Chapter 63

The Rise of Slime-tooth.

“The tunnel is dark,” said Ella, “except for a moving ball of light.”

“Is that the lantern?” said Rumble-gut.

“We’re not after a lantern,” said Stutter-much.

“The green flame is inside the lantern,” said Ella. “It sheds enough light in the tunnel that it looks like a ball of green light, and it’s rolling down the tunnel.”

“I grab the lantern,” said Barnacle-eyes. “We win!”

“You can try to take it,” I said, “But the tomato plant has it. Roll this die.” I passed her a d20.

The goblins leaned in as Barnacle-eyes picked up the die. She bit her tongue and shook her fist with all her might until she gritted her teeth. She let it loose on the table and rolled a 1.

“Did I get, did I scoop, did I steal—snatch the lantern?”

“You tried to,” said Ella. “Instead, you stepped on your own shoelaces and tripped.

The goblins erupted in laughter while their Admiral checked her boots. She scratched her head and sighed; she swung her legs.

“My turn,” said Bigbig-sigh.

“It’s too late,” I said. “The walking tomato plant just turned into a running tomato plant! He’s getting away! The ball of green lantern light is getting smaller and further.”

“C’mon,” said Barnacle-eyes. “After that tomato!”

The goblins gripped the table like it was one big handle. They pedaled their feet from their seats. Boots and bare feet banged on table legs and barrel staves.

“Faster,” said Stutter-much.

“Like Slime-tooth used to say, ‘If running is faster than walking, then running faster has got to be even faster than running!”

“After that tomato,” said Slow-think.

The table somehow began to scrape across the floorboards.

“Stop!” said Ella. “You lose sight of the running tomato plant. In no time at all, you arrive in a chamber. There are two tunnels.”

“Well which one did that tomato go down?” said Barnacle-eyes.

“Let’s check them both,” said Slow-think.

“Do they both look the same?” said Rumble-gut.

“Roll a d20,” I said. Rumble-gut rolled a 10. “They look the same.”

“I’m going to check too because you missed something last time,” said Bigbig-sigh. He rolled a 9.

“Still looks the same,” Ella said.

“I’ll take a gander,” said Slow-think. He rolled a 2.

“Your gander takes you down the left tunnel.”

“Come back!” Barnacle-eyes said.

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

Stutter-much swiped up the die and rolled a 20.

Ella cleared her throat and presented an imaginary sign above her head. The goblins looked up with wide eyes. “Great job, Stutter-much! You found a sign carved into the cavern wall that reads ‘there’s a wrong way, and there’s a right way’.”

“Does it tell us which tunnel is the right one?” he said.

“That’s all that’s written,” I said.

“I know what to do,” said Barnacle-eyes. She covered her eyes with one hand and pointed over the table. “Slime-tooth used to say ‘whenever you have to choose between right and wrong, just don’t choose wrong.’ Mmn—that one!”

Ella and I made eye contact.

“Aye aye, Admiral,” the goblins said.

Ella flipped a coin. “Wow! All right, you run down the tunnel at full speed.” The goblins grabbed the table, and they pedaled furiously. “In just a few minutes, you see a ball of green light grow bigger.”

“Light-ho!” I said. The goblins echoed. The table legs scraped against the floorboards.

“You’re getting closer!” said Ella.

“I tackle the tomato,” Barnacle-eyes said.

“Me too,” the goblins echoed.

They all rolled. 18. 5. 20. 19. 10.

“Rumble-gut collides in the dark with Stutter-much—It was Stutter-much’s fault,” I said. The goblins glared at Stutter-much. I continued. “Barnacle-eyes was the first to tackle the tomato plant. Bigbig-sigh came next and also tackled the tomato plant to the ground.”

“Oh no!” said Barnacle-eyes. “The lantern! It can’t hit the ground!”

“-and Slow-think managed to help tackle the tomato plant and grab the lantern.”

Ella placed the figurine of a surprised tomato head on leafy vine legs in the middle of the table. She set a bright green crystal of tourmaline beside it.

The goblins sank low and peered just over the lip of the table. Their eyes were the biggest I’d ever seen them. They were the quietest I’d ever heard them!

“...Is this ours?” said Barnacle-eyes.

“You have to return it to the green face in the green bonfire,” said Ella.

Barnacle-eyes rose until her posture straightened. “Well…when you're tasked with a task, tasking the task is better than being taken to task. That’s what Slime-tooth used to say. …Let’s bring it back to the bonfire. Um, can I recruit the tomato on my fleet?”

“Roll,” Ella said.

15.

“I’d love to be part of your party, responds the tomato.”

Ella slid the tomato player piece beside the four onions carved out of wood and the bluebird that Bigbig-sigh had wanted to play as. The goblins retraced their steps until-

“-You finally exit the tunnel and breathe the sweet fresh air,” said Ella.

“Salty, salty,” said Barnacle-eyes.

“An air without salt is like a drop of water with no water,” said Stutter-much.

“That’s what Slime-tooth used to say,” said Barnacle-eyes. “How’d you know that? Do you know Slime-tooth?”

“I might not be a good talker, but I sure am a good listener; and it sounds to me like Slime-tooth has had a lot to say over the years.”

Barnacle-eyes shifted her gaze to the corner of the deckhouse. Private thoughts crossed her eyes. She seemed wistful.

“We pedal back down the road,” said Rumble-gut.

“Which way?” said Ella.

Rumble-gut covered her eyes and pointed. I flipped a coin.

“Incredible,” said Ella. “You’ve once again chosen the correct path. By dusk, you return to camp. The green bonfire still burns tall and bright.”

I stood on the table and waved my hands in circles. “Welcome back, vegetables—the green face in the green bonfire says.”

Barnacle-eyes scrunched her brows. She massaged her forehead. She lifted a finger and exclaimed, “Oh yeah! A goblin that can count can be counted on to count when it counts.”

The other goblins made figure eights in the air with their fingers while they muttered to themselves. Slow-think stared ahead.

“Boom!” I said. “The bonfire grows mighty big. The voice in the fire gets deeper. You have returned my final flame! I shall reward you with-”

Ella nudged my elbow. She beckoned me beneath the table. We hopped down and convened in whispers.

“Boggo! This was our first real campaign! Can we do something special?”

“Absolutely! What?”

“Can we reward them with actual crystals? They seemed to really like the tourmaline.”

“I don’t have any.”

“I do.”

We shared big dimpled smiles before returning to our place as game masters.

“What’s going on?” said Barnacle-eyes.

I picked up where I left off. “-I shall reward each one of you with these.” Ella placed sparkling green tourmaline crystals before each goblin. “I want to make it clear that this is a one time thing.”

Each goblin was stunned. 50 green fingers trembled toward the tourmalines like curious snakes.