第六回：陰謀少女大戰祭師，亂敲鍵盤白吃TK
They say that the best laid plans fall apart on encounter with the enemy.
I say that even if you had a watertight 100% foolproof super★awesome plan...
... it would not survive meeting Madi-san.
"Hmm hmm... YOU must be the cult leader!" Madi-san points a knowing finger at Generic Witchcrafter #01, hopping off the damaged catapult. As she speaks, the bodies of the NPCs she gave a beatdown to slowly melt into the ground; removing themselves from the battlefield. Curious, but not entirely unreasonable, considering all I've seen so far.
"... if I beat you, do I get a mega EXP boost too?"
"What is the meeeeaning of this...? Small and leeeettle one, who is this?!"
I do NOT appreciate being called 'small and little', I prefer 'super cute and awesome', thank you very much!
Cult Crone #01 looks to me with a visible anger vein popping in her forehead, as if I planned all this! Surely you can tell from my slowly backing off with hands up that I definitely did not!
"Ahahaha, this is all a misunderstanding, a big misunderstanding, you see..."
"Aya-chan! What are you waiting for?! [Wakeup 626+P] [1] the cultie NOW!! I call NEED on the loot btw!"
Way to blow our cover Madi-san! Do you not realize that I am currently standing in front of a potentially VERY dangerous individual, not to mention I was on the verge of extracting some vital info from this miko-cosplaying hag who is totally glaring at me with the kind of fury reserved for the relative of a deceased at a crime scene?!
There's no way to salvage this...
"Tactical retreat---!!"
My guys didn't even wait for the horsetail whip to come swinging diagonally downwards--- Pulling me out of harm's way by a single hair's margin, I have to treat these little guys to a meal if I get out of this alive. Half-staggering, I stumble back to Madi-san's side to smack her in the side of the head.
"Good going, idiot!"
"Nanda?! Sabotaging the siege engines from behind is a time-honored Souls tradition!!"
"Maybe pick a better timing, then!"
While we bicker, Cult Haggist is swiftly drawing some sort of formation in the air before her, streaks of shadow criss-cross with each other in foreign lettering, before being rounded off with an elaborately large circular stroke reminiscent of a painter finishing off a painting, albeit with a ridiculously oversized brush made of pony tail.
"Such arrogance, for one so without, to challenge a cultivator---"
A chill wind blows over the camp, snapping the command flags hoisted atop the black tents. Despite the chill, there is not even the lightest breeze. Then, as if on command, the sands below us start shifting ominously, drawing spiral-like circular movements unprompted.
We would later learn that this particular technique is a common usage of Dao, the 【Skyward-Returner Technique】. Those anguished circular markings being drawn on the sand are no carvings of coincidence, for they are all too human-like and scream of imminent danger---
"You all, watch out!!! The [Dao of Ying] can return the fallen to life...!"
The warning came loud and clear from the orange-haired catgirl still stuck inside the cage. There's no time to debate how badly we are messing up here, since translucent ghost-like limbs are now rising from beneath our feet! They make an attempt to grab at our ankles, but Madi-san reacted fast to the tip handed out to us:
"Out of the way, Aya-chan!!"
Madi-san shoves me away with a gigantic chest bump, bowling me into my guys, who catch me in freefall by my arms.
"The same trick..."
Now dashing forward, stance low and straight like an arrow's shaft, Madi-san makes an attempt to rushdown the dumbfounded culty hag, who probably expected us to now be struggling with phantoms gripping at our ankles!
"... won't work twice!"
Leaping clear over a circular abyss of writhing phantom limbs tinged in dark purple meant to trap her with an absolutely unnecessary cartwheel, she lands straight in front of the horsetail whip wielding wiichii!
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
"Think FAST..."
Madi-san makes a whole bunch of nonsensical movements with her hands in the air, the kind that an amateur pugilist would make if they were mad drunk and hungover at a party involving intellectual BDSM and goatmask-wearing rave-attenders!
"... DUCK!!!"
I too am dumbfounded how this always works.
Upon hearing Madi-san shout out her next move, the utterly befuddled Major Culty actually ducks, going into a low defensive stance...!
... and eats a knee to the face for her troubles.
If we could have a three-camera slow-motion replay, I would have liked to get into the mind of our Cultmaster Generico who got absolutely btfo by the technique Madi-san calls a [Mix-Up] [2]. No amount of magick, Dao, Ryuu, Ying or otherwise can defend against this...! Specks of saliva and spittle fly out of the victim's mouth on impact, oft-wondering what exactly is it that they did wrong.
Should they have ducked?
Should they not have ducked?
In truth, there is no good decision, you have to make an honest guess what your opponent is going to do next. If your opponent is Madi-san, you might as well toss a coin and call it. Especially in the split-seconds when an incoming knee threatens to cap the side of your face, making a rational decision like that is pretty hard to do. By the time she wraps her hands against the back of your head, the window for teching the throw is long over.
The violento impact sents Culto Supremo flying, crashing into the cage behind her, where the blindfolded cat girl is cheering us on.
"I'll have you know... RPGs are just a hobby, I play fighting games!!"
Madi-san puffs her chest out in taiga-knee stance, one knee raised in anticipation of the cultist's follow-up.
A follow-up came, but from the most unexpected direction...!
Now looking positively haggard, eyes bulging like a broken marionette, Miss Leads-A-Cult staggers to one knee, using the cage as support, looking deathly mad at her assailant who is tauntingly doing spin-step movements on the spot. If you have that much spare energy, come and help me stomp off these emerging phantoms that are going grabbity-grab at me and my guys!
"By the way, that wasn't even my main...!!"
Just then, a familiar catfooting in the sand runs up from behind us, her tiny hand slaps the back of my shoulder before it speeds past me. The blur switches into a two-handed grip, holding a blade easily twice the size of a familiar catgirl's frame. Even if she is dressed in strange-looking armor, there's no mistaking this overhead stance...!
"... you duck, [Exposer of Conspiracies]."
Contrarian she is, Madi-san refused to do so until the very last moment; right up when the sidewinder shimmers loudly with an illuminating glow, releasing a crescent wave of magick aimed directly at her!
"Woah~"
Madi-san does slide, albeit forwards in kneeling stance, both knees propelling through the sand! Her back lurches back impossibly as she folds her arms and looks square at the uncalled striker, spine contorted in a convex arc. Looking from the side, I would have thought she was doing one of her daily "bridging core" exercises if it wasn't for the dire situation we find ourselves in.
The crescent of magick hits Generic Cult Hag #01, taking off both the upper half of her body and the top of the cage she is supported by. I thought that was the last we would have seen of her, considering that both halves of her body melted into liquid shadow after being stuck by that fatal blow. Those shadows then dissolve into nothingness, not unlike how the [Cult of Black Bandanna] members melted into the ground after being felled.
"Hmm, hmm! Avalon's been teaching you some nasty stuff!"
Madi-san and I know this catgirl.
The black-haired catgirl stands at four and three five chi, her bobbed short hair is tied up in a frizzy bun behind her head by a yellow ribbon with two tails. Two alert cat ears twitch furtively, carefully considering the situation. Her fringes are cut neatly above her steely golden-glint eyes, which look with serious disdain upon the fun-having Madi-san. Tight leather armor clings to her tiny body, optimized more for speed than defense, ending in a short, starched, fighter's skirt that does not flutter in the wind. Even in isekai, our catgirl refuses to wear pantyhose, instead opting for thighhighs and 『zettai ryouki』[3].
"I knew it, you two, again!!", our formerly glowing catgirl hisses.
"Yes, moi', Neko-chan! How did YOU get isekaied into Sxxxxm?!"
The aptly named Neko-chan is our acquaintance from [Vespana]. Madi-san has a long history with her, starting from when Madi-san threw the then glowie agent codenamed "Agabamiya", now our lovingly renamed Neko-chan, off the top of a roof. Since then, she's had a career change and face turn working in the major faction [Trono Palido], but that's a visual novel for another day.
... and somehow she's now here with us. Grumbling, and serious-minded as always.
"Neko-chan, say something to prove you aren't an NPC?!"
image [http://static1.squarespace.com/static/62cd15458bbca47144469710/62cd15995860f00f7cf2cc5e/6694f09260af4c6767f93701/1721037087235/220327+FUCKTRIBRIGADE.jpg]
> [FLASHBACK] "Remember kids, don't try this at home!" [END FLASHBACK]
"Fifty-six bones...! You broke fifty-six bones in my body when we first met, [Exposer of conspiracies]!!" Neko-chan makes angry cat noises to show her displeasure at being made to remember, pointing her blade at the still grinningly reverse-bridging Madi-san, "Don't think I'll forget THAT anytime soon...!!"
"Yep, that's our Neko-tachi, alright!"
I have about a thousand questions right now, and all of them are interrupted by Neko-chan shouting towards cage which had its top sliced clean off.
"【Taisho】, are you alright?"
The orange catgirl pops up inside the wrecked cage like a cat-in-a-box, the ropes which had been binding her wrists sliced cleanly in half. Taking off her blindfold, she meets eyes with Neko-chan, the pair of orange catears above her head twitching in excitement,
"Cousin! You know of these [Hereticates]?"
"They are... unfortunately acquaintances."
"Hey! Don't sell us short like that, Neko-chan!"
Ahahaha...
Cousin?
I look to the left at Neko-chan, who has now sheathed her blade horizontally behind her and returned to looking grumpy.
... and I look to the right at the radiantly beaming orange catgirl.
Cousin?!?!
How does that even work?!
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NEXT: The Duck Is Delicious And Hides Hidden Intentions, Why Hide It I Want To Kill A Dragon!
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Terminology
[1] [Wakeup 626+P] - Apparently if you input this command you will be able to retaliate against enemies who are standing directly above you when downed. Don't try this at home. At the very least, do it on a fightpad!
[2] [Mix-Up] - Where are you blocking? Where are you blocking? Hey, hey, where are you blocking?? Basically a mix-up is a sequence that makes your opponent guess which direction to block! If they keep holding back without thinking, they eat a full combo to the face! Simple! If you think that's hard to get, wait till we get to doing [Cross-Ups]!
Go Go And Learn Moonrunes With Aya-chan!
[3]『zettai ryouki』- kanji:『絶対領域』Refers to the yabai bit of flesh that goes between a short skirt and thighhighs.