Chapter 131

Humans Made This?

(Thrush)

The smells! They aggressed me. My snub nose shriveled, and my eyes watered. I could not track the smells. Each was perfume-thick and it almost felt like I was pulling fibrous rope through my nostrils. I sneezed and sneezed and sneezed.

“Goodness!” said Hiccup.

“Well with a nose like he has,” said Erik. “I’d be watering out me eyes as well.”

When Mehri spoke, his belly bounced, and the bottom of his apron danced. “Hutaha! Hutaha! That’s hello in Agoneese! Hmm, I wonder which of you is Thrush!” He shifted from foot to foot, laughing so hard his eyes were crushed behind his cheeks. “Shall I give you the tour? From the pastures of Tombis, to the udder-ly beautiful hills of Zuwena, I’ve all manner of cheeses! There will be samples!”

“Master Thrush,” said Riggvelte. “Mehri is the owner and head cheese monger. Step up to the display, and he’ll explain the various cheeses to you.”

“Yes.”

I waddled up to the first display of cheese, but felt the tile crack beneath my paws. I hefted a barrel of Anti-gravity ale, bit a chunk off the edge, and chugged the whole thing. Foam fountained over my fangs and splattered on the floor. I felt my weight lighten substantially. When After I wiped my lips, I glanced over everyone’s astounded faces.

“Marvelous!” said Mehri. “I hope you still have room!”

“I have at least thirty-five percent room left until I have to sleep.”

Mehri nodded, but I could tell he didn’t understand.

I was motioned closer to the display, so I stepped up and leaned onto the glass. I twas closer than I thought, and I pressed my enormous eyeballs on the glass. The glass was cold, and when I darted my gaze over dozens of cheeses, my eyes squeaked against the glass.\

“Cows,” said Mehri.” We’ll start with the cow’s milk. Then we’ll moo-ve along!”

“Cows are delicious.”

Mehri waved a beckoning hand to his employees. They arrived beside him with plates and knives in hand. Mehri pointed to a pyramid of cheese, and one of his employees section off the tip.

“Alpine fayad,” said Mehri. “Firm and grassy.” One by one, he selected samples of cow’s milk cheeses. “Bufford soft-ripened…Here we have Thimble valley silken…Urd crumble, so tangy you’ll be left with a pucker…Tilldheur curds, a clot twist on the classic dheur fermentation…and saint’s keep blue. Have you had blue cheese before?”

I licked the cheese off my paws. I cleaned my claws with the tips of my fangs. I gulped, and I slurped. My eyes began to pulse, and I couldn’t help my toes from tapping.

How creamy! My, what a visit to Lavenfauvish. Humans came up with this cheese? Humans had made a good choice there. What a day. I received more elodon meat than ever before, and I learned that cheeses were so varied and so delicious! Were they as delicious as elodon ribs? Would they pair? Could I smoke cheeses? Smoking improved meat.

Mehri moved down to the next display, and I put my eyeballs on the glass there.

“Now let’s shee-p what we have here!” said the jolly monger. “These are made from sheep’s milk. We’ll start with this one: Halfas Fjord, a strong cheese. You can smell that one from the pier.”

“Oh, Yes. Yes, it’s familiar.”

Mehri must have taken that as a joke because he cackled and tottered from foot to foot.

“And here we have Frog Hollow creamery. They make one cheese, and they make it well. It’s a semi-soft cheese, and at room temperature it smacks of nuts. Now these are the Gumundurs: Sharp Gumunder…Belted Gumunder…and the classic Gurmunder. The triple Omya is one of the creamiest cheeses we sell. Take a look at this cut.”

I drooled at the oozing cheese. Everyone behind me oohed and aahed as though Hawkin had created another impossible color. I devoured the sample so fast, that Mehri’s employee retracted his hand like he’d just fed a snapping turtle. I worked my jaw slowly because the cheese was so runny and thick and creamy. I explored the cheese with my tongue.

“One, two, three,’ I said. “Yes, three creams.”

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“We’ll give you a bowl for this next one. Double cream Yutodheur. A true dheur!”

I ate the bowl too. My eyes pulsed. Butter colors filled the sponges of my eyes. By my dreambons! Some of these were so stinky that I wondered if smoking them would take down birds in mid flight. Maybe the goblins would like them! The stinky ones would be so fun to share and trade with. How could cheese be this good?

Mehri side-stepped to the next display. “Now, let’s see what we’ve goat going on over here. Ready? All right, let’s go-at! One must start with the billy virile wheel. But obviously not the whole wheel. Wouldn’t want to turn your stomach!”

“Well,” said Hiccup. “With his stomach…”

Mehri once more took things as a joke. He gave one of those breathless laughs. He then wiped his eyes and said, “Behold, gentlemen, our most famous cheese, the dripple nipple. A cream center Rafiq that pairs well with apples, toast, and just about anything on which it lays atop.”

That cheese was cut for our whole group to share. The cheese was divided and passed around. Mehri let us enjoy the beautiful cheese for a moment before continuing on. “Now this one here is Gateburrow, and this one,6 horn—ah, what a lovely, peppery rind…and finally, one of my favorites, top cream from the Vale of Ara. Just look at how it fluffs on the knife.”

“Vale of Ara,” I said.

“You’re familiar with it?”

“Yes.”

I lapped the cheese from the knife. In my amazement of its flavor, I pulled the knife in too and swallowed it. Pastel whites and yellows squeezed deeper toward the center of my eyes. My eyes throbbed. I bounced on my toes.

I had to acquire these cheeses! Was I not Thrush the Merchant? It wasn’t just goblins that would love such cheeses. Humans seemed to love it just as much as I did. I could invite passersby into my yurt with offerings of cheese! I could take everyone on a tour of my inventory. I would say, “This one is a good cheese. And this one is good. And this one is good. Also, this one…”

“I’m glad to see you’re enjoying yourself!” said Mehri clasping his own hands before him. “Scoot on over, and I’ll show you the cheeses that keep me in business.”

“Hell yes,” said Erik.

“Okay,” I said.

“These are our magic cheeses; however, they aren’t simply magical. They’re also beyond rare because they come from particular creatures. Now follow closely. Unicorn’s milk of Agacia…Bear’s breast of Jawad…Wolf’s bite of the Wilkie Wilderness…Webb curds from the caves of Shefra…Monk’s Vein Blue—and worry not!—This one isn’t made from monks! Monk Vein is a plant that gives this cheese both its color and special properties! …Dragon’s bark, a fiery hard cheese…camel gum cheese, such a soft-ripened delight; why the innards of this one practically beg to be scooped!”

“Excellent!” I said.

“Good, eh? Each of them offer types of healing or stamina rejuvenation. Monk’s vein is the only one which is an anti-venom.”

My eyes closed of their own accord. I was glad for it because I felt I needed to enjoy these cheeses in a moment of privacy. Whatever magics they contained, I could feel the effects. I felt rejuvenated, as though I’d had one of Hawkin’s tisanes that recharged the mind. I felt refreshed, as though I’d just woken from a 200% Satiation nap. I felt a warmth trickle around my bones.

Yes, these would be perfect to sell to adventurers! I could offer magic cheese with magic beer. I could use these cheeses like a Merchant skill to butter up potential customers. These cheeses might land me better trades!

We had all been given samples of the magic cheeses. Erik had taken a seat and he held his head in his hands. He lifted his head, and his eyes were glossy.

“I’m going to dig up old nana and shove some of these between her chompers,” he said. She would’ve loved these!”

I licked my fangs as I looked through the ceiling and basked in the drifting aftertastes. When I tasted only my gums, I turned my gaze down to the display of cheeses. I pointed to the last display. “What are those ones?”

Mehri stepped behind the display and leaned over it. He lowered his voice, and his tone turned conniving. There was a playfulness in his tone because he stifled a giggle behind reddening cheeks.

“Oh, these ones?” he whispered. “You mean these right here? These I’ve saved for last.”

“Okay.”

“Not too full yet?”

“No.”

One by one, he cut samples of select cheeses.

“Lesher,” he said.

I gobbled it up and nodded hard.

“This one is called Winchote,” he said.

I swallowed it down and my eyes pulsed and throbbed.

“This one’s runny,” he said. “Very runny. Hill Field’s best.”

I slurped it up and drank it down. My tongue worked hard on it. I was nearly bouncing! Ah, so delicious! Fantastic!

“This one goes by Lykke,” he said.

I growled in delight and rocked from my heels to the balls of my paws and back.

“How?” I said. “How are they getting better?”

“Next is Brinsha,” said Mehri.

As soon as I felt it’s cool cream on my tongue, I was purring louder than I’d ever purred before. A bottle of beer on Erik’s table rattled in place.

“And now, finally, Euodia. An unsurpassed, tied-in-tripe variety.”

I pried the sticky cheese from my paw and found myself sitting down to chew the best cheese of them all. I found myself lying full on the floor. My arms relaxed at my sides. My tongue moved like a toad-fat snake as it searched my fangs for cheesy residue.

…What a beautiful day…

“Ya all right there, teddy?” said Erik.

Mehri came around the counter. “What did you think, my friend? I do hope you’ve enjoyed your adventure at the Mehri Monger today. We aim to thrill.”

“The last ones were the best. What milk were they made with?”

“These were made with elodon milk.”

“Yes.”