第七回：大橘舉宴細測異圖，吃撐鴨飯意在屠龍

"Please eat up, big heroes!"

"THAT'S more like a welcome!"

Madi-san is reaching across the round wooden table for the the top of a three-layered bamboo steamer, greedily dumping all of its contents onto her plate before diving in like the shameless barbarian she is.

After escorting the orange tabby catgirl back to her city, Neko-chan insisted for us to be more appropriately dressed for a thank-you dinner, courtesy of our orange-haired【taisho】. Loose, flowy, comfy robes replace the tattered and sand-beaten rags which have been on us since we were isekaied. After a light bath which involved fending off Madi-san in the showers, we found ourselves seated at the dinner table of a private room.

"Madi-san, a little table manners, please...!" I silently whisper an『Itadakimasu』[2] for our host, who has retrieved a meat bun from the second layer of the steamer and is now nibbling the top while curiously looking on.

image [http://static1.squarespace.com/static/62cd15458bbca47144469710/62cd15995860f00f7cf2cc5e/66950289b30494681a4a4e25/1721041815355/20240715184848_1.jpg]

> "Yu Daju (虞大橘), 【taisho】of... where were we again?" - Aya-chan

This is the【taisho】of the city currently playing host to us, Yu Daju. [3] Matching our Neko-chan's height of four and three five chi, her deep orange hair is tied in a high side-coiffure not unlike those of high-class 『oirans』[4] in the past. A pair of twinkling cat irises bespoke of golden dreams and perhaps a wish for more, much more. Her dressing is simple, just a figure-hugging red dress of [Old Continental] foreign tradition. Gold imprints adorn the dress, which closes up in a pearly button near her neck. A similarly elaborately designed ornament adorns the top of her bangs, clipping her hair to the right. A floaty light purple shawl goes around both her arms and behind her, seemingly defying physics while at it.

"Irredeemable rascal...! You can't even let the 【taisho】eat first?" Neko-chan, Daju's supposed 'cousin' wags an accusatory black tail at Madi-san who looks up with a peeved 'what?' on her face.

"My thanks to you too, cousin. If not for you..." Daju swirls her small clay cup containing tea with a woody, soothing flavor around in her hand, casually bumping shoulders with Neko-chan sitting next to her, who promptly turns beet red and and turns her head away, muttering "N-n-n-, It was my job, nyah!"

Well, isn't this a happy scene. I suppose if my guys could partake in this feast it would be better, but even seated at the table with a dining set in front of them, they refuse to eat, and sit there like motionless statues, awaiting a next command.

"Are the appetizers not to your liking, sister Ayano?"

As Madi-san and Neko-chan engage in a chopstick battle for the yellow-wrapped dumplings at the bottom of the third steamer, Daju must have noticed me fiddling with my bowl and not taking a bite.

"W-well, my detective's instincts are telling me to... ask some questions of you...!"

"Please, feel free sister Ayano. Helped by [Hereticates] again and again, unthinkable, yet here we are. I'll be happy to answer anything that I can~"

Heretics... that's another question I want to ask, but more importantly...

"Where are we?! What is this place? Plus, no offense to anyone, but why is Neko-chan here as well?!"

"Why, haven't you realized, sister Ayano?" The 【taisho】puts her clay cup to her mouth with both hands,

"This is hell."

"E-e-excuse me?!?!"

Neko-chan turns at this moment to the 【taisho】, in Neko-chan's right hand are a pair of chopsticks holding the final piece of gold-wrapped dumplings high up with a pair of chopsticks, while Madi-san attempts to scramble and paw at her from across the table.

"【taisho】, Lady Sane is not a very comedic person."

"Gishishishi, it is quite apt, though?" Swirling the half-finished tea in her cup, she crosses her legs. I cannot help but notice that the side slits of her traditional dress goes all the way up to her hips as well, perhaps it is a common fashion in hell. For a cat in hell, she is taking this quite lightly, with a slight smile on her face.

"This is the furthest border region of 【Dusi Kuodo】, one of the three kingdoms that make up this land."

Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

"Hey!! I heard that name before! The fat duck mentioned it...!"

Please don't speak with your mouth full, Madi-san, Miss Starlight would probably yank you up by the back of the collar if she could hear you now.

"You've met the 【Inspector-Magistrate】... What is it that it calls itself these days? 'Noble and just'?"

"S-something like that..." Although the fat duck can hardly be called as such, that is indeed close to whatever it was calling itself.

"If you are here, then you two [Hereticates] are what passes for 'reinforcements'." Our orange-haired host laughs bitterly.

At this moment, Neko-chan gives a small cat-like hiss.

"Ridiculous. This city is caught right in the middle of 【Rei Ditu】 and 【Tu Tie】's sights. It is 【Dead Land】all around. Defending this city is an unjust hardship meant to..."

Daju softly holds a hand up to stop Neko-chan mid-sentence,

"No matter what its intentions, I have a reason I cannot move from this city. As do you, cousin."

"Humph."

At this moment, there is a knock on the paper partition that closes off our private room; a pair of NPC girls dressed in flowy robes similar to me and Madi-san's bring in the main dish. Like my guys, I cannot see their eyes either due to their bangs. Madi-san lets out a whoop of delight casting eyes on it the dish being presented to us,

Duck.

Roasted duck complete with crispy brown-orange skin, lathered in sweet sauce and plated spectacularly with greens and lemons at the side. Another pair of NPCs bring in a medium-sized porcelain cauldron of fragrant red soup, made of azuki beans, garlic, carrot and lightly stewed ribs.

While the presentation is beautiful, my mind cannot help but wonder and wander towards Daju's now discerning eyes...

... this catgirl is testing us.

Wordlessly, cautiously, but very clearly purposefully, she made the main dish...

... duck.

Madi-san wastes no time giving the main course the good ol' Delaroux taste test, which is to scrounge the best parts of the duck for herself first!

Am I overthinking things? I can't help but feel like there is too obvious a message here. If this city is under Ducky Mcduck's reign, isn't eating something made in its image a tad...

"Its good, though." I munch on the perfectly roasted skin, putting my extraneous thoughts aside.

"I did say that their love for trouble aside, I can vouch for these two, Daju."

"I know, cousin, but one can never be too careful..."

So it WAS some sort of test!

"Eating duck is a capital offense in 【Dusi Kuodo】, you know. Been banned since the【Inspector-Magistrate】took charge."

"Don't care, its deelish!!" Savoring the taste with eyes closed and head raised to the air, Madi-san devours her bowl of rice and motions for an NPC to pass her seconds.

"Gishishishi, you [Hereticates] are quite different from any [Hereticate] I've seen..."

"Oh yeah, what IS a hereticano anyway?!"

"I almost forgot... I explained it to cousin once---"

"--- essentially us. Outsiders, deviants and those who don't fit into the [Three Kingdoms]." Neko-chan, having taken an appropriate share of the food, sets down her chopsticks to explain. "Especially, people like you, [Exposer of Conspiracies]."

"Moi'?"

"Those with deviant enough thought patterns are given a punishment that turns them into 'these'---" Daju waves a hand at my guys, who do not respond in the slightest.

"... [Cancellation of Humanity]...?", I gulp.

"You catch on pretty quick~" Daju is onto her second cup of tea now, Neko-chan having poured one out for her. Madi-san raises her cup like an orphan asking for more, but Neko-chan just thumps the entire kettle in front of Madi-san, much to Madi-san displeasure.

Ah.

Ahahaha.

So me and Madi-san were supposed to not have begun our little adventure at all. We were supposed to have been nice, lobotomized little puppets straight out of a yabai manga with the 「mind control」tag slapped on! For once, I am grateful I am sharing narrative powers with Madi-san because Ayano's NPC arc would NOT have been a fun thing to go through!

"Cousin here has been telling me that you all hail from--- where was it...?"

"[Vespana]."

"I've never read of this realm in texts before, it must be really far away!"

Neko-chan opens one eye to peer at her 'cousin' mid-swallow, as if wanting to correct her, but stills her tongue.

"Somehow, the three of you are immune to being 【Cancelled】, truly remarkable, wonderous even!" Those copper-gold eyes of Daju's light up with a different kind of emotion for the first time in this conversation, not unlike a person who has seen a light of hope at the end of a long tunnel.

"Of course! We're the ducking Dragonxxxn!" Madi-san stands up on her round stool to make her exaggeratedly poignant point. "Some low level illusion spell isn't going to work on actual players!"

"...? I don't quite understand..."

"Please ignore Madi-san, just ignore her when she starts babbling like that."

"I concur."

"Hey!! Why are you two ganging up on moi'?!"

"Are all hereticates like this, cousin?"

"Oracion and Annalie are a little more rational than the [Exposer] here."

Neko-chan's off-hand remark catches me by surprise.

"The other members of [Trono Palido] [1] were isekaied too...?"

"Isekaied...?"

"Transported to this place."

"In a way... yes, but..." Neko-chan cautiously replies, hesitating to continue,

"Then, let's get the ol' gang back together and go kill a dragon!!" Madi-san thumps the dining table, causing her cup to spill over on the table.

It wasn't the only cup that got overturned that night.

Our host, who had been listening calmly throughout the whole night...

... saw her clay tea cup fall from her hands in shock.

Uh oh.

I don't think you should have said that, Madi-san. I am quite sure this isn't something you can 'nanda, nanda' your way out of...!

Madi-san shrugs her shoulders and looks at me,

"What??"

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NEXT: An Honest Talk Among Merchants Immoral, Do You Still Remember That Great-General's Name

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Terminology

[1] [Trono Palido] - The faction that protects Vespana's capital, New Coimbra. For all their secrecy, any New Continenter can instantly recognize their signature white cloaks.

[3] Daju's Name - The kanji for her name directly translates to either "giant orange" or "orange tabby cat". Either way, its way too fitting...

Go Go And Learn Moonrunes With Aya-chan!

[2] 『Itadakimasu』- Or "please enjoy the meal!", we usually say this before we eat! It's only polite! Madi-san, are you listening?

[4]『oirans』- Ladies of the fine arts who play music and perform entertainment in the long distant past. They are usually very highly-educated and classy!