandits, screaming at the top of his lungs. His voice echoes through the forest at the sides.

「…Repent!?… Or will you suffer her punishment!?!」

The peasant screams, and his voice cracks into a higher pitch as he feverishly wags his finger at them. The group begins to break and back away.

「Shit! Let's get out of here!…」「I thought Mercia doesn't do shit!」「How the fuck did she even kill 'em!?」

The bandits shout amongst each other while dispersing into the woods. Profusely sweating, the man lets out a relieved sigh.

「Was that really Mercia?…」

The woman asks, walking up behind the peasant.

「I don't know, but I don't feel like finding out! Let's get out of here before they figure out I haven't a clue either!…」

He grabs her hand then runs past the dead bandit and his horndog, dragging the woman along…

…

Now, in a forest by the capital's lumber mill…

Stripe picks out a small metal object from amidst the leaves and examines it in her clawed fingers. Furrowing her brows, she turns her golden eyes to Straf.

「Hey, is this it?」

She asks, holding the object up. Straf doesn't react.

「Tsk… Hey!」

She calls out, raising her voice. Straf's head snaps to her over his shoulder.

「What?… No, that's the casing, stupid! If you find any more, just leave it be! Knowing life in this shithole, something will probably eat it and move on!」

He shrugs, scrunching his mouth to the side, then returns back to his search elsewhere. With a sigh, Stripe discards the casing back into the leaves.

「Oh! There it is! And it's not a fucking teapot for once!…」

「You found it!?」

Stripe asks as Straf squats down to pick something up off the ground near the bear's corpse. She stands back up and hurries over to investigate.

「…What is that? Looks expensive- Wait, why is that here?」

She asks, peeking over his shoulder while he's rubbing his chin and staring at a golden, beautifully gem-encrusted bracer.

「Tsk… It's not worthless, but…」

As he stands up, his face gains a troubled expression. He lets out a large sigh before his mouth skews aslant.

「…It lets you talk to people at a distance. They just have to be in your line of sight, and you have to be aware that they're there, so to speak.」

He explains, and shrugs his hands, sounding rather disappointed.

「Wha-? But that sounds incredibly useful!」

Stripe's head perks up in disbelief, furrowing her brows at Straf's reaction. She glances one more time at the bracer as he throws it into his purple vortex.

「Yeaaah… It has some niche uses. I'll give it a whirl later. Come on, let's head back-」

He takes a step away, then immediately turns around back to the bear.

「Huh?」

「…Let me just get this guy's corpse in here…」

Straf grabs the bear's dense fur and lifts it up, adjusting his grip while the vortex opens again, bigger than before.

「Huh!? You're taking its corpse!?」

Stripe shouts, pointing her hands at Straf's [Portable Storage] hungrily devouring the megagrizzly.

「Yeah, I'm not leaving it to rot. There's no free lunch, and I'm not leaving it for shrooms to nibble on. Their mitochondria better work for their food」

He shrugs with a nonchalant bored grimace on his face, dusting off his perfectly clean hands as the purple whirl disappears.

「Mitowhat!?」

「The powerhouse of the cell.」

Straf casually explains and places his hands back in his pockets as he heads back for the city. Only further confused, Stripe shakes her head, blinking her golden eyes at him.

「What cell!? Like in a dungeon!?」

Catching up, she spreads her arms with her brows furrowed.

Snap.

「Yup. You're made of cells that imprison you in this world, and just like a regular dungeon or a prison cell, with enough violent force applied, you too can be freed.」

Straf snaps his fingers, pointing at Stripe while nodding his head.

「W- Wh- What!? Did you completely lose it? What is this crazy talk!?」

Stripe continues slowly drowning in the figurative bog of confusion while Straf metaphorically watches in a folding chair with his arms crossed.

「I'm saying little creatures live in and on you, and they make you sick if they're not on your side. It sounds like bullshit, but it isn't. Trust me.」

With his hands back in his pockets, he glances over his shoulder and returns a quick explanation, then shrugs.

「…And I'm supposed to believe that!?」

She exclaims, staring at Straf with her eyes narrowed and mouth open in disbelief.

「Okay, if that's too advanced for you, just picture the little creatures breaking into your body and stealing your humors, making them unbalanced, or some shit… Whatever.」

He glances at her once more time, then spreads his arms with a pitying grimace on his face. Shaking his head, he puts his hands back in his pockets.

「…Humors?」

She echoes back, furrowing her brows at the yellow leaves at their feet.

「Oh boy… Didn't even get that far, huh?…」

Straf lets out a large, fatigued sigh as his shoulders slump. He sticks his little finger into his ear, and turns it back and forth a few times.

「…My ears still feel like they're stuffed. At least it's getting better.」

He remarks, scrunching his mouth to the side.

「…Hey, can I count on a lap pillow and ear cleaning from you? A little ASMR?-」

With his brows raised, he asks over his shoulder in a casual tone.

「No! You are actually insane! You're actually mad! Try it and I'll kill you! I don't even know what ASMR is! It sounds filthy, just like your whole person!」

Stripe quickly screams back at Straf, then clenches her teeth, menacingly displaying her sharp claws.

「…You and I both know you can't and won't kill me. Too bad, it'd probably help.」

Straf scoffs, turning his smirk away.

「You got that damn right you bastard, killing you would help a lot!…」

She raises her claws menacingly, glaring at Straf's neck with her narrow pupils widening. Just a moment later, she lets out a resigned sigh, her hand drops, and her shoulders slump.

「…I hate this collar so much.」

Stripe grumbles under her breath, walking just ever so slightly behind Straf as they near the forest edge…

…

A few hours later, in the Mage Federation's battle fortress…

Knock knock.

「Hm?…」

A knock on the door pulls the old mage's attention away from the letter he's writing. He adjusts his glasses upon his bulbous nose, and returns his quill to the ink pot.

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

「…Enter!」

He says towards the door with his voice lightly raised. Magnus walks in, and shuts the door behind himself. Magic lamps levitate overhead, illuminating the circular room in a bright, but gentle blueish light. The blue-robed mage approaches in silence, gently bowed with a serious expression on his face. The old man at the desk interlocks his fingers and waits for him to say something.

「…Grand master, pardon my interruption.」

The mage bows in front of the desk, before quickly straightening out.

「I'll forgive it. What's this about?」

The grand master spreads his hands with a light shake of his head.

「I've come to ask… Will there be an official response in regards to Redwing Kindom vassalizing Telas Kingdom?」

Magnus replies with his hands held behind his back. Without saying a word, the old mage takes his quill back into his hand and resumes writing.

「…I believe it is far too early for us to reasonably act in any capacity. That is my official stance on the state of things.」

After a prolonged pause, adding a period to one of the sentences, he finally replies without as much as raising his eyes.

「Grand master… Things will get out of hand soon. First Telas Kingdom, and then who's next? They are now emboldened and holding the whole world hostage with their vile magic!」

The blue-robed mage leans onto the grand master's desk, nearly disturbing his large, perfectly uniform stack of documents at the side.

「If Redwing Kingdom were to begin aggressively expanding, I would then consider taking action.」

The old man raises his tired eyes up to Magnus, then adjusts his glasses again before continuing his scribbling.

「Grand master, they may reach a point where they will be unstoppable well before you finally decide to act. Have the news reached you? They were using new weapons!…」

「I've heard…」

The grand master nods, unimpressed and impassive.

「…But have you heard that they were based on magic!? An entire unit of Telas Kingdom's troops gone in a flash! Literally! And mundane, everyday soldiers had done it!」

「…So I've heard.」

Still impassive, the old mage nods along, listening with his brows lightly raised out of disinterest, rather than anything else.

「Then you must understand how dangerous that is! Their queen must have spent her entire time at the Academy of Magic studying to advance her kingdom's military!」

Magnus straightens out as he exclaims, spreading his arms.

「That is a bold claim.」

The grand master simply replies with a small grimace, causing the blue-robed mage to let out a frustrated sigh.

「Grand master! Queen Redwing is already undermining the Federation's authority, and now she's undermining the natural order of the magical and the mundane!」

Thud.

Magnus slams his hands down on the table, lightly upsetting the stack of papers, as well as the old mage.

「While I agree that she had undermined the Federation's authority…」

Claclack…

The grand master takes his glasses off with a soft clatter of its fine, delicate hinges.

「…One or two advancements in the matters of military do not mean that she's not undermining the… Natural order, should there be any…」

「But-!」

Magnus tries to reply, but the old mage raises his palm towards him, halting him.

「…The Mage Federation is a giant. Being a giant, it moves slowly… It ought to. But when it moves it crushes everything lesser than itself, and enforces its will. Prudence is key.」

He calmly explains with his wrinkly eyes narrowed at Magnus before returning to his letter and placing his glasses back on his nose.

「…But isn't that why we should act sooner, rather than later?」

The blue-robed mage asks after a long, frustrated sigh, straightening out.

「Your opinion has been noted.」

The grand master pauses his scribbling only to say so, then immediately resumes.

「And if I am right and they invade another kingdom, will then an action finally be taken?」

Magnus asks, placing his hands behind his back again.

「You know I respect you. Both you, your faction, as well as your opponents. I will take your opinion into account when considering future actions…」

The old mage replies, adding another period. He sets his quill back in his ink pot, and interlocks his fingers, straightening out in his chair.

「…You also know that I do not throw words out to the wind. I simply do not think it's appropriate to act. At least yet. Is that all?」

He asks, spreading his hands while looking up at Magnus, still showing nary an emotion neither in his voice, nor on his face.

「…That's all, grand master. Thank you for your time.」

Magnus replies and bows his head. The grand master nods, then the younger mage turns to leave. The old man watches him with calm eyes until he shuts the door behind himself…

…

Around the same time, in Redwing Kingdom, on the capital's streets…

With a golden bracer on his forearm, Straf is leaning onto one of the buildings, nonchalantly looking around with his arms crossed. He spots a mushroom vendor talking with a man standing in front of his small table covered by baskets of mushrooms. Straf glances at his bracer, then with his brows raised, he brings it up to his chin while staring at the mushroom salesman.

「…I am Mercia's messenger. I have a sacred mission for you…」

With a smirk on his face, Straf speaks to the bracer with a hushed voice.

「Huh? What?」

The mushroom salesman swivels his head around left and right, appearing greatly startled and confused.

「What?」

The customer asks, furrowing his brows.

《…The man in front of you is an evildoer. Punch his face!》

「W- What? Here?」

Deeply perplexed, the salesman spreads his hands at the sky as a confident voice coming from inside his head instructs him.

《…What's the hold up!? Do it!》

The voice continues to goad him. The man balls up his fist and looks at it for a moment, then at his customer's face with confusion equaling his.

「…What?」

The customer asks as the mushroom vendor steps in front of his table.

Thwack!

Straf struggles to keep himself from laughing while a scuffle breaks out between the two men.

「Break it up!」「That's enough!」

A group of Ministry of Security agents quickly runs in and pulls them apart.

「He fucking started it! He punched me out of nowhere!」

The shopkeeper's client angrily explains while the Ministry agents restrain him, and the shopkeeper.

「I'm sorry! Mercia told me to do it! Turn away from your evil ways!」

The shopkeeper replies, shrugging his shoulders as if he had no other choice.

「What is wrong with you, you fucking madman!? I just wanted some mushrooms! Did you eat some funny looking one on the way here!?」

The irate client with a lump in his cheek shouts back. Chortling, Straf slinks away towards the market…

…

Less than an hour later, at the capital's market square…

Trying to appear nonchalant with a grin on his face, Straf spies a young woman running a fruit stall.

「Fresh apples! Juicy grapes! All at fair prices! Discounts for bulk purchases! Come and have a free taste!…」

She beckons and waves the passersby to come and look at her wares. Straf raises the bracer up to his chin, already suppressing chuckles.

《…Penis penis penis penis penis penis…》

「…Fresh fruits are good for your-! Eh!?」

The woman aborts her shout, and her eyes snap open in shock. She looks around, but nobody is near enough to repeat an indecent word to her.

《…Penis penis penis penis penis…》

「…What is going on?」

She pulls away the cloth draping her stall and looks behind it, only to find nothing in particular. She covers her blushing face with her hands, then looks down at her grapes and apples.

《…Penis penis penis…》

The man in her head continues repeating himself. She notices a banana unfortunately laid out between two apples. Her eyes widen again, and she quickly stacks the loose apples back up.

「Hello! How much for six or so apples?-」

A man suddenly appears at the stall, smiling at her.

《…Penis penis penis penis penis…》

「Peni-!? Hmmnnff!」

Startled, she almost speaks her mind, but before she can finish the word, her hands cover her mouth.

「Eh? Sorry, what was that?」

The man tilts his head, gently furrowing his brows. Still covering her mouth, the woman wildly shakes her head left and right, and her golden, braided ponytail swings with it.

「Are you alright, lady? Your face is kind of red… Are you sick?」

He asks, and the two gain brief eye contact before the woman lowers her gaze and breaks it.

《…Penis penis penis! Penis! Peenissss!…》

「No no no! Everything is fine! I'm alright!-」

She replies, clutching at her dress while trying to suppressing her thoughts to no avail. She realizes that with her head lowered, she's inadvertently staring at the man's crotch.

《…Peeeenis! Peeeenis!…》

「I'm aaaaaalriiiiiiight!!」

Swinging her head about and away from the confused man, the shopkeeper screams at the back of her stall.

「Uhhh… Alriiiight? I'll just have six apples, and I'll leave you be… To whatever it is.」

Now deeply confused, the man narrows his eye at her.

《…Peeeeeeeeeeeniiiiiiiiiiiis!…》

「Sex!?- Six! Six apples! Yes sir!」

The woman nearly gasps when she hears how many apples the man is asking for. She feverishly nods her head, then quickly packs six apples into a paper bag.

《…Peniiiiiissssssssssss! Peeeeeeeeeniiiiisssssss!…》

「Five silver drakes, sir! Please! I beg you!」

The woman desperately holds her hands out for the money with a tight-lipped grimace on her completely red face. Startled, the man searches through his pockets.

「Shit! Uh… Silvers, silvers, silvers…」

He quickly searches through low denomination golden drakes, before finally finding a few silver drakes.

「Here! I hope you get better!」

The man hands her the money, grabs the bag, then rushes away at a pace just barely below running.

「Nnnnnghhhhhhh! Why is this happening!?」

The woman covers her face with her hands and screams into them.

「…Peeeeniiiiis! Peeeeee-! Eh?」

Straf repeats himself in a hushed tone, cackling like a madman while staring at the fruit vendor. He suddenly feels someone tug at his pant leg.

「Mister! My mom told me you're not supposed to say words like that!」

A boy no older than six stares up at him from the side.

「Huuuh? And who are you? My long-lost brother?」

Straf replies with an annoyed grimace on his face. Puzzled, the young boy tilts his head.

「…Is your mom hot, at least?」

Straf asks, spreading his hands. The red-faced woman at the fruit stall takes huge, heavy breaths of relief while leaning on the counter.

「What's that mean?…」

The boy asks, tilting his head the other way. Straf rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue.

「Tsk… Can you do me a favor, kid?」

「Sure! What is it, mister?」

The boy smiles and powerfully nods his head.

「Can you go home and check if you're there?」

Straf asks, crossing his arms with his mouth aslant.

「…Sure!」

Though briefly confused and furrowing his brows, the boy nods again and runs off, away from the market.

Straf sighs and looks at the golden bracer.

「…Well, it was fun for a while at least.」

He shrugs and heads for the road leading back to the palace, but stops after a single step.

「Haaaah… Haaaaaaaah… What was that?-」

The woman mutters out as she takes large, deep breaths, slowly calming down.

《…Penis…》

「Hiiiiiiiiii!」

She jumps up with a high-pitched squeal, covering her ears. Someone laughs in the distance across the market…