第二十四回：君得賢謀如魚得水，玛蒂滋事誘引劣謀
"Is giving commands to NPCs really that big of a deal?"
Apparently so.
For Ying-onee had just fallen through the water she was hovering above with the 【Dao of Ying】, so much for 『Heart Still Like A Moon Reflected On Water』.
"That's it! That's the Dao that the ryuu has bestooooowed upon you!"
Bursting from the water, Ying-onee shakes my shoulders while REEEEEEing, as if it was some miracle of the heavens. When I think about it, I've been able to command my six-guys quite easily from the very start. I thought it was just a quirk of this game world. Neko-chan can do it too, can't she?
"I don't know her well, but 【Guardian Mineko】 clearly has prior training." Zhangji is clutching the tray close to her chest, a mixture of awe and amazement on her face, "For us, who seek to end 【Cancellation of Humanity】, being able to command the 【Cancelled】 without training and artifacts is unheard of. It took Ying 【jishi】 and myself many years of cultivation before we could command our own 【Fang】. By then, the rebellion was already winding down..."
"The strategist oversees the wider battlefield,
they cultivate plans and tactics swaying the flow of battle.
Rulers who gain an able strategist are said to be 【Like Fish In Water】[1]!"
Alright, that was pretty scary coming from you, Ying-onee! What happened to your lisp! Why is it that whenever you get excited your whole tone of voice changes? I really preferred it when Zhangji did the explanations!
Although...
That does sound quite fitting for smart and cute me. As long as I don't have to go onto an actual battlefield, I'll be happy! I won't have to do that, right? R-right?
By now, the bright orange late afternoon sun had already begun its downwards slope beyond the mountains. Drying ourselves off, we'll make it back for opening night at the bunnygirl club if we set off now. It has been a long, tiring, day of training and madness. As the other two jibberjabber away at my ear the possibilities of being a strategist, I popped off a funny question:
"Is... using your brain a rare thing in your world, Zhangji? What happens if you have an incompetent strategist...?"
That one came off as a little offensive. I hope the other two walking side by side with me didn't notice! I didn't mean anything by it! Honest! I'm just rather curious, it doesn't seem like you would have much use for a strategist if you had people who can use their 【Qi】 to cleave mountains like that dragon back there. Personally, I think that Ying-onee's phantom limbs have much more practical use!
"Without a good strategist, you are looooost! Loooooost!"
I suppose that's one way to answer (misunderstand) that question. Alright, 「goodo」. They didn't take offense. I'm always really scared whenever it feels like a piece of [Reckless Ayaya] comes through. I kick myself in the heart with my back foot to get her to stay still. Ying-onee is a little too excited about this, and starts crowing once more about practical use of strategy on the battlefield.
I don't know much about actual tactics or strategy, but I do like reading psychological manga though! Does that count?
As we walk, the two share with me stories about prominent battles the 【Cult of Black Bandanna】 fought in. Each time they were surrounded and on the verge of losing, their former 【Great Teacher】 would always find some way to allow them to escape with their forces intact.
Taking in all those stories and their exaggerated descriptions of how their big-brained 【taishi】fought her battles, yet another funny thought came into my mind.
Perhaps...
... you can use 【Qi】...
... to enhance your thinking?
Suddenly, the image of Madi-san pops into my mind, tapping the side of her glasses with her finger and proudly proclaiming: This is big-brain time!
"Ahahahaha!"
I don't share this ludicrous thought with the other two. If such a thing were possible, even an idiot like Madi-san could suddenly become a 300 IQ genius!
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"... and this, generals, is what we call 【Brave, But Foolish】" [2].
We turn back the pendulum back to when the sun still hung in the noonday sky. The snake-eyed strategist stands atop the prison-keep's stone gatehouse, completely outstretching her hand with an open palm facing the sky. At her side are girls in heavy scaled armor resembling highly reflective, oddly colored crocodile skins.
I don't know why certain self-important people like to do this, don't they realize that they look like absolute dorks? Not even of the adorable kind, even. It gets worse when they put one arm behind their back like our "strategist" here, I guess some people never grow out of their chunni phase.
I promise I will never do that, by the way!
The pompous strategist motions in the direction of the strange riders moving below, three idiots riding on two horses. She had no idea who these people were and why they were here. One wearing little more than a tube across her chest; the other in skintight whites. Showing off their thighs, chest and shoulders like that, she just knew that their outfits were reprehensible, and her angry, jealous gaze followed throughout.
"... get DUCKED! Get DUCKED! Get DUCKED!"
"Give us back Ora-sis!"
Circling around the stone keep is the makeshift rescue team of Madi-san, Annalie and Neko-chan. Madi-san is smacking on a copper gong held up by red string in one hand, striking stick in the other, reins completely thrown to the side. The horse gallops on unsteadily, often threatening to throw the madwoman off.
On the other hand, the more equestrian Annalie rides closer to the keep, armed with a simple longpipe that was leftover from the club's construction.
Poor Neko-chan however, is completely out of her comfort zone, clinging on to Annalie's back as they ride in circles around the keep, just out of arrow's target range.
"Oracion! Stop jobbing and come out! Annalie and Neko-chan are here!"
"Madison's here too! Shout something, Neko-chan!"
"I want off this ride, nyargh! I want to get off this ride...!"
She looks down at the offending party with incredulity. To come out alone into 【Rei Ditu】 territory was either the height of folly, or supreme confidence. Were they here for the pink-haired prisoner? The Chimera Empress didn't leave instructions after the last prison warden messed up, beyond 'just leave her body in one piece, its special, you see'.
"You! Come down and fight! Come down and get DUCKED!"
The purple-haired troublemaker, Madison Delaroux points and shouts at the snake-eyed strategist standing above.
No matter how powerful, these three alone would not be able to breach the keep's walls. It would be another thing if they had siege engines, but there was no sign of that in the treelines. She only had to wait for the empress and the 【Fangs and Claws】of the land to return. With her power, the rebels would have to dismount, bind themselves, and surrender.
What were these rebels thinking? The strategist didn't have much time to think, as the insults started being hurled upwards at her, more effective than any siege weapon that could be mustered!
"Annalie! You see that one up there?!"
"Ehahaha! I see her, Madison!"
"She looks like the kind of person who isn't very popular!"
"Nyargh... She is kind of generic looking...!"
Even without understanding, she could tell she was being insulted. How could she let this insult slide like that? All the strategists of 【Rei Ditu】 were Master Debaters. She would shout back, but her hand was still outstretched and to retract it would be an enormous loss of face and dignity. It would seem like she were acceding to this venomous, hateful trio.
Of course, the coup de grace was only just coming...
"You tell her, Neko-chan! She looks like she slots into every deck!"
"Ehahehahehahe!!!!!"
Of all the insults...
That one, she couldn't take.
Steam pours out of the strategist's ears, who just had her purity insulted.
Pounding the top of the stone wall she is watching behind, she could no longer take this din and mocking laughter.
The purple haired one in particular aggravated her so.
"Who will go out and catch these clowns alive?!?! Five 【Karuma】 for the one who does!"
One of the orange-armored generals from behind her steps forward from the shadows. Clasping her hands with a dramatic swivel of her white cloak, she loudly proclaims, "This one shall go and capture the purple-haired rebel!"
"Good! A silver★star for you!" The strategist calls out, pinning a worthless silver star to the general's empty cape. I suppose gold stars are in short supply after all. The general kneels in reverence as it is affixed, hands still clasped as she receives her prize.
"Now, set forth, and crush the disrespectful rebels!"
As the grilled gate is raised, the gong clanging become shriller, now mingled with the beating of drums within the keep. There was no need to move the army within, it would be like 【Using A Stone To Beat An Egg】.
Instead, we shall dispatch of these rebels with a show of force.
It will be good for morale.
She can already feel the free 【Karuma】 coming in.
ENTER.
An orange-armored rider charges forth from inside the keep, long spear in hand. A vaguely draconic hard-helm covers both sides of her face, held by a chinstrap that vaguely resembles the bottom of a dragon's jaw. Scaled armor glistening in the sun, the rider rears its horse, pointing the lance towards the sky, before shifting the tip downwards, pointing resolutely at the three rebels ahead.
"Watch, and cower, rebels! You face a mighty warrior of 【Rei Ditu】!" Snake-eyes declares from above, hands still outstretched amidst the increasing tempo of dramatic drumbeats.
The proud and the mighty warriors of 【Rei Ditu】 always start off a duel with a pronouncement; a ritual where the high and mighty announce their titles and accomplishments to awe their enemies!
The rider brandishes her weapon, slashing through the air,
"Warrior. Snake-kin. Hiss-Hiss. Fourth Gen. Vore. Pred. Unbirth. Anti-AIEEEEACK---------"
A round steel shield takes flight and cracks the underside of the general's jaw; knocking her off the mount before boomeranging upwards and smashing against the wall snake-eyes was hiding behind.
Rock crumbles and falls, the shield lodged firmly into the wall.
Her spear lets loose and spins circles in the air from the impact before embedding itself into the ground tip-first, right next to her unconscious head! She didn't even have a chance to cry out, but those watching from the gatehouse above sure did!
All immediately fell into hushed silence.
Even haughtily raised arms had to be lowered in shock.
Nobody had ever interrupted a pronouncement before.
Madi-san moves her index finger left and right in a 'tut tut' fashion, as if blaming the strategist who is now staring mouth agape for the catastrophe which had just happened below.
"Not kinkshaming... but keep le bizarres fétiches to yourself!"
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NEXT WEEK: Three Is All It Takes To Raid A Keep, What Kind Of Character Setting IS Bone-setting Anyway?!
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TERMINOLOGY
[1] 【Like Fish In Water】 - 【如魚得水】 , to describe the necessity of having a good strategist akin to fish needing water. A very Three Kingdoms specific term that refers to a specific ruler and his strategist. - Author-kun
[2] 【Brave, But Foolish】 - 【有勇無謀】, describes a person who takes reckless actions without thinking. That sounds just exactly like Madi-san doesn't it! Who else could this epithet be made for?