Chapter 180

Training the Goblins

My pads were burning! It was the salt that wore them raw from all the walking. I had to slip into my black booties. I marched everywhere on the sloop. I climbed the shroud of the masts, I took the hatch down to the cargo hold, I stormed into crew quarters and did laps around all the goblins, I explored the corridor to the forecastle a dozen times, I crossed from prow to stern and from starboard to port side again and again.

In my wake, I left little crystals. They were nothing too special, just some quartz crystals. In the sunlight they glinted like hard drops of geometric dew. Along the way, I was sure to point them out to goblins. “Oh, look! A trickle-down gemstone!” I’d holler. “I wonder how many there are right under our feet? Better keep my eyes on the floor!”

I continued my hollering.

“Excuse me!”

I waved my arms big.

“Bestie walking here!”

I stomped my booties.

“Watch it! Watch it!”

I pushed goblin ankles.

“Down here! Watch your feet.”

I even dared to pounce upon a goblin’s leg. I gently nibbled their calf, but I made it look like I was rapid. I growled and snapped my teeth to make a good show of it too.

The goblin yelped. “What-what was that?”

“That’s right pal,” I said, hopping off of them. “Pay attention. Oh, and here’s a crystal for your efforts.”

“Whoa, it’s so shiny! Do I get to keep it?”

“Sure do if you watch where you’re stepping.”

Further down on deck, Ella marched out between raised beds, like a rolling ball of fluffy sunlight. She waved her hands big and left crystals in her wake.

“Out of the way!” she said. “Excuse me! Good job, crystal for you!”

On and on and in circles and circles we marched. The idea was to appear as often as possible everywhere all at once. Being loud did a good job of drawing attention to two little besties walking underfoot. We had to start training the goblins to keep an eye out on the ground at all times. After discussing our tactics in depth, it was good to see that it was working. Goblins were scouring the deck for little crystal fragments. They kept their eyelids peeled up.

I often watched the Crow’s nest as I went. Stumble-not was looking after Bollo, Egga, and Leggo with undivided attention. It was a marvel really for a goblin to have such focus. I suppose a rampage of besties was the best thing to keep a goblin occupied and focused.

I suddenly switched directions!

“Right behind you! Careful!”

I switched directions again! An unsuspecting goblin had his back to me. I aimed myself at him, and I stopped right at his heels.

“Excuse me,” I said. “Hello.”

Static-sparks wheeled around. “Um, hello again?”

“I’m a bestie.”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“Uh-huh, you’re a sloop bestie, same as the last time, right?”

“I know a bright goblin when I see one! Just like this crystal.” I picked a larger quartz crumb from my fist to proffer. He snatched it up and smiled with his lips, his nose, and his eyes. “One more thing,” I continued. “Guess what?”

“What?”

“I’m walking here!” I said, and I strode off.

It was best to engage with them. I needed to interact with as many goblins as I could. They needed to see me over and over. I had to get their line of sight used to angling down. Our trail of crystals worked wonders.

I zipped between raised beds, hollering this and that.

“Sorry!” said a goblin who hopped out of the way. “Sorry!”

I stuck to him like roots on a tunnel wall. I followed him around and forced him to keep it moving. “Blue bestie walking here! Could be a yellow one next! Could be a speckled one next! Could be a crystal next!” I snapped my teeth as I increased my speed. “Chomp! Chomp!”

Up in the crow’s nest, upon the threshold, I heard my little besties chant, “Chom-chom! Chom-hom!”

Oh boy did I puff with pride! I was so floofed, I was almost twice big. I stuck my arms out wide. Ella crossed the deck again. She must have heard our besties chant because she too was poofed with pride. She really looked like a rolling ball of sun now. She darted between the legs of a strolling goblin and began weaving around his ankles.

She eyed the goblin dangerously. “Careful,” she threatened. “Careful.”

Ella suddenly lay herself down in the middle of a group of goblins by the helm. She rolled around on her back like she was stretching to let sunlight shine on her yellow belly. The goblins gave her space, and she rewarded them with a shower of crystals.

So the day went. We used all the energy we had to keep the goblins on their toes. When my little feet couldn’t take much more walking, I asked Barnacle-eyes to put together a huge block of wood made from planks. With two teeth, I began ripping away the grain. Ella was with me the whole time, directing the rendition of Slime-tooth. And what a huge figurehead it was going to be! It was twice as tall as Hawkin!

“Make his eyes more wise,” said Ella before we moved from the rough sculpt to the final sculpt.

“Like, like this?” I said.

“Mmm…it’s missing some trust.”

“Like that? How about that?”

“Oh, that’s good! Why I’d almost feel safe putting our real little besties in that Slime-tooth’s arms.”

“Yeah, maybe I did too good of a job. Let’s stick to the replicas. We’ll put carved Bollo here, carved Egga here, and carved Leggo there.”

“Wait, make the besties bigger. Make them stand out. Let’s give them some color, too!”

Just then, three colorful besties arrived in the cradle of Stumble-not’s arms.

“I have to go make clams-on-sticks,” said the goblin. “Admiral’s orders.”

It took a moment to capture the little besties. We had to almost juggle them altogether. Stumble-not kept ending up with one or two at a time until they finally clung to my fur. One of them hid in Ella’s fur. I had to go picking through her fur like I was looking for a big 'ol cackling furry tick.

We had them captured for but the whiff of a moment before they leapt onto the sculpture and raced all around it. Following Ella’s lead, I leapt onto the sculpture and we chased them round and round.

As I climbed, upside down on Slime-tooth’s torso, I knew that this would be one of those cherished moments where the family is altogether, and we’re happy, and the littles ones don’t know up from down, and the love of my life is beaming with joy.

There was no way! There was no single possibility! Absolutely, in all totality, was there no way in the world that any two creatures could be more in love than Ella and I. My family was the center of the world.

Oh what a beautiful soul, that bestie of mine. Such a gentle caring—

Ella tackled me to the ground. The besties leapt after her, chom-choming at my snout.

Oh, original elder besties. Give me this for the rest of my life. Let this be my forever.

But Bollog, Egga, and Leggo soon ran out of energy. They plopped straight down as much as a ball of fluff could plop down. Their energy had blasted them through the entire day, but they didn’t make it a second past dusk.

We wrapped them in poof-cocoons and laid them to rest in a nest made from both of our furs. I sat at the threshold of the crow’s nest to look down at the moon breaking on sea waves. Ella clung to my shoulder, asleep.

The light of a star flashed like it had burst. Down by the helm, Remember-not and Knot-knuckle jumped in celebration. The sloop suddenly lurched forward and picked up speed. The fleet must have acquired another buff.

The jolt of the movement woke more than a dozen goblins. They came to celebrate with the stargazing goblins until the starlit statue of Slime-tooth drew their attention. I couldn’t quite make out their conversation, but by mime, they seemed astonished by the statue’s size.

One by one, they left little offerings. Crystals glittered at the foot of the statue. Goblins pet the little bestie’s heads after climbing up Slime-tooth’s legs and belly.

I kissed the top of Ella’s head.