第三回：人格取消网暴行事，绫乃顶嘴肥鸭遭束
It truly is refreshing to wake up and find that your humanity card has been revoked. Truly, 『subarashii』[1], a marvelous experience!
"Your rights as a human...
... have been CANCELLED!"
Having declared such, the much-misshaped duck up front once again slams down its paperweight on the tortured table. Thankfully tables cannot speak, it doesn't look like it can take much more Nina-tier abuse from Count Duckeroos.
"You! You look like you are not satisfied with the JUDGEMENT!" Sir Ducks-A-Little points that paperweight in the direction of my face, which is currently munching on dust.
Well, no... What exactly does cancelling of humanity mean? I didn't quite get the whole list of crimes you made up against us, and I'm pretty sure that at least three of them were not crimes.
"I'm still not sure what crimes against humanity Madi-san and I have done, so could you repeat..."
I had merely asked for a repetition of blue truth, but you would have thought that I asked for another serving of Peking Duck made with the innards of Justice Quack's ducklings! (if it had any) Like taking an imaginary arrow through its heart, the monstrous visage takes a webbed step backwards, stumbling, tripping, falling over the brown teakwood chair behind...
... and crushing it to splinters with the weight of a thousand servings worth of [Foie Gras] [4]!
"Aha...ahahahaha..."
It... it's a natural reaction to laugh here, right? Oh no, that's quite mean. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh at the terminally obese, I mean--- that's not nice ------- Ahahahahaha!!! Who am I kidding!!!!
Duck that guy!
I'm sick of eating dust on the floor! When are these humorless guards going to keep their mitts off the back of my head already? I swear, if I had a nice stabby right now, I'm going to peel the skin off that duck and then... [FILTERED]
"Woah, [Reckless Ayaya] coming out the gate early! Ehehehe~"
">You should stop laugh laughing yourself, Madi-san. You're not in much better straits."
"YOU DARE!"
There it was. Magistrate Ducky had managed to get up assisted by a pair of visor-faced guards. Aside from a few wood splinters now lodged in its butt, I'm quite sure that it was fine, considering how boisterously it is hoarsely quacking right now. Quivering with rage, shame, and anger, it now repeatedly beats the poor table, paperweight in hand. I do wonder if there is a hotline for furniture abuse, if there is, please dial it right now!
"Excuse me, could you please calm down, Justice Duck?" I close one of my eyes to deactivate [Reckless Ayaya]. "All I asked was that you repeat..."
"I HATE REPEATING MYSELF!"
Flecks of speck and spittle flies out of Magistrate Duckface's bills, making me thankful for once that we are thirteen steps away over TCP/IP connection. There's no reason to be upset, is there? Show me where the cackling witch hurt you on the Furudoll, please. Which detective made you repeat blue truth and caught you in a logic trap in the past?! As Madi-san says, that's a "skill issue". I find myself rapidly losing respect for this oversized quack and that's not even [Reckless Ayaya] speaking at this point!
"Hai, listen, nobody is offending you, Monsieur Longbill, so if you would let me continue..."
"I HAVE A NAME! [huffing intensifies] "
Seriously, it doesn't matter what your name is right now...! We aren't THAT close! More importantly, are you okay? If you have another aneurysm, you're going to fall over the chair splinters and get hurt again!
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
"IT IS THE HONORABLE AND JUSTICIOUS, TU FEIYA!"
[SFX: Zwing~]
I'm pretty sure that "justicious" isn't a word. I'm even ashamed that our names share a single syllable. And can a biichii get a word in here? I'm sorry. It's just, is this a courthouse or a fish market? If you would kindly PLEASE hear me out here for a bit, maybe you'll see that whatever you are accusing Madi-san and (me) of is patently absurd.
"If I may be permitted to speak..."
"IF YOU TALK TO ME AGAIN LIKE THAT, I'LL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER SPEAK TO ME ON MY SERVER AGAIN!"
"Alright, listen here, you fat---" I was about to reactivate [Reckless Ayaya] when the "ehehehehes" from beside me started growing with such intensity it cannot be ignored.
"Oui, oui! Fantazztic, Aya-chan~ Ehehehe~ THAT'S the proper way to deal with a Dxxxxxd mod!"
Madi-san I don't think that's one of them Diss-Cord mods you are provoking right now, but my train of thought is interrupted once more---
"YOU DAREEE?!?!"
"I double-dare!!!!" Madi-san gives the cyanic-robed guard pressing upon her a swift kick in the gonads, causing it to roll over haplessly to the side, before standing upright and swinging her hips from side to side to get the dust off her.
"Look, heavily modded Sxxxxm aside... We're the ducking Dragonxxxn." Madi-san says that as-a-matter-of-fact, as if anyone in this isekai world would get her. But I digress...
"...just point us to the nearest dragon so we can kill it and absorb its soul, ehehehe!"
A chill silence falls over the court.
That was not the reaction I was expecting.
The guards all freeze in their tracks, like their circuits had been turned into fried chicken. Even Magistrate Ya is shocked into a blubbering mess, beak opening, closing, then opening again, but no words came out this time, not even a third "THOUST DARETH?!"
Instead, it falls to its knees (?) on the ground, prostrating to something imaginary in the sky and raises both feathered wings from under long sleeves in obeisance to the skies.
"Ohhh great ryuu, hereticates...! Hereticates have come to this land!" , it heaves and wheezes to catch its breath; then continues breathlessly, "The great--- Dao--- of Ryuu--- has been insulted------- has never been so insulted--- in over three hundred years...!"
My eyes narrow upon hearing that strange lament.
「Ryuu」?
I... know what that means. I think? By the way, what's a Dao? It all sounds really confusing and I wish I can just look it up on my phone. I am guessing they don't have phones here, because Madi-san is equally confused by this reaction as well!
"Hey! Make up your mind! Is this Sxxxxm or is this Dxxk Soxls?!?! Are we Hereticanos or Dragonxxxn?!"
Clutching the side of the now beaten-to-death wooden table, Justiciar Waddle grits its teethless beak as if we had just openly proclaimed that we are going to murder their entire family, right after this nice family dinner and rose-scented entrée!
"Heretics-heretics-heretics-heretics-heretics...!!!!!!"
"Okay, Hereticanos, then! 「Souka」, 「Souka」[2], this is just like that Vigilant mod!" Madi-san nods her head knowingly with both eyes closed, as if she understood something important.
"So... what's the problemo? We kill the dragon, everyone gets big fat pay raises, me and my accomplice get a nice house in the suburbs. Classic Sxxxxm heroine's journey! Don't worry, we'll pay for it even, just make sure we get one in a nice district! Accept my trade offer, maybe?" Madi-san turns around and sticks out her butt to the feathered judge in front, wiggling and beckoning with her cuffed fingers at the aghast tyrant.
"【閉嘴】!"
Some mystical windy force from the front bowls the back-facing Madi-san over, who loses her balance and topples atop of me in a heap!
That was magick. I am sure of it...!
But... it wasn't any magick that followed [Vespana] rules for sure...!
For Madi-san's mouth had become inexplicably forced shut by some greenish slime covering the whole of her mouth, now only able to angrily move her jaw up and down while mutely glaring at the duckfaced character in front of her!
"Cancellation of humanity... too good for hererereretics...!" Duck Justice clamps down at a feathered wing, flattening a piece of paper atop the battered table. In blood and sinew, our new punishment is drawn up.
"From here on you are not only CANCELLED...! You are now [Constitutionally Enslaved]...!"
"I don't even know what that means..."
"【閉嘴】!"
Now it was my turn to get that green goop all over my mouth, which I did not appreciate by the way! Have I not been perfectly nice and polite the whole way? About this [Constitutional Slavery]! If you didn't pull a literal yabai manga technique on me just now, I have to question the validity of a constitution that enforces slavery, even if you sneakily add a clause to proclaim that slavery is not slavery in isekai, that's just silly. Plus, if my experience in isekai manga have told me anything, slavery usually leads to seggsy and verily unfun times for us cute and funny girls. If you are reading this visual novel and expecting something yabai, I'm sorry to disappoint, because /Conspiracy/ Girls is PG-13---
A clap of those enormous wings disrupts my thoughts. Clasping its wings together in a prayer pose, the duckfaced justice lays down the law!
"Being the benevolent and justicious duck that I am---"
Doubt.
"I was going to send you two to [Imaishine Prison] to be reformed with SERVICE---"
Ahhh, ahhh! I think I know the tags that go on THIS hentai manga!
"But now the 【Dao of Ryuu】 DEMANDS you two SUFFER------!!!"
I was just wondering if I should add the "humiliation" and "mindbreak" tag too, 『kansha』[3]!
"A hererereticate must die a herereretic's death...!
Sounds really sweet! Just so you know, I have the number of a good undertaker...
"Die in sword and fire, like ALL who go against the 【Dao of Ryuu】!"
Can we get going? If this were a serialized manga, we are fast running out of panels!
"You two, are hereby BANISHED from the 【HOLY LANDS OF DUSI KUODO】...!"
Ahh nyoo~ Not to ancient Egypt! I'm allergic to sand, you know!
"...BANISHED to the border..."
That doesn't sound too bad actually.
"... where you will both DIE HORRIFICALLY in a MEAT GRINDER!"
Okay.
Wut?
Overreaction much?
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NEXT: We Don't Need Strategy Where We Are Going, The Ruse Cruise Shall Ride Once More!
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Terminology
[4] [Foie Gras] - Is a special delicacy from Madi-san's homeland. It is made from duck's... well we don't like it very much, but Madi-san prepares a mean Tofu version of it that tastes exactly the same, maybe even better.
Go Go And Learn Moonrunes With Aya-chan!
[1]『すばらしい』- Means that something is great, magnificent, amazing! t. sarcasm, sorry if that offended you. I'm sorry for being the way I am!
[2] 「Souka」- Souka means "I see, I see"! See, Aya-chan, I get SOME words right sometimes!
[3] 「kansha」- To express gratitude, used mockingly here. You can't fool me, Aya-chan!