第一回：分久必合舊友牢遇，屠龍少女異世嚰嚰
It is said that which was torn apart shall be joined together; and what has long been joined together shall be torn apart.
I say that you should just use duct tape. Any good detective worth their salt knows this.
Ahem...
Long has the Ci-Byss floundered under misrule. These lands once parted into three have stagnated into stability. Secret agreements and conspiracies abound the lands of 【Rei Ditu】, 【Tui Tie】, and 【Dusi Kuodo】; cynically firm handshakes solidify their carefully cultivated hold over the Ci-Byss.
In those bad old days, the living knew naught to speak, cockerels turned into hens, and daughters were oft sold for a mere morsel. Like an eternal boot treading on a dead meme, not even the dead could know peace from this evil.
Yes, yes, well done, Cultivationists...
However!
Chaotic times are interesting times!! When are (You:1.3) going to learn that you can't kill a meme?!?! It is PRECISELY at these times that the gods send for Truck-kun to btfo some hapless high schooler and [Whirlwind Isekai] them to start some sheeto! You KNOW I am right because its ALL the same sheeto!
C-can I finish this narration at least, Madison?
No! GTFO, we're jumping STRAIGHT into the action!
Ancient prophecies sold separately!
Ogey, then.
[SFX: Tires Screeching]
[SFX: Car Crash]
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As a star falls in the night sky, the camera pans down to a train of caged carriages pulled by tired and haggard horses. The grime and rust covering the metal cages bespoke of their frequent use. Each cage was small enough to barely fit the pair of occupants it confined, with most girls having to sit dejectedly, holding their knees up to their chest.
That is, except the chained carriage which held the cage most afront the train.
Trapped within an uncomfortably small cage is one half of the protagonist duo. Wearing little more than slave rags and a greenish, translucent collar with accompanying cuffs and shackles, she desperately tries to shake awake her companion with long, light purple hair, who is currently napping facedown on the cage straw.
"Come on, Madi-san, wake up---", she hissed as quietly as she could to not alert the guards riding atop emaciated steeds in foreign metallic sheen.
This person is (Me), Ayano Sane.
The camera angle pans in medium shot over the young girl, her body barely reached four and three quarters chi, black hair fell down to her waist with the hair at the sides of her head twirling into a pair of hornlike side curls. A pair of deep blue eyes belay a steely determination to see through true crime fiction, porcelain skin bathing in the moonlight, she throws her palms upwards, knowing that she could do nothing to keep her best friend off her small, cute and smart thighs.
"Hmm.. hmph... That's enough cringe for one day Aya-chan."
The excessively breasted beast, Madison Delaroux, rose from her slumber. Sitting in lotus position while rubbing the side of her head, she stands at four and nine-five chi; taller, she says if you count the reddish {Fxxxch} cap that adorns her head. Her light purple hair falls past her bottom, tickling her thighs, one red eye partially obscured by a loose, blunt fringe. A handful of her hair is tied into a long side ponytail, but you can barely see it through the sheer volume of purple. A small ahoge flails mischievously above her obscured eye like an antenna that detects secret agents who glow in the dark. With thighs that look like they could crush a cat in half, she attempts to stand...
A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
... knocking herself against the top of the steel cage.
"Atatata!! Nani is this {Elxxr Sxxxlls} setup?! Todd couldn't bother to let us use the [Alternate Start Mod]?"
"You seem to be taking all this---", I motion around cautiously, making furtive glances at the guards riding up ahead, "... quite calmly, Madi-san?!"
"Well. What's the situasyon~?"
image [https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/62cd15458bbca47144469710/5732b432-bea1-494c-96fc-ae440a8133b0/20240714202517_1.jpg?format=1500w&content-type=image%2Fjpeg]
> The faces of criminals caught trying to isekai across the border
I attempt to show her the gravity of the situation by shaking the faintly glowing green wrist cuffs in her face, then tugging at the prisoner rags we find ourselves wearing.
"Ogey...rrat?" Madi-san headtilts ninety degrees while crossing her arms, still in a nonchalant lotus position.
"We WERE at the 'Thirty Days, Thirty Murders' gala." My hands frantically carve the air in front of me to try illustrate the absurd scenario we find ourselves in, "... the last thing I remember is that the lights suddenly went out and something went over my head!"
"Ehehehe... So I wasn't the only one who got blackbagged then. Hai, 「zugi」[1]!"
"Please stop murdering my ancestral language first." Giving Madi-san a small angry kick on her shin, she returns the kick with pouty lips and much greater force, kicking up the straw in the cage. I am forced to continue with a wince, "... wherever we are now, this is definitely NOT [Arcadia], much less [Vespana]...!"
Madi-san relaxes and slides her back against her side of the cage. "Theory, useless detective??"
"I know it seems absurd... but could we have been..." I pause to catch my harried breath, not because I am sending secret hand signals during a veetuba livestream or anything,
""Isekaied(!!)...?""
Her loud excitement grates my ears, and probably everyone within a sixteen li vicinity too. We are finally of the same mind, but oh great-grans are we NOT the same.
" 『shizuka ni kudasai』[2]...!", I clasp both hands over my mouth, having had my emotions led on by Madi-san once again like those Diss-cord jannies she keeps yelling about.
In this sort of situation, we should be acting as cautiously as possible, moreover we aren't even wearing the clothes we were wearing at the gala; someone must have stripped us and fitted us with whatever this is, how and why would be the question now; I'm sorry if this seems like it is freaking me out but it IS freaking me out; I even have a funny question, why is it that you still have your stupid Fxxxxh cap and glasses when my glasses are missing? Moreover, the cage and shackles implies that we are prisoners somehow, for what crime and on what charges I must ask, because I am the detective and the detective cannot be the murderer, all of this seems really strange doesn't...
"Woah--- Woah------ Didja expect me to read all THAT, Detective Defective?"
"Stop. Reading. My MIND, Madi-san."
"Maybe stop putting thoughts out in Rich Text Format?"
"I... you... don't you usually say 'stop putting them out in a textbox'?
"It's magick, I don't have to explain sheeto!" At this moment, there should be a witch's cackle, but there's only Madi-san making light of the extremely, extremely dire situashoon.
"Relax, Aya-chan~ Any Skyxxm gamer worth their salt has memorized the ENTIRE opening sequence by now. We're going to be dragonslayers and heroines in about... three fiddy!"
If my palm could bury itself into my face any further, it would have gone straight through the front of my head and into the rattling cage behind me. WHAT is this madwoman going on about? What IS this "Sxxxxm" sheeto? What's all this about dragoons? And why does it sound like something yabai [3]? Does she not see that...
"... and besides, aren't YOU the anime and mango person??"
Madi-san points an accusatory finger at me, her wrist shackle glowing jelly-like in the partial nighttime bloom, she continues, "(You) are the isekai expert!"
"Just because I am literally /a/ doesn't mean I LIKE isekai!!!"
I can't help but notice that all this while...
... Madi-san has been silently counting seconds while peeking at an imaginary wristwatch attached to where her left wristcuff currently is.
"And in three, two, one, one of the guards will... ... ..."
"Hey! Quiet down back there!"
A shout rings out from the front, one of the patrolling guards smacks the backside of the cage with a long weapon; my head lurches forward from the force, falling facefirst into Madi-san's grinning bare thighs.
She can now clearly see the bewilderment on my face.
How... did she know what would happen next?
There is an absolute smugness creeping up across Madi-san's face, having understood this entire sequence of events for what it is. The non-deserved sense of superiority of somehow knowing everything, while knowing absolutely nothing, and yet still being right all along. Even before her lips moved, my mind read them in sync with gritted teeth,
"Never forget, Madison is ALWAYS right!"
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NEXT: Trouble At The Magistrate, Paddling Will Continue Until Morale Improves!
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TERMINOLOGY
[Alternate Start Mod] - Skyxxm mod that changes the starting sequence and background of your Dragonbxxn.
[Arcadia] and [Vespana] - Locations in the New Continent where Madison and Ayano hail from. Do you guys not read [The Madness of Madison Delaroux]?
Go Go And Learn Moonrunes With Aya-Chan!
[1] 「zugi」 - Means "Next!"
[2] 『shizuka ni kudasai』 - "Please shut up, Madi-san!", but politely!
[3] yabai - To be lewd or obscene, its a veetuuba term
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