Chapter 162

It Doesn’t Have To Be Like This.

Chance of Mutiny: 97%

What would Gloom-glower do to get to me? Thrush would defend me, but countless goblins would die. Even with goblins on both fleets against me, I couldn’t ignore the endless cycle of goblin death.

Goblins suffered as bundled bodies for Gloom-glower’s figureheads. Stub-toes suffered punishments just as vile, and my Slime-tooth suffered worse than any other goblin. Goblins were starving. Why hadn’t they fished the lime smack when it had been a few knots away? The decision not to go after the jellyfish must have come from Gloom-glower, and it was a cruel one. I could remember goblins dying from hunger way back then. Nothing had since changed. Goblins were still starving years after I defected. They were still overworked. In their faces I felt like I could see hopelessness—the utter kind.

I knew from experience that things didn’t have to be this way. Gloom-glower’s way of treating goblins wasn’t the only way. We could have good lives. We didn’t have to be killed on a goblin’s cruel whim, even if he was king. And who made him king anyways!

How could I stand up to Gloom-glower? He was much too powerful. But did I hear correctly? Only moments ago, he’d told Stub-toes that he was in the red zone. Just like me!

His snots wanted to mutiny. My snots wanted to mutiny. We were two different goblins at our core. He wanted to use goblins. I wanted to give goblins a better life, and I think they’d have a better shot of finding it if they knew it could exist. They just needed a chance! Just like Hawkin gave me when he let me live in his woods.

Hawkin said I lead with a beautiful heart and that I should trust myself. Well now was the time for that trust. So what was supposed to do?

If I were a goblin—which I was!—I would hate Gloom-glower, and I would definitely want to mutiny against him. Since he was in the red zone, that would give all the goblins what they wanted. But I guess the same went for me too. My goblins wanted to mutiny against me.

I heaved a hard and heavy sigh. Goblins deserved better, and I just wanted to give them what they wanted. Sure, I couldn’t give them everything, and I wouldn’t give them my life. But there was something I knew they wanted really bad, and now was the time to deliver!

I stood straight, gazed at the firefly filled sky, and prayed that Peg-tooth would watch over me, because I had just come up with a plan.

If they want a mutiny, I’ll give them a mutiny. And I’ll make sure they mutiny against Gloom-glower too.

I turned to my Captains and looked into every one of their mean faces. After stepping out of my boots, I scooted them forward.

“I get it!” I said. “You don’t like me, and you think I’m stupid. You don’t want me as your Admiral anymore, and you're willing to cross me and steal my ships. I wanted to build a fleet that all goblins could call home. I wanted to fill it with giant onions and giant garlics, and I did. We hired hundreds of goblins, and we sailed the sea. I thought we were happy. I thought we were doing just fine…Guess I was wrong. But I can’t be like Gloom-glower. I won’t threaten or kill you to stick with me. I won’t promise you things I’ll only take back tomorrow. That’s not the way I want to treat goblins.” I withdrew the key to my forecastle and tossed it by my boots. “Take the key! The hoard is up for grabs! Who wants to be the new leader? Raise your hands!”

“My hands are up!” said Dirt-lobes

“Me too! Everybody look at my hands!” said Barrel-chest.

“No, look at mine!” said Wrath-fellow. “See? See?”

“Um…that’s just one hand…” said Big-guy.

“I’m putting both of ‘em up. Clear as gloop from a runny nose.”

“Liar!” said Lice-louser. “You don’t have a left hand. That’s a stub!’

“Yeah, how can you be the leader when you can’t even show both your hands!” said Funny-smell.

“Mine reach higher!” said Stretch-cracks. “I should be the leader!”

“Well I’m already a Captain, so my hands mean more,” said Lice-louser.

[You have relinquished your fleet.]

[You have lost your Hand-O’War.]

[You have lost 2 galleons.]

[You have lost 7 ketches.]

[You have lost 9 Sloops.]

[You have lost 10 jolly boats.]

[You have lost 1 craft.]

If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

[You have lost your mutiny status. Mutiny status will be reassigned to the new goblin leader.]

While my Captains fought over who got to be the next leader, I turned to Gloom-glower’s goblins.

“Gloom-glower is a bald faced liar!” I said. “I’m sure he’s promised his Captains Fable stones and promotions and boots and spit beer and ships and loot. I’m sure many of you were promoted and then demoted the very next day. That’s how he works. He’s always been like that. He’s a scammer. He’ll tell you what you want to hear and stab you in the back.”

I looked directly at Stub-toes. He was going to become the next Slime-tooth. I would bet my life on that. I’d seen him endure so much, and it looked like that’s what he was still doing. He’d always been kind to everyone, even though Gloom-glower rarely ever showed him any. He knew everyone’s name aboard a fleet of thousands of goblins. And he was the second best listener of them all.

“How many of you have spent your whole lives working for him?” I said, still looking at Stub-toes, but addressing the rest. “He’ll treat everyone he wants something from very well to their face. And the goblins who work harder than anything get mistreated by him. Look at Stub-toes! He’s one of the hardest working goblins I’ve ever met, and see how Gloom-glower treats him?”

All eyes turned to Stub-toes who looked absolutely destroyed. He was so bruised he looked purple. One eyelid and his lip was split. He stood hunched, and one eyebrow was swollen. His hands were so big they looked like meaty hammers.

Gloom-glower smacked Stub-toes on the back of his head. “Stub-toes, don’t you dare listen to her, you idiot!”

“Don’t be mean to Stub-toes!” I said. “Stub-toes did nothing wrong!”

This was it. I had to lead with my heart. I had to say what I needed to say. This was my only chance.

“A true goblin,” I said. “A true leader—”

[Attention all snots! Captain Cheese-pits is now fleet leader. Report to Captain Cheese-pits for further instructions.]

I felt a sharp pain in the center of my chest. My crew suddenly murmured altogether, and I knew they were all receiving the system notification as well.

Tears nipped my cheeks as I climbed the shroud so that all goblins could see me.

I made my voice as big as I could. “Leader or not, a true Admiral would never treat her goblins like that. All the nasty rumors you’ve heard about me are a lie!” I withdrew a chunk of blue cheese from my inventory and swallowed half of it after one bite. Hundreds of goblins gasped at once. But I had more to say. “The closer you get to Gloom-glower, the more he’ll treat you like Stub-toes. And no goblin should ever be treated like that!”

“But…this is my duty,” said Stub-toes. “Gloom-glower says I deserve it. He says all his snots deserve to get treated the way I do…”

His last comment seemed to trigger Gloom-glower’s Captains. They lowered their weapons, turned to each other, and grumbled.

“No goblin deserves to be hurt by him, Stub-toes,” I said.

The little old goblin scuttled forward. “Are you sure…Is that true?”

Gloom-glower yanked him back. “She’s trying to use her mind control on you, moron!”

“You’re one of the bravest goblins, Stub-toes,” I said. “You’ve survived him through everything—”

“Don’t listen to her! You’re nothing without me. You would be dead without me.”

To Gloom-glower’s Captains I said, “Stub-toes is one of the most skilled goblins I’ve ever met. He does everything for Gloom-glower. He can manage snots and Captains alike, he can pour the best beer-and-grounds I’ve ever had, and he’s someone you can talk to when you’re afraid to speak up about—”

“And he gives the best massages,” said Fly-booger.

The Captains really came together on that one. Heads nodded vigorously. There were even a few sighs that seemed wistful.

“And no goblin who works that hard should look like he’s been kicked and punched with words and fists!” I said. “Or like his ears have been blown and pinched with yells and fingernails! Or like his nose has been knocked and twisted with whacks and smacks!”

Stub-toes brought his hand up to his heart. His eyes became big, and he seemed for a moment like a small goblin child. It was like a new light glowed from his soul through his eyes.

Gabby suddenly spider-climbed the shroud. She snatched a smear of blue cheese from my palm and stuffed her face. “I’ve been eating the moldiest of the cheeses, and nothing bad has ever happened to me! Please thank you.”

Pinky-chew skipped up the rope rungs of the shroud, and she also swiped blue cheese from my palm. “Me too! Gloom-glower’s just been telling you lies.”

“The blue cheese is my favorite,” said Soft-song from below.

I looked at Stub-toes as if he was the only goblin that existed at that moment. “Things don’t have to be this way. You know Gloom-glower better than anyone else. Say something Stub-toes! Now’s your chance.”

Stub-toes seemed about to speak, but Gloom-glower cut him off.. “Shut your mouth, Stub-toes!”

“You don’t have to listen to him anymore, Stub-toes.”

“That’s enough! I knew you would use your talking on us.” Gloom-glower charged his Captains until he was screaming at their faces. “Attack! Attack! Attack! What’s wrong with you! Attack!”

Thrush’s cavernous laugh resounded. It filled the hollow of the cargo hold and shook the leaves of all the vegetation. It even knocked many goblin knees together. Gloom-glower’s goblins shrank back until there was nowhere left to retreat. I heard a couple splashes off the gangway.

“Remember those promotion packages I promised?” said Gloom-glower. “If you don’t obey, you’re all about to lose them. Fly-booger! Don’t you want that awesome basic package?”

“Now wait a minute,” said Fly-booger. “Didn’t you promise me the brilliant diamond package where I could become a buddy god with you when you ascend? You even said I was your favorite goblin!”

“Nuh-uh!” said Meat-fist. “I’m his favorite goblin. And how come Fly-Booger is getting a better promotion package than me?”

Needle-nose seemed outraged. “Fly-Booger gets to be a god? All I get is the exquisite silver package!”

“You guys got packages?” said Cough-knack. “All I got was a massage!”

The Captains erupted in outrage. They seemed one poke in the eye away from brawling.

“That’s enough out of you idiots!” said Gloom-glower.

His Captains began shoving each other, and Gloom-glower took an elbow to the rib. He hit the deck and wheezed. Stub-toes rushed over and offered a hand to help him up. Gloom-glower knocked his hand away, rose, and loomed over Stub-toes.

“This is all your fault, Stub-toes!” he said breathlessly. “You’re just another infected hangnail that needs to get peeled off. Oh yes, I’m going to take my time and enjoy this…”

Gloom-glower ran his hand over the rusty kitchen knife that was still wet with his captain’s blood. He loomed over Stub-toes and raised the blade. His eyes betrayed his killing intent.

“Stub-toes!” I said. “It doesn’t have to end like this!”