第九回：黑貓令車兵定大局，天下無腦直蹦懸崖
"What exactly did the 【taisho】say to you two last night?"
"Hmm, hmm, wouldn't you liek to know, Neko-chan!"
On deserted planes and a sun that barely peeks out of the mountainous skyline, a shaded chariot surges through the sand. Pulled by a pair of yellow-tan horses, it carries three riders; one riding up front and two seated in the back.
"No, I wouldn't 'liek' to know from you, [Exposer]." Neko-chan rolls her eyes, her diminutive back facing us. "Ayano, what did the【taisho】say to you two last night?" Holding the reins of the chariot, she urges the horses to go faster, wanting to traverse the sandy plains before sun is completely up.
This two-wheeled chariot is clearly not made for war, as its open circular seating is lightly padded with cheap cushioning. Beneath our seats are low cabinets for storage; upright at the center of this chariot is a large fluffy orange umbrella which forms a canopy blocking out sun and dust. It would be comfy if the chariot wasn't rocked by every small pebble on the sandy, unpaved road, bouncing its passengers (me, in particular) off their seats every so often.
"Daju said she'll support us if we help her in return." I say, holding on to the chariot's central pole for dear life, a little afraid that if Neko-chan decides to suddenly swerve, I'll be thrown off the ride!
"That's not a bad outcome, considering the [Exposer's] tendency to offend."
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!" Madi-san, who had her feet propped up against the central pole, snaps up and standing, shaking the unperturbed Neko-chan on her shoulders from behind.
"What's YOUR outfit supposed to mean? Couldn't you have put on something decent?"
image [http://static1.squarespace.com/static/62cd15458bbca47144469710/62cd15995860f00f7cf2cc5e/66951ab2735e742b2896729e/1721048366339/Promo_1.png]
> Madison's new outfit, sans the bits that will get us demonetized on the veetubes.
"「Bakamite」! Bikini armor... is the strongest!" Madi-san tugs at one of the bra straps of that excessively flashy top that leaves very little to imagination, which when released, snaps back with elastic fervor. Equipped with light gauntlets and gaiters, her combat outfit is little more than a bra and a short belted skirt.
Madi-san probably would have gone out in full barbarian-tier armor if I hadn't made her put on SOME metal plating for her ginormous chest at least, pointing out that we COULD get demonetized if we tried to stream this not on Txxxch. While a little reluctant, Madi-san oh-so-graciously accepted this "training weight" so she could "conceal her power levels" until the final boss fight, whatever that meant.
Sometimes, when /v/ logic fails, you have to rely on /vt/ logic to convince an idiot.
Every day I thank the veetuuba gods for just making up rules that let me twist Madi-san's arm, sometimes.
"At least you have your way around her, Ayano." Neko-chan grunts, not understanding how wearing less armor gives you more protection. (It doesn't)
"Oh yeah, oh yeah! So long we're talking about battlin' with no protection..." Madi-san put a finger to her lips, "Where are Annalie and Oracion? They got isekaied too, didn't they? Are we going to meet up with them now?!"
The formerly glowing catgirl opens her mouth to speak, hesitating, then gave us a very [GLOYW Agency] [1]-esque summarized breakdown of what happened to the other [Trono Palido] members:
Neko-Chan's Field Report, Dated XXXXXX, Location ????? (Vespana?)
1. Neko-chan, Oracion, Val-sama and Annalie were investigating a case in [Arcadia]. She somehow doesn't remember the details, except that the last thing Neko-chan remembers were the lights going out.
2. Neko-chan, Oracion and Annalie woke up together, surrounded by three armies targeting them. Val-sama either did not get isekaied or ended up in a location separate from the other three [Trono Palido] members.
3. Neko-chan, Oracion and Annalie fought their way through the forested ambush, reaching the edge of a flowing river. It was deemed impossible to breakout of a thousand-person encirclement, so the person most likely to survive would escape, while the other two covered for her.
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"That makes sense, Neko-chan's the only one to survive multiple Wrestlexxxia moments, ehehehe!" Neko-chan for once takes her feline eyes off the road to glare at Madi-san behind; even without words, I can make out her mouthing "its YOUR fault all THAT happened!"
"So Oracion and Annalie threw you into the river to buy time..." Deep in thought, I can't help but feel there was something familiar and strange about this story. "Then there's no guarantee that they are alive, right?"
"Oh they're alive, alright. The way the enemy formations moved, and the weaponry they used... they were looking to take us alive."
Madi-san scoffs haughtily, making light of this serious moment, "So Oracion jobbed... AGAIN! I bet she's indulging in her whole 'teehee your sorceress-princess has been kidnapped in another castle' schtick while chained to a wall somewhere! Leave Annalie out of this, Oracion, Annalie is pure!"
"Who knows. After fighting off more ambushes downstream, I was pretty much exhausted when the【taisho】found me and took me into the city secretly. Whoever set all this up didn't plan for that, apparently."
The chariot hits a large bump in the road, causing all three of us to momentarily bounce in our seats. The long talk and small b-hop did a little jolt to my grey matter...
"Madi-san and I were isekaied here in cages..." Tapping the side of the seat in tandem with my deductions, "People were expecting [Trono Palido] to mennifest-isekai into this world to... do what with them...?"
I shudder at a realization that Madi-san apparently has come to too, arms crossed under the extended plate armor of hers.
"Neko-chan, do you think there's some sort of slave trade that involves 『isekaijin』, people from other worlds?"
Neko-chan falls silent, not knowing how to answer. It was a possibility for sure. Up ahead, a small cliffside encampment slowly comes into view. the sun had not fully risen yet too, a score for Neko-chan's driving skills.
"We're here." Driving the chariot into the camp, guards similarly outfitted like the ones back in the city let us pass. Neko-chan hops off the chariot, opening the side-door for us.
"I don't care for what deviant device this place is up to..." Neko-chan says, letting Madi-san hop off first; she breaks into a roll on the dirt, ending with a "tadaa" pose just to show off her athleticism. "The last mission given to me was to rescue Oracion, Annalie and Valerie, if she's here too. Gather intel, then we find a way to back home."
Accidentally tripping on the chariot sidesteps, I am lucky that Neko-chan caught me in time. I am still wearing the loose robes from last night, but I'm going to put a reminder in to have my dress altered so my robes don't reach all the way to the floor, thanks!
The tiny encampment appears to have been hastily set up at night by the NPCs patrolling it. Based near the edge of a cliff, flags fly a 『kanji』I cannot read atop the small, white tents that make up this forward base. While the foundations of the camp are not of the best material, it is orderly constructed and maintained. Judging by the numerous weapon racks that dot the encampment, ready for battle at a moment's notice as well.
Everything considered, this camp does reflect Neko-chan's personality.
"Alright, where's the cultist we have to kill?!"
Neko-chan, who had taken word from the NPC in charge of this camp, motions for us to get back on the chariot. An unneeded somersault from Madi-san later, we move silently at a slow trot to the edge of the cliff.
"There." Neko-chan points below the cliff.
Wooden fortifications have been built into the cliff-face our own base overlooks. The fortifications are tri-layered, wooden platforms wrapping themselves around the cliff like naked jump platforms. The steady "chink" of pickaxes over bended bodies tell me that this is a mining operation of some sort. About fifty personages are spread over the three levels, some mining, some pushing carts on the sloped wooden connectors between levels, and some sorting out the obtained ore.
If there were anything that looked like it would lead to a confrontation with a manga arc's boss, it would have to be that suspicious wooden door built into the cliff face. Two large black banners with maple-red words I cannot decipher give hint to its importance inside this shady mining operation.
"[Black Bandanna] NPCs..."
I point out that every personage down there had a black bandanna on. We can't quite tell from their faces if they are human or NPCs from this distance, but the uncanny rigidity to schedule and motion left me with no doubt in my mind.
"Listen up, according to the 【taisho】's stratagem of 【Occupying the Heights to Seek An Advantage】[2] , we will observe the [Cult of Black Bandanna's] schedule, formulate a plan, and launch a night raid in five echelons. This will minimize the number of NPC losses on our side to a maximum of seven... ... ..." Neko-chan goes into a detailed plan on how to properly deal with NPCs in group combat while minimizing losses, but Madi-san is not one for patient plans.
"Yeah, but where's the cultie? I don't see a quest marker."
"She will be the most obvious outlier in this camp. We can't miss her. It is likely that she's somewhere in the camp, resting from previous wounds. Continuing on..." Neko-chan attempts to wave Madi-san off, but as I said, patience is not Madi-san's virtue.
"What's stopping us from going in NOW?!"
"Ayano, would you mind your friend?"
"Madi-san don't you want to perfect this round? You DO want to have a nice clean, battle where nobody gets hurt..."
"Screw you guys, we've had THREE chapters of non-stop yapping, already!"
Why do I hear battle music in the background?
Madi-san seizes the reins of the chariot, bowling Neko-chan into the backseat with me; armed with neither license nor tact, she wheels the chariot around, horse-facing the edge of the cliff.
No. Stop.
Stoppu. What are you doing.
What are you doing Madi-san?!
No amount of cat hissing and detective head-holding can stop Madi-san now, as the horses break into a rapid move...
... towards the edge of the cliff.
"Remember kids, you only get to do this... if you are literally Lu Bu!"
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NEXT: Everyone Around Me Is Incompetent, The Enemy Officer Requests For A Duel!
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Terminology
[1] [GLOYW Agency] - Neko-chan's old workplace. A bunch of laughless jerks who wear suits. (most of them, some are okay, though!) Also, they glow.
[2]【Occupying the Heights to Seek An Advantage】 - 【居高臨下】, if you are high above, you can observe the enemy's movements and attack from a position they cannot reach.