Chapter 101

Before and After

(Barnacle-eyes)

Chance of Mutiny: 10%.

150 levels until fleet evolution.

An amazing feat brought me out of my thoughts. Candy-glare had picked a monster of a booger. It was being passed around and celebrated as a fine achievement. A true trophy, honestly.

“Didn’t pick my nose for two weeks,” said Candy-glare.

Most of Toad Sk’Inn burst into sudden competition. The hunt for the next biggest booger of the day lurched into full swing.

“Before you summon your Thrush, I gotta try some…See if it’s any good.” said Reed-eater.

“I’ve got a barrel. You’ll see; it’s the best.”

“Bring it round, up and over.”

The only way round, up and over was to go through goblins. Every “Excuse me!” was followed by a smaller “Please thank you”. What a maze the journey was. Not only did progress require squeezing between goblins, but backs had to be climbed, legs had to be crawled under, elbows needed to be dodged, Gabby had to be hefted over a wall of goblins, ladder rungs had to be passed between, and chins and pointy ears needed to be turned away like they were tree branches out to poke vulnerable eyeballs!

Gabby was so out of breath by the end, I had to drag her by one arm. On her back, she slithered over boots and feet until we arrived back round the bar. I hefted her onto the rung of a ladder so that she was off the floor.

“At least she’s a light one!” said Reed-eater coming over.

“Unlike this,” I said and removed a 5 gallon chimeric barrel of ptooey beer from my inventory. With a grunt–and shaking with effort–I lifted the barrel onto the counter.

Toad Sk’Inn fell silent. Weird colors reflected off hundreds of goblin eyes. There were so many eyes that I thought of spiders.

I tapped the barrel. Reed-eater filled us each a tankard.

“To Toad Sk’Inn and King Slime-tooth!” said Reed-eater.

To Slime-tooth, the best goblin a goblin could ask for.

We slurped.

Slime-tooth, how are you? How big would your booger be if you were here? We should have defected together. I don’t like feeling hurt, and I hurt missing you. It’s not fun; no, not fun at all.

My heart felt weighted. Missing Slime-tooth was like churning a capstan and dropping a huge and heavy anchor on an infinite chain.

“Oh, that’s good-goodie!” said Reed-eater. “Yes, summon Thrush. Let’s make a trade.”

I poured a libation of dreambon ale and waited, but nothing happened.

“Is your Thrush coming?”

“Yeah, he usually comes. I’ll wait a minute and try again.”

“Make yourself comfortable.”

Reed-eater whistled into the crowd. A commotion later, a goblin came down a ladder overflowing with goblins. She climbed with her arm through the legs of two squat stools.

All there was to do was to wait for Thrush and take in all the goblins. For every unknown goblin, there was a goblin dressed in hammered flower canvas. With tuned ears, little bits of conversation could be caught. Tales of giant onions and promotions were shared. Tales of giant jellyfish and bulging garlic were repeated. Tales of promotions and payments were hard to believe. There were also unfamiliar tales. Tales of raids at Kohob Bay were reenacted. Tales of the search for Float-some Barge were confusing. Tales of sinking sloops were aplenty.

And while every-snot slurped and exchanged stories, one goblin, in a spacious corner, could not get a word in. Try as she might, Remember-not couldn’t squeeze into groups. She patted backs and nudged elbows and spoke at the backs of heads. Slowly, she seemed to give up. She went from stretching on her tiptoes to standing flat on her feet. She went from trying to pry herself through goblins to wringing her own hands. She went from raising her voice to muttering. Her eyes went from big to small.

But there was only a brief moment to glimpse Remember-not. Any parts in the crowd were soon swamped with goblins and dripping tankards. There were so many feet splashing on spilled liquid, it sounded like rain pummeling the floor.

Wow, was it so wet! The air was humid, what with so many goblins. It was so humid, I felt it like a thick lather in my hair and on the back of my neck. I was getting blasts of hot humidity on my neck. Beads of water dripped down my back. I had to wipe my neck, but the blasts of humidity kept coming! Was it really so humid? And why was it so garlic-y? Then I heard a loud close gulp. I turned around.

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“Gabby! You’re breathing down my neck!”

Her eyes and smile were gigantic. “Sorry, please thank you. Why isn’t Thrush coming?”

“He’ll come, he’ll come.”

“What if he doesn’t? Can we go to him?”

No, no, not with Thrush. …Maybe Hawkin, but only on Home Camp. Even then, it would be hard to go there at the same time as him. I didn’t see him last time when I wrote Slime-tooth a letter and left it for him. Oh!–Slime-tooth! I should write another letter to him. That should fix some feelings.

I whipped out my charcoal utensil and a long scrap of canvas. Holding the utensil like the hilt of a dagger, I scrawled.

Hello Slime-tooth! Kongradulations on King promotion! Wow your the best! I made my fleet bigger and I have lots more gobblins too.

“What is that?” said a goblin.

“A letter to Slime-tooth.”

“What are you saying? What does it say?”

“I’m telling him al about my adventures over sea and on land. All the spit beer we’ve been selling. All the fish we’ve been catching and onions we’ve been growing.

“Is it really for Slime-tooth?” The Slime-tooth?”

“Of course!”

“C-can I sign it?”

My gaze bounced around while I did some thinking. Why couldn’t he sign it?

I tried to flip the long canvas over. It was difficult to maneuver, like trying to flip over a ribbon. Gabby held onto the other end like she was the kite, nearly launching through the air when the whole thing finally flipped. The waiting goblin, while biting his tongue, scribbled his name in the middle.

Up in the lower part of a hanging ladder, a goblin said, “Can I sign too?”

Well why not? Why-not-couldn’t-he sign it?

Up I went, dragging the canvas behind me, with Gabby following like a crashed and stumbling kite. The goblin signed it upon the back of another snot.

“Could I sign?”

“Me too?”

“I wanna sign!”

Well why not, why not, why not? Slime-tooth loves goblins!

But it was an obstacle course to get to every-snot who wanted to sign. Everytime Gabby was yanked from her feet, she giggled madly. And not only did every-snot want to sign my letter to Slime-tooth, but they all had questions for me!

“Did we sell the beer yet?” said Soft-song.

“Working on it!”

“I heard you’re hiring,” said Amble-round. “Is that true?”

“Oh yes! I’m hiring. Talk to Pinky-chew! She’s got the crew member contracts.”

“When are you sailing out again?” said Lisp-Crispy. “Where to?”

“Float-some Barge! Week or so from now.”

“Is it true you’ve got giant onions and garlics?” Dog-head said.

“As big as a barrel!”

“Admiral,” said Missing-toes, “I heard that you give promotions out? I was wondering if I could be promoted.”

“You have to be part of the crew for that. I recently promoted Red-eye to Captain. Always promoting! Always hiring; talk to Pinky-chew.”

“Admiral Barnacle-eyes!” blurted Huffing-puffing. “How come your ships don’t need bailing? Second fleet I’ve seen in all my sailing that doesn’t need bailing.”

“I’ve got Boat Builder skills.” And of course I had to use blocks of wood from my inventory to show off my skills. “So you take two planks of wood like this…and you use your Boat Builder skill. A lot of pieces need a butt block, so you use your skills again and make a butt joint. No leaks!”

“Could I hire you to help take out leaks from my ship? I’ll trade you for your labor.”

“Why not? I love being valuable!”

Gabby screamed “Wee!”as we leapt from ladder to ladder. Goblin hands helped pass her along as she clutched the end of the canvas letter like her fingers were clamping teeth.

I had only a moment to wonder if gabby was helping or heavy because all the questions seemed endless. Up and down ladders we climbed. Under and over goblins we crawled. By the time we ended up back at the bar, the charcoal utensil was have its length, and the back of the canvas letter was one big scrawl of black. Gabby had crumbs of charcoal smeared all over her face. She picked a black booger.

After a few finishing touches, I pulled out a bottle of Home Camp. Just before taking a sip, I felt a tug at my dress. It was Gabby and her eyes were like big black bulky marble bubbles.

She didn’t have to say that she wanted to come too. I knew what I was to her, like a big sister. I’d never brought another goblin with me to the ethereal plane, but today was a day for all sorts of why-nots! So I poured a sip for Gabby in a huge tankard.

Again, just before we drank, I stopped Gabby. There was another part in the crowd through which I could see Remember-not with her head in her hands alone at a table.

“Go grab Remember-not.”

“Please thank you!” said Gabby, running off.

She climbed the nearest goblin and walked across the crowd, using heads like they were stones across a green lake.

She returned with a beaming Remember-not. We all sipped.

On the endless plane, both goblins gawked in awe. There was no sign of Slime-tooth or Hawkin. The next best thing was to fold up my canvas letter, brush the charcoal dust from my hands, and set the letter on the big stump.

Gabby and Remember-not joined me on the cot, and we watched the atmosphere.

“Is this where you can see great goblins?”said Remember-not. “Why is it called Home Camp? Doesn’t feel like a home.”

“Not like the Galleon,” said Gabby. “The galleon feels like a home. Best home.”

“But this is home,” I said. “It’s as close as I can get to Slime-tooth. He answers my letters.”

Remember-not swung her legs. “Is he really a king? That’s so very important of him!”

I supposed he really was a king. But that’s not why he was so important, and I suddenly didn’t think my voice would work.

They didn’t know him like I did. It wasn’t being king that made him important. He was my first family before I left Gloom-glower’s fleet. How strange. How strange it was to have Remember-not and Gabby with me, because they were my family too. Slime-tooth was my Before family, and they were part of my After family, like a 1st and then 2nd family.

And if my Before and After families could be together, I wouldn’t have to be standing in the middle with things feeling farther and further, because that felt like heartbreak.

I think that growing up with a before family, and then making an after family has gotta be one of the toughest things in the world. While I do feel closer to my goblins, I feel further from others. Am I the only one who feels like this?

“Barnacle-eyes…” said Remember-not. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Yes! Please thank you!”