Hearing her question, the man re-animates.
「...What the fuck do you mean won't be mad? What happened?!」
「Well, you see… Since it wasn't your time, like I said… The world picks the death with highest probability for you. Since you didn't lead a risky lifestyle, didn't take drugs, smoke, drank only once in a while...」
「Yeah, I'm boring. I get it. Now tell me what the fuck happened. Now.」
The goddess scratches her temple, refusing to look directly at the dead man.
「...You were killed by a flying sewer manhole.」
「What?」
「I can only cause death, not accidents. A car crashing into you was not one of the options. Instead, a sewer gas explosion happened, which launched a manhole into the air...」
「You mean I was killed by a fucking sewer artillery?!」
「...I would not word it like that, but yes. By the time I realized my mistake, it was already--」
「Good fucking grief, how the fuck is that a graceful and timely death?! The gate to my afterlife was opened by a gate to a stream of shit?! Is this a joke?!」
「Now, now. Please calm down. I admit it was a mistake on my part, but it was an honest mistake...」
「You think an apology cuts it?! That's all I get?!」
「I was about to tell you… Since I admit it was my mistake, and since I am a goddess of reincarnation, I can let you pick a world to reincarnate to. Within reason.」
「Huh? That's it? I get to live again? So you can kill me with a sewer again?」
「Please be reasonable. You can pick a world you'd like-- I know! How about one like the ones you are familiar with? With magic, quests to embark on, growing stronger by slaying beasts...」
The man drops to all fours again, with his forehead on the floor. If there is any.
「Ahahaha…. Ha...」
The dead man laughs, cackles, giggles. What started as an almost tearful, fatalistic laughter, turns into a fell chuckle.
「So… You're just going to send me to one of their worlds, huh...」
The golden-haired woman looks down in pity at the man, who is apparently laughing his sanity away. She sighs, also troubled by the situation.
「You can take your time to think about it-」
「Say, you have a boss, right? Someone you answer to?」
「...Yes. What does this have to do with anything?」
The man raises his head, with a murderous gleam in eye and furiously calm face.
「I want to see the manager.」
「Eh?」
Shocked, the woman tilts her head. Now it is her who is slack-jawed.
「You heard me. You killed me.」
He gets up. He points at her, then himself as he speaks to emphasize his words.
「Now you offer me another go? At what? Being a peasant and tilling dirt for some bastard until I die? Bullshit, no thanks. I want a restitution equivalent to the degree I was wronged. I want to talk to your boss about this.」
「No no no no nonononono.」
She shakes her head and waves her hands with fervor. She speaks with index finger outstretched.
「Wait. We can talk this out...」
「I'm done talking. My life was getting good and you made my death literally shit by killing me with a sewer. Get me your boss.」
He crosses his arms, indomitable. The goddess clenches her teeth in a nervous smile and steps down from her throne.
「Wait, we can cut a deal. I'm sure there's something I can do for you so it gets solved right here, right? Okay?」
Her wide-open blue eyes blink rapidly on the verge of panic.
「And why should I?」
The walking-talking angry corpse asks the goddess, as their roles switch and it is him who looks down on her now.
「Ack!-」
She grabs his shoulders, at least the ones he should have, while visibly trembling. Her nervous smile cracked, unveiling outright terror on her face.
「Please, just don't get the Overgod involved, he will just punish me and not give anything really good to you as compensation. Please, just tell me the first thing on your mind that you'd like and I'm sure I could get it done...」
The man stares at her with a stone face in silence.
「Okay. Okay. How about a list of things? Do you want to be born into a rich family? Done. How about some special power? I can make you really unique and strong anywhere I send you to!」
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.
The man remains silent, staring at the goddess as her bargaining grows more desperate and her voice more stressed. She leans into him even more and shakes him by the shoulders, almost revealing too much of her sizable, jiggling cleavage.
「How about I make you reaaally handsome?! I can send you into some comfy world full of beautiful women--」
「...Does this really get peoples' rocks off? Is that the best you can do? A shitty fantasy world, not fantasy as in fantastical, but some forsaken hellhole where they can live out their fantasies-- Are you calling me ugly?」
「Even more handsome! Pleeeeaaaaasee, just don't call him...」
Her lips tremble and her blue eyes grow wet as she begs the sewer grate ingrate.
「...Three wishes.」
「Huh?」
「Three wishes. If you give me three unrestricted wishes, I'll consider it.」
The golden-haired woman sighs in relief as the man makes his demands clear. Color returns to her face slowly.
「If they're within reason-」
「Ha ha ha! Within reason? Was murdering me with a flying manhole cover because you have divine dyslexia within reason? I said unrestricted wishes, or else your ass is grass and I'm a tank truck full of stuff bad for the environment.」
「...Fine. That's if they're possible. If they're not, there's nothing I can do about it no matter how much you blackmail me.」
With a huff, she climbs back to her throne and plops down on it. A faint clap resonates in the silence of the woman's nondescript realm.
「Well? What's the first one?」
「I want you to send me into the shittiest fucking boring, generic fantasy setting you have in your store. I'm talking adventure towns and rats in the sewers. Goblins. Adventurers' guild...」
He counts on his fingers as he looks off into space somewhere, thinking.
「...Crystals that detect your magic potential and explode if it's too high. barely dressed elves with huge fucking tits. Girls with animal ears and bipedal animal men who are more beast than men, but somehow are the same race as nearly human-looking animal-eared girls...」
The goddess tries to remember every thing he lists with a difficult expression on her face.
「Oh! These are pretty important! Magic spells that are only stupid and easy catchphrases! Alternatively, you just iiiiimaaaagine a fireball and for some fucking reason it works!」
Suddenly, he points at the goddess with huge energy in his movements.
「And the cherry on top! I want dead monsters to drop me completely nonsensical items and I want stat screens!」
「...Stat screens? Do you mean numerical representation of aptitude?」
「Is that what you call that uninspired bullshit? Yeah!」
She lets out a large sigh and nods slowly. She's about to say something, instead, she moves on.
「...I'm already afraid to ask, but what is the second wish?」
The man places his fists on his hips, a smug smirk appears on his face.
「I want you to make me extremely OP!」
He exclaims loudly into the foggy, misty, hazy void.
「...OP?」
The goddess furrows her brows and squints, puzzled.
「Completely fuckin' busted, overpowered, broken strong! Naturally! In all aspects, everything! Perks, traits, skills, powers, stats, everything!」
「I can't do that, but--」
「Want me to call him?」
「Wait! I can't do that, but… Since your first wish is… Receptive for it, I could skew some numbers a tiiiny little bit--」
「A fuckton.」
The goddess sighs, slumping into her throne.
「...Haven't you any tact? I was implying I'd give you exactly what you want. However...」
She points down at the man.
「This isn't something I can get around. That's the rule: You have to start at the same level as any other human in that world.」
「Fair enough, but in that case, I want to pick my own stats, abilities, traits - you name it. That's still my second wish, so don't get cocky.」
「...Fine. I should have expected your second wish should be something like this. If you hate worlds like that, why do you want to be sent there?」
「So I can completely wreck the fucking place.」
「Good grief...」
The goddess sighs and places her hand on her face.
「So, what's the third wish? Can't be worse than the first two.」
The man starts cackling again. He grins ear to ear, provided he still has them. This time however, the laugh is nothing short of an impression of a villain at the fruition of his evil plan.
The goddess stares at the dead author with a tight-lipped, nervous grimace. He continues cackling for a minute or two, or perhaps five to six months, depending on one's favored perception of time in this place.
Suddenly, he stops. Silence falls on the ethereal place again, as the goddess anticipates something bad coming already.
He points at her with fervor once more.
「You are going to become the first member of my harem.」
He declares it as a fact.