第三十八回：水軍謠濮陽遭壁咚，謊報戊辰忽憶飛將
Rumors are the first blade of the battlefield.
"【Yu Taisho】, wait!"
Zhangji is pantingly running behind the pair of catgirls. Seeking to move fast and strike at the rumors, the three are headed for the teahouse. There, terrible things are being spread through the【Water Brigade's】bills!
Except... Zhangji knew that a direct confrontation was exactly what the 【Water Brigade】 wanted. Why was the 【Taisho】 playing right into their wings?
Even before the trio step into the teahouse, the displeasing sound of rabblerousers making their rounds of pre-packaged points are like hot chillis pressed to the ears. Dressed in scholarly white robes, these brown ducks loudly quack half-untruths to the NPCs just trying to have breakfast!
"... so you see, that's how this coin-rubbing, friendless orange cat became 【Taisho】, on the back of her dead friend!"
This is the brigade's technique: [Consensus Cracking]! [1] Even if nobody here held an opinion unfavorable to Daju before, the ignorant NPCs could be swayed and led like the sheep they were! First, the white-robed shills introduce ridiculous claims and rumors to see what sticks. Nobody would believe a baseless rumor... except...
There are brigade shills everywhere.
Upon hearing the trigger line, it was time for the second agitator to act. It ruffles its overweight feathers and quacks a weak support of Daju, dribbling in insincerity, "Quack! How can that be? You might even say that she is very good at using people!"
A third white-robed shill stands up, slaps the table with its wing and shouts, "That's ridiculous! The best you can say is that the whorecat doesn't treasure her friends! She uses them up like like wet silk, am I right, or not right?!" Honking and clapping of wings intensify, followed by calls of 'so brave' from the obvious shills.
First, introduce a ridiculous concept. Then, introduce a softer, more believable untruth. This way, the NPCs will be more likely to believe this weak untruth, only because it is compared to the nonsense before! To the untrained ear, it seems like the ducks are having a loud, unprepared, but 'reasonable' conversation, it is simply a coincidence that all sides wish to paint the truth black!
If there are two sides to a story, control both sides of the conversation!
Well done shills, well done.
However...
... have you forgotten who you are slandering?
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Daju's sudden appearance perplexed the shills. As did her longblade-wielding companion, who looked upon the loud-mouthed ducks with abject fury! In the short time that the 【Guardian】 appeared in 【Pu'yeng】, the black-haired catgirl laid down the law on the many troubles of the city! The shills' employer had even specifically told them to avoid the 【Guardian】 as much as possible.
Oh, there's an extra girl with white hair.
But she wasn't in the package.
Probably not important.
The trio take up a seat near the center of the first floor, against the eastern wall. As she comes in, Daju greets the residents of 【Pu'yeng】, some even by name. Completely unperturbed and ignoring the shills, she seems to be far more interested in getting her companions to decide whether to have 【Siew'mai】[2] or 【Fish Porridge with Roasted Peanuts】 for breakfast,
Quack!
That could not do!
What good is a psyop, if the target of your psyop doesn't care at all!
Just as the lead duck is about to flap its bills once more, Daju suddenly turns her head and looks straight into its beady little eyes,
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"Why, if it isn't Ya Mou! Are Xun and Cheng paying you well in 【Ji City】?"
[SFX: Zawazawazawa]
Quack!
H-how did she know?!
With one sentence, Daju had just defused the duck's fear-mongered momentum!
Daju wasn't greeting the residents by chance, she was showing off her well-built foundations within the city! She didn't directly name their employers by chance either, she even named where they came from, painting them as the outsiders! And not just any outsiders, outsiders paid in dubious coin to do one thing...!
Outsiders spreading rumors in the city!
Not a good look!
[Consensus Cracking] is a far weaker technique if you know that these opinions are bought and paid for! Its like whenever there's an AAA release, Aya-chan! The shills ALL come out of the woodwork on /v/ and use the exact same OP pic! They have to go back!
"Its the accent. And their manner of speaking, Zhangji." The shopkeeper had served up tea for their table; Daju passes a handful of coins to the grateful shopkeeper before continuing, "The Duck Clan enjoys employing scholars and their ilk for this sort of thing. I'm just a simple merchant, so..."
Standing up before the morning crowd, she raises a cup with both hands, "As everyone knows, between my money and my life, Yu Mou prefers... money!"
It was clearly some sort of inside joke in 【Pu'yeng】, a little secret that the outsiders were not privy to. The white-robed ducks look around bewildered at the laughing crowd, not understanding the lengths that Daju would go to bathe in coin, quite literally.
"Daju, its not safe to..."
Just as Neko-chan puts a hand on Daju's shoulder from behind, the orange-haired catgirl had one last thing to prove.
[SFX: don!]
[SFX: hwaaaaa!]
There is no warning as Daju suddenly turns around, one extended hand smashing the wall at the side of Neko-chan's face! Now pinned against the wall, the red-faced Neko-chan is too flustered to get a word out, Daju never mentioned anything to her about this!
image [http://static1.squarespace.com/static/62cd15458bbca47144469710/62cd15995860f00f7cf2cc5e/66cd188062a1144022a1e661/1724717349337/Catgirl+Kabedon.png]
"W-what are you two doing by the wall?!"
This, this is... 『kabedon』! 『kabedon』! The super effective technique of pinning a girl against the wall with your arm and trapping the target of your affection to... to...
Our orange-haired catgirl drains the rest of her cup, tossing it away in the air. Coming close to Neko-chan's face, so close, too close that their irises are practically touching! Neko-chan's mouth is moving, but no words come out! Even Zhangji is covering her eyes with both her hands, peeking at the animalistic scene between her fingers!
"Warmup... is complete!"
"N-n-n-n-n-n-what warmup?!"
A pair of cat tails, one orange and one black are caught and entwined with each other.
Pulling close, this yabai scene can only end one way...!
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Emergency change of scenery!
/Conspiracy/ Girls is PG13, after all!
Let's rewind the clock and get as far away from this yabai scene as possible.
Elsewhere, a completely different set of misunderstandings are spreading.
At a separate encampment blocking the way into 【Yan Province】, an unrepentant mohawk-dude kneels and clasps hands before a cyanic-robed duck. Seated proud and pompous in its command tent, heavy bead bangles hang over its thick and non-existent neck, scratching the underside of its throat.
[SFX:Fwip]
"【Bao】! An army of three thousand suddenly descended upon our forward camp!
The dastardly villains attacked us for no reason in the night!
Our 【Water Brigade】 fought bravely and valiantly, but eventually the numbers were too much!
We beseech the great [Representative On Mission] to do us a great justice!"
That was a lie of course. In truth, it was only three girls. Me, Madi-san and Oracion.
There is some gall in Mohawk-dude, to make a false report exaggerating by a thousand times.
Keeping proper numbers probably meant nothing to those in charge of running 【Dusi Kuodo】, they are changed and modified to suit the whims and fancies of the Duck Clan at any given moment. This ignoble practice probably spread downwards as well, resulting in a cycle of half-truths where everyone lies to each other constantly and nobody knows what is going on.
Who would believe that an entire encampment was destroyed by just three girls anyway?
For the unfortunate and gullible [Representative On Mission] however...
"THREE THOUSAND!!!!?"
"Maybe more!"
Three thousand troops greatly dwarfed the number of troops (real) stationed at this encampment. Taking into account that official records usually exaggerated by a factor of ten, that was still no small number to deal with! Even if this base camp is pitched in favorable terrain, back facing a cliff, the very thought of fighting was frightening to this duck!
Almost having a heart attack as blood failed to pass through fatty, choked veins, the [Representative] took a turn off before recovering.
"This needs to be reported to the Central Raft, now, immediately, with haste! Do you still remember their names and faces?"
"This one has engraved their faces in one's heart!
The pink haired one called herself 【Puyengman】...
... the other one called themselves Lu Bu!"
[SFX:THUMP]
Upon hearing the last name, the [Representative] did a double take. Now completely falling backwards in its seat, it also knocked over the small low table before it, spilling over half-eaten tendies.
"Quack!? But... Lu Bu is dead!"
[SFX:THUMP]
The Mohawked coward did not understand the significance of the name, it was only here to collect a paycheck and screw off. But it appears that there was some weight to the person who held that name!
[SFX:THUMP]
Slapping itself with its wings while still lying on the ground, the duck had to do a barrel roll over in order to right itself.
The newer conscripts did not know, but the elders certainly did. They all witnessed the execution of the so-called "god of war". His last moments, weak, pathetic and cowardly. Dead, dead, dead! The dead do not come back to life!
And yet... what was this fear?!
It was a primal, foreboding sort of fear!
No amount of blaspheming and rumor-mongering...
... can wipe away a true warrior's legacy!
[SFX:THUMP]
"And what is that infernal noise outside?!"
[SFX:THUMP]
Brushing past the still kneeling Mohawk dude and lifting the tent flap, the [Representative] wished it never asked!
Lu Bu... is coming!
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NEXT: The Great Mountain Escape Shall Now Commencer, Artillerie Is Literally Magick In Isekai!
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TERMINOLOGY
[1] Consensus Cracking - Interestingly enough, this is a real thing. Can it be learnt? Not by a Jxdi. Its pretty scary when (you) realize that certain search engines have completely wiped this phrase off the internet... - Author-kun
[2]【Siew'mai】- 【燒賣】, a traditional dumpling of seasoned meat wrapped in yellowed dough