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【I Shall Now Apply Western RPG Logic Onto Your Xianxia Strategy Game!】
Chapter #40: The Falling Rain Brings A Sudden Tragedy, No Way Hag Conspiracy Girls Is A Comedy!

Chapter #40: The Falling Rain Brings A Sudden Tragedy, No Way Hag Conspiracy Girls Is A Comedy!

第四十回:壺中帶人舉鎬以行,以謠蓋謠阻史重演

Is it over?

On the quiet battlefield, an iron pot wobbles, and falls with a roll on its side. From the darkness of its interior, a familiar single-lined hairstyle gingerly pops out; tiny eyes peeking out at the unnatural disaster that had swept this slave camp.

Mohawk-san only signed up for the easy wins and the chance to maybe touch some fluffy tail. Instead what it got while trembling under the pot was a madwoman yelling about the "Dao of Artillerie". Arrows whiz past its head, seeking the knees and hearts of the duck-faced officers, who melted under the murderous rampage.

That girl was specifically targeting the higher ranking officers in the camp.

How did she know who was who?!

She tore through the camp, sending arrows their way...

... as if they had gigantic names plastered over their heads!

As if that was not bad enough, when the second arrow hit the [Representative's] knee, unceasing volleys of rocks fell like hail from the sky, demolishing the camp and scattering the 【Constitutionally Enslaved】. Without the ducks to hold control over them, those who were forced to fight threw their weapons and armor away just to get away from this heaven-sent catastrophe a little quicker!

Not that the purple-haired biichii has any qualms about murdering the innocent; the properly MK-Ultraed NPCs who blocked her path had a good taste of Madi-san's "Madicratic Trample", melting right into the ground when they tried. That was when Mohawk-san decided that staying hidden was a tactical decision! Tactical! Pursuit was NOT an option! If you live, you do greater things!

The carnage went on for as long as Mohawk-san trembled in the darkness of the iron pot. All its crying, shootoing had to be muffled with both hands and swallowed right back down into its throat. It just knew that at some point, a large host had met up with the madwoman; and from the familiarly grating sounds of it, the three principle offenders that blew off half its arm met up in the camp. There was some argument, some head-slapping, but eventually the three reached a consensus with the host's leader to disperse into the nearby 【Keng Fu Mountains】. Taking the half-spooked horses and the carriages for themselves, they led the muffled footsteps to heaven knows where.

And now... all that was left in the camp were smashed cages that were unceremoniously thrown off the carriages and the remains of stone-torn tents.

Mohawk-man slithers on its belly, almost afraid that Lu Bu would suddenly pop out of a collapsed tent and shout "AHA! We missed one, Aya-chan!" Thankfully, nothing of that sort happened. We had long gone by that time.

There was now a problem.

It had lingered in the pot for so long...

... it became stuck in it.

Shirtless half-body emerging from the pot, it could only extract its body so far, the other half of the body became inextricably stuck in the narrow cauldron-shaped pot! Drenched in steamed bun sauce, it was a veritable gu of unedible stuff now! Whatever gunk Mohawk-san is steaming in, I do NOT want to know!

Tiny eyes desperately searching the camp ruins for something, anything at all that would let it escape its predicament, it spies a single pickaxe, bit biting on some some nearby. With some strenuous effort, it rolls over with clunking imprecision, the handles of the pot getting in its rotund way.

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

Wrenching the pickaxe loose...

Mohawk-san thrusts it deep into the ground in front of it,

dragging itself forward!

Well, that's one way to get about.

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Meanwhile, back at the Red Hare Loft...

"You shouldn't have done that."

"So... more tongue or less tongue?"

"N@^@&#$...!!!"

Hot-faced and bothered, our Neko-chan bursts up from her tall stool at the bar. Eyes drawn in spirals and pulling her ponytails behind her apart, words fail to escape her mouth. Instead, scrambled and undecipherable cat glowie noises is all that is left after translation. Beside her is her "cousin", Daju, who had just very publicly outed their very scandalous and steamy relationship!

"You two are probably wondering why I did what I did."

"... no, but I can guess."

Zhangji pats the back of Neko-chan's shoulders who has by now slumped into head-on-bartop depression. When they left the teahouse, it was still buzzing with conversation about what had just happened. So much conversation that it completely drowned out whatever foul rumors that the white-robed duck scholars were peddling! Seeing that nobody wanted to discuss their agenda, the duck scholars exited the teahouse in a gaggle, complaining about 'the unwashed and uneducated masses' while on the way out.

"If you want to beat a rumor, confront it directly...

... and use an even bigger rumor to cover over it!"

Zhangji knew this logic well. It was paraphrased from the basics of the Dao of Ryuu. The texts not only taught the way to bend the natural world in a Daoist's favor, but also ways of treating people and accumulating influence. The 【Cult of Black Bandanna】 had always focused on the former, only to find that this particular wellspring of power had been sucked dry and gorged on by obvious parties.

The power of the ryuu extends to all corners of this life. But it took someone truly scary in order to use it in that way...

"But. Why, me?!" The publicly humiliated catgirl is distraught, waving her arm and pointing fingers around while half-crying. Gripping the underside of the bartop doesn't help, Neko-chan! The bar stays firmly in place, a marvel of modern DEX-based construction! "You could have gotten Zuixu, even Zhangji to do it---!"

At this moment, Zhangji recoils backwards, white braids nearly knocking into the glass bottles behind her!

"It wouldn't work as well if I told you beforehand... besides this is..."

"... because of Lady Bian...?"

The grey-robed Ying-onee steps out from the entrance's direction, having returned from her very sus disappearance from the entire affair. She holds her usual accessory with both hands behind her back; a long horsetail whip that sticks out from behind her at an upwards angle. Only this time, the tip of her horsetail whip is dyed a dried red, maybe Ying-onee was having 【Blood Tofu】 [1] for breakfast and got some on it!

This oddity did not go unnoticed by Daju.

"Normally I would want to know how you still remember that name... but I'll turn a blind eye to it for now." Wordlessly approving whatever Ying-onee was up to, Daju sighs a breath of relief.

The immediate threat had passed.

She was among friends and...

quickly darting a cat's eye at the now seated Ying-onee...

... sort of friends.

Tightening the sidetail that pulls her orange coif up...

"Gishishishi! it's just a kiss, cousin! We have much larger things to worry about!" With a snap of her fingers, Daju lightens the mood for everyone except the inconsolable Neko-chan. Your cute voice-in-the-sky feels for you Neko-chan! I've lost count of the number of yabai things that Madi-san has forced upon me already!

"Certain people... are fooooollowing a very ugly script. It feels tooooo me they want to re-enact a certain death!"

"No doubt, this is the work of Xun and Cheng of 【Ji City】!"

"Right! Only Xun and Cheng have a flair for this sort of theatrical stuff!" Daju snaps her fingers once more, praising the astute Zhangji. It comes as no surprise that the 【Cult of Black Bandanna】 have had multiple run-ins with the two names mentioned, having been in 【Yan Province】 for so long. Countless cultivators have been forced into their iron braziers and met their grisly, blazing demise there. It had just so happened that old enmities had coincidentally lined up with each other here...

... or was it?

Strategizing and plotting were not her forte, so Daju's mind remained a mystery to her. How far was she planning ahead? How far was the 【Taisho】 able to see into the future? Zhangji wonders silently, from the very time that the orange catgirl brought the remnants of the 【Cult of Black Bandanna】 into her fold, things had been moving fast.

Too fast.

As if... Daju had planned all this from the very beginning.

Unlike Ying 【Jishi】, Zhangji was not in the know what Xun and Cheng were up to. Nor was she privy to the 【Taisho's】 secret history with whoever this Lady Bian was. Like a yacht that relies only on its sails for movement, she could only be buffeted by wherever the winds bring her now!

"Then, are yoooooou prepared for what comes next in this script...?!"

Peeking an eye out from under her arms, this was the part of Lady Bian's story that Neko-chan did not hear from Daju. "... 【Taisho】, what are you up to?"

"Oh nothing much, cousin..."

Daju playfully makes a slicing motion across her neck...

"Just a little 【Jing Ke Presents A Severed Head】 [2]!"

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TERMINOLOGY

[1]【Blood Tofu】- Or 【Pig's Blood Cake】, is a squared shaped delicacy made with dried pig's blood.

[2]【Jing Ke Presents A Severed Head】- 【荊軻獻頭】, Jing Ke was an assassin who lived during the time of the Warring States period. He attempted to murder the Qin emperor by presenting the head of Kanki as bait. "How do you even KNOW this, Aya-chan?!" "Imagine not reading 「Kingdom」, Madi-san!"