第十六回：笑谈摆花小忍报失，祭师登台眇伪巫女
"A lot of things happened last night...
... but this person is my under-guy now."
"【Hooooi】--- ureeek!"
I jab an elbow into Ying-onee, who botched my instructions to just 『hai』 and try to get away with it.
Madi-san is fully distracted with overseeing the bunnygirl club's rapid construction. Yesterday's scaffolding had already been removed and foundations have been placed in a speedrun that would rival Hideyoshi's feat at Sunomata. [1] Workers are moving about the upper floors while Madi-san waves colored wooden sticks to get them to move the tatami in faster.
"Whose biichii this is...? You look... kinda familiar??" Madi-san pulls her face up close, scrutinizing Ying-onee's heavily made-up face, half-shaded by the bamboo hat she wears.
That's the thing about Madi-san, she has a really hard time remembering people's faces. Its so bad that if her roommate suddenly let her hair down and donned a maid costume one day, she would believe that a completely different character had appeared in front of her!
"Ying-onee's just a competitive flower arranger who has so kindly agreed to help us as a bunnygirl."
I recount a tale of Miss Ying, Daju and me competing in a flower arrangement showdown last night to Madi-san. Ying-onee was in such awe of my 『rikka』 skills that she immediately 『dogezaed』 out of respect. The details are not important, you wouldn't know what tatehana are, Madi-san. Isn't getting people to run the bunnygirl club more important? Let's not ask too many questions!
Madi-san looks Ying-onee up and down, but eventually her alert levels fade and her IQ goes back to normal (which is zero).
"「souka」, 「souka」, you are wise to join our gang, future bunnygirl-Ying-onee!" Clasping Ying-onee's hand in both of hers, she shakes them up and down in rapid motion. It seemed as if all enmity had never existed in the first place; truly the bunnygirl club is a net benefit to continental peace!
Honestly, I can't believe that worked.
"What did you say, Aya-chan?"
Absolutely nothing! Nothing at all! Stop reading my mind, Madi-san!
As Madi-san directs the NPCs offloading wagons of materials that are coming in, Daju also comes by the construction site. The very sight of the 【taisho】 just walking normally while stretching her arms was enough to make Ying-onee take an involuntary step back in shivers.
Relax.
Relax...!
Daju won't do anything to you in the open!
"Are you getting along with the new helper, sister Madison?"
Daju makes a sideways glace at Ying-onee, who attempted to crow something about "GOOOOD MOOOORN---" before I stepped on her foot. Truly, if you're going to be my under-guy, you're going to have to learn to shut up at some point...!
"Ehehehe, we have to wait for the bunnysuits to be fitted first...!" Madi-san scrutinizes the plans she has sprawled out over a workbench. The number of design sheets have multiplied since last night, now replete with lightly watercolored mockups of the interiors, it seems that someone has been busy at work! She traces her fingers over a checklist of items, matching them to the designs and pouts lightly.
"Right now... something's missing! It should have been here by now." Quibbling with a brush in her mouth, she turns around and leans back on the workbench with both arms propping herself up behind her.
"... and what would that be, oh great Madi-san?"
"The dance pole."
Come again?
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"The dance pole!!"
"What's a dance poooole----- REEEK!"
A dance pole! Is a modern invention that allows beauties of feminine grace to politely display their artistic abilities on a stage appropriate for their artistic talents! A construct that requires great strength, dexterity and athletics to use properly...! Only those who have reached a certain level of proficiency in controlling their core strength can truly be called 'pole dancers'...!
"Soooo this 'dance pole' is just an artifact for use in cultivation..." Ying-onee puts the fingers of one hand to an eye while tapping her manicured eyebrows, making a show of understanding what I had just explained to her, but she just doesn't get it!
"What did you say about culties...?"
I have to pinch Ying-onee's thigh to remind her that Madi-san does NOT like culties! We went over this when I saved your hide last night! Can't you see Daju's just waiting for a single unreliable moment from you and then its back to the comfy chair for you?
" To 【修生炼气】 [2] is to strengthen one's boooody and mind through repeated efforts...!
That is the cooooore of Dao, the cooooore of cultivation... is to progress!"
Words that ring so true they could have somersaulted and cleared clouds in the sky, just like how my irises are rolling back into my head right now.
Madi-san seems to think otherwise, for she steps forward and grasps Ying-onee's hands with great respect,
"You DO understand!
So you are a true grinder, just like me!
Aya-chan, look!
Here's someone who DOESN'T skip leg day, ehehehe!"
You... I... forget it!
Not even daemonic hellhounds can explain away this misunderstanding at this point!
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"Yu 【Taisho】, a problem has arisen."
All of us except for Daju whirl around searching for this deeply feminine voice which has come out of nowhere.
"You can speak freely, Ou Nygai. We are among friends here."
Following the direction of Daju's gaze, we find the owner of the voice, lying flat on a nearby wall, one arm and leg hanging lazily off the side. While she speaks, she merely turns her head to face Daju's general direction, as if she were allergic to proper conduct. Not having much of a choice since she is facing her paymaster, she slowly lifts her upper body up, swiveling on her hips to face us with legs dangling below the wall.
This giant of a girl laid out at five and four chi. Sitting up while rubbing a bare navel of sagacious, but well-toned rolls, a tight top overlays dark fishnet stockings beneath. Her medium orange-brown hair is flipped outwards, billowy bangs hang across her sleepy, nonchalant head. A pair of micro-shorts made of cowhide tanned brown are unable to contain her voluminous hips. If Madi-san's thighs could crush a cat, this new face has thighs that would be rated weapons of mass murder!
How did we not notice her when we arrived...?
"... a mass of 【Cult of Black Bandanna】 cultists have gathered."
Immediately, Daju and (me) look towards Cultivator Ying, who is holding out her hands and shaking her head. If she could speak my ancestral language, she would be calling for '「boku ja nai, boku ja nai」' [3] right now.
"They have newly set up an altar and are blocking transport."
"Is that so..." Daju puts her hand to a cheek, orange tail swishing on the ground. "East of us?"
"East, near the roads to 【Xu province】."
"That explains the delays. NPCs don't delay their work for no reason.
Sister Madison, I fear that our dance pole..."
Madi-san has her gamer moment, pounding her fists on the table. Then, our great leader resolutely lays down an edict of great bravery and decisiveness,
"Aya-chan! >You go get it back!!"
(Me)?!?!
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East of 【Pu'yeng】, on the road to 【Xu province】.
An altar three hundred and sixty steps high has been constructed of layered wood. It scales towards the skies like a pyramid missing a pointed top, its square base extends upwards in step-like levels unto the top level, where offerings, incense and cheap ceremonial goods are placed. The only luxurious thing at the top is a thinly erect structure obscured in red cloth, thoroughly out of place with the structure and built on a separate base. Black banners flutter in the wind, placed at the four corners of each level. A central stairway all the way up has been constructed to mark the front-face of this massive structure. At the bottom, a large group of NPCs numbering four by fifty sit on the ground, heads adorned with black bandannas. They sit in silence, awaiting that which is about to happen next.
A chibi-sized girl with white braided hair ascends the altar. Clearly a cultivator of higher rank within the 【Cult of Black Bandanna】, her yellow robes trail to the ground, oversized pass-me-downs that they are. She ascends slowly, not because of her inherent dignity as a 【Jishi】, but because she is afraid that moving too fast would cause her to trip and fall, tumbling all the way down the altar. Shakily hoisting herself on each tall step with all her leg strength, she solemnly swears that she will cut future altar sizes in half when her cultivation reaches that of a【Taishi's】.
When she finally reaches the top, she clasps her hands in reverence to the Great Teacher who had suddenly appeared in their midst. It had been a daring raid on a 【Lei Ditu】 transport when the scattered and desperate remnants of Zhangji's division found the Great Teacher by chance. Accidentally breaking her out of the confinement box during the skirmish, the Great Teacher called forth black lightning to strike at the beasts assaulting the disciples of the Black Bandanna.
"Great teacher, the disciples would hear from you now."
The Great Teacher she spoke to, face still hidden in half-shadow sits before the altar's offerings; she tears a bite into a 【rousong】 steamed bun, gulping it down in one swallow.
"Ehhhh... Don't call me that, Zhangji...!
Back home in [Vespana],
I'm just the priestess of a small church!"
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NEXT: An Nalie You Better Give Us Back Our Dance Pole, We Totally Did Not Infiltrate This Place We Were Invited By Ying-onee
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TERMINOLOGY
[1] Sunomata - Legend has it that Toyotomi Hideyoshi built an entire castle overnight in Sunomata. How did he do it? Magick and good strategy, probably.
[2] 【修生炼气】 - 'To strengthen your body and cultivate your qi'. I know that Zixu explains this in the immediate sentence, but I thought it was important to point out that really early on in Daoism, taking care of your body was as important as the supernatural part of it. - Author-kun
GO GO AND LEARN MOONRUNES WITH AYA-CHAN!
[3] 「boku ja nai, boku ja nai」 - Means 'it wasn't me!' You can even singalong with this if this was an anime opening!