WILLING OUR WAY THROUGH LOST MEMORIES

Misato watched as Rei pushed open the refurbished farm houses door as she carried Asuka inside she still hadn't come around yet and she was still dressed in hospital clothes. Rei had held her in the back seat on the way up here, she'd gotten her motorbike of the trailer and had put it outside the garage once she got Asuka into bed she'd leave and let Rei put it away.

She'd brought up Asuka's bloody wet clothes along with her leather jacket. She looked around her. "Where's her bedroom?" Rei turned slightly. "Upstairs you won't miss it, it's opposite the bathroom." She watched Misato made her way up there taking Asuka with her. She moved forward being very careful not to trip on anything one thing was very clear Asuka's house was not like it had been the last time she had been here with Shinji.

There was this sense of chaos going on where things were half finished, thrown around the most shocking and disturbing was her Korth combat revolver sitting on the coffee table next to a half finished lager bottle it had been emptied of bullets which were all lined up next to it. It wasn't being cleaned that was for sure and the barrel was strangely facing towards the recliner nothing about it felt right in the pit of her stomach. She looked up as Misato came down stairs looking around her. "I've put her to bed you know it's really messy here I really thought it would be much cleaner."

Rei sighed inwardly that was the pot calling the kettle black since she rarely cleaned and herself and Shinji had, had to take turns cleaning up her mess growing up. She walked over to the gun slowly picking up. "Last time I was here, it wasn't like this the place was really ordered and nothing was slung over the floor." Misato walked over to her seeing the weapon. "Hey I've seen that gun in the Nerv archives there's an image of her Grandmother dressed in her Special Forces uniform and it's in her belt, it's considered a family air loom. She's standing next to her mother in the photo and Asuka's in it but she's really young probably only four years old." Rei slowly picked up the bullets loading them back in to the gun, before clicking on the safety. "What did Asuka's mother look like? Its just I've never really asked her about how she looked."

Misato folded her arms. "She doesn't look anything like Asuka her hair was all long and blonde and she had green eyes, she didn't suffer fools gladly and was known to be a little clumsy at times but she was deeply loving but from what I was told the accident turned her into the opposite abusive, violent, cruel and distant." She raised her hand. "Most people say though that Asuka acts more like her grandmother."

She looked up. "I personally think that's just because she lived with her for so many years but I think deep down she might have a loving heart like her mother Kyoko but she just doesn't want accept it because she doesn't like the association of being anything like her mother in any way even if its positive ." She looked up. "Her cousin Kolby is meant to be a barrel of laughs, he gets all her comics shipped in among other things he's more like a big brother to her than a cousin." She breathed in deeply. "There is something though that's really bothering me about today's incident."

Rei looked up. "What is that?" Misato turned to her. "Mari said something about Asuka's mother trying to strangle her did Asuka ever tell any of you about that because I never heard anything about that?" Rei shook her head. "No she didn't I'm as surprised to hear that as everyone else was, Asuka only ever said to us that she went crazy and shut her out and wouldn't even recognize her as her own daughter." Misato moved towards the door. "Well I'm going to get to the bottom of that because Mari has either hacked something she shouldn't have over in the German division or there's something else is going on here and while I'm at I'm going to find out who messed with her plug suit." Rei looked up putting her night bag down. "I hope you find what you're looking for."

Misato turned slightly. "So do I, I'm so sick of things not making any sense around here." Rei breathed in deeply. "I'll see you in a day or so." Misato felt a smile form. "Oh I forgot your cover story is that you're sick, just in case anyone asks." Rei looked up. "Okay." She watched as she left closing the door behind her, she would clearly have to sort out Asuka's house because it was such a mess right now and maybe it would help her focus if she wasn't in control for once. She looked up as the back door cat flap went up as Erika came running towards her meowing. "Hello Erika." She kneeled down stroking the cats head. "How have you been?"

Bardiel watched quietly as the short haired woman stroked the cat, so Asuka was starting to get what he could give her, her stitches splitting had been most unfortunate. Though he could fix bone, muscle and flesh to an existent the whole human digestive system was a struggle he knew how it worked in principal but seeing it working was quite disgusting and scary and her stomach was one organ he wanted to stay well away from since it could cause his true form real damage.

Either way he had no desire to tamper with her guts he'd rather they just heal naturally. He didn't get why Lilith had put it in there and why human's had to drink and eat it seemed pointless and it was also a huge weakness as they had to eat to survive and if they didn't they would die.

He understood even less about the strange organ below yes he knew it was a womb again he got the basics but he was staying well away from touching it though he could fly though her memories he wanted to see things work in real time it was much more interesting. One thing that was clear to him now which was that she loved this woman who was now playing with her cat, he had thought that it was lust at first or the desire for sex but it went further than that.

When she'd protected this woman there had been so many thoughts going through her head that were centred around caring and deep feelings of devotion, he was now going to let this play out maybe he could further her desires by helping her. He wanted to get a grasp of the thing human beings called love and he was doing it with someone who had spent her whole life thus far trying to gain it in the wrong way so the results would be interesting and deeply fascinating.

He wouldn't bother the other woman again, or play with her reading light he'd just let her do what she wanted. In her own way she was kind of fascinating as she was everything Asuka wasn't peaceful, calm and soft in tone of voice but she was clearly going through a form of transition herself in that she was slowly becoming more confident and her shyness was slowly fading away.

Asuka in her head always saw Rei as beautiful delicate and sweet, though he couldn't relate to that either as human beauty standards were all over the place it seemed it was all in the eye of the beholder. Asuka had deep seated negative issues with regards to beauty in that she didn't see herself as beautiful at all and she deeply loathed her own physical image and didn't really like looking at herself in mirror.

Yet she'd strangely played it completely the opposite in the fight with Mari in that she had used sensuality and sexuality to try and throw the other woman completely off guard. He didn't really understand her comment about cars being an extension of dick size either. Mari wasn't male it was such a weird comment to make, maybe there were just some things about humanity he would never get or understand.

He followed the smaller woman watching as she opened the garage from the inside then brought in her motorbike putting it opposite Asuka's huge one which was still incomplete before closing it up again. He swung his tail around as he leaped onto the two seat sofa knowing he'd be ignored by the cat as the weird little carnivorous pet very much preferred to sleep on the bed or on the recliner in Asuka's lap while she was watching the flat screen.

Though he knew he might have to move if Rei came to sleep here he could not let her know that he was here, he had done so much just to throw everyone's attention elsewhere and he wanted it to remain that way for as long possible. He wasn't stupid though he knew they'd find out in the end but he was now very much prepared for that event come what may.

8

Asuka opened her good eye blinking slowly, where was she? She eased herself up in to a sitting position realizing that she was in her own bedroom and it was night the stars were out. She looked down seeing that she was dressed in the hospital clothing she was starting to really hate these clothes. She eased herself out of bed as she pulled up the shirt seeing that bandage had been wrapped around her stomach as she stretched digging her toes in to carpet.

She had expected to be in the hospital and not here maybe Misato had just dropped her off here or something, they properly wanted her out of the way because she caused an incident at Nerv yet again. She breathed in deeply she wanted coffee so badly right now her brain was just crying out for it, she moved to the stairs making her way down realizing for the first time that her flat screen was on and whoever was in her home was sitting in her recliner watching the nature channel.

She breathed in deeply if Misato was in her verfickte chair drinking her beer she was going to loose her temper big time, because no one sat in her recliner but her! She edged closer realizing something else some one had cleaned down stair up even her gun had been placed neatly back on the kitchen counter.

She moved around only to feel her whole body freeze as Rei came into view she was seated on her recliner dressed in white and blue pyjamas she was eating a bag of crisps. Her face turned to wide smile as sat up in the recliner she could see Erika perched on the arm rest next to her. "Asuka I'm so glad your up I thought you'd sleep forever." Asuka blinked nothing moved she was frozen in place staring at the younger woman who stood up, was this an illusion was this one off Bardiel's vile jokes?

She watched as Bardiel raised his head looking in her direction from where he seated on the two seat sofa. "She's real you idiot, she's been cleaning your house it's not like I can do laundry housework and clean your floor." Asuka tried to find the words which just wouldn't come out much to her utter frustration. Rei eyed Asuka she was literally frozen there in shock mouth open. "Would you like some coffee?" Asuka put a hand on her face as she finally spoke in a quite voice. "Yes…"

Rei moved over to her coffee maker turning it on watching as Asuka walked over to her kitchen counter leaning against it putting her face in her hands. She moved her cup over to her watching as she looked up taking it and drinking it. She put her hands together. "I cleaned your house for you, you know it was looking kind of a mess I also did your laundry and washed your bloody clothes I had to wash mine to, you know because when your stitches ruptured when you were protecting me the back of my shirt got stained."

Asuka looked up finally finding her voice as her head started to clear. "What are you doing here?" She eased up her finger. "No wait I know why you're here Misato sent you here didn't she?" Rei looked up. "No I asked to come here I wasn't ordered to you know because when someone saves me from being beaten with a plank of wood I feel it's only right to return the favour." She looked around her. "The only order she gave me was that you're not going in to work tomorrow, I said I'd stay with you." Asuka lowered her gaze to the floor. "So she's suspended me, great I didn't start that fight I just ended it!"

Rei eased up her hand. "No she suspended Mari for real tomorrow and she doing some cover story that she suspended you as well but its not the truth she just wants you heal up fully and not rupture your stitches again." Asuka felt a sneer form. "I'm so sick of being ill, I just feel like everyone is forever covering up for my mistakes." Rei adjusted one of her long sleeves. "It's not wrong for people to care about you Asuka." Asuka turned meeting her green eyes. "You don't need to be here Rei I'm not your problem!" She stopped realizing that, that had come out harsher than intended and sounded rude. She moved away from the counter seating her self on the sofa watching as Bardiel leaped off seating himself opposite on the floor. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong I don't mean to sound insincere."

She looked down. "I just feel like I've been under so much pressure and I just can't stand it anymore." She looked at her hand. "Today just felt like crazy release from it all." Rei walked up to her putting her half finished coffee next to her. "Its okay Asuka I understand." She slowly seated herself next to her. "I have to ask was it fun because it's been ages since I've seen you let go like that?" Asuka picked up her coffee lying back on the sofa. "What letting out the anger or kicking Mari's face in?" Rei felt a smile form. "Both?"

Asuka breathed in deeply. "The anger felt different from the times before, I felt more in control and kicking in four eyes face was a bonus." Rei lay back getting more comfortable. "You broke her nose you know, they had to reset it." Asuka felt a cold smile form. "I've heard that procedure hurts an awful lot." She took another sip off her coffee. "Maybe she'll get a taste of how I felt when they reset my legs and right arm."

She stopped as something hit her she slowly raised her left leg. "Where's my bionic?" Rei looked at her. "They took it off it seems your legs have healed along with a lot of your body they think the increase in strength might be due to 02 sync feeding back to you during the accident when it changed." Asuka turned to her. "I'm sorry I know I knocked your unit out that day." Rei blinked in surprise seriously did no one tell Asuka anything? "No you didn't, didn't anyone tell you?" Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Tell me what?"

Rei looked at her for a long moment. "You knocked out all the units apart from mine Asuka I was still standing, even after you shut down no one can really work out why it happened but it did." She looked up slightly. "It was really awful watching your unit that day I just wanted them to pull your power somehow just to stop the pain you were in." Asuka looked down. "It felt worse inside the entry plug believe me, my head just felt like it was about to explode I was in so much pain and I just wanted it to end." Rei moved over putting a hand on her shoulder. "Is that why you cried out for your mother?"

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

Asuka tensed leaning forward. "I don't know…I know she's dead I know she's not coming back ever but I guess I just thought." She put a hand on her face feeling the pain strike her like hammer she wanted to cry and it was taking everything to hold it back. Rei leaned forward Asuka was going to cry she could see it in her face yet in all these years she'd never seen it and she looked so different like this.

It was like looking at someone completely different to who she was used to seeing as she looked so much softer. "What did you think Asuka?" Asuka put her hands together she couldn't hold it in anymore what was the point? She was just so tired of the pain and it hurt too much every time she repressed it. She was also so tired of pretending to be strong when she wasn't and she just didn't want to pretend anymore. "I thought I was going to die so I thought I'd see her again."

She felt the tears as they ran down her face as she pulled her patch off putting it on the table. "I thought maybe we'd be together again in a field of sunflowers because in my recurring dream she's never there no matter how hard I try to find her." She felt Rei's arms wrap around her pulling her close as the tears came harder and faster as all the pain and heartache came out she just had no power or even will to push her away. She didn't want to be alone right now she'd spent so these past six months feeling so miserable and with out hope that anything was ever going to change and now she would take anything different just to feel something new.

Rei looked down sadly as Asuka carried on crying into her shoulder throughout their childhood she'd always assumed that Asuka felt nothing and that she just didn't care yet this showed otherwise she did hurt and she did feel real emotional pain on the same level as everyone else. Shinji had said not so long back that she had a good heart so had Maya but she had never quite believed it but they were all right and she could see it now as clear as day. She had protected her today even though it meant getting beaten up with a wooden plank across the back by Mari.

She wasn't that horrible self centred cruel school girl anymore she'd changed so much emotionally it was just she'd had never really tried to see it up until now. Because the past image had haunted her so much and from this moment on she was not going to use that image to dictate how she viewed her as a person anymore Asuka deserved better than that. She could see her gun from where she was holding her and now finding it in the way she had it all made a horrible sort of sense.

If Asuka had felt this low when she'd returned home she had probably considered shooting herself with it but had just not gone through with it, she clearly had deep depression and that she was falling apart because nothing had gone right for her since the UN Alpha unit test accident. This was why she had kept repeatedly pushing her away because she just didn't want to burden her with her emotional problems but she did need someone to care and she wanted to be that person come what may. She carried on stroking her long hair which was soft to the touch as the crying began to finally subside. "Would you like something to eat Asuka?"

She watched as she pulled away wiping away her tears away as she nodded silently she could now see that the patterns in her left eye were so much brighter there were glowing circles and they were lighting up parts of her iris in pure vibrant blue but not others, even in this low light it really stood out. She wasn't going to point it out to her right now it could wait and it was probably just part of the loop back just like her strength, not that it mattered it didn't change her beauty she was still a wonder.

Strange she was saying that to herself now because all those years ago she'd been so envious of her growing up because she had always been this pillar of strength and fight and she had never seemed afraid of anything or anyone. She'd so much wanted to be that way because she had been scared of everything and she just wanted to be noticed not just by her father but by the world for her contributions on the Evangelion program.

She slowly stood up putting her hand on Asuka's shoulder squeezing gently. "What would you like to eat?" Asuka eyed her fridge it was all junk food and she didn't want any off it plus she had no vegetarian food which was no doubt the reason Rei was eating her crisps. "Can we just order something in? I mean then you can get something you want that's vegetarian I'll pay for it, it's not like I'm broke."

Rei felt a smile form. "How's about we go half." She looked over to where she'd hung up Asuka's leather jacket after she'd gotten the small blood stain out she'd put her keys on the coffee table along with her phone. "Your keys and wallet were fine as there water proof, but your phone didn't survive the fall in to the pool it cracked up all of the glass and it just won't turn on at all I think the wave machine blowing up fried the battery and memory card. You can buy a new one once you get back to work there's a shop for phones inside the Arcade at Nerv and Misato can port over your numbers as she has all of our phones backed up."

Asuka walked over picking up her old cracked phone looking at it. "It was a tacky phone anyway I should have replaced it ages ago." She turned to her flat screen. "Pause program." She watched as the documentary stopped. "Save." She looked up as the save circle flew around. "Bring up restaurants and take always." She watched as loads of images flew up as Rei came to stand by her side. "What would you like?"

Rei blinked eyeing the screen. "Wait you order in though you're flat screen?" Asuka looked at her. "My home phone is for private and personal calls only I set this up for when I order in food plus the systems set up so it gives them the wrong name and they never ever question it because you know why would Asuka Langley live out in rural farmland she's way to much of an ego maniac to live near tractors? I always pay in cash I never use my card and since it's brought in on a drone and there not allowed to record you putting the money in because of privacy and all that." She raised her hand. "You see the media they still think that I live up on the fiftieth floor of the Dorodome skyscraper, you know where those really expensive apartments are where you live if you want to boast about how rich you are."

Rei shook her head. "No Mari lives in the Dorodome on the hundredth floor Toji told me, its right at the very top where you have an outdoor swimming pool built in as standard I know that because I've seen her house keys they have the logo on them and the room number."

Asuka turned to her. "Yeah well it seems that people think we are that alike but we are nothing alike, personally I hate places like that I don't want or care about room service." Rei looked at Asuka house for a long moment as a question entered her mind. "Why do you live out here Asuka I'm curious because we all thought you moved here to get away from everyone?" Asuka turned meeting her curious gaze. "When I was a child I used to live out in a rural farm land in Germany with my mother and she had this beautiful house and it was next to these vast fields of sunflowers and we used to have picnics together." She looked around her. "It was the happiest I ever felt, so when I brought this house I did everything in my power to recreate it yeah it not rustic it doesn't have a log fire, but it's as close as I could ever get and I like it here, its very peaceful I feel like I can be myself here."

Rei moved putting a hand on her arm. "That's why you have the sunflowers out front isn't it's because you love that memory?" Asuka nodded calmly. "Yes there my pride and joy they always remind me of better times and they honour my mother's memory before the accident the part that I like to think loved me."

8

Mari breathed in deeply looking over the mass of lit sky scrapers that panned out for miles and made up Tokyo three you could see the vast world from here up on the Dorodome. She could see out as far as the farmlands outside the city. That was why she lived here because she loved a sense of perspective and from here she could stare at the stars and galaxies and contemplate the universe.

She eased out her hand taking hold of her cocktail taking a long sip as she walked inside away from her large oval out door swimming pool which was lit up with green light and had a diving board. She had hated been fucking poor that was why she lived here because she never wanted to live that way again it brought back really awful memories, like crying her eyes out when the police had told her that her mother was dead and who ever had done it had decapitated her head from body and that she had been conscious enough to know what was going on before her death.

She could remember the station and having to confirm it was her mother's dead body along with the tears the pain and the realization that she was truly alone. Because her dad didn't give a fuck and had run off with all of the money and didn't care about her despite that she was his own flesh and blood. She remembered the long hard days afterwards sleeping in youth hostels having to live of food stamps and scrounging to build a decent lap top.

It wasn't much of wonder that she'd fallen in with the hackers and the black market they could give her better lap tops and equipment and a place to bunk up and call home even if it wasn't fantastic. So long as she got the information they desired they didn't care and she had gone ahead, looking back now she couldn't stomach the thought of living like that again, hence why she had brought this place so she could forget.

Yes it was extravagant but she didn't care money was no longer the object she could buy what ever she wanted and do as she pleased for the first time ever in her life. The moment she'd entered Tokyo Three, over a year ago she knew she wanted to live here she'd seen it in pictures ironically it had been in one of Rei's life style magazines which she'd read when she hadn't been around. She turned seeing her Lamborghini which was safety in side a garage area opposite the swimming pool its tires locked in place.

All of these rooms had there own garages and all you had to do was press a button and it would take your car down to ground level. While most of the apartment had plane glass so she could see everything all of the time, even the Evangelion training fields which at night was always lit up with massive white strobe lights because the public loved the spectacle and show and it helped moral.

She pushed her long dark hair back as she pulled out her tails letting it go loose as she walked in side sitting down on her favourite black recliner which was hers and she never let other people sit in it. She stretching her legs out putting them on the leather foot rest she was in nothing but her long t-shirt which she slept in opposite her was another three seat sofa for guests and a huge glass and wood coffee table. There was a large walk in kitchen to her left with black marble surfacing and all modern furnishings. Opposite was a large dinning table with six chairs there were stairs which led to the second floor where the four poster king size bed was seated and the bathroom that came with its own hot tub and shower. Also there was a spare room where she had her robotic equipment and her parachuting gear which was her favourite hobby.

There was another room which was where her computer systems were, complete with her VR helmet and two computers one for gaming and one for hacking and coding and she had the most updated software out there on both machines. There were shelves filled with comic books on the lower level, though it always pissed her off that Asuka somehow had the collectors versions of everything where did she even get them from?

She had terrible trouble getting hold of them because comics and books had become far more expensive since second impact since paper was at a premium and they had only just really started to recover most of the wildlife forests and jungles. Cutting down wild life forests wasn't allowed world wide so trees for paper and furniture had to be grown in vast farms underground and it meant that wood was sought after and house hold wooden furniture was expensive. She looked at her white interface head clips which normally went on her blue head band her gaze drifted to her phone which was completely broken.

How the wave machine had gone off like that she had no idea but it had destroyed the battery, memory and shattered the glass which meant she needed a new one and would have to get Misato to port over her contacts, which was a pain in the ass as the phone was quite new. She put a finger on her nose feeling the sting of pain, even with the pain killers it hurt like hell. She eased off her glasses pulling out the cracked lenses throwing it a box which now had about three cracked ones in total as she pulled open the draw opposite easing out a fresh lens pushing it in hearing the click before putting them back on before turning on the large flat screen which was hanging down from the wall near by. She eyed it. "Play favourite music track list 9."

She put a finger on her nose again as the music started playing, fuck Asuka she wasn't a geek she really hated being called that. It was like being back in secondary school all over again where she'd been beaten up countless times for not fitting in! She was the girl no one liked always picked last for sports always on the outside never having relationships with anyone because she was considered ugly and being mocked by the much more attractive and popular girls.

There was nothing more depressing than a British winter with the rain pouring down getting beaten up by a bunch of assholes outside school and being bloody and beaten while crying on the cold stone floor. Only to come home to her mother who was drinking herself in to oblivion, while she tried desperately to keep her grades up and barely passed because of the stress, not to mention that her mother didn't care about her social problems. She had loved her once but towards the end before the murder she had become so distant that they barely ever talked to each other and when they did they just argued.

The Evangelion program had been her ticket to freedom hence why she had done everything to stay on it but if she was honest with herself though money had not brought her the happiness she thought it would and despite Toji and his little sisters Sakura's visit's she felt empty because she had no family they were all gone.

She was truly alone in the world, Rei, Shinji and Kaworu and Misato were like a family unit and Toji had his sister Asuka was just a selfish self centred asshole who no one liked including her, yet she still had some family left in Germany it wasn't fucking fair! Also why had she protected Rei what was her game there, what did she think she was actuality being noble or was it just her manipulating because she wanted to get in to her underwear? They did have history after all and it was no secret that Rei had rejected her in school.

There was going to be a massive Eva display on the training field very soon it was the annual display where a lot of super rich fuckers from all over the world came to Nerv and had there annual tour. The display was to show them what they were paying for and sponsoring. All of the units had to display there skills and impress on every level and it was the one and only day the press were allowed to do fly bys so long as they kept above and at a safe distance and they still had to be watched by the vertical wings who flew above the delegate platform. Asuka would have to perform no matter what and hopefully this would be her last ever dance if she messed up in front of the delegates it would reflect badly on Nerv and she'd probably be kicked from the program because her recent performance had been so bad and good fucking riddance to maybe with her gone she might make some real connections.

She looked down feeling the sting of her own tears as she pulled her glasses off she hated crying but it happened at times she didn't know why it wasn't the suspension she didn't care about that she could survive a day from work. It was just the loneliness of not having family and not having anyone to talk to or anyone who would listen or care and she could only talk about so much with Toji because as nice as he was there were just some things he just didn't understand and would just never understand.

When she piloted she put on a show always being super happy like nothing bothered her and making out that she didn't care and that it was all a big joke but it wasn't the real her. She knew she wasn't depressed just sad and out of sorts she wanted to be noticed and appreciated. She hated playing second fiddle to Asuka as her marks woman because she couldn't shoot an Evangelion rifle for shit and had the lowest score of any of the other pilots, even Rei could hit better than her with a rifle.

She closed her eyes wiping her face trying to block out her internal pain, she hated looking or feeling weak and she could never look weak in front of others because they'd just take advantage of her.

End of part 20

Silvermoonlight